Finding Jesus

[polycarp]

http://www.beliefnet.com/dailyjoke/dail ... x?QID=5968



An old drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, preacher, I sure am."

The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.

"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asks."Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"Noooo, I have not, Reverend."

The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

[capt_buzzard]

A report just in that two nuns in the Vatican have become pregnant. It's said the new Pope is the father as the nuns in question were heard chanting Benny dicted us...

[Accountable]

There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

.It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

.SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for

The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

.SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

.SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes

at the most! What can we do?

.SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

.SM: It's not working.

.SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only

logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

.SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one

minute.

.SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and

I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

.Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is

worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

.Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!

Tell me what happened!

.SL: The only logical thing happened.

The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

.SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run

as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

.SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

.SL: The only logical thing to do.

I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

.SL: The only logical thing to do.

He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

.SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than man

with his pants down.