Secrets

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon Mar 17, 2008 8:55 pm

I'm not one to be interested in other people's secrets. When asked if I can keep a secret I generally say no. I find that people tell me anyway but then I don't have the burden of having to worry about whatever it is they think they're hiding. I have enough stress already. I gave up on secrets when I was a teenager. I remember working really hard to avoid giving anything away... though I don't recall the particular secret... then had a few other people come up and ask if I'd heard about it. I realised the person I'd been "working" for had gone around spreading her own secret and I'd wasted my worry for nothing.

I don't go around blurting things out for no reason but, unless it's close friend or family... what the heck are they telling me for anyway??

Elvira · Post by **Elvira** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:33 am

Don't know what prompted this post but I've got to agree with most of it.

I do have a couple of people who speak to me in confidence, for advice or because they want to get something off their chest, but I know them well, and if they tell me something in confidence, I know it's because they need to rather than want to.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 5:29 am

I think it's important keep confidential information confidential. It pains me when people raise gossip to that same level. Anytime someone asks me if I can keep a secret I know that gossip is coming, so I say "not if it's gossip." Those that know me know they don't have to ask me that question if it's something important.

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 6:44 am

It was prompted by a new coworker that I just finished training, who's only been there a week, deciding to tell me that she's got an interview for another job that she really wants. She expected me to be happy for her but I know that our employer will start adjusting schedules now that she's trained. And they just put out money to train her.

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 6:47 am

I put it under philosophy because I'm more interested in the philosophy behind such social situations than the actual situation itself.

There are loyalty issues. Not to prove anything to my employer but to assist their business.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:06 am

That's true. The decision to keep or betray a secret is a decision of loyalty. Anyone who stopped a second to remember that would probably make better decisions.

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:13 am

I feel more loyalty to my employer and she should have known that when she told me. She didn't ask me to keep a secret yet it is implied.

Telling the employer would likely appear to be brown nosing. Not telling the employer wouldn't appear as anything since they don't know I'm not telling them something. When I mentioned something about them having to find someone else again she indicated that she hoped they would allow her to work part time but they just finished hiring her as full time. We don't have part time employees.

Because there are unknown aspects to what the result will be, even if she'll get the other job or not, I think it's just gossip at the moment.

I should probably make it clear to her that I don't want her to share her secrets with me. She's not even really that good at the job. Obviously because she doesn't care much about it. Young people. *sigh*

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:21 am

koan;807335 wrote: I feel more loyalty to my employer and she should have known that when she told me. She didn't ask me to keep a secret yet it is implied.

Telling the employer would likely appear to be brown nosing. Not telling the employer wouldn't appear as anything since they don't know I'm not telling them something. When I mentioned something about them having to find someone else again she indicated that she hoped they would allow her to work part time but they just finished hiring her as full time. We don't have part time employees.

Because there are unknown aspects to what the result will be, even if she'll get the other job or not, I think it's just gossip at the moment.

I should probably make it clear to her that I don't want her to share her secrets with me. She's not even really that good at the job. Obviously because she doesn't care much about it. Young people. *sigh*
I thought you weren't interested in the situation itself.

Tell her that if the boss starts adjusting schedules because he mistakenly thinks he has his problems solved, you will have to tell him, just to keep the place from chaos. She should have the loyalty to stay with the company that trained her, at least awhile.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:21 am

When I want something to be known at work, I usually start out with, "Don't tell anybody". Usually by the end of the week, everyone knows. :wah: Sad, but true.

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:27 am

The philosophy behind it for me is this: I'm not her friend, I'm her coworker. If she doesn't have the self discipline to keep herself from telling me then why would she expect me to exercise more self discipline than she was able to? I work for the company. When she told me she told the company.

One of the reasons they like me is because I really care about my job. I don't see a lot of that in the world anymore. People take jobs they don't want and then dislike the employer because they aren't happy.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:37 am

I get this stuff all the time. I have a couple of long time loyal employee's that always tell me when these rumors begin. They do it out of loyalty to the company but also for their own benefit. They know that if an employee leaves that someone will have to take up the slack or profits will suffer. If profits suffer so do possible bonuses. Of the eight employee's I have now, 6 of them have left for greener pastures and come back within a year. I had one leave last week and the bets going around is he will be back within 6 months. (If I allow it). I tell every prospective employee before I hire them that their main job will be to make me money and if they have a problem with making me money then the interview is over. I sit back and watch their reaction. I can tell within about 5 seconds, by the look on their face if they have a problem with that. If I continue the interview I then tell them that the more important they make themselves to the company the more money they will make.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:39 am

koan;807359 wrote: The philosophy behind it for me is this: I'm not her friend, I'm her coworker. If she doesn't have the self discipline to keep herself from telling me then why would she expect me to exercise more self discipline than she was able to? I work for the company. When she told me she told the company.

One of the reasons they like me is because I really care about my job. I don't see a lot of that in the world anymore. People take jobs they don't want and then dislike the employer because they aren't happy.
I think her telling you is her way of asking for advice. She wants you to validate that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:52 am

That was helpful, YZGI.

I might be philosophically trying to justify breaking her confidence but I do feel like it's a burden on me that she is not committed to working with us. My schedule was disrupted until they hired her and I'm not keen to go through that process again. If they allow her to go to part time then I foresee greater disruption.

I think she told me because she has no self discipline and was excited by the phone call for the other interview. Her lack of self discipline seems to be the problem all around.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:09 am

She may also be throwing it in your face. Na na na na I'm moving up and you're still in this dead end job. Na na na na...

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:31 am

It amuses me how people fool themselves into thinking they have much control in life. The chances are good that she'll choose what she thinks is a better job and end up working with a bunch of assholes who make her miserable all day. Or in a place that treats her like a number.

Then she'll be looking for another job.

My satisfaction in life does not come from my job. It comes from learning to be satisfied with myself. What I do from 9-5 at the moment is not very relevant to what I'm doing with my life.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:37 am

koan;807528 wrote: It amuses me how people fool themselves into thinking they have much control in life. The chances are good that she'll choose what she thinks is a better job and end up working with a bunch of assholes who make her miserable all day. Or in a place that treats her like a number.

Then she'll be looking for another job.

My satisfaction in life does not come from my job. It comes from learning to be satisfied with myself. What I do from 9-5 at the moment is not very relevant to what I'm doing with my life.
It's all about the almighty dollar. If someone will offer them another dollar an hour they could care less what the working conditions are, for awhile. Then its out looking again or going back to the last place that you worked that was tolerable. I think thats why all my employee's that leave end up coming back and at least trying to get a job back with me. I try to have a worker friendly shop (mainly because I was one of them before I bought the place).

sunny_bunny · Post by **sunny_bunny** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:49 am

koan;807359 wrote: People take jobs they don't want and then dislike the employer because they aren't happy.

I was looking for a job for the whole of last year. I started off by applying for jobs I thought I'd like but by the end of the year I was so desperately broke that I just applied for anything I could do - even if I thought I would hate it!

My CV was brilliant and I was interviewed for easily 90% of the jobs I applied for, but although I was frequently told I was in the top 2 interviewees I never seemed to quite get the job. Even though I needed the money I wouldn't have enjoyed most of those jobs and I certainly wouldn't have been happy, but I was prepared to join the monotonous daily grind just so I could get some money for my family.

People take jobs they don't want and then dislike the employer because they aren't happy. Sometimes people just have no choice! I live in a small town with few jobs. I have no transport. Most jobs required an hours busride into the nearest city and another hours busride home at night. An extra 2 hours on my day plus expensive travelling costs. It was a pretty miserable choice but I needed the money so I had no choice. I had to find a job - any job - and just do it.

I was extremely lucky. A teaching job opened up in a local school in my town. It is exactly the job I wanted!

It takes me 15 minutes to walk to school in the morning and I absolutely LOVE my job. I'm so happy just going to work in the mornings. When I think of the jobs I could have had yet I landed one I love. We have a lot of special needs children in our school plus 7 autistic children. Some of them have the most dreadful home lives including a child in my class who was sexually abused. Thats a secret I have to keep. Only 4 people in the school know about it and we have to watch the child and ensure this childs safety. The abuser is in prison now. Because of learning difficulties and emotional problems, every day is different. Some days are madder than others but I thank God for the differences which make my days full and interesting and seeing happy children who are progressing is so fulfilling and satisfying, a total blessing. I don't earn as much as I could have in some of those other jobs, but I'm getting by and I love what I do as opposed to hating a more well paid job.

Rapunzel.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:19 am

keep a secret...me? uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh..i have been told i dont do that very well..by a very close friend..who? thats a secret...

pssssssssssst....it was koan....

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 9:56 pm

I believe I told you that while you were asking for info, though :p ... as opposed to me foisting my secrets upon you and expecting you to choke 'em down.