Paddy and the Inland Revenue

[Chezzie]

Inland Revenue decides to audit Paddy, and summons him to an

appointment with the most thorough auditor in the office. The auditor

is not surprised when Paddy shows up with his solicitor.

The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no

full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money

gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable.'

'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Paddy. 'How about a

demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, 'Okay. You're on!'

Paddy says, 'I'll bet you a thousand pound that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'No way! It's a bet.'

Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Paddy says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand pound that I can bite my other eye.'

The auditor can tell Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Paddy

removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now

realises he has bet and lost three thousand quid, with Paddy's

solicitor as a witness.

He starts to get nervous.

'Would you like to go double or nothing?' Paddy asks. 'I'll bet you

six thousand pound that I can stand on one side of your desk and p!ss

into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere

in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and

decides there's no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees

again.

Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he

strains for all his worth , he can't make the stream reach the bin on

the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's

desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major

loss into a big win. But Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in

his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Paddy told me

he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come

in here and p!ss all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about

it.':wah: