Pleaseeee Dont Be Offended But I Fink Its Funny So Had To Share!!

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Wed Dec 19, 2007 6:32 am

THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS......

14th December

Dearest Darling John,

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a Partridge

in a pear tree. What a delightful romantic gift.

Thank you my darling for the lovely thought.

With deep affection, Your ever loving

Agnes.

15th December

My Dearest Darling John,

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift of two turtledoves. I'm

delighted, they are adorable.

All my love,

Agnes

16th December

Dearest Darling John,

Oh how extravagant you really are. I must protest, I don't Deserve such

generosity, three French hens, I insist you are too kind.

Your loving,

Agnes

17th December

Dear John,

What can I say? Four beautiful calling birds arrived with the

Postman this morning. Your kindness really is too much.

Love Agnes

18th December

My Dear John

What a surprise, today the postman delivered five golden rings.

One for every finger. You really are an impossible boy, but I

love you. Frankly all the birds are beginning to squawk

and get on my nerves.

Love Agnes.

19th December

Dear John

When I opened the door this morning, there were actually six

bloody great geese - laying eggs all over the front step. What

on earth do you think I can do with them all? The neighbours are

beginning to complain about the smell, and I can't sleep because

of the noise! Please stop.

Cordially yours,

Agnes

20th December

What is it with you and these f*cking birds? Now I get seven

swans a swanning about the place! Is it some sort of

Goddamned joke?

The house is full of bird sh*t, and the racket !!! I am becoming A

nervous wreck. It is not funny anymore, stop sending these f*cking birds!!!

Agnes.

21st December

OK buster, I think I prefer the birds. What the h*ll am I going

to do with eight maids a milking? It's not enough with all the

birds, now I have eight cows cr*pping all over the house and

mooing all night long.

***** OFF !!!!!!!

Agnes.

22nd December

Look d*ckhead - what are you on ?? You're having a laugh. Now I

have Nine pipers playing sh*te music constantly !!! And Christ

do they play.... When they aren't playing their

s*dding pipes, they keep chasing the Maids through the cow sh*t. The

Cows keep on mooing and are treading all over the f*cking birds !!! The

Neighbours are threatening to have me evicted.

Agnes.

23rd December

You are a f*cking bastard !!!! Now we have ten ladies dancing.

How on earth anyone can call these wh*res 'ladies' is beyond me,

they're pulling the pipers all night long !!!!! The cows can't

sleep and now have diarrhoea. My living room is a sea of sh*t

and the landlord has just declared the building unfit for human

habitation.

***** OFF AND DIE JOHN, DO US ALL A FAVOUR !!!!!!!

Agnes

24th December

Listen sh*t face - what with eleven lords leaping about the house,

sh*gging me and the maids senseless, I shall probably never walk again.

The pipers are now fighting the lords for all the crumpet and Resorting

to committing s*domy with the cows, the birds are dead and Rotting

having been trampled during the orgy. I hope you're satisfied ? you w*nker

Your sworn enemy,

Agnes.

25th December

You stinking lousy sh*t !!!! Twelve f*cking drummers, banging

their f*cking drums all day long !!!! They have teamed up with

the pipers, making one hell of a noise, both lots

Have been b*ggering the cows and gawd alone knows what happened to The

milkmaids? They've probably drowned in the cow sh*t by now. The only way

I have to saved myself from getting screwed to death is by Hiding up in

the f*cking pear tree which has been well fertilised by all this sh*t

and has now grown through the roof !!!!!

Agnes................Hope you all took this in good fun xxx

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Wed Dec 19, 2007 4:19 pm

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Wed Dec 19, 2007 4:23 pm

Chezzie......schhhhhhhhhhhhhh:rolleyes:;)

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Wed Dec 19, 2007 4:28 pm

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Wed Dec 19, 2007 4:39 pm

G#Gill;742847 wrote: :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
Dont you bleedin start...........schhhhhhhh Im trying to keep a low profile fgs woman!!!:rolleyes:;)

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed Dec 19, 2007 9:34 pm

That was a good one, Carol

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:36 am

RedGlitter;742908 wrote: That was a good one, Carol :)Fanks Red.........just hope people take it as it was meant........I dont like to hurt peoples beliefs etc.I just fink its sooooo funny.....the mouth on that woman and NO it aint based on me!!!:wah::wah:;)

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Thu Dec 20, 2007 1:12 pm

I've only posted here so that Kay can find this blinkin thread !! I'll try to bring it to the beginning of the list :wah::wah::wah:

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Thu Dec 20, 2007 1:36 pm

I'll try again, Oh dear me, Kay !!!!!:wah::wah::-5

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:03 pm

One More Try, Just For Kay.:-5:-5:-5:-5