What Would You Have Done??
What Would You Have Done??
I have no kids but a good friend of mine has just one........a boy in his twenties.He has a baby of 2 years old who my friend thinks the world of.A year ago my friend was widowed.Since then it appears that they always had to be the one who visited the son.........then a couple of months ago they asked the son if he could "share the visits"........the son replyed that he thought it was my friends duty to visit them (can you believe that!!!) and basically my friend was out of order even asking. Now as I have said I have no kids but something is very wrong here. My friend walked out and they ignored my friends birthday a couple of days later. Needless to say my friend is deeply hurt and upset and has excepted the fact they may never see their grandchild grow up but a stand has to be made as the sons arrogance and the fact they never put themselves out for my friend even through illness and moving bearing in mind a partner died a year ago.What do you think of this situation???
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
What Would You Have Done??
As background, how much travelling's involved? Do both of them drive?
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
What Would You Have Done??
spot;731828 wrote: As background, how much travelling's involved? Do both of them drive?
Yes they both drive and theres about 20 miles involved.bearing in mind its the same distance for both of them.Both of them also do shift work.The daughter in law has her own car also and dont work during the week.
Yes they both drive and theres about 20 miles involved.bearing in mind its the same distance for both of them.Both of them also do shift work.The daughter in law has her own car also and dont work during the week.
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
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Patsy Warnick
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What Would You Have Done??
I was also wondering the travel distance between them??
One would think the son would be so proud of his baby, that he would bring the baby around his own mother, so I have to ask if there is a problem between mom & son that would create another distance? Or is there a problem/attitude with the mother of the baby?
Patsy
One would think the son would be so proud of his baby, that he would bring the baby around his own mother, so I have to ask if there is a problem between mom & son that would create another distance? Or is there a problem/attitude with the mother of the baby?
Patsy
What Would You Have Done??
Patsy Warnick;731839 wrote: I was also wondering the travel distance between them??
One would think the son would be so proud of his baby, that he would bring the baby around his own mother, so I have to ask if there is a problem between mom & son that would create another distance? Or is there a problem/attitude with the mother of the baby?
PatsyActually my friend is a male and no he gets on great with the mother of the baby.This baby was born weeks before it was due 2 years ago and the son seems to think that if you want to see the baby you have to go there. Now what the son also forgets is my friend wants to see HIS son also as well as his grandchild.........bearing in mind they have always got on great.
One would think the son would be so proud of his baby, that he would bring the baby around his own mother, so I have to ask if there is a problem between mom & son that would create another distance? Or is there a problem/attitude with the mother of the baby?
PatsyActually my friend is a male and no he gets on great with the mother of the baby.This baby was born weeks before it was due 2 years ago and the son seems to think that if you want to see the baby you have to go there. Now what the son also forgets is my friend wants to see HIS son also as well as his grandchild.........bearing in mind they have always got on great.
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
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Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
What Would You Have Done??
I'd have to think theres a problem with the mother of the baby.?
Territorial? or perhaps the young couple aren't getting along? or maybe its just that they don't want to bring the baby out & about yet?
It could be something very simple & your friend could be over sensitive at this time, he did recently lose his spouse.
I would suggest for your friend to keep in contact by phone on a regular basis & ask when it would be a good time to visit. He could also invite them over as if theres a project for his son to help him with ??
Patsy
Territorial? or perhaps the young couple aren't getting along? or maybe its just that they don't want to bring the baby out & about yet?
It could be something very simple & your friend could be over sensitive at this time, he did recently lose his spouse.
I would suggest for your friend to keep in contact by phone on a regular basis & ask when it would be a good time to visit. He could also invite them over as if theres a project for his son to help him with ??
Patsy
What Would You Have Done??
Patsy Warnick;731866 wrote: I'd have to think theres a problem with the mother of the baby.?
Territorial? or perhaps the young couple aren't getting along? or maybe its just that they don't want to bring the baby out & about yet?
It could be something very simple & your friend could be over sensitive at this time, he did recently lose his spouse.
I would suggest for your friend to keep in contact by phone on a regular basis & ask when it would be a good time to visit. He could also invite them over as if theres a project for his son to help him with ??
Patsy
Patsy the couple get on great.......they take the baby to see her brother who lives about 50 miles away. My friend has asked the son for his help before all this as a big wardrobe needed moving.......bearing in mind my friend has done so much for them in every way.....the son just made excuses.I just find this son an arrogant, selfish, non caring person I have to say.
Territorial? or perhaps the young couple aren't getting along? or maybe its just that they don't want to bring the baby out & about yet?
It could be something very simple & your friend could be over sensitive at this time, he did recently lose his spouse.
I would suggest for your friend to keep in contact by phone on a regular basis & ask when it would be a good time to visit. He could also invite them over as if theres a project for his son to help him with ??
Patsy
Patsy the couple get on great.......they take the baby to see her brother who lives about 50 miles away. My friend has asked the son for his help before all this as a big wardrobe needed moving.......bearing in mind my friend has done so much for them in every way.....the son just made excuses.I just find this son an arrogant, selfish, non caring person I have to say.
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
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Patsy Warnick
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- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
What Would You Have Done??
Thats sad - could the son being having trouble with the lose of his mother? more than your friends aware of? maybe?
Other wise your right - he's a ass
Your friend should be included more now than ever
What are the Holiday plans? - this could be very hurtful time of year.
Maybe you might think about inviting him.??
See ya in the Arcade.
Patsy
Other wise your right - he's a ass
Your friend should be included more now than ever
What are the Holiday plans? - this could be very hurtful time of year.
Maybe you might think about inviting him.??
See ya in the Arcade.
Patsy
What Would You Have Done??
I agree that the son should make the effort to see his dad but sometimes men can be thoughtless once they have married and tend to favour their wife's family (sorry men but have seen it enough to know it happens).
My thoughts are that your friend should (once he has calmed down) send a Christmas card and ask when it's convenient for him to visit. When he does visit he could perhaps invite them back for a visit to him, perhaps there is a suitable occasion for him to mark, he needs a good reason for them to come to him, once that has happened once they have no reason for it not to happen again.
My thoughts are that your friend should (once he has calmed down) send a Christmas card and ask when it's convenient for him to visit. When he does visit he could perhaps invite them back for a visit to him, perhaps there is a suitable occasion for him to mark, he needs a good reason for them to come to him, once that has happened once they have no reason for it not to happen again.
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
What Would You Have Done??
Carolly;731819 wrote: I have no kids but a good friend of mine has just one........a boy in his twenties.He has a baby of 2 years old who my friend thinks the world of.A year ago my friend was widowed.Since then it appears that they always had to be the one who visited the son.........then a couple of months ago they asked the son if he could "share the visits"........the son replyed that he thought it was my friends duty to visit them (can you believe that!!!) and basically my friend was out of order even asking. Now as I have said I have no kids but something is very wrong here. My friend walked out and they ignored my friends birthday a couple of days later. Needless to say my friend is deeply hurt and upset and has excepted the fact they may never see their grandchild grow up but a stand has to be made as the sons arrogance and the fact they never put themselves out for my friend even through illness and moving bearing in mind a partner died a year ago.What do you think of this situation???
After reading the other facts I would say this, I would advise your friend to still keep in touch, too many people let stubbornness get in the way and at the end of the day who would suffer, most definitely your friend, the child would grow up as quick as a flash and when the child is old enough to make his own decisions he will be busy with his own life.
It is lousy that the Son is behaving like this but maybe he has problems, shift work, a small child, money worries, just lost a parent, marriage problems the list could go on, I'm not making excuses for him but am saying that sometimes things have a knock on effect.
I know when my kids were little I felt more comfortable in my own home, they had toys to amuse them and if they broke anything or misbehaved it was easier to sort out, at that age I would imagine littleun is still having an afternoon nap, many kids are used to their own bed and room by then.
I would advise your friend to hold tight, it won't be long until the lad is old enough to visit Grandad and for them to spend one to one time together, then the parents will have a child harping on all the time that they want Grandad, they'll gladly do the journey after listening to a child whining for a few days :wah:
After reading the other facts I would say this, I would advise your friend to still keep in touch, too many people let stubbornness get in the way and at the end of the day who would suffer, most definitely your friend, the child would grow up as quick as a flash and when the child is old enough to make his own decisions he will be busy with his own life.
It is lousy that the Son is behaving like this but maybe he has problems, shift work, a small child, money worries, just lost a parent, marriage problems the list could go on, I'm not making excuses for him but am saying that sometimes things have a knock on effect.
I know when my kids were little I felt more comfortable in my own home, they had toys to amuse them and if they broke anything or misbehaved it was easier to sort out, at that age I would imagine littleun is still having an afternoon nap, many kids are used to their own bed and room by then.
I would advise your friend to hold tight, it won't be long until the lad is old enough to visit Grandad and for them to spend one to one time together, then the parents will have a child harping on all the time that they want Grandad, they'll gladly do the journey after listening to a child whining for a few days :wah:
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
What Would You Have Done??
I agree to all said above, Its hard when you have your first child and it must be especially hard since the baby was premature and then the Son lost his Mother. Id suggest your friend bit their tongue and tried to bury the hatchet and go and visit, Christmas is 22 days away, horrible time of year to be on your own with no family. Maybe things will settle down in the New Year and if not maybe your friend and his son could take the little one to the park and he could try and see what the problem was. Hope it all works out for him x:-6
What Would You Have Done??
Thanks guys for your replys.I have to say that I find the son so out of order.He has hurt my friend so much and come on.......a son that thinks its upto the father to visit him????Ive never heard anything like it and yes it seems that they do visit her family often but there again they only live round the corner.My friend was in hospital for a small op and even then the son didnt bother to visit his father while he was recovering.In good plain cockney I just think his a selfish git.My friend is going away for Xmas and yes he has bought his grandchild a lovely present that he will be putting through the letter box.
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
What Would You Have Done??
As someone once said: "Women with children understand why some animals eat their young!"
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along-for-the-ride
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What Would You Have Done??
I believe it is the younger generation's "duty" to visit the parents and grandparents when they live within driving distance. As kids, we were all excited to go to grandpa or grandmas house for a visit. I know it was not convenient for my parents to get all six of us kids in the family car and travel to the grandparents house...but they did it. All my grandparents have passed away and I cherish the memories of those visits.
My husband and I now go visit his mother, who is 86, as often as we can. My dad lives 600 miles away..so we can't visit him as often.
My husband and I now go visit his mother, who is 86, as often as we can. My dad lives 600 miles away..so we can't visit him as often.
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
What Would You Have Done??
He might want to just buy holiday presents for the new generation from now on. Maybe the newbie will grow up with better manners. :rolleyes:
I'm not a good one to answer here, as I don't have an ideal relationship with my family to base my opinions on. So... basically pretend I'm not here.
I'm not a good one to answer here, as I don't have an ideal relationship with my family to base my opinions on. So... basically pretend I'm not here.
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chonsigirl
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What Would You Have Done??
The grandchild is the number one priority-always stay close to the child, take the 20 mile drive to see the young one as much as possible. Take the present over before the holidays, don't mail it. I would drive 20 miles to see a grandchild, if I was blessed with one.
What Would You Have Done??
This is a sad situation for your friend it makes me sad to hear how the son has compromised the relationship with his father. I would say for the sake of the grandbaby, your friend should do their best to keep in touch. It may not be as often but the key is to keep things going for the sake of the grandbaby. A child should never be deprived of their grandparent because all to soon they could be gone.
I wish your friend much luck, it's tough to not hold onto the anger.
I could never not want to make arrangements to see my grandson, thankfully for me, my daughter and I get along famously and so far have not faced a problem like this. It's incredibly healthy for children to have good relations with their grand's.
I still have wonderfully fond memories of both sets of mine.
I wish your friend much luck, it's tough to not hold onto the anger.
I could never not want to make arrangements to see my grandson, thankfully for me, my daughter and I get along famously and so far have not faced a problem like this. It's incredibly healthy for children to have good relations with their grand's.
I still have wonderfully fond memories of both sets of mine.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
What Would You Have Done??
along-for-the-ride;732258 wrote: I believe it is the younger generation's "duty" to visit the parents and grandparents when they live within driving distance. As kids, we were all excited to go to grandpa or grandmas house for a visit. I know it was not convenient for my parents to get all six of us kids in the family car and travel to the grandparents house...but they did it. All my grandparents have passed away and I cherish the memories of those visits.
My husband and I now go visit his mother, who is 86, as often as we can. My dad lives 600 miles away..so we can't visit him as often.I agree with every word you say love.My friend lives in the country unlike the son and how nice is it for a child to visit the country...to see the sheep...................goodness I remember every time I visited the country as a child.............THE EXCITMENT!!!!.It would have been so nice for the grandchild in later years to remember her lovely days out to the country to visit her Grandfather...........oh does that son know what his doing fgs.
My husband and I now go visit his mother, who is 86, as often as we can. My dad lives 600 miles away..so we can't visit him as often.I agree with every word you say love.My friend lives in the country unlike the son and how nice is it for a child to visit the country...to see the sheep...................goodness I remember every time I visited the country as a child.............THE EXCITMENT!!!!.It would have been so nice for the grandchild in later years to remember her lovely days out to the country to visit her Grandfather...........oh does that son know what his doing fgs.
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
What Would You Have Done??
koan;732329 wrote: He might want to just buy holiday presents for the new generation from now on. Maybe the newbie will grow up with better manners. :rolleyes:
I'm not a good one to answer here, as I don't have an ideal relationship with my family to base my opinions on. So... basically pretend I'm not here.
Looks like that is what is going to happen at the moment Koan.
I'm not a good one to answer here, as I don't have an ideal relationship with my family to base my opinions on. So... basically pretend I'm not here.
Looks like that is what is going to happen at the moment Koan.
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
What Would You Have Done??
chonsigirl;732332 wrote: The grandchild is the number one priority-always stay close to the child, take the 20 mile drive to see the young one as much as possible. Take the present over before the holidays, don't mail it. I would drive 20 miles to see a grandchild, if I was blessed with one.
I understand what you say as I also have no family as such but how can he "force" himself onto a son that seems not really to care if he sees his father or not.He should be caring for him now more then anytime and the fact that he didnt even wish his father Happy Birthday.........the first one since being widowed is heartless.Its breaking my friends heart over his grandchild but as he says at the moment they dont really "know" each other.He would rather this happened now then when the bond is so strong it would just kill him to fall out.The son has a good job that gives him alot of control and is dealing with the public all of the time he sees things that should make him know better.Ok the grandchild may have lost the love of her Grandfather but my friend has lost his only son............one that he was so proud of...........one that he would have died for.........one that he thought would never be born due to problems..........I tell you he dont deserve this treatment.Have to say that the sons "inlaws" are his family now. Sometimes in life we have to make a stand even though its breaking our heart...............and it is indeed breaking his.
I understand what you say as I also have no family as such but how can he "force" himself onto a son that seems not really to care if he sees his father or not.He should be caring for him now more then anytime and the fact that he didnt even wish his father Happy Birthday.........the first one since being widowed is heartless.Its breaking my friends heart over his grandchild but as he says at the moment they dont really "know" each other.He would rather this happened now then when the bond is so strong it would just kill him to fall out.The son has a good job that gives him alot of control and is dealing with the public all of the time he sees things that should make him know better.Ok the grandchild may have lost the love of her Grandfather but my friend has lost his only son............one that he was so proud of...........one that he would have died for.........one that he thought would never be born due to problems..........I tell you he dont deserve this treatment.Have to say that the sons "inlaws" are his family now. Sometimes in life we have to make a stand even though its breaking our heart...............and it is indeed breaking his.
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
What Would You Have Done??
Carolly;732565 wrote: I understand what you say as I also have no family as such but how can he "force" himself onto a son that seems not really to care if he sees his father or not.He should be caring for him now more then anytime and the fact that he didnt even wish his father Happy Birthday.........the first one since being widowed is heartless.Its breaking my friends heart over his grandchild but as he says at the moment they dont really "know" each other.He would rather this happened now then when the bond is so strong it would just kill him to fall out. The son has a good job that gives him alot of control and is dealing with the public all of the time he sees things that should make him know better.Ok the grandchild may have lost the love of her Grandfather but my friend has lost his only son............one that he was so proud of...........one that he would have died for.........one that he thought would never be born due to problems..........I tell you he dont deserve this treatment.Have to say that the sons "inlaws" are his family now. Sometimes in life we have to make a stand even though its breaking our heart...............and it is indeed breaking his.
I am very lucky to have really good relationship with my parents and my children are extremely close to them, there is no doubt that the Son is out of order and for him not to wish his Dad 'Happy Birthday' is in my mind inexcusable, but for your friend to be so willing to give up on his Granddaughter is not right either, I do understand him trying to 'protect' himself and his feelings but the most important person in the Granddaughter, so for her sake I would encourage him to persevere.
I am very lucky to have really good relationship with my parents and my children are extremely close to them, there is no doubt that the Son is out of order and for him not to wish his Dad 'Happy Birthday' is in my mind inexcusable, but for your friend to be so willing to give up on his Granddaughter is not right either, I do understand him trying to 'protect' himself and his feelings but the most important person in the Granddaughter, so for her sake I would encourage him to persevere.
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
What Would You Have Done??
minks;732334 wrote: This is a sad situation for your friend it makes me sad to hear how the son has compromised the relationship with his father. I would say for the sake of the grandbaby, your friend should do their best to keep in touch. It may not be as often but the key is to keep things going for the sake of the grandbaby. A child should never be deprived of their grandparent because all to soon they could be gone.
I wish your friend much luck, it's tough to not hold onto the anger.
I could never not want to make arrangements to see my grandson, thankfully for me, my daughter and I get along famously and so far have not faced a problem like this. It's incredibly healthy for children to have good relations with their grand's.
I still have wonderfully fond memories of both sets of mine.Thanks for your comments Minks and also I agree with most of what you say but his hurting and dont believe in forcing himself onto people when its clear that not much love is there..............even though its his own son.
I wish your friend much luck, it's tough to not hold onto the anger.
I could never not want to make arrangements to see my grandson, thankfully for me, my daughter and I get along famously and so far have not faced a problem like this. It's incredibly healthy for children to have good relations with their grand's.
I still have wonderfully fond memories of both sets of mine.Thanks for your comments Minks and also I agree with most of what you say but his hurting and dont believe in forcing himself onto people when its clear that not much love is there..............even though its his own son.
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
What Would You Have Done??
I don't know all the ins and outs of it, but from what's being said, I think it's very selfish on the son's part not to share the traveling expenses for visits. Too bad, really, but, like I said, I can only see the surface of it and I don't know the whole story.
I hope they reach a compromise and work things out.
I hope they reach a compromise and work things out.
It is better to have your mind opened by wonder
than closed by belief.
than closed by belief.
What Would You Have Done??
Carol, I think he should persevere. After all it is about the grandchild, and it would be a shame to loose contact both for the grandad and the grandchild. Why the son feels this way is uncertain, but perhaps if grandad called to their house to take a Christmas present in person, at least grandad cannot be to blame for not trying.
It all boils down to not depriving either the grandchild or the grandad of that precious contact, regardless of what strange reason the son may have for the non-cooperation, and dare I say - a touch of arrogance. It is Christmas, and it is about the grandchild, not the son. All the very best to your friend and I just hope things work out.
It all boils down to not depriving either the grandchild or the grandad of that precious contact, regardless of what strange reason the son may have for the non-cooperation, and dare I say - a touch of arrogance. It is Christmas, and it is about the grandchild, not the son. All the very best to your friend and I just hope things work out.
I'm a Saga-lout, growing old disgracefully
What Would You Have Done??
G#Gill;737767 wrote: Carol, I think he should persevere. After all it is about the grandchild, and it would be a shame to loose contact both for the grandad and the grandchild. Why the son feels this way is uncertain, but perhaps if grandad called to their house to take a Christmas present in person, at least grandad cannot be to blame for not trying.
It all boils down to not depriving either the grandchild or the grandad of that precious contact, regardless of what strange reason the son may have for the non-cooperation, and dare I say - a touch of arrogance. It is Christmas, and it is about the grandchild, not the son. All the very best to your friend and I just hope things work out.
No Gill its not going to work out it seems..........they didnt even text my friend over Xmas............lets see if they bother New Year..... the selfish arrigant gits......tell ye Im fuming as my friend dont deserve this treatment and why???All because my friend asked the son to share visits as my friend couldnt keep doing them.........oh it makes my bloody boil I tell yer.
It all boils down to not depriving either the grandchild or the grandad of that precious contact, regardless of what strange reason the son may have for the non-cooperation, and dare I say - a touch of arrogance. It is Christmas, and it is about the grandchild, not the son. All the very best to your friend and I just hope things work out.
No Gill its not going to work out it seems..........they didnt even text my friend over Xmas............lets see if they bother New Year..... the selfish arrigant gits......tell ye Im fuming as my friend dont deserve this treatment and why???All because my friend asked the son to share visits as my friend couldnt keep doing them.........oh it makes my bloody boil I tell yer.
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.