Porcupine Attached To My Face !

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 2:05 am

I woke up with a porcupine attached to my face. I dont know where it came from or why it decided to invade my face but there it is.

So does anyone have any experience with this ?

Proper technique for removal ?

Any advice would be most appreciated.

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 2:22 am

I have it on good authority that Porcupines love to race. In order to save your boat race, slap this video on LOUD and hope the prickly little bugga recognises the tune and jumps off to race.

p.s. Have some tcp and savlon close by incase he jumps off too quick and quills ya:wah::wah::wah:

theia · Post by **theia** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 2:33 am

Nomad;725772 wrote: I woke up with a porcupine attached to my face. I dont know where it came from or why it decided to invade my face but there it is.

So does anyone have any experience with this ?

Proper technique for removal ?

Any advice would be most appreciated.

You just have to be different, don't you, Nomad...any number of us could have advised on pregnant vole or three legged octopus invasion, but no, you have to go one step further...

okay...sigh...try talking to it in words of one syllable, with a time lapse of 47 seconds between each word. This has always worked for me, with hedgehogs.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:42 am

theia;725777 wrote: You just have to be different, don't you, Nomad...any number of us could have advised on pregnant vole or three legged octopus invasion, but no, you have to go one step further...

okay...sigh...try talking to it in words of one syllable, with a time lapse of 47 seconds between each word. This has always worked for me, with hedgehogs.

If Id have had a choice naturally I would have preferred waking up with a 3 legged octopus attached to my face but I didnt have a choice.

Did I Theia ?

God !

theia · Post by **theia** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:05 am

Nomad;725794 wrote: If Id have had a choice naturally I would have preferred waking up with a 3 legged octopus attached to my face but I didnt have a choice.

Did I Theia ?

God !

I am so, so sorry, Nomad. Once again, I deceived myself into thinking that my experiences match those of others. You see, I choose what I want to be attached to my face on waking, and I made the erroneous assumption that you do the same. This was not only mistaken, but hurtful and cruel.

I can't believe I did this, and can only hope that you find it in your heart to forgive me.

:-4

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:03 am

I went to sleep for a few hours and look what happened!:wah:

Well Nomie, does the wife think it's an improved look?:wah::wah:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:29 am

Hi nomad, you could try making a weak alcohol/water solution and rubbing it into the porcupine, this should make the creature inebriated and eventually lose interest in clinging to your face. The upside is that you will also have a good time from the fumes. The other alternatives are a little more destructive from the porcupines point of view, so thats the best way to proceed at the moment. Let me know how that goes, if it gets worse I may have to reopen the advice clinic once more.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:39 am

Apparently, and I have researched this extensively for you, pocupines are partial to turkish delight. But it has to be pistachio flavoured and prepared by concubines at the court of the long lost king of Persia.

So what you have to do is firstly find the long lost king of Persia and persuade him to have his concubines make you some pistachio turkish delight. Then you need to lay a trail of turkish delight which needs to be spaced exactly 21 inches apart in an anti-clockwise spiral pattern with a hot towel at the centre for the porcupine to wipe it's sticky snout.

Alternatively if this is too much of a pfaff for you just get Mrs Nomie to whack it off with a mallet

grh · Post by **grh** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:47 am

If I knew the two of you better I might suggest that perhaps the easiest solution was to have you turn your head away from the wifes armpit

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:48 am

grh;725839 wrote: If I knew the two of you better I might suggest that perhaps the easiest solution was to have you turn your head away from the wifes armpit

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

my 8yr old daughter calls hairy armpits "armpit shrubs" quite apt for the forum gardeners lol

Mia · Post by **Mia** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 7:57 am

Are you quite sure it is a porcupine.Me thinks you should buy some new blades for your razor.

LilacDragon · Post by **LilacDragon** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 8:20 am

In order to properly advise, I would need to see a photo of said porcupine attached to your face.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 9:02 am

Just be happy its your face and not your nipple or other appendages. Jeesh, I would consider myself lucky.:wah:

el guapo · Post by **el guapo** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 10:46 am

jimbo;725909 wrote: do you know for sure its a porcupine attached to you face

i mean there are all manor of other explanations

one for example could it be that chezzie has just kissed your face ,you know what some of them northern lasses are like no electrolisis no shaving their chins for days at a time :wah::wah::wah:

chezzie is welsh not northern

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:54 pm

It just fell off when I was eating lunch. Thanks.

Nomad

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:59 pm

el guapo;725928 wrote: chezzie is welsh not northern

what a hero:-4:-4:-4

Jimbo Baggins all cap and no trewsers....

Kittypaws · Post by **Kittypaws** » Tue Nov 27, 2007 11:44 am

Nomad;725772 wrote: I woke up with a porcupine attached to my face. I dont know where it came from or why it decided to invade my face but there it is.

So does anyone have any experience with this ?

Proper technique for removal ?

Any advice would be most appreciated.

Could have been worse ... you might have woken up with porcupig attached to your face :wah::wah:

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Tue Nov 27, 2007 8:46 pm

Nomie, if you cant get that thing off , come over and WW and I have a cure, she is loading the shotgun now as we speak, it's been awhile but I think I can get it with the first few shots!!!!:wah:

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Nov 27, 2007 8:50 pm

Indian Princess;727043 wrote: Nomie, if you cant get that thing off , come over and WW and I have a cure, she is loading the shotgun now as we speak, it's been awhile but I think I can get it with the first few shots!!!!:wah:

ha....which end do you shoot out of this thing??

I mean...uh yeah....I've almost got it clean fer ya IP!! :wah::wah::wah: