How do you deal with someone cheating?!

ilona17 · Post by **ilona17** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 3:44 am

So we've been together for 11 months.

He goes to a halloween party and does "stuff" with an other girl.

At the time we we're having a break so techincally we were only friends.

Even tho we we're still in love and he told me that he loved me etc.

He still loves me and still wants to be with me.

I really love him too, but i can't help feeling that he's made a fool out of me.

Aswell as breaking my heart.

I don't know if i can just get back with him because i love him, because i can't forget what he did

I really don't know what to do.

I've never loved anyone as much as i love him, and i really thought we'd work out.

We talked about everything, getting married having kids and part of me still wants that i guess.

What's the best thing to do? That's my question really.

Should i just move on and stay friends with him?

Move on and never talk to him again, or forgive him and be together? (even tho i can't forgive him, because i can't get my head around it)

Thanks to anyone who reads it and helps me out.

Post by **spot** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 3:56 am

"At the time we were having a break"? I think you answered your own question there.

If you want to have a shot at it and he does then why not go for it. Anything he did at Halloween under those conditions is no different to what he maybe did before you even met. I've known women who couldn't get over that idea as well but I did think they were rather unreasonable.

ilona17 · Post by **ilona17** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 4:02 am

spot;716835 wrote: "At the time we were having a break"? I think you answered your own question there.

If you want to have a shot at it and he does then why not go for it. Anything he did at Halloween under those conditions is no different to what he maybe did before you even met. I've known women who couldn't get over that idea as well but I did think they were rather unreasonable.

Yeah i have thought of that my self, and thought i couldn't really blame him for it.

But if he said he loved me, why do that?

Yeah i guess he's just a man.. No offence.

Lisa · Post by **Lisa** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 5:02 am

In a way I agree with JJ....dump him.

If he does it once, most likely he will do it again.

How did you find out about the "stuff" he did?

Did he tell you,or did you hear about it,and he confesses?

Does he seem to be sorry about what he did?

Or say, well, we wern't together then so I didn't cheat.

I think alot has to do with his attitude about the situation.

If you truly feel he is sorry,and can trust he will be faithful .it may work out.

You have to be possitive you can forgive him and move on.

One of the worst things you could do is ,get back with him,and then throw it up in his face everytime you have a fight.

But ,on the other hand ,if you take him back too easy. It might plant a seed in his mind that. she love me I can do anything and she will keep comming back.

You never know 100% how someone really feels.

If you take a chance and go back with him,(or not) I hope all works out well for you.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 5:24 am

Should you get back with him? I don't think so. If you love someone than you don't do 'stuff' with someone else. Being 'on a break' is no excuse.

Ok, let's put it this way, this is a relationship that I have watched closely for about 7 years - A & B get together whilst teenagers, they date then move in together. She has a family holiday and is away for 1 month, on her return she hears rumours that he has had other girls in their flat and has slept with at least one. She chooses to believe him that he did nothing whilst she was away.

Skip forward about 6 years - in those years she has heard of at least 8 occasions when he has cheated on her but has believed him every time when he says that people are lying about him. They regularly were 'on a break' (their words too) mainly because of him and his behaviour.

Lots and lots of other reasons why she should have dumped him years ago but eventually the relationship ends, and she finds out that he was unfaithful every time thereby destroying her trust, making her doubt her judgement and possibly the worst thing - putting her health and fertility at risk.

Please don't be like her - looking back now older and wiser wishing that she hadn't wasted her youth on this idiot and regretting that she still has to have him in her life as he is her child's father.

You may choose to take him back, but don't make him think that you are a doormat and will forgive him again and again.

I wish you luck.

Immy x

Post by **spot** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 5:32 am

I obviously don't understand adequately what being 'on a break' means. Would someone like to explain it to me in simple terms?

Post by **spot** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 5:52 am

Thank the lord for a voice of sanity in the wilderness.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:01 am

You were on a "break" from each other yet you were talking marriage?

Run fast; run far.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:05 am

Peg;716864 wrote: You were on a "break" from each other yet you were talking marriage?

Run fast; run far.

That's what I meant but not so succintly able to say!!!!

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:23 am

Get rid of him... and dont waste any more time analysing it, or hurting over it.

Be glad it happened while you were on " Break"

grh · Post by **grh** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:12 am

Wasn't this a FRIENDS episode?:-3

ilona17 · Post by **ilona17** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:15 am

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Yes even you jimbo lol

koan · Post by **koan** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:25 am

you have to assess why you were on the break too.

I've known people that take "a break" so they can cheat without having to account for it then they get back together as soon as they finish their fling. Then break up again when the urge comes back. Or he might have really thought that you both needed a break. Talking marriage and kids can be scary. Maybe he needs time to decide if he's ready to settle down. People aren't simple creatures. If it took him a year to know he's ready then I'd say that's normal. If it took him a few weeks to have a bit of wild sex on the side then he doesn't really love you.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:26 am

Everyone's already said what I'd say. If you got back together, you'd always remember what he did. And until you could get over the hurt and forgive, you'd always hold it over his head, which just causes more fights and unhappiness. So since your just dating, I say break it off now and save yourself from future heartache from this guy.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:30 am

I think the problem is guys tend to view 'a break' different to how a girl would, blokes tend to see things very black and white, 'break' to a guy means he is single to do as he pleases, he is answerable to no one, now a girl tends to think a 'break' is time for the guy to think of all the things he has done wrong and he will come back with fresh promises of changing things, a girl on a break will still spend time thinking about the relationship and feel that beacuse it is only a 'break' and not a proper spilt that they are still attached.

It is totally up to you, but look at the facts, you weren't together so he hasn't actually cheated, if you enjoy each others company then have another go, but if you think that you will be unable to forget this incident i'd move on.

Try to take each day at a time and do what makes you happy :-4

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 8:06 am

I say you cheat back on him with a total stranger. I don't know you do I?

Post by **spot** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 8:26 am

grh;716878 wrote: Wasn't this a FRIENDS episode?:-3

And - Welcome to ForumGarden!!

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 8:59 am

koan;716886 wrote: you have to assess why you were on the break too.

I've known people that take "a break" so they can cheat without having to account for it then they get back together as soon as they finish their fling. Then break up again when the urge comes back. Or he might have really thought that you both needed a break. Talking marriage and kids can be scary. Maybe he needs time to decide if he's ready to settle down. People aren't simple creatures. If it took him a year to know he's ready then I'd say that's normal. If it took him a few weeks to have a bit of wild sex on the side then he doesn't really love you.
Oh, that's what stuff is....

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 9:06 am

Get rid of him. Nuff said.

ilona17 · Post by **ilona17** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:19 pm

You do make me laugh jimbo .:wah:

Yeah i meant especially.. i get so confused

And thanks everyone

kinks · Post by **kinks** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:25 pm

Well my huband (of 5 1/2 yrs, together 8) cheated on me when i was 4 1/2 months preggy with my youngest.

Withought going into too much detail (cos i'll get all fired up again), when the fighting, crying...etc was over,we just talked, he answered any questions i had to ask.

It is a hard thing to get over and still now i can think about it and get upset, but it's getting easier.

At the end of the day, it's different for everyone, some couples can get through it and some can't. If you really love each other, want to make things work, then you can.

Hope it works out for you...good luck

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 2:16 pm

I think one of the most important things in a relationship is TRUST. If you feel you cant trust him again finish it, if you can move on and honestly trust him give it a go. Good Luck.:-4

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 2:35 pm

Silly question - who suggested the break?

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 2:39 pm

Uncle Kram;716938 wrote: Oh, that's what stuff is....

I was wondering that myself.............

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 3:51 pm

You are too young to put up with that shyt, and there are alot nicer guys out there than that.

It is not about 'dumping him' it is more about respecting yourself.

Mia · Post by **Mia** » Wed Nov 07, 2007 3:56 pm

Was it his idea to have a break or yours.What was the reason,had you been fighting with each other?

There are only two reasons why he would hit on another girl when you were around.The first could be to try and make you jealous.The second is he is an ass.ole and has no respect for you.

If you cannot trust him then I would move on,no matter how much it hurts,as you deserve better.

Good luck