Saturday Blonde Joke.

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 3:39 pm

Saturday Blonde Joke.

A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, and she points out the colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige, very soft and warm."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"

The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up." The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide.

They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"!

This is too much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window "Green side up." What on earth does that mean?"

The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four blondes laying sod across the street."

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 3:41 pm

I didn't get that

Just kidding:sneaky: :rolleyes:

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:27 pm

What you missed was the post title.

"Saturday Blonde Joke."

'Tis Sunday, dear.

S'ok, You're allowed.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:34 pm

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of Palm Springs, CA, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

Linda is a blonde

Attached files

boo_bear · Post by **boo_bear** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:40 pm

:wah:

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:41 pm

buttercup;656092 wrote: KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER

No. Say in ain't true!

:yh_rotfl

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sun Jul 15, 2007 2:31 pm

Saturday Blonde Joke

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a

handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the

front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her

to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that

the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband,

"Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had

paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his

pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch,

it's a Ferrari."

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Sun Jul 15, 2007 2:33 pm

Enough with the blonde jokes already!! :wah: :wah:

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sun Jul 15, 2007 4:08 pm

But it's Saturday!

Ok. I promise. Next week a brunette joke.

:D

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sat Jul 21, 2007 8:23 am

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. 'I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!' 'Okay,' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. 'I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, 'I wish my friends were back here!'

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 11:17 am

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation,

get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed

in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night

before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked

if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible

College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the

behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to

the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I

just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power

of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."

They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all

immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and

release her.

The last one (you knew it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm

from Kansas University and just graduated with a degree in

Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna

electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 11:18 am

C'mon. A blonde electrical engineer?

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 2:03 pm

Three blonde men are stranded on an island which is burning. In a hurry to get off the island they run to the beach. Once on the beach they find a bottle, when they rub it a genie pops out and grants them three wishes.

The first blonde guy wishes he was smart so he could get off the island. "Poof" his hair turns brown, he ties some logs together to make a raft and paddles away. The second blonde guy says, "I'm not into all of this padling stuff, make me smarter so I can get off this island". "Poof", he turns into a redheaded guy, then builds a raft and weaves a sail out of plants on the island and sails away. The third blonde guy is not impressed by all of this hard work and says to the genie "Make me even smarter so I can get off this island". "Poof" and the genie turns the blonde guy into a woman, and she walks over the bridge.

----------------------

Hollywood hates blond men almost as much as it loves blond women

While digging up the joke, I stumbled on this and got interested:

http://www.vdare.com/sailer/050619_obsession.htm

-----------------------

Blonde electrical engineers?

Attached files

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 3:34 pm

She's E.E.?

Good Lord.

:-3

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:01 pm

A female blonde president is one thing, JacksDad - what about if the Good Lord you are calling upon also turns out to be female and blonde!!! Better hedge your bets!

:sneaky:

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 8:52 pm

AussiePam;678051 wrote: A female blonde president is one thing, JacksDad - what about if the Good Lord you are calling upon also turns out to be female and blonde!!! Better hedge your bets!

:sneaky:

k.

Next joke I post will be politically correct.

Don't hold yer breath waiting for it........

:D

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 11:57 pm

Oh for heaven's sake, don't get politically correct on us now. I liked the blond men joke, and laughed at the blonde women too. I rather like blonde men. (Well, and dark haired men, and even the occasional bloke without a lot of hair). We blonde women are quite able to cope. Grin. And I'm totally intrigued by the sum up of Hollywood colourschemes in that article I found.

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 4:50 am

This blonde walks into a hardware store and asks the guy at the cashier," Can I buy that microwave?" He replies, No i'm sorry we don't sell to blondes." So she goes home and dies her hair green. She goes back and asks " Can I buy that microwave?" No i'm sorry we don't sell to blondes. So she goes home, does the same thing with brunette, red, and blue. The last time she goes in she says " How do you always know who I am? He replies, " Because thats a TV."

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 9:28 am

AussiePam;678103 wrote: Oh for heaven's sake, don't get politically correct on us now.

Well good deal then.

I can't think of any PC jokes.

911 · Post by **911** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 10:12 am

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office

and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.

She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams,

and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 10:32 am

After a brief research into political correctness I have found that she is no longer blond. She is a pigmentially-challenged individual.

This has been an announcement courtesy of the DNC.

:D

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 1:31 pm

You're all just jealous !!!!!

Blonde grin

:D

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 2:01 pm

I happen to like my drab brown with streaks of gray.

My second wife was blonde.

Quite attractive, yes.

:D

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 3:09 pm

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

:rolleyes:

pinkchick · Post by **pinkchick** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 3:15 pm

jimbo;678346 wrote: A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

:rolleyes:

:wah::wah:

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 1:38 pm

The Blonde Mortician

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.

She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.

You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check. "There's no charge," she says.

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the blonde says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice."

"So I just switched the heads."

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 1:59 pm

Sigh

This blonde would have switched the heads, pocketed the blank cheque and just smiled the inscrutable Mona Lisa smile.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 3:41 pm

JacksDad;656024 wrote: Saturday Blonde Joke.

A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, and she points out the colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige, very soft and warm."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"

The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up." The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide.

They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"!

This is too much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window "Green side up." What on earth does that mean?"

The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four blondes laying sod across the street."

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

i missed that saturday part all together...:-2

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 3:44 pm

911;678261 wrote: A young brunette goes into the doctor's office

and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.

She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams,

and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

:D

:wah::wah::wah:good one!!!

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 3:46 pm

JacksDad;678265 wrote: After a brief research into political correctness I have found that she is no longer blond. She is a pigmentially-challenged individual.

This has been an announcement courtesy of the DNC.

:D

you know what a blonde died brown is dont ya?

arificial intelligence:D

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 3:50 pm

You're all just jealous!!! Cos we have more fun!!!

:sneaky:

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 3:57 pm

AussiePam;706176 wrote: You're all just jealous!!! Cos we have more fun!!!

:sneaky:

I am a fellow blonde sista...pass the duck...:p