Need some friendship advice

[observer1]

My friends & I went out on Sunday night. We went to a place that an "ex" of mine works at & goes to. Well, he was there, sitting at the bar, off duty, with his back to us. We all sat at a table. We were all having a great time. My one friend, who tends to get frisky, got pretty schnockered. She proceeded to walk over to my "ex", put her arms on his shoulders & do a dirty dance for him. We left pretty much after that. I told her, after we left, that I really didn't appreciate her doing that to him, knowing that I still have strong feelings for him. She's supposed to be a good friend of mine. I said what if I'd done that to her with her ex... her reply was, "You already did." I told her I NEVER did that & never would. She said, "You told me you thought he was hot." I said there was a BIIIIG difference there. Our other friend has told me she thinks my ex is adorable. I take that as a compliment, because I know she'd never dream of crossing that friendship line. I was soooo hurt! I could barely eat yesterday & started crying in the grocery store. I put my basket back & walked out. My friends said she was probably just doing it because she was drunk. I don't care. I would never have done that, drunk or sober.

I'm wondering what your opinion is on this. Should I forgive her? Will I ever be able to trust her again? She's been a very dear friend, & has done so much for me. She's just really put a dent in our friendship. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut.

[kazalala]

Hmmmm,, i think i would be wary of her now Even when you told her you were upset at what she did it didnt seem to bother her judging by the way she responded. She may have been drunk and so her judgement was clouded on what is acceptable, but once she knew it had upset you she should have assured you she meant no harm.

[minks]

OB1 my answer may not be what you wanna hear.

An Ex is and ex, and has to be let go of. A good friend is invaluable.

Ask yourself what you value more, your very good friend, or an Ex?

It's tough to have an ex that you still have feelings for, it's normal but tough as heck.

Ex's are ex's for a reason. Unless you think there is hope of getting him back, I say let your friend be. You need the friend more.

[observer1]

I am letting him go. I just think there's an unspoken rule between friends that you don't do that. And knowing how I felt, she went, singled him out, walked over to him, & did that. I wouldn't have cared if it was any other guy in the place... but not him, not now. Also, he did nothing to provoke it.

[el guapo]

observer1;689868 wrote: I am letting him go. I just think there's an unspoken rule between friends that you don't do that. And knowing how I felt, she went, singled him out, walked over to him, & did that. I wouldn't have cared if it was any other guy in the place... but not him, not now. Also, he did nothing to provoke it.


between freind ex should be out if bounds

[SuzyB]

observer1;689854 wrote: My friends & I went out on Sunday night. We went to a place that an "ex" of mine works at & goes to. Well, he was there, sitting at the bar, off duty, with his back to us. We all sat at a table. We were all having a great time. My one friend, who tends to get frisky, got pretty schnockered. She proceeded to walk over to my "ex", put her arms on his shoulders & do a dirty dance for him. We left pretty much after that. I told her, after we left, that I really didn't appreciate her doing that to him, knowing that I still have strong feelings for him. She's supposed to be a good friend of mine. I said what if I'd done that to her with her ex... her reply was, "You already did." I told her I NEVER did that & never would. She said, "You told me you thought he was hot." I said there was a BIIIIG difference there. Our other friend has told me she thinks my ex is adorable. I take that as a compliment, because I know she'd never dream of crossing that friendship line. I was soooo hurt! I could barely eat yesterday & started crying in the grocery store. I put my basket back & walked out. My friends said she was probably just doing it because she was drunk. I don't care. I would never have done that, drunk or sober.

I'm wondering what your opinion is on this. Should I forgive her? Will I ever be able to trust her again? She's been a very dear friend, & has done so much for me. She's just really put a dent in our friendship. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut.


If I was you I would never trust that 'friend' again, if one of my friends did that I would find it unforgivable. No matter how drunk someone was no excuse would wash with me, a true friend would of not done that and more to the point she would of been horrified at the upset she has caused you.

If you saw the ex with a new girlfriend would you have them feelings too or is it more because it was your friend that behaved that way? Thing is if it is over for good, the best thing for you, is to try and not dwell on your feelings but to get out and party with your mates, you will get to a stage when you couldn't give a rats ar5e what he is up to, I hope that it is sooner than later :-4

[Patsy Warnick]

Observer

I think your friend crossed the line and the trust will never be the same.

Approaching your EX and talking is one thing Its the dirty dancing part that bothers me, and I don't feel alcohol is a excuse.

As far as your friendship - I'd wait for her to contact you(may be some time?).

I wouldn't appreciate this scenario

Patsy

[Patsy Warnick]

Observer

I also agree with Minks - he's an EX for a reason - maybe these two are suited for eachother.

If your girlfriend wanted him - she didn't need to throw herself on him in front of you, after a night of laughs - that wasn't funny - that I don't agree with.

Perhaps you should party else where.

Patsy

[observer1]

Patsy Warnick;689948 wrote: Observer

I also agree with Minks - he's an EX for a reason - maybe these two are suited for eachother.

If your girlfriend wanted him - she didn't need to throw herself on him in front of you, after a night of laughs - that wasn't funny - that I don't agree with.

Perhaps you should party else where.

Patsy


His being the ex is only a miniscule part of it. The thing is that you don't come onto your friend's ex... especially with such a new wound. We've only been apart for about a month. We haven't been back together. And he didn't provoke it. I think SHE was wrong in that she went after him. She could've gone up to any other guy in the place. She headed right for him. It wasn't even as if he KNEW her. He'd never even met her. She KNEW we were newly split. She's done it to other friends too. I think she needs to see if she can win our guys over. I guess it's an insecurity/low self-esteem issue. But I don't know why... she's very pretty. But when she drinks, she gets WILD.

[RedGlitter]

observer1;690028 wrote: His being the ex is only a miniscule part of it. The thing is that you don't come onto your friend's ex... especially with such a new wound. We've only been apart for about a month. We haven't been back together. And he didn't provoke it. I think SHE was wrong in that she went after him. She could've gone up to any other guy in the place. She headed right for him. It wasn't even as if he KNEW her. He'd never even met her. She KNEW we were newly split. She's done it to other friends too. I think she needs to see if she can win our guys over. I guess it's an insecurity/low self-esteem issue. But I don't know why... she's very pretty. But when she drinks, she gets WILD.


There's your answer.

[Indian Princess]

I agree with Minks. As usual:wah:

[observer1]

I haven't talked to my friend yet. I still need some time to cool down. I will eventually. Just still hurts. And I won't trust her like I did before. I can't.

[PerfectAngel]

I am so sorry that happened to you! It sounds like it really hurt! A friend is supposed to be there for YOU! Not HIM! I think I would re think my friendship with her. I don't like to stir up the pot if you know what I mean, so I would just kind of stay away from her. I have a friend like that too, and even to this day she tells me how "hot" my ex is. There's alot more to life that just being "HOT"! I think to myself.......well, if you think he's so hot, then go for it! Wait until she see's how BAD he is in the "intimate" department. :wah:......Oh God..... :wah: forgive me for laughing! He reminded me alot of a superhero........faster that speeding light!

[randmlaws]

Me and my friends have a rule.

If one of us has had a relationship with a man then he is off limits no matter how long we have been seperated.

the thing with drinking is that when u get drunk (or it is for me ) u do things and say things that u dont want anyone else to know but most of the time what i say when i am drinking or drunk is the truth.

Me and my friends are like sisters so it would be like dating one of my brothers if i was to date a friends ex. Becasue we tell each other everything and i mean everything that goes on inside the bedroom and outside the bedroom.

Boyfriends are a dime a dozen really good friends are hard to come by. So in my opinion this friend prob had feelings for him when u two were together. So yes i would not be so comfortable with her. I am not saying not to talk to her but i would just not hang out with her and if i did i would not go to where my ex worked.

I had a really good friend who made a play for my boyfriend and me and him were still together. so that shot that down the drain she said she did not mean anything by it but guess what i have not talked to her in almost 5 years.

[laneybug]

observer1;689854 wrote: My friends & I went out on Sunday night. We went to a place that an "ex" of mine works at & goes to. Well, he was there, sitting at the bar, off duty, with his back to us. We all sat at a table. We were all having a great time. My one friend, who tends to get frisky, got pretty schnockered. She proceeded to walk over to my "ex", put her arms on his shoulders & do a dirty dance for him. We left pretty much after that. I told her, after we left, that I really didn't appreciate her doing that to him, knowing that I still have strong feelings for him. She's supposed to be a good friend of mine. I said what if I'd done that to her with her ex... her reply was, "You already did." I told her I NEVER did that & never would. She said, "You told me you thought he was hot." I said there was a BIIIIG difference there. Our other friend has told me she thinks my ex is adorable. I take that as a compliment, because I know she'd never dream of crossing that friendship line. I was soooo hurt! I could barely eat yesterday & started crying in the grocery store. I put my basket back & walked out. My friends said she was probably just doing it because she was drunk. I don't care. I would never have done that, drunk or sober.

I'm wondering what your opinion is on this. Should I forgive her? Will I ever be able to trust her again? She's been a very dear friend, & has done so much for me. She's just really put a dent in our friendship. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut.


Ugh, why do people get themselves all worked up over things like this?? First of all, an ex is an ex. You no longer have a relationship with him therefore you have no further "rights" to him. He's a free man and your friend is a free woman. If they want to get together or just flirt, that may be offensive to you, but in my opinion, it's certainly not wrong.

My advice would be to get over him and move on. Why have feelings for someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you? Or vice versa?

[WonderWendy3]

observer1;689854 wrote: My friends & I went out on Sunday night. We went to a place that an "ex" of mine works at & goes to. Well, he was there, sitting at the bar, off duty, with his back to us. We all sat at a table. We were all having a great time. My one friend, who tends to get frisky, got pretty schnockered. She proceeded to walk over to my "ex", put her arms on his shoulders & do a dirty dance for him. We left pretty much after that. I told her, after we left, that I really didn't appreciate her doing that to him, knowing that I still have strong feelings for him. She's supposed to be a good friend of mine. I said what if I'd done that to her with her ex... her reply was, "You already did." I told her I NEVER did that & never would. She said, "You told me you thought he was hot." I said there was a BIIIIG difference there. Our other friend has told me she thinks my ex is adorable. I take that as a compliment, because I know she'd never dream of crossing that friendship line. I was soooo hurt! I could barely eat yesterday & started crying in the grocery store. I put my basket back & walked out. My friends said she was probably just doing it because she was drunk. I don't care. I would never have done that, drunk or sober.

I'm wondering what your opinion is on this. Should I forgive her? Will I ever be able to trust her again? She's been a very dear friend, & has done so much for me. She's just really put a dent in our friendship. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut.


Awww, I am sorry. In my opinion, not a true friend!! Drunk or sober, you don't do that **** if you are a true friend.

Women like that want attention and she wasn't thinking of your feelings, only how she could feel attractive. I realize that you are hurt, and its easy for me to say that not being in the situation, but I've been there, done that and it stinks!

I would probably not go out for drinks with her for a while at least so that she understands how she has hurt you.

[kazalala]

The main thing that struck me about this was when Observer let her friend know she was upset about it, and her friend didnt seem to care!! Wether its right or wrong to say friends ex,,, you shouldnt go there,,, at least the friend could have been concerned she had upset someone intentionally or not