Ladies - read on (Chaps - this won't be of interest)

[chocoholic]

This was sent to me and I just had to post it. This is really something ALL of us can relate to. I laughed for five minutes after reading it and still giggle whenever i think about it.

If nothing else, this will give you a good soul cleansing laugh, it is hysterical!!

.

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,

painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors Nair and now...the wax.

Read on. . .

My night began as any other normal weeknight.

Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:

"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits.

No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your

hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg

(or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?

I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to

figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other

stuck together.

Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the

hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin

around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin

extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north.

After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the

ultimate hair fighting championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of

my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down

to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!!

Blinded from pain!!!!....

OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the

strip. CRAP!

Another deep breath and RIIIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.

Do I hear crashing drums???

Breathe, breathe.................

OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused

me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.

I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair???

WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.

I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not!

I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now

covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my

foot is still propped upon the toilet?

I know I need to do something.

So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut!

My butt is sealed shut.

Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and

think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may

pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse

the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it

off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to

torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued

together, is having them glued together and then

glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though

I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a

few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some

secret of how to get me undone.

It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued

together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any

secret tricks for removal

but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,

"Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.

I give her the rundown and she suggests I call

the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!!

I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort

to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor .

Nothing feels better than to have your girlie

goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot

water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike

and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic

Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving

grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared

the $%^&ens out of my friend.

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.



"IT WORKS!!

It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from

my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the

wax and then notice to my grief and despair....

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.

Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Tomorrow will be a better day.

[JacksDad]

I didn't read this.

Not one word........











:yh_rotfl

[kinks]

Thank you for posting that, it made me laugh sooooooooooooooooooo much:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

[Indian Princess]

I had a SOMEWHAT close account sorta like that but I stopped after the first strip produced nothing, grabbled scissors,and shaving cream and razor,I was 21 I am now 40.



BUT GIRL YOU KEPT GOING



I thought the have a good period thread was out of this world ,nope you win: ::guitarist

[watermark]

Thanks for the laugh-- very funny!!! Waxing is so horrible though! My daughter thought she needed to get a 'wax' for herself (she's 16 mind you, and easily influenced by savvy, perfectionistic friends) and since I wouldn't pay for a salon to do it (uh-huh, right :rolleyes:) she decided to try waxing with cold wax and I don't think she was successful as the remainder has sat unused for several months. This is a case where the consequence of an action teaches much more than a lecture for sure.

Erin

[kazalala]

I tried one strip on my leg once ,,, never never again and especially not there!!!!!!!!!!!!!:wah::wah: