Seperate Vacations- Good or bad?

cars · Post by **cars** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 6:11 am

I know these two couples, of which one is married, & the other couple are living together. Now for the past few years, it seems each of the parties in these couples are taking "seperate vacations" from each other! They say, it has nothing at all to do with not loving each other. In fact, that's why they're doing it, they do love each other. But that they just have different likes & dislikes when traveling. They feel that they were burdening their other half to do things on vacations that they didn't like, so they each now go their own way. I'm not buying it! (Am I wrong)

Thoughts/Opinions?

jpcme · Post by **jpcme** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 6:36 am

If it is only a couple of times then I can see it as there will be stuff that you like and your other half hates so going off to do that stuff they hate on your own could be a good thing. If its a regular thing then it just sounds like an excuse to get away from each other. Everyone is different and if it work for them then good, but like you I do not buy it.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 1:17 pm

I know people who sleep in separate beds even though they've been married 20 years. Weird but it works for them. I think it makes sense...sometimes you need your own space in order to improve the time you have together.

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 1:36 pm

i think it is good idea to have different holidays;);)

booradley · Post by **booradley** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 1:47 pm

all for it, everyone needs their own space now and again

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:01 pm

Cars,

There's nothing wrong with separate holidays...everyone needs a break from their mate at times.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:12 pm

To me, that's part of the joy of a vacation......sharing it with someone you love.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:43 pm

Lucky ones to have each other to take on vacation, I was sad to leave my husband behind for the wedding. We always went everywhere together.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:47 pm

chonsigirl;692794 wrote: Lucky ones to have each other to take on vacation, I was sad to leave my husband behind for the wedding. We always went everywhere together.

It must be so hard for you both, but he will be with you in heart, right by your side :-4:-4

cars · Post by **cars** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 3:15 pm

along-for-the-ride;692762 wrote: To me, that's part of the joy of a vacation......sharing it with someone you love.

Exactally, that's the way I was looking at it too!

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 5:44 pm

My older son and his wife do almost everything Seperately. He just booked a trip to Ireland without her, for this next May. They go out with friends seperately, he goes away for weekends with my granddaughter seperately, they act in seperate plays. My sister an I definately find this routine indicitive of either big problems... or we feel its pretty aparent that they do not enjoy each others company. My son says , often, that everything is fine.

I am all for a few brief seperate jaunts. Like a 3 day fishing trip with the boys, or a 3 day girls reunion down in Florida. But to me the lifestyle they are leading indicates... why the heck did you get married? I guess I have just become an old fart.

PerfectAngel · Post by **PerfectAngel** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 9:16 pm

Not this cat! I love my Honey~Bunny with all of my heart and I want to spend every second with him. :-4 It's bad enough when you have to run all over God's creation to do things for friends, family, and kids running from sports activities to the grocery store ect! We are apart enough during the day when we both work full time and we only get to kiss eachother in the doorway on the way out! There is so much stress in life, and we BOTH work very hard to keep our family comfortable and happy, and Dammit we BOTH deserve to be with the one that we dedicated ourselves too. I think going on vacation seperately is selfish....if that day ever comes that my husband and I go on seperate vacations......it will probably be a "PERMINANT" vacation!

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:00 pm

There is nothing wrong with couples taking separate vacations and it happens for a number of valid reasons. Couples that are secure in their relationship need not worry or agonize about what the other is doing when they are separated. One likes to travel and the other doesn't is pretty common. Some women like to travel with another woman friend. Some men will go on fishing or hunting vacations with other men. I go to the movies by myself fairly often as well as with my wife. Some shows we enjoy together and others are strictly my taste. She will go alone sometimes or with a friend.

cars · Post by **cars** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:01 pm

Lon;693231 wrote: There is nothing wrong with couples taking separate vacations and it happens for a number of valid reasons. Couples that are secure in their relationship need not worry or agonize about what the other is doing when they are separated. One likes to travel and the other doesn't is pretty common. Some women like to travel with another woman friend. Some men will go on fishing or hunting vacations with other men. I go to the movies by myself fairly often as well as with my wife. Some shows we enjoy together and others are strictly my taste. She will go alone sometimes or with a friend.

We're not talking about a few hours going to the movies, & or a sometimes 2,3,4,5 day fishing/hunting trip. We're talking about taking "2weeks" & or longer on seperate vacations, for over the past "5" years, which seems rather odd don'tcha think!

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:05 pm

cars;693352 wrote: We're not talking about a few hours going to the movies, & or a sometimes 2,3,4,5 day fishing/hunting trip. We're talking about taking "2weeks" & or longer on seperate vacations, for over the past "5" years, which seems rather odd don'tcha think!

No, I don't think it is odd at all and my post alluded to long as well as short separations for the reasons that I mentioned. Off the top of my head I can think of three couples here in my community that do this. Much more common with older couples than you might think.

There are people though that get their nose out of joint if their SO is out of their sight for more than a few hours.

Possessive? Immature? Controlling? Insecure?

cars · Post by **cars** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 5:50 pm

Lon;693357 wrote: No, I don't think it is odd at all and my post alluded to long as well as short separations for the reasons that I mentioned. Off the top of my head I can think of three couples here in my community that do this. Much more common with older couples than you might think.

There are people though that get their nose out of joint if their SO is out of their sight for more than a few hours.

Possessive? Immature? Controlling? Insecure?

The couples in the OP, one married, one living together are older as well.

(Seemingly past the age of: Possessive, Immature, Controlling, Insecure)

They outwardly seem happy & content in their relationships, displaying affection for one another when at gatherings. That's why it seems odd they insist on taking long "seperate" vacations. Could it be maybe their displayed affections are just a facade. The couples you mentioned, do they seem to be content with each other in the presence of others? Some just don't care for each other & don't care who knows it, & you could see why they would take seperate vacations.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 8:16 pm

cars;693386 wrote: The couples in the OP, one married, one living together are older as well.

(Seemingly past the age of: Possessive, Immature, Controlling, Insecure)

They outwardly seem happy & content in their relationships, displaying affection for one another when at gatherings. That's why it seems odd they insist on taking long "seperate" vacations. Could it be maybe their displayed affections are just a facade. The couples you mentioned, do they seem to be content with each other in the presence of others? Some just don't care for each other & don't care who knows it, & you could see why they would take seperate vacations.

Sometimes one partner has a physical problem that would preclude long vacations ie: dialysis, chronic back problems, daily medications etc., and sometimes one partner has a fear of flying or just plain does not like to travel and has no interest. Successful relationships don't require partners to enjoy everything that the other partner does.

cars · Post by **cars** » Wed Sep 12, 2007 6:18 am

Lon;693398 wrote: Sometimes one partner has a physical problem that would preclude long vacations ie: dialysis, chronic back problems, daily medications etc., and sometimes one partner has a fear of flying or just plain does not like to travel and has no interest. Successful relationships don't require partners to enjoy everything that the other partner does.

Physical problems are a totally understandable reason & also is a totally different matter from the OP!!! The intent/jist of the OP was suggesting that "vacations" can be "so much better/enjoyable" if shared with a loved one!!!