Got Vodka?

General humor & jokes. Share funny photos and jokes. Must be "R" rated or below.
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User avatar
minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

Got Vodka?

Post by minks »

Now they tell us...............if we only had known

before.............Well, who knew!!!!



1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka.

The solvent dissolves adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a

trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes

and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft,

clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass

and kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and

letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The

vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot

dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to

cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The

alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the

growth of healthy hair.

8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray

bees or wasps to kill them.

9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc

freezer bag. Freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or

black eyes.

10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender

flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun

for three days. Strain the liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the

tincture to aches and pains.

11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest

and back as a liniment.

12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

13. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the

urushiol oil from your skin.

15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to

absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

And silly me, I've only been drinking the stuff!!!
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
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sunny104
Posts: 11986
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2006 9:25 am

Got Vodka?

Post by sunny104 »

you should just drink it, then you wouldn't be worried about any of the rest of that stuff............:D :wah:
User avatar
minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

Got Vodka?

Post by minks »

sunny104;596564 wrote: you should just drink it, then you wouldn't be worried about any of the rest of that stuff............:D :wah:


and remember not to drink it after you soak your feet in it.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
User avatar
sunny104
Posts: 11986
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2006 9:25 am

Got Vodka?

Post by sunny104 »

:eek: :yh_sick :D
User avatar
guppy
Posts: 6793
Joined: Sun May 14, 2006 5:49 pm

Got Vodka?

Post by guppy »

from what i just read...just drink it to cure most of that stuff from the inside out and roll around on the carpet once in a while to keep it clean....:wah:
Richard Bell
Posts: 1228
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2005 8:56 am

Got Vodka?

Post by Richard Bell »

Trouble is, beverage alcohol is taxed to such a degree here that cleaning the bathroom grout would cost many $$$$$$$.

Think I'll try the hints with rubbing alcohol . One dollar buys me half a litre.
User avatar
minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

Got Vodka?

Post by minks »

Richard Bell;596628 wrote: Trouble is, beverage alcohol is taxed to such a degree here that cleaning the bathroom grout would cost many $$$$$$$.

Think I'll try the hints with rubbing alcohol . One dollar buys me half a litre.


99% proof works well
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
User avatar
Marie5656
Posts: 6772
Joined: Tue May 09, 2006 10:10 am

Got Vodka?

Post by Marie5656 »

minks;596561 wrote:

8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray

bees or wasps to kill them.

!!


Does not kill them..just gets them falling down drunk. :wah:
User avatar
Sheryl
Posts: 8498
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 3:08 am

Got Vodka?

Post by Sheryl »

5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot

dry.




And what about if it was vodka that caused the puking in the first place :-2
"Girls are crazy! I'm not ever getting married, I can make my own sandwiches!"

my son
User avatar
minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

Got Vodka?

Post by minks »

Sheryl;596715 wrote: And what about if it was vodka that caused the puking in the first place :-2


Umm apply twice??
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
NotToday
Posts: 1083
Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2007 7:31 pm

Got Vodka?

Post by NotToday »

minks;596561 wrote: Now they tell us...............if we only had known

before.............Well, who knew!!!!



1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka.

The solvent dissolves adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a

trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes

and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft,

clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass

and kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and

letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The

vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot

dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to

cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The

alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the

growth of healthy hair.

8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray

bees or wasps to kill them.

9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc

freezer bag. Freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or

black eyes.

10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender

flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun

for three days. Strain the liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the

tincture to aches and pains.

11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest

and back as a liniment.

12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

13. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the

urushiol oil from your skin.

15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to

absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

And silly me, I've only been drinking the stuff!!!


16. To cure a bad mood, mix with OJ and drink up!




"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax, and get used to the idea." - Robert A. Heinlein
User avatar
guppy
Posts: 6793
Joined: Sun May 14, 2006 5:49 pm

Got Vodka?

Post by guppy »

you know ....if you drink enough vodka you wont care if you get stung by a jellyfish . are eat up with poison ivey and your carpet will LOOK clean....:wah:
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