When Do You Terminate a Friendship

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 5:32 pm

There is a point where some of us decide to completely teminate a friendship with someone that has been a friend for a good long time. What are the circumstances that would cause you to do likewise?

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 5:37 pm

Pinky;585527 wrote: When you find out that they're no friend at all. That's it. Finito.

but what would the circumstances be?

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 5:37 pm

I just usually avoid talking to the person, I really hate to be mean to people. I know alot of people on here are nice, but some are mean and I try to avoid them, so I do not hurt feelings. My best friend bought my car, bounced the check on me and kept the car, when I see her now, I say hello and that is it.

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 5:43 pm

Lon;585525 wrote: There is a point where some of us decide to completely teminate a friendship with someone that has been a friend for a good long time. What are the circumstances that would cause you to do likewise?

for starters, if you know they don't have your best interested at heart. That's one place to start.

If they have done something to make you not trust them.

Or, if you simply feel the friendship simply isn't worth the work, but it happens. Friendships should be a natural bond between people.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 6:39 pm

Sadly, Ive done it a number of times.. and it seems more so in the past few years. I know that not everyone leads stressful lives, but I do. It gets to the point where in order to keep going forward, you have to unload baggage that is causing more grief than joy. Ill describe two instances. The most important ones.

I terminated a 35 year relationship eight years ago. ( These are women)

How to keep it brief? My dear friend was a warm hearted, lovable kind of simple minded young women. Not that she was stupid or anything. Her requirements for a happy life were very simple. She wanted to be a wife, home maker and mother. Period. Her mom drummed it into her head that she had to marry someone with money. Well, she landed a big one. They married when he was just out of law school. He went on to be very very sucessful.

Aside from being sucessful he is a pompus, opinoinated, over bearing, self centered bastard. Over the years, I observed him verbally degrade, belittle, humiliate and controll my dear friend. We butted heads many times. My friend often turned to alcohol and in the moments when she was smashed, the truth would come out, and she would tell me how she really felt about him. We could never refer to these conversations when she was sober.

She was never willing to forgo material things to leave him and she had very low self esteem and even less confidence. Finally, about 8 years ago, she got very sick. We were living 600 miles apart. I immediately made plans to go to her side. Knowing that I was coming... HE made plans for the family to leave on a weekend trip. I was not told about the change in plans until I arrived in town. Guess who she went along with?????????? I dropped her cold. It about killed me at the time, but I finally conceded, and knew that she was lost to me.... and to herself. Very very sad. If this thread goes on, and your all interested... Ill tell you another one.

foofoo stripper · Post by **foofoo stripper** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 6:41 pm

You terminate a friendship, when you both grow apart. I think you will feel that. People do grow apart as the years go on, then you must go your separt ways.

DelicateDominatrix · Post by **DelicateDominatrix** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 6:41 pm

Sometimes it happens sadly.

I end a friendship when it has been seriously hurt as in lied to,stabbed in the back, things of that nature.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 7:43 pm

I terminated several friendships - growing apart wouldn't warrant a termination - some of my friends had taken a different road than I - but years later we're still friends.

I terminated a friendship - several things added up to termination. Girlfriend was the only girl in the family - her mother was in town & I had asked the mother to help me while I made my wedding dress. FANGS came out - girlfriend actually got jealous. Mother sewed - girlfriend didn't. I won't tolerate jealousy. Then at my wedding reception - girlfriend had just went out and bought a $6000.00 diamond ring (her husband didn't know of) to show off at my wedding reception and to try to top my wedding ring. Girlfriend had no idea she was on borrowed time and I never indicated I was ever irritated - because I wasn't irritated, just disappointed.

Reception was over and so was our friendship.

I won't tolerate competition - jealousy - lies - theft - I'm 50 not 15.

Patsy

minks · Post by **minks** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:54 am

I terminate a freindship when things just aren't working for us.... I make a clean break because to go back time and time again is just repeated hurt.

I don't do betrayal

I don't do conflict of beliefs and interests

People change just like you fall in and out of love, you fall in and out of friendship.

I simply walk away....

I actually suck at keeping friends come to think of it ahahahaha ah well

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 11:26 am

I dont terminate friendships. Any friend worth having is a lifetime commitment. Just like a marriage. These people become part of your life. There are ups and downs to every relationship. Why should friendship be any different? None of my friends are perfect. I cant demand of them what I cant deliver myself! Besides, I dont have so many that I wouldnt miss a one of them. I cherish them all.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 11:36 am

weeder;585601 wrote: Very very sad. If this thread goes on, and your all interested... Ill tell you another one.

Hi Weeder :-6

That was a really interesting story . . .

And I'm ready for the next one

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 11:37 am

Lon;585525 wrote: There is a point where some of us decide to completely teminate a friendship with someone that has been a friend for a good long time. What are the circumstances that would cause you to do likewise?

Lon, it sounds like you've got a story to share . . . do you?

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 4:05 pm

cherandbuster;585816 wrote: Lon, it sounds like you've got a story to share . . . do you?

Only in the sense that I have been privy to a long term friendship between two middle aged females that should terminate in my opinion. One allows herself to be continually used and abused and taken advantage of, and allows it, because, after all, we are friends she says.

edge2125 · Post by **edge2125** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 7:56 pm

I think that depends on how you define a friend. To me a friend is someone you can count on to give you the truth, time and understanding that you need, whenever you may need it. Regardless of what comes up or how it plays out, i would never leave a friend.

CrazyCruizChick · Post by **CrazyCruizChick** » Sun Apr 01, 2007 3:34 am

I was really gutted when I had to end my friendship with my girlfriend many years ago, and that was because she couldn't keep anything to herself and told people about things that should be kept in confidence.

For me you must have trust in any relationship.

I still think about her and miss the best in her but it had to end because she couldn't see or accept her wrong doing.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Apr 01, 2007 1:41 pm

If someone chased me down the road with a chainsaw screaming "Im going to saw you into little pieces then eat you" Id probably not call them anymore.

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Sun Apr 01, 2007 2:24 pm

Nomad;586120 wrote: If someone chased me down the road with a chainsaw screaming "Im going to saw you into little pieces then eat you" Id probably not call them anymore.

Sounds like a good idea to me.

But if the friendship became one sided..with one being always the one to initiate contact, and the other seeming not as interested, I may want to back off a bit. Maybe not terminate, but just let it go.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Apr 01, 2007 2:27 pm

Marie5656;586137 wrote: Sounds like a good idea to me.

But if the friendship became one sided..with one being always the one to initiate contact, and the other seeming not as interested, I may want to back off a bit. Maybe not terminate, but just let it go.

Well if the guys got a chainsaw and youre running for your life thats pretty one sided. Dont back off Marie you just keep on moving those feet.

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Sun Apr 01, 2007 2:35 pm

You have a point there, Nomad. A chainsaw wielding crazy person is enough to make my happy feet go running off into the sunset.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Apr 01, 2007 5:49 pm

cherandbuster;585815 wrote: Hi Weeder :-6

That was a really interesting story . . .

And I'm ready for the next one

Thanks Cher. Ill be more brief with this one. This friend Ive had for about 20 years. She is 10 years younger than me. She is a little rough around the edges, with a heart of gold. A real New Yorker. Very hip, very well traveled. She experienced some hurts early in life ( which I wont describe here) that left her feeling bereft, unloved and very insecure. She has always been single. She has had her heart broken many times. In many, many ways... she has been a very good friend to me. But, there is this little problem. Drinking is a large part of her life. Social drinking... but lots of it. It has done damage. As shes gotten older, the drinking has made her very often, get quite nasty.

Ive overlooked her getting nasty with me, because of all of her good qualities that Ive listed above. Many men have terminated relationships with her. Things start out fine and then BOOM its over. I think its because they see her get nasty. After a couple of episodes they run for the hills. She of course, doesnt realize this, and you cant dare tell her. Well anyway, shes been quite nasty and snappy with me a couple of times this past year. One incident at a wedding was particuarly awful. I found myself not calling, and now, I just do not call at all.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 12:36 am

i had a friend like that ,lovely sober nasty when drunk ,after a few episodes over the years I really dont want to be in his company at all ,shame that i bet he really misses me :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 4:12 am

I've had friends use me and betray me, so very reluctant to be very close to people quickly, takes a long time for me to really trust. Especially women, they are the most jealous, selfish and back-biting people on this planet!

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 9:31 am

WonderWendy3;586274 wrote: I've had friends use me and betray me, so very reluctant to be very close to people quickly, takes a long time for me to really trust. Especially women, they are the most jealous, selfish and back-biting people on this planet!

yeah but not the fluffy ones:(

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 10:46 am

juno;586321 wrote:

I work with mostly women and I'm afraid this is very true

I work on my own - I'm horrible!

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 11:02 am

juno;586372 wrote: Horrible to your self? That is ... horrible! Be nice to your self - set an example! :-6

Ok but I'm still going to be horrible to Jimbo (Capt Oblivious) - he expects it.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 11:10 am

Imladris;586375 wrote: Ok but I'm still going to be horrible to Jimbo (Capt Oblivious) - he expects it.

fluffy fluffy fluffy fluffy immy :-4

ha ha i demand it:D

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 11:36 am

weeder;586204 wrote: Well anyway, shes been quite nasty and snappy with me a couple of times this past year. One incident at a wedding was particuarly awful. I found myself not calling, and now, I just do not call at all.

That's really too bad, Weeder, but you have to have enough self-respect *not* to tolerate that behavior in a friend, I guess. Does she still call you?

I bet in her more sober moments, her drinking behavior scares her a lot. You can't push that many people away without taking a deep look within yourself -- even if you're not ready to fully acknowledge it or change