the last straw was a comment that he knew where my son lived/attended college. well at that point i went to my own sheriff office and made a call to his (large city) police. then i asked him if he would prefer the cops at his office in front of his patients, or at his house in the upscale neighborhood. i did that online in a post on the board! i wish i could say that ended it, he found some "secret" servers and emailed me a few subsequent threats, but that went right to the specialists in my dept.who traced the mails. it finally ended with a visit from his local police. i often wondered if he was sucking up the nitrous oxide! ...stalking is a serious issue in any case. there is a line between persistance and pathology.have you ever been stalked?
have you ever been stalked?
in real life or on the internet, have you been stalked? how serious did it get, and did you go to the authorities? i was on another board where i would often email with people i thought were reasonably normal, people i had observed for some time. but my email shows my real name and my commission is public record, i managed to attract a crazy dentist from a southern state. he mistook friendliness for something else. it became out of control....first the mushy stuff, then when i was uninterested, it descended into vitriol and then vicious threats. can you imagine being stupid enough to stalk a cop?? the last straw was a comment that he knew where my son lived/attended college. well at that point i went to my own sheriff office and made a call to his (large city) police. then i asked him if he would prefer the cops at his office in front of his patients, or at his house in the upscale neighborhood. i did that online in a post on the board! i wish i could say that ended it, he found some "secret" servers and emailed me a few subsequent threats, but that went right to the specialists in my dept.who traced the mails. it finally ended with a visit from his local police. i often wondered if he was sucking up the nitrous oxide! ...stalking is a serious issue in any case. there is a line between persistance and pathology.
the last straw was a comment that he knew where my son lived/attended college. well at that point i went to my own sheriff office and made a call to his (large city) police. then i asked him if he would prefer the cops at his office in front of his patients, or at his house in the upscale neighborhood. i did that online in a post on the board! i wish i could say that ended it, he found some "secret" servers and emailed me a few subsequent threats, but that went right to the specialists in my dept.who traced the mails. it finally ended with a visit from his local police. i often wondered if he was sucking up the nitrous oxide! ...stalking is a serious issue in any case. there is a line between persistance and pathology.
have you ever been stalked?
I wasn't, but my sister was, so it was as if I was being stalked as well. It was 7 years of hell. We tried all the methods given us. Restraining orders you name it we did it. It would stop for a bit, then start back up. It took its toll on my entire family. At one point I hadmy daughter(who was an young adult then) live with my sister in order to have another person in her house. That worked for a long while, then it started again even with my daughter there. 
The end came only when this person became gravely ill, and could no longer keep the stalking up, and eventually died from PPH (primary pulmonary hypertension), or I can honestly say it might still be going on to this day.
It is awful, scary, dangerous, and you feel helpless most of the time. Lucky my sister came out of it with no emotional damage. She had to go into counseling to cope with it all the way to the end.
I don't wish this on my worst enemy it is beyond words the struggle is every day, every minute, every hour. You can never relax.. alway on guard. :-5
The end came only when this person became gravely ill, and could no longer keep the stalking up, and eventually died from PPH (primary pulmonary hypertension), or I can honestly say it might still be going on to this day.
It is awful, scary, dangerous, and you feel helpless most of the time. Lucky my sister came out of it with no emotional damage. She had to go into counseling to cope with it all the way to the end.
I don't wish this on my worst enemy it is beyond words the struggle is every day, every minute, every hour. You can never relax.. alway on guard. :-5
ALOHA!!
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
have you ever been stalked?
I was stalked by an exboyfriend but managed to diffuse the situation before it got too bad. I have known a woman with a long term stalker that had been her business partner and the only way to get a restraining order was to sacrifice her interests and investment in the business. Eventually she did and she was a much happier person. Stalkers can change your life. I started posting the Survivor's Guide to getting rid of a stalker in another thread but it is better here.
Anyone with a serious problem,
Here's what the Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook on dating and sex has to sayIn parts because it's really long)
HOW TO FEND OFF AN OBSESSIVE EX.
1) Make your rejection final and firm.
Do not give your ex a chance to manipulate or negotiate. Refuse all offers for dates, favours and 'friendly meetings'. Express your wish to be left alone. Make sure your body language sends the same message. Do not touch during the rejection, but look your ex firmly in the eyes.
2) Do not discuss the past.
Never mention the good times you had together. Instead speak enthusiastically about how happy you are now, and make it clear that you have moved on with your life.
3) Immediately sever all ties.
Return all of your ex's belongings (including any gifts to you) in one shipment. Do not prolong the process. If your ex continues to call get a new, unlisted phone number. Do not call or send cards, letters, or emails; these will result in mixed messages and may give your ex hope of reconcilliation.
4) If your ex will not leave you alone, sound a warning.
At the first sign that your ex is not listening to you, announce that if the unwanted behaviour persists you will take action. Threaten to contact the authorities and be prepared to do so. Do not give in to any threats that may come your way. Be ready to secure a restraining order or civil protection order if it becomes necessary for your peace of mind.
There are four more progressive steps. That I will try to post tomorrow.
BTW. I am approaching #4 with a person in my life at the moment. Rereading this reminded me of how serious it can be.
Anyone with a serious problem,
Here's what the Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook on dating and sex has to sayIn parts because it's really long)
HOW TO FEND OFF AN OBSESSIVE EX.
1) Make your rejection final and firm.
Do not give your ex a chance to manipulate or negotiate. Refuse all offers for dates, favours and 'friendly meetings'. Express your wish to be left alone. Make sure your body language sends the same message. Do not touch during the rejection, but look your ex firmly in the eyes.
2) Do not discuss the past.
Never mention the good times you had together. Instead speak enthusiastically about how happy you are now, and make it clear that you have moved on with your life.
3) Immediately sever all ties.
Return all of your ex's belongings (including any gifts to you) in one shipment. Do not prolong the process. If your ex continues to call get a new, unlisted phone number. Do not call or send cards, letters, or emails; these will result in mixed messages and may give your ex hope of reconcilliation.
4) If your ex will not leave you alone, sound a warning.
At the first sign that your ex is not listening to you, announce that if the unwanted behaviour persists you will take action. Threaten to contact the authorities and be prepared to do so. Do not give in to any threats that may come your way. Be ready to secure a restraining order or civil protection order if it becomes necessary for your peace of mind.
There are four more progressive steps. That I will try to post tomorrow.
BTW. I am approaching #4 with a person in my life at the moment. Rereading this reminded me of how serious it can be.
have you ever been stalked?
Great stuff, koan, thank you very much.
I was seriously and scarily (?) stalked, until my new boyfriend called the
stalker and told him he wouldn't kill him -- he'd just turn him into a drooling quadreplegic.
Worked great, stalker never bothered me again!!
:-2
I was seriously and scarily (?) stalked, until my new boyfriend called the
stalker and told him he wouldn't kill him -- he'd just turn him into a drooling quadreplegic.
Worked great, stalker never bothered me again!!
:-2
have you ever been stalked?
valerie wrote: Great stuff, koan, thank you very much.
I was seriously and scarily (?) stalked, until my new boyfriend called the
stalker and told him he wouldn't kill him -- he'd just turn him into a drooling quadreplegic.
Worked great, stalker never bothered me again!!
:-2
Excellent!
I'm all for leaving the restraining order as a last attempt. Being a complete bitch and then surrounding oneself with menacing others strikes me as the best way to end it quickly. The guy with a gun from a distance is harder to control.
Step 5) Inform your family, friends, and co-workers about the situation.
Having larger, stronger friends around may serve as a deterrent.
6) Keep a paper trail.
You may need evidence later. Save any relevant letters, notes, emails and voicemails - anything that can prove unwanted attention. Maintain a log or diary of your ex's actions and report any unlawful behaviour to the police immediately. Report phone calls from your ex to both the phone company and the police. Write down your caller ID log, if you have one.
7) Inform the authorities.
Do not let fear of retribution stop you from taking action. If your ex persists in contacting you, becomes easily enraged by your rejections, is overly interested in your private life, or shows up in unexpected locations, he or she has become a stalker. Take legal action immediately and obtain a restraining order.
8)Move.
Make sure that your new address is unlisted. Contact the department of motor vehicles and the voter registration bureau to have them block your address. Forward your mail to a P.O Box and do not accept any packages unless you are certain who sent them.
9) Take steps to preserve your safety.
Get a cell phone and carry it with you at all times. Consider getting a guard dog and taking self-defense classes.
BE AWARE
If your ex shows up where you work, notify co-workers of the situation and vary the times you come and go from work. If possible, have someone accompany you as you approach the building.
I was seriously and scarily (?) stalked, until my new boyfriend called the
stalker and told him he wouldn't kill him -- he'd just turn him into a drooling quadreplegic.
Worked great, stalker never bothered me again!!
:-2
Excellent!
I'm all for leaving the restraining order as a last attempt. Being a complete bitch and then surrounding oneself with menacing others strikes me as the best way to end it quickly. The guy with a gun from a distance is harder to control.
Step 5) Inform your family, friends, and co-workers about the situation.
Having larger, stronger friends around may serve as a deterrent.
6) Keep a paper trail.
You may need evidence later. Save any relevant letters, notes, emails and voicemails - anything that can prove unwanted attention. Maintain a log or diary of your ex's actions and report any unlawful behaviour to the police immediately. Report phone calls from your ex to both the phone company and the police. Write down your caller ID log, if you have one.
7) Inform the authorities.
Do not let fear of retribution stop you from taking action. If your ex persists in contacting you, becomes easily enraged by your rejections, is overly interested in your private life, or shows up in unexpected locations, he or she has become a stalker. Take legal action immediately and obtain a restraining order.
8)Move.
Make sure that your new address is unlisted. Contact the department of motor vehicles and the voter registration bureau to have them block your address. Forward your mail to a P.O Box and do not accept any packages unless you are certain who sent them.
9) Take steps to preserve your safety.
Get a cell phone and carry it with you at all times. Consider getting a guard dog and taking self-defense classes.
BE AWARE
If your ex shows up where you work, notify co-workers of the situation and vary the times you come and go from work. If possible, have someone accompany you as you approach the building.
-
justus9398
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2006 7:15 pm
have you ever been stalked?
Hello all, I am new to the site, but I saw this and thought ok, why not?
I have been and am still being stalked by a woman, on the internet as well as in public by a woman for the past 14 years, I have had her in court as recently as today for the repeated harrasment, stalking, and kidnap threats she has made about my children, not to mention that she has used another group forum on another website for her own personal slander campaign. In which she was foung guilty on all charges (this was done on a private complaint filed by myself)
The bigest problem with this is that I do know the stalker personally, she happens to be my husbands EX wife, adn the have a child together. She has even made a point in front of the judge to let it be known that she will not give up what she is doing, until she drives me totaly insane and that she will not go after my husband just me alone.
Any words of advice on how to get her stopped, before I lose my mind?
I have been and am still being stalked by a woman, on the internet as well as in public by a woman for the past 14 years, I have had her in court as recently as today for the repeated harrasment, stalking, and kidnap threats she has made about my children, not to mention that she has used another group forum on another website for her own personal slander campaign. In which she was foung guilty on all charges (this was done on a private complaint filed by myself)
The bigest problem with this is that I do know the stalker personally, she happens to be my husbands EX wife, adn the have a child together. She has even made a point in front of the judge to let it be known that she will not give up what she is doing, until she drives me totaly insane and that she will not go after my husband just me alone.
Any words of advice on how to get her stopped, before I lose my mind?
-
daBunnyWendy7
- Posts: 457
- Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 5:55 pm
have you ever been stalked?
YES 2x
I bring out the best and the worst in people.
EX H & a USN coworker.The former * t latter NO ONE n auth would lift a finger til it was almost over for me.THE ccoworer took the fuses out of my F bx and severed t PH line....and was IN my home.
MY exH...that's still ongoing.
Wendybunny
I bring out the best and the worst in people.
EX H & a USN coworker.The former * t latter NO ONE n auth would lift a finger til it was almost over for me.THE ccoworer took the fuses out of my F bx and severed t PH line....and was IN my home.
MY exH...that's still ongoing.
Wendybunny
Wendybunny
Everyone can make the world a better place!
Everyone can make the world a better place!
-
Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
have you ever been stalked?
Justus
I have also been stalked by my husbands EX, she tried too make my life hell.
She would just come over to our house- as if she was invited.
I'd come home from work and she had left gifts for my husband and a AXE for me.
This was a EX girlfriend - still the same. My husband finally got rid of her some how and I divorced him.
I've had a number of situation of stalking / infatuations, and it's very scary and life altering - I've had a gun put to the back of my head, thrown to the grown and nearly raped, from a person who had been watching me for a few weeks. I have driven myself directly to the police station - filed restraining orders. I work in the medical field and the public interprets a smile and a act of kindness differently. These situations have put a harder shell on me. I shake thinking about it.
Good luck to all of us
Patsy
I have also been stalked by my husbands EX, she tried too make my life hell.
She would just come over to our house- as if she was invited.
I'd come home from work and she had left gifts for my husband and a AXE for me.
This was a EX girlfriend - still the same. My husband finally got rid of her some how and I divorced him.
I've had a number of situation of stalking / infatuations, and it's very scary and life altering - I've had a gun put to the back of my head, thrown to the grown and nearly raped, from a person who had been watching me for a few weeks. I have driven myself directly to the police station - filed restraining orders. I work in the medical field and the public interprets a smile and a act of kindness differently. These situations have put a harder shell on me. I shake thinking about it.
Good luck to all of us
Patsy
have you ever been stalked?
i had a south african stalker. we were in the same photography class together. he followed me out to my car every night. he told me about his adolescent sexual experiences...his crazy ex girlfriend...how he wanted to have sex with me because i'm white.
in the end he had to go back to africa....he wanted to take me with him :yh_ooooo
...but i declined! lol
in the end he had to go back to africa....he wanted to take me with him :yh_ooooo
...but i declined! lol
-
Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
have you ever been stalked?
Justus,
The EX - I feel she's young - 27 to 33ish ? How old is she ? The child around 6 to 10 yrs ? Age ? (when all this started ) I think The EX feels you stold her husband - whether the marriage was done prior to you or not. If it wasn't you - it would be another female and she would still be threatening. She is just obsessed with the situation. (rejection)
I'm sure the visitation arrangements are hell.
Any chance with you and your husband moving? Like out of state.
I know this make visitation difficult, but workable - your husband has to - has to make you priority, I think distance is the only solution at this point.
This is only a suggestion . And this has been going on for years? Please let me know the ages.
Patsy
The EX - I feel she's young - 27 to 33ish ? How old is she ? The child around 6 to 10 yrs ? Age ? (when all this started ) I think The EX feels you stold her husband - whether the marriage was done prior to you or not. If it wasn't you - it would be another female and she would still be threatening. She is just obsessed with the situation. (rejection)
I'm sure the visitation arrangements are hell.
Any chance with you and your husband moving? Like out of state.
I know this make visitation difficult, but workable - your husband has to - has to make you priority, I think distance is the only solution at this point.
This is only a suggestion . And this has been going on for years? Please let me know the ages.
Patsy
-
justus9398
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2006 7:15 pm
have you ever been stalked?
Thanks Patsy,
I also work in the medical field myself, and I also carry a gun, from all of this. I just never know where, when, or what she will do next. I feel like I am under constant stress from this going on for so long.
I am in the process of changing careeers because of what this person has done to me in just the past 18 months alone, we (the police and I) are now in the process fo trying to build our case against this woman, since she has posted alot of her own confessions on the internet, for impersonation, she has even posted things like: Do you want your house keys back?, and My IP address, not to mention that she was trying to have me set up by using my IP address to send her self threatening emails, so she could have me in jail and my children lose their mother (straight from her own mouth!).
Truthfully this woman thinks she is above the law. I just pray it all ends soon, so I can try to have a peaceful life for myself and my children. My husband, is even to the point, of wanting to retaliate (sp?) against her, and trust me on this one, it takes all we have not to act on those impulses.
I am just thankful, that I am not alone on this, and that now I know there is a place to talk to others who have had the same type of problem I am having.
I also work in the medical field myself, and I also carry a gun, from all of this. I just never know where, when, or what she will do next. I feel like I am under constant stress from this going on for so long.
I am in the process of changing careeers because of what this person has done to me in just the past 18 months alone, we (the police and I) are now in the process fo trying to build our case against this woman, since she has posted alot of her own confessions on the internet, for impersonation, she has even posted things like: Do you want your house keys back?, and My IP address, not to mention that she was trying to have me set up by using my IP address to send her self threatening emails, so she could have me in jail and my children lose their mother (straight from her own mouth!).
Truthfully this woman thinks she is above the law. I just pray it all ends soon, so I can try to have a peaceful life for myself and my children. My husband, is even to the point, of wanting to retaliate (sp?) against her, and trust me on this one, it takes all we have not to act on those impulses.
I am just thankful, that I am not alone on this, and that now I know there is a place to talk to others who have had the same type of problem I am having.
-
justus9398
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2006 7:15 pm
have you ever been stalked?
Patsy Warnick wrote: Justus,
The EX - I feel she's young - 27 to 33ish ? How old is she ? The child around 6 to 10 yrs ? Age ? (when all this started ) I think The EX feels you stold her husband - whether the marriage was done prior to you or not. If it wasn't you - it would be another female and she would still be threatening. She is just obsessed with the situation. (rejection)
I'm sure the visitation arrangements are hell.
Any chance with you and your husband moving? Like out of state.
I know this make visitation difficult, but workable - your husband has to - has to make you priority, I think distance is the only solution at this point.
This is only a suggestion . And this has been going on for years? Please let me know the ages.
Patsy
The ex is 39 and is on her 3rd marraige, When all this started the child was only 3 years old. As for visitation, we had it, but the ex always tried to deny my husband his rights. We did the in and out of court thing for years. The child just turned 18and now wants nothing to do with her father, brother, or sister. As for contact with me, I never thought it was about me. When I met my husband their divorce was already final for over a year. No matter where we moved to whether in state or out of state, she moved their to, usually within 3 blocks of us, right now she is at her furthest distance of 6 miles. But the only good thing is my husband has made me a priority, in this, and that just makes her more angry. I could copy and paste just one of her posts from the other site she was on and you can see for yourself, after all she has done to us, she tries to make herself look like a victim.
The EX - I feel she's young - 27 to 33ish ? How old is she ? The child around 6 to 10 yrs ? Age ? (when all this started ) I think The EX feels you stold her husband - whether the marriage was done prior to you or not. If it wasn't you - it would be another female and she would still be threatening. She is just obsessed with the situation. (rejection)
I'm sure the visitation arrangements are hell.
Any chance with you and your husband moving? Like out of state.
I know this make visitation difficult, but workable - your husband has to - has to make you priority, I think distance is the only solution at this point.
This is only a suggestion . And this has been going on for years? Please let me know the ages.
Patsy
The ex is 39 and is on her 3rd marraige, When all this started the child was only 3 years old. As for visitation, we had it, but the ex always tried to deny my husband his rights. We did the in and out of court thing for years. The child just turned 18and now wants nothing to do with her father, brother, or sister. As for contact with me, I never thought it was about me. When I met my husband their divorce was already final for over a year. No matter where we moved to whether in state or out of state, she moved their to, usually within 3 blocks of us, right now she is at her furthest distance of 6 miles. But the only good thing is my husband has made me a priority, in this, and that just makes her more angry. I could copy and paste just one of her posts from the other site she was on and you can see for yourself, after all she has done to us, she tries to make herself look like a victim.
-
cherandbuster
- Posts: 8594
- Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 11:33 am
have you ever been stalked?
Hello Justus 
I'm sorry that you have to go through all this terrible stuff
Feel free to take refuge in other threads
Maybe some laughter will make you feel better :-6
My name's Cher, by the way
And it's nice to meet you :guitarist
I'm sorry that you have to go through all this terrible stuff
Feel free to take refuge in other threads
Maybe some laughter will make you feel better :-6
My name's Cher, by the way
And it's nice to meet you :guitarist
Live Life with
PASSION!:guitarist
PASSION!:guitarist
-
Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
have you ever been stalked?
Justus
In my experiences it seem that the more court issues / restraining orders, the more vicious the situation became. I can't do guns - guns scare me - and I don't know if I could live with myself killing anyone, it's great that your comfortable to carry and use, and it sounds necessary.
The 18 yr old will eventually come around - probably when she's 30 - she needs to grow up. I hope your successful in the case against the EX.
Patsy
In my experiences it seem that the more court issues / restraining orders, the more vicious the situation became. I can't do guns - guns scare me - and I don't know if I could live with myself killing anyone, it's great that your comfortable to carry and use, and it sounds necessary.
The 18 yr old will eventually come around - probably when she's 30 - she needs to grow up. I hope your successful in the case against the EX.
Patsy