Hypocrisy

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 5:56 pm

If you did drugs as a kid how do you justify telling your kids not to touch them?

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 5:58 pm

your responisbility as a parent is to get them to eighteen..a responsible adult as best as you can...so telling them to not do drugs is a parents duty...and if you did it as a kid show examples of how it screwed your own life up...if they know about it....otherwise i would be mum about it.....

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:05 pm

Do you think telling your kids not to do drugs will stop them? Did it stop you?

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:30 pm

I don't believe it's hypocracy at all...

Especially when they aren't an adult yet...

I think alot of the things we ourselves did as kids were because we didn't have a real perception of what consequences really were...And when you grow up and take on responsibilities you realize that what you did may have not always been the healthiest of choices whether that was drugs, going fast in a car, or whatever...I think the love one has for their children makes them realize that they don't want their kids doing the same thing, because the fact of the matter is, is that alot of what alot of us have done as kids went against the longevity in the life we so wish to preserve for them...Alot of my own observations of people having their first child, their life simply changes, and I don't mean in the respect of responsibility, but what seems to me their whole outlook on life and it's importance.

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:32 pm

If you believe that everything you've experienced made you who you are and you like yourself then a person who has done drugs in youth can't logically tell a kid that they should never try them.

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:36 pm

koan;578662 wrote: If you believe that everything you've experienced made you who you are and you like yourself then a person who has done drugs in youth can't logically tell a kid that they should never try them.

I think there's a big difference between "trying them" and being hooked on methamphetamines to name a few...

Anyone who expects to go through life without their children at least trying what we so wish to call illegal is naive in my opinion...

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:45 pm

K.Snyder;578665 wrote: I think there's a big difference between "trying them" and being hooked on methamphetamines to name a few...

Anyone who expects to go through life without their children at least trying what we so wish to call illegal is naive in my opinion...

Agreed. On both counts.

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 7:06 pm

I'm thinking of 16 and up.

I think it's the same thing when you just tell them not to have sex too, btw. Maybe they won't but the advice of their parent at that point won't make or break their decision.

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 10:54 pm

magenta flame;578687 wrote: Excuse me for saying so but that sounds like an excuse from someone who has failed to keep their children away from them

SO are you saying I'm naive because my 19 year old son has never tried them?

do you think children are so stupid not to realise what it does to their friends? and therefore it doesnt' appeal to them?

SO what else would you allow your child to try that is illegal?

Could we work out what age grouping we are talking about here?

No, I was saying for parents to expect their children to never try some illegal drugs is somewhat naive...

And I'm definitely not saying parents are naive if their children haven't tried illegal drugs...Your son is 19 and if he goes his entire life without trying drugs then I would have to say that's fine...But by this I would definitely not hold it against anyone if their kids happen to have tried illegal drugs either. There's a big difference...

I think we have a completely different view on the hazards of most typical drugs...

Cigarettes can easily be considered a drug yet they are legal, but I wouldn't expect no one to ever try cigarettes if they weren't legal either, even though I think they're more deadly than any marijuana I have ever seen.

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Mon Mar 19, 2007 2:02 am

koan;578662 wrote: If you believe that everything you've experienced made you who you are and you like yourself then a person who has done drugs in youth can't logically tell a kid that they should never try them.

I think they can. They could tell them about the bad points. Talk about all the bad experiences they have had. What they have lost. I would think that a child could learn from someone who has tried this.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Mon Mar 19, 2007 2:52 am

I've never used illegal drugs (plenty of prescription stuff!) but I can use a relative as an example to my kids why they shouldn't. This relative was a heavy cannabis user, he now has mental health issues and cannot live alone because of it, I don't know what his diagnosis is because I'm not close to that side of the family but I do know that he wouldn't have been this way if he hadn't tried cannabis.

It's not hypocrasy to tell your kids not to do something you have done, it's called experience and learning from your mistakes.

There's a lot of things I haven't done that I can tell my kids that it is a bad idea to do and likewise there is stuff I have done that I hope they don't do too - but I don't need to tell them that I did it!

Post by **spot** » Mon Mar 19, 2007 3:07 am

What a strange thread. When mine asked me my opinion at around 16 I suggested they avoid tobacco, crack, meth, rohypnol, antidepressants and barbiturates and explained in some detail why for each of them. I said they should be cautious of heroin and cocaine. I mentioned that the last figure I heard relating to illegal drug use in the UK was 364 deaths a year and that they'd do better to stay out of cars and stick to public transport than to worry too much about the lethal effect of recreational drugs. I recommended acid, ecstasy and plain resin or weed cannabis but to get their exams out of the way first. They rolled their eyes and went off to discuss it among themselves. None of them have offered me a reefer but on the other hand none of them seem addicted to anything.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Mar 19, 2007 3:43 am

The reason I told my kids that I smoked pot is because they wouldnt discuss it with someone who they thought didnt know what they were talking about.

But, K Snyder you use the phrase " Parents who failed to keep their kids off drugs " That really upsets me. Do you believe that all the choices kids make are the responsibility of their parents? Last year I discovered my younger son was using intrenenous drugs. I promise you, I would have given my arm, for him not to put a needle in his arm.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Mon Mar 19, 2007 5:30 am

weeder;578845 wrote: The reason I told my kids that I smoked pot is because they wouldnt discuss it with someone who they thought didnt know what they were talking about.

But, K Snyder you use the phrase " Parents who failed to keep their kids off drugs " That really upsets me. Do you believe that all the choices kids make are the responsibility of their parents? Last year I discovered my younger son was using intrenenous drugs. I promise you, I would have given my arm, for him not to put a needle in his arm.

Without meaning to patronise KS I think that unless you have children you have no idea how difficult it can be to get them to 'conform' to behaviour that you find acceptable. I really feel for you Weeder, it must have been horrendous for you to find that out, I felt like a failure when I found out that one of my girls had tried cannabis, she wasn't even a regular user but that was a horrible time.

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Mon Mar 19, 2007 2:45 pm

weeder;578845 wrote: The reason I told my kids that I smoked pot is because they wouldnt discuss it with someone who they thought didnt know what they were talking about.

But, K Snyder you use the phrase " Parents who failed to keep their kids off drugs " That really upsets me. Do you believe that all the choices kids make are the responsibility of their parents? Last year I discovered my younger son was using intrenenous drugs. I promise you, I would have given my arm, for him not to put a needle in his arm.

I've never said anything of the sort...

In fact, I was defending the fact of saying the exact opposite...

My entire point was that if parents expect to make the choices of their children for them pertaining to taking illegal drugs were naive...

Please go back over the thread.

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Mon Mar 19, 2007 2:48 pm

Imladris;578872 wrote: Without meaning to patronise KS I think that unless you have children you have no idea how difficult it can be to get them to 'conform' to behaviour that you find acceptable. I really feel for you Weeder, it must have been horrendous for you to find that out, I felt like a failure when I found out that one of my girls had tried cannabis, she wasn't even a regular user but that was a horrible time.

Again I'm failing to see why Any of this has come about.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Mar 19, 2007 4:46 pm

K Snyder... I am not being antagonistic... discussions are discussions. Different view points are why we are here. When I raise an objection to a statement, it very well can be that I misunderstood. And I always state how I feel, or was made to feel without anger or malice. I have often contended that when it comes to children, women are like lions defending their young. When the kids stry off the beaten path... for good and loving parents, with the best intentions.. the self flagulation is incredible.

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon Mar 19, 2007 5:48 pm

K.Snyder;579190 wrote: Again I'm failing to see why Any of this has come about.

:wah: :wah:

I know just how you're feeling K.

Don't everyone forget that I've formally agreed with his opinions. You can all yell at me too.

NotToday · Post by **NotToday** » Mon Mar 19, 2007 6:03 pm

As a parent, who was once a curious child, you have to teach your child to make the right decisions. You have to set an example as a parent and point them in the direction of what is right and wrong and hold them accountable. When they are old enough, better yet, legally old enough to make that decision for them self, the best you can do is hope that the things they do they will do responsibly. Because at some point, young or old, they will be curious. But they should look at your example, present, not past, and learn from it.

there is my .02

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Mon Mar 19, 2007 6:31 pm

weeder;579304 wrote: K Snyder... I am not being antagonistic... discussions are discussions. Different view points are why we are here. When I raise an objection to a statement, it very well can be that I misunderstood. And I always state how I feel, or was made to feel without anger or malice. I have often contended that when it comes to children, women are like lions defending their young. When the kids stry off the beaten path... for good and loving parents, with the best intentions.. the self flagulation is incredible.

I understand that,..but I was just clarifying that those were not my words as the post made it out to seem so...

Trust me, I don't take opinions personally...Rather just stating facts,..and as always my opinions,..but again I was clarifying...

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Tue Mar 20, 2007 2:41 am

Well, all I can tell you is that there are a million examples of adults leading healthy lives, who had poor examples for parents. And vice versa. We are a society of young people with a huge drug problem, and the parents didnt all do drugs. But as they say, to each his own.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Tue Mar 20, 2007 3:01 am

Psychologists tell us that there comes a time when peer influence becomes greater than parental influence. Parents start to realize that they are battlying a force they cannott even see. My younger son and his friends used to watch that cult movie Train Spotting. It depicts the lives of young heroine addicts. I thought, ok... this will show them how horrible that life is.

Not so, they found it to be glamorous and exciting.

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Mar 20, 2007 3:58 am

weeder;579428 wrote: Psychologists tell us that there comes a time when peer influence becomes greater than parental influence. Parents start to realize that they are battlying a force they cannott even see. My younger son and his friends used to watch that cult movie Train Spotting. It depicts the lives of young heroine addicts. I thought, ok... this will show them how horrible that life is.

Not so, they found it to be glamorous and exciting.

That's what I mean by saying the parent's advice won't make or break their decision. A teenager in a peer pressure situation is not going to tell everyone they can't try drugs because their Mom told them not to.

I've already had a chat with my daughter because I know pusher go around to elementary schools as well and 12 year olds have been caught dealing. I'd always rather be too early than too late with life discussions. I think it's important to admit that drugs make you feel really good but that afterwards they make you feel like crap. She has to decide how much the good feeling is worth the crap. And it gets harder and harder to keep the good feeling the more she gambles with it. I'm not prepared to state that she should never take drugs. She needs to be prepared to decide what the experience is worth to her.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Mar 20, 2007 6:55 am

I am on my third 16yr old son. All my kids know I smoked pot as a teenager. I had a full scholorship to college for wrestling. I decide I wanted to smoke pot more than I wanted an education at the time. I only did one year of college before dropping out, getting a job to make money so I could buy my pot. I also tried a few other drugs but didn't like the control they had over my mind so I pretty much stuck to pot. When my oldest son started driving and going out I always told him, Do not make bad life decisions, You are 16 yrs old, its too early in your life to make a bad life decision that could possibly screw up the rest of your life. Just because a peer wants to make a decision to do drugs or drink does not mean you have to make the same decision. Do not let anyone elsemake your decisions for you. You can either be a leader or a follower, If you chose not to follow your friends will always respect you in the end. If you choose to follow them into illegal activities your actions are your own responsibility. You will pay all legal fees and will buy your own car, gas and insurance if this is your choice. I tell them this the first few times going out then I just say before they leave. Remember son make good life decisions and be careful. My oldest never went along with the crowd, he always left parties where these things went on. He is now a 5th grade teacher married with a son and one on the way. My second son went with the crowd a little more. Luckily he never was caught. He is now 23 yrs old and a fire fighter. He experimentd quite a bit but eventually said no and got it together. So far my third has shown good discretion and left the questionable events to keep from getting involved. My point is. We can do our best but it is their call as to wether they listen or not. We do our best then we hope for the best.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Tue Mar 20, 2007 7:01 am

YZGI;579504 wrote: I am on my third 16yr old son. All my kids know I smoked pot as a teenager. I had a full scholorship to college for wrestling. I decide I wanted to smoke pot more than I wanted an education at the time. I only did one year of college before dropping out, getting a job to make money so I could buy my pot. I also tried a few other drugs but didn't like the control they had over my mind so I pretty much stuck to pot. When my oldest son started driving and going out I always told him, Do not make bad life decisions, You are 16 yrs old, its too early in your life to make a bad life decision that could possibly screw up the rest of your life. Just because a peer wants to make a decision to do drugs or drink does not mean you have to make the same decision. Do not let anyone elsemake your decisions for you. You can either be a leader or a follower, If you chose not to follow your friends will always respect you in the end. If you choose to follow them into illegal activities your actions are your own responsibility. You will pay all legal fees and will buy your own car, gas and insurance if this is your choice. I tell them this the first few times going out then I just say before they leave. Remember son make good life decisions and be careful. My oldest never went along with the crowd, he always left parties where these things went on. He is now a 5th grade teacher married with a son and one on the way. My second son went with the crowd a little more. Luckily he never was caught. He is now 23 yrs old and a fire fighter. He experimentd quite a bit but eventually said no and got it together. So far my third has shown good discretion and left the questionable events to keep from getting involved. My point is. We can do our best but it is their call as to wether they listen or not. We do our best then we hope for the best.

a magnificent post buddy

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Tue Mar 20, 2007 8:27 am

I have an extensive background in substance abuse, as my former husband( father of my 2 sons) was, and is an alcoholic. I educated myself in an attempt to save him, my marriage, our family, and our sanity. AA Alanon, Group therapy, Individual therapy, classes, books, You name it, I did it. I loved him. You pick up some disputed theorys along the way. For example:

Some people belive there is a genetic predisposition for abuse. Some do not believe this. I believe it. Ive seen it, over and over again. My older son is a super acheiver. No alcohil, no drugs... not even a cigarette... ever. My younger son started smoking pot at 14. ( I didnt recognize how serious the problem was) hes 22 now. Has used every drug you can name. Hes a tormented soul who is always trying to medicate himself. He is a talented artist and writer. Cant get his act together. I believe he inherited the genes. It wouldnt have mattered if I were Mother Theresa.... he was going to do, what he was going to do. The boys pediatrician told me when they were very young, that personality traits are present despite having a good or bad parent. I didnt believe him 25 years ago. I believe him now.