Dating a Married Man/ Woman

Elvira · Post by **Elvira** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 9:53 am

I once dated (unknowingly) a married man for a number of weeks.

I met a man, who seemed lovely and genuine, and was a helicopter pilot in the army. He came across as open and honest, and not at all pushy. He said that had been married young and had divorced his wife. We went on a few dates and were getting on very well (hadn't slept together). He would call me for hours at a time, and I was really quite keen on him, until..........

out of the blue, I had a call from his WIFE!! (hang on, what wife, there's still a wife???) She called me and asked me who I was and if I knew XXXX. I said I did, and that I was seeing him. She then told me that she had got my number from his phone bill, as the large number of long calls had made her suspicious.

She told me that this was not the first time that he had done this, and that he is always seeing at least one other woman, nearer to where he is posted.

Obviously I was appalled, but the funny thing was, that I spent the next hour 'counselling' her over the phone, trying to convince her that she would be better off single than with a t0sser like him!

I rang him to say that I had had a lovely conversation with his wife, and he had the NERVE to try to say that he WAS divorced, and that she was trying to spoil his chances of future relationships. He failed however, to explain why his phone bills were still going to her house!!!!!

Anyone else been caught like this?

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 9:58 am

Yep I have last year. Luckily when we actually met I wasn't attracted to him but I never knew he'd even been married or had a child. I spoke with the wife and she's still with him, idiot! I really fell for him on-line, he used to call me from Iraq (is in the army).

Red · Post by **Red** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:06 am

No i havent, but its funny how we always think we'd 'know' if the bloke we were seeing was married, just goes to show how devious some people can be

crazylady.... did you see piccys of him beforehand?

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:08 am

Elvira;556373 wrote: I once dated (unknowingly) a married man for a number of weeks.

I met a man, who seemed lovely and genuine, and was a helicopter pilot in the army. He came across as open and honest, and not at all pushy. He said that had been married young and had divorced his wife. We went on a few dates and were getting on very well (hadn't slept together). He would call me for hours at a time, and I was really quite keen on him, until..........

out of the blue, I had a call from his WIFE!! (hang on, what wife, there's still a wife???) She called me and asked me who I was and if I knew XXXX. I said I did, and that I was seeing him. She then told me that she had got my number from his phone bill, as the large number of long calls had made her suspicious.

She told me that this was not the first time that he had done this, and that he is always seeing at least one other woman, nearer to where he is posted.

Obviously I was appalled, but the funny thing was, that I spent the next hour 'counselling' her over the phone, trying to convince her that she would be better off single than with a t0sser like him!

I rang him to say that I had had a lovely conversation with his wife, and he had the NERVE to try to say that he WAS divorced, and that she was trying to spoil his chances of future relationships. He failed however, to explain why his phone bills were still going to her house!!!!!

Anyone else been caught like this?

They always say men with big choppers are trouble :p :wah:

Red · Post by **Red** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:10 am

SuzyB;556402 wrote: They always say men with big choppers are trouble :p :wah:

i thought it was men with big choppers never know how to use them

:wah:

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:12 am

Red;556405 wrote: i thought it was men with big choppers never know how to use them

:wah:

They do by the time i've finished with them:sneaky: :wah:

Red · Post by **Red** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:15 am

SuzyB;556410 wrote: They do by the time i've finished with them:sneaky: :wah:

ooooh sue...pm me some tips pls.. a girl can never have enough info :wah:

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:18 am

Red;556414 wrote: ooooh sue...pm me some tips pls.. a girl can never have enough info :wah:

Anytime, but for the best advice we need the Queen to step in now............Her Majesty Floppy, All rise for Floppy:-4 :-4

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:20 am

Red;556400 wrote: No i havent, but its funny how we always think we'd 'know' if the bloke we were seeing was married, just goes to show how devious some people can be

crazylady.... did you see piccys of him beforehand?

Yeah loads of photos but none with him smiling. Had real crooked teeth and that puts me right off. I was so gutted at the time but in the long run it was a good thing as all we did was sleep together that night and literally just sleep, nothing happened, I just couldn't.

Red · Post by **Red** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:20 am

Pinky;556425 wrote: I was once, though he wasn't married, but failed to tell me he had a live-in girlfriend! It wasn't until I bumped into them in Norwich one night that I found out!

That was a bit of a surprise I can tell you!

hmm how did you handle it pinky? and btw what film did you see last night?

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:21 am

Pinky;556427 wrote: Oops, sorry!! I just came barging in there without looking - sorry Queen Floops!

I knew it wouldn't be long before you joined us:sneaky: :sneaky: :wah:

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:21 am

Pinky;556425 wrote: I was once, though he wasn't married, but failed to tell me he had a live-in girlfriend! It wasn't until I bumped into them in Norwich one night that I found out!

That was a bit of a surprise I can tell you!

How horrible. Another guy I was with, moved in with me as the distance was a problem. He used to tell other women that he lived with his sister Claire, well I wasn't his sister. Found out and threw him out.

Elvira · Post by **Elvira** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:24 am

crazygal;556432 wrote: How horrible. Another guy I was with, moved in with me as the distance was a problem. He used to tell other women that he lived with his sister Claire, well I wasn't his sister. Found out and threw him out.

Wow!! Poor you!

I pride myself on being a good judge of character, but clearly not in this situation!

Red · Post by **Red** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:27 am

Pinky;556441 wrote: We ended up seeing 'Hot Fuzz' made by the same people who did 'Shaun of the Dead'. Well worth seeing!

Well, my first reaction was to go over the other side of the pub after he'd very quickly introduced me to Skeletor the Alien Queen and then I went and sang 'Dontcha' by Pussycat Dolls on Karaoke...hehehe! It upset me a lot, but there was no way I was going to show it.

oh i love that song!!!and how appropriate!:wah: good one, he was prob destroyed at your lack of concern and the fact you didnt fall to pieces

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:28 am

Pinky;556441 wrote: We ended up seeing 'Hot Fuzz' made by the same people who did 'Shaun of the Dead'. Well worth seeing!

Well, my first reaction was to go over the other side of the pub after he'd very quickly introduced me to Skeletor the Alien Queen and then I went and sang 'Dontcha' by Pussycat Dolls on Karaoke...hehehe! It upset me a lot, but there was no way I was going to show it.

Don't understand who is Alien Queen and who did you go with, I don't like the thought of you being upset:-4

Red · Post by **Red** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:30 am

Pinky;556450 wrote: I think he was crapping himself in case I told Corpse Bride actually!:wah:

That was it, deleted any emails straight away and wiped his number off the phone.

lol@corpse bride...must have been hard for you to stop all contact still though?

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:31 am

Wow so many of you have had bad experiences, really sorry to hear about them all, can't be nice.

And Skeletor the Alien Queen, now that can't be a pretty sight!! :wah:

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:34 am

Yes, I was caught up a mess like that once - I was so pissed off when I found out he was married and intended to stay married.

This gut held a seperate apartment from his home & wife so I had no idea he was "married", and planned to stay that way - his excuse - to expensive to get a divorce, he didn't want to part with money. This guy told me things about his wife that was so disrespectful and hes still with her.. amazing

Patsy

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:39 am

So she was basically the female version of this!? Not a nice thought!!

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:43 am

chrisb84uk;556465 wrote: So she was basically the female version of this!? Not a nice thought!!

chris 84 posts first photo of bh672:D

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:44 am

jimbo;556470 wrote: chris 84 posts first photo of bh672:D

You mean Skeletor is a member of our forum, wow hahaha when did he join up?!

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:52 am

chrisb84uk;556474 wrote: You mean Skeletor is a member of our forum, wow hahaha when did he join up?!

yup buddy species bh672 duped your friendly neighborhood jimbo ,into a wind up of immense proportions ,even now other duped members avoid my posts like a turkey with a runny nose in Norwich ,but in answer to you question bh672 aka bone head is a member now watch out for him ,he is Baron Sinister mwaaaooohhh mwaaaaoooohh

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:52 am

Floppy, can you look at post number 8 on page 1:-4

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:01 am

I ran into this married guy a few years ago - he didn't reconize me as he was approaching me with his flirting body language. Then I said I and he couldn't compose himself. I noticed he hadn't changed, since he was trying his regular hussle approach, nothing had changed - he's still cheating on his wife.

Now thats a PIG

Patsy

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 12:18 pm

My story is a bit long. Started about 6 years ago. I actually posted this story before. I went out with a guy who was from a different country and was separated at the time from his wife. I never thought I would fall for him but I did, hook, line and sinker. To cut a long story short about 6 mths later he was offered a fab job in the country that he was from and went back and moved back in with the wife. He swore that they are only together for the sake of his son who was 8 at the time. He had been through 3 divorces at the time and didn't want his son to go through the same. Anyway it was a really devastating time for the both of us. He used to visit me and ring me constantly and his friends called me because he was so upset etc. I eventually said that we would have to stop the relationship because it was making me sick and I didn't want to be responsible anymore. I would never have got involved in the first place if I thought he was going to go back.

Anyway after breaking up I met my adorable hubby and we got married. The other guy nearly went mental when I got married and I could no longer be his friend.

I know this story makes me sound horrible but please don't judge me as I really loved him above everything. I never thought it would have happened to me.

Anyway that's all.

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 12:33 pm

Aw Jenny, you just did what was best. I don't see that you could have done anything else.

Thanks Pinky. It was a real horrible time. :-4

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 12:40 pm

flopstock;556519 wrote: I don't see anything horrible in your story at all. In fact I think it's a testament to our capacity for loving and enduring the good and bad that can spring from that love. And just perhaps, if you had not opened yourself up to love with him, you might not have recognized it when your hubby did finally come along..:-6

Thanks Floppy, that's a real nice comment.

It's weird but I will still always love him, just won't let him know about it. I really believe you can love more then 1 person, just in different ways. :-4

Elvira · Post by **Elvira** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 12:46 pm

jennyswan;556515 wrote: My story is a bit long. Started about 6 years ago. I actually posted this story before. I went out with a guy who was from a different country and was separated at the time from his wife. I never thought I would fall for him but I did, hook, line and sinker. To cut a long story short about 6 mths later he was offered a fab job in the country that he was from and went back and moved back in with the wife. He swore that they are only together for the sake of his son who was 8 at the time. He had been through 3 divorces at the time and didn't want his son to go through the same. Anyway it was a really devastating time for the both of us. He used to visit me and ring me constantly and his friends called me because he was so upset etc. I eventually said that we would have to stop the relationship because it was making me sick and I didn't want to be responsible anymore. I would never have got involved in the first place if I thought he was going to go back.

Anyway after breaking up I met my adorable hubby and we got married. The other guy nearly went mental when I got married and I could no longer be his friend.

I know this story makes me sound horrible but please don't judge me as I really loved him above everything. I never thought it would have happened to me.

Anyway that's all.

You entered into the relationship in good faith and circumstances changed. That's not your fault. it would have been nice if he had taken better care of your feelings, but that's life.

I'm glad you've met someone else and got married though, that's lovely!:-4

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 12:48 pm

Elvira;556533 wrote: You entered into the relationship in good faith and circumstances changed. That's not your fault. it would have been nice if he had taken better care of your feelings, but that's life.

I'm glad you've met someone else and got married though, that's lovely!:-4

Thanks Elvira, you always have really cool thread ideas :-4

Elvira · Post by **Elvira** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 12:48 pm

jennyswan;556527 wrote: Thanks Floppy, that's a real nice comment.

It's weird but I will still always love him, just won't let him know about it. I really believe you can love more then 1 person, just in different ways. :-4

I totally agree with you. I find that when you experience a new kind of love, it puts your other 'loves' into context.

I was with someone for a few years, and really thought I had loved them until I met my new partner. Now I realise it was something else entirely.

Lots of different types of love. :-4

Red · Post by **Red** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 1:21 pm

Elvira;556537 wrote: I totally agree with you. I find that when you experience a new kind of love, it puts your other 'loves' into context.

I was with someone for a few years, and really thought I had loved them until I met my new partner. Now I realise it was something else entirely.

Lots of different types of love. :-4

exactly, i think weve all been here

Red · Post by **Red** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 1:25 pm

jennyswan;556515 wrote: My story is a bit long. Started about 6 years ago. I actually posted this story before. I went out with a guy who was from a different country and was separated at the time from his wife. I never thought I would fall for him but I did, hook, line and sinker. To cut a long story short about 6 mths later he was offered a fab job in the country that he was from and went back and moved back in with the wife. He swore that they are only together for the sake of his son who was 8 at the time. He had been through 3 divorces at the time and didn't want his son to go through the same. Anyway it was a really devastating time for the both of us. He used to visit me and ring me constantly and his friends called me because he was so upset etc. I eventually said that we would have to stop the relationship because it was making me sick and I didn't want to be responsible anymore. I would never have got involved in the first place if I thought he was going to go back.

Anyway after breaking up I met my adorable hubby and we got married. The other guy nearly went mental when I got married and I could no longer be his friend.

I know this story makes me sound horrible but please don't judge me as I really loved him above everything. I never thought it would have happened to me.

Anyway that's all.

You dont sound horrible at all jenny, you got together with this bloke when he was seperated so the fact he chose to go back to his wife wasnt your fault

koan · Post by **koan** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 2:22 pm

I found this, written by a marriage/divorce counselor.

By Diane Neumann, Esquire

To many professionals who deal with this issue regularly, it seems clear that the purpose of the affair is often to end the relationship.

Contrary to the popular cultural belief that people shed a marriage as they do last year's coat, marriages are often difficult to end. The difficulty exists because there are strong factors which influence spouses to keep their marriage together. First is our belief that marriage is forever. Traditionalists have long maintained that one should stay married unless there are good reasons to divorce. Over the years, those "good" reasons haven't changed much. They still consist of the famous three: drinking, domestic violence, and the affair.

A second factor which holds marriages together is our American belief in the ability of a person to change. We embrace the idea that people can change themselves if they choose to do so. (Yet how many of us desire to change our eating habits, to lose weight, or to become more physically fit, and how many of us do it?)

Factors which keep marriages from ending are not limited to the two reasons just cited. A third reason is that society continues to regard divorce as a personal failure. Though we are a society with a relatively high divorce rate, divorce is not considered a good thing nor even a neutral event. Society, as well as the couple, inevitably believe that marriage is for life. It doesn't matter that the ideal is more myth than true. It is a myth which people cling to. And, it may come as no surprise that society generally holds the wife more responsible for the success of a marriage than the husband. Actually, a marriage is difficult to end. The spouse, the friends, and the family, all want "good" reasons for a divorce. We marry for our feelings, not for good reasons, yet at the prospect of divorce, people want solid reasons and not simply "feelings."

I would also add financial reasons to the list.

Red · Post by **Red** » Wed Feb 21, 2007 2:26 pm

Or because its all they've known for such a long time they think thats their lot in life, which is sometimes why some people arent brave enough to leave a marriage/relationship