Can't handle the drama!

[Ciao, Bella!]

I've an acquaintance, a former friend, who is talking smack about me.

History: Have known Sue for five years. Right after we met, she was diagnosed with a debilitating illness, which will take her life. Everyone who knows her rallied around her. Her DH has a job which takes him out of town quite often. In order to pay for her medical, he has to keep this job.

Sue would continually ask me to drive her to appointments, in her car, to which I would say yes, after ascertaining I was free that day. I would show up to drive her, and she would cancel.

Never any advance warning. Just, "Oh, I asked this friend to drive me instead", or "My best friend insisted her grandson take me." Now, this grandson is only 17, the same age as Sue's YDS. Sue would never allow YDS, or his older brother, to drive her, yet their friend could. Her sons couldn't handle her credit cards, etc., yet their friend could.

I started pulling back when she badmouthed my niece, saying niece was throwing herself at the boys. I let Sue know niece was very hurt by her words, and I wasn't exactly thrilled myself. (FTR: Niece had been around the boys a total of three times. All three times, Sue and/or I were around, so they weren't alone.)

Eventually, I had to cut Sue out when my DM became seriously ill, and I was forced to care for her a while. During that time, Sue got closer to a mutual friend, Renee, who she'd met through me.

Recently, I was surprised to hear she had tried to have Renee arrested, for identity theft. We've known Renee seven years, and trust her completely with our housekey. She is our POC when we're out of town, and will call to ask "Can I borrow a cup of sugar, a roll of tissue paper, etc."

I kept this news to myself, until today, when I finally had to ask Renee about it. She was so upset, she cried. After she calmed down, she told me that Sue has been running her mouth about me!

I'm angry that this woman would do this to me. I couldn't handle her games, and take care of my mother at the same time.

I didn't bother to ask what Sue has been saying about me. I'm not interested in knowing, but I will let her know if she continues, I'll see what legal recourse I have.

I understand she has a serious illness, but that doesn't excuse this behavior, does it?

[SuzyB]

If I was in your situation I wouldn't even bother going down the legal route. I can't stand two-faced people and find the best thing is to cut them from your life altogether.

She probably has so much time on her hands and gossips for attention, you will more than likely find that people don't take a blind bit of notice to what she is saying, as they would all know, as soon as their back is turned she will be treating them in the same way.

I am sorry that you and your niece have had your feelings hurt by this person and I feel very sorry for your friend, but i'm sure your lives will much improve with this person off the scene.

:-6 :-6

[Bill Sikes]

Ciao, Bella!;536444 wrote: stuff


I've really no idea what you are talking about. Smack?? *really*? DH, YDS, FTR,

"been around the boys", POC? If you haven't lost cash or opportunity, perhaps

you should avoid this person wherever possible (and buy a thesaurus).

[Rapunzel]

I agree with Suzy B about cutting her out of your life. In my experience, writing a letter does no good. If they don't want to hear it they won't listen - whether you tell them in person or by mail. They'll just twist it and use it against you!

I also knew a woman like this. I ran around after her, cared for her kids for free and took them to school. I even paid for a taxi one morning because they were late. She never ever said thankyou and she complained when my kids were both home sick and I couldn't take her kids to school that day! She expected me to leave a 4 & 6 year old home alone! I found out she was telling people my son was backward and shouldn't be in a main stream school. That was the last straw and I said I couldn't have her kids anymore. I later found she'd been saying dreadful things about us.

I bumped into her a while later when she'd just started a new job. She said everyone where she worked was so lovely and kind to her. A couple of months later I ran into her again and she said how all the office girls were mean and told lies about her behind her back. She couldn't see how SHE was the one alienating people and that they'd sussed her out.

The sad thing is that she has a daughter whom she thinks the world of and a son whom she ALWAYS complains about. No matter what the daughter does, her parents think the sun shines out of her derriere. The son is constantly put down. He is a little thug and will surely be in jail when he leaves school, yet an amateur psychologist could see that he is crying out for love and attention but the only attention he gets is negative attention when he does something bad!

I feel sorry for the kid although I don't like him - he's already beaten up and terrorised an old lady.

They're a totally weird family who will use people's good will and expect you to do things for them. In return they bad mouth you. Its because there are so many nice people in the world that users like this get away with it. They use up your kindness and leave you feeling bad about dumping them and losing some of your goodwill for other folks into the bargain. They are users so don't feel bad. Just get far away fast and don't let them get close again. There will always be some other poor mug whom they can leech dry.

[Patsy Warnick]

I would distance myself from her and my family - but remember, she is sick.

Medication runs you - irrational behavior happens. She truely wasn't like this before the illness.

Have you talked with her - have you tried to just discuss some points? Point out how she treats others at this time.. ?

Remember you have to live with yourself no matter how you handle this situation.

Patsy

[Ciao, Bella!]

I've figured out Sue had a screw loose before her illness hit. The meds she's taking now are loosening the rest of them.

Sue can be quite sweet and caring, when she is the focus of your attention. When I no longer had the time for her, that changed.

We attend the same church, and she lunches with the associate pastor monthly. She boo-hoos to pastor, then to several other people in church. It took months, but this all got to me.

We no longer speak, but I don't need the drama, not right now.

[Ciao, Bella!]

Just prior to all this, we had a tragedy in our lives, one that we're not quite over yet. I've a sneaking suspicion this is the main topic of Sue's conversations.

We're trying to recover from that, and cope with my mom's continuing ill health.

[Patsy Warnick]

Ciao

You have your hands full. Sounds like your friend is bitter, lashing out about everyone. She doesn't appreciate your help/care. She isn't the center of your world.

You tried - and thats that. Its her loss, and I would discontinue the assistance/care for her.

Take care of yourself & family - surround yourself with positive/caring people.

Patsy

[Ciao, Bella!]

Thanx, Patsy. We've done that, and these friends have been the bomb in helping us through our pain.

I hate having to drop a friend, but jeez! When do I put myself first?

[Patsy Warnick]

Make your own circle of support & comfort eachother.

Things will work out.

When your friend calls - politely state NO CAN DO..

Good luck

Patsy

[WonderWendy3]

CB, I've been there. It hurts so bad to think that you were truly being a friend out of the goodness of your heart, to be hurt in the end beyond belief!

I am truly sorry.

I definately would steer clear as much as possible and when around her, don't let her get to you.

If you ever need to talk...We are here for you!!:-6



:yh_hugs :yh_hugs

[Ciao, Bella!]

Thanx, everyone. That helps, a great deal. I just feel guilty.

[Delilah]

Ciao, Bella!;538002 wrote: Thanx, everyone. That helps, a great deal. I just feel guilty.


You have done nothing for which you should feel guilty about. This woman obviously has more problems than this illness you mentioned, sounds like some mental problems circulating as well.

You'd be best to just sever ties from her and go on your own way. Eventually she will find a new target and stop muttering behind your back to her manipulated pals, and talk about them instead.

[Ciao, Bella!]

Sue happened to visit my niece's place of employment today, and gave her the evil eye.

I have to shake my head and laugh at this. When niece dates, her boyfriends come to the house. She will not go out alone with them, in case someone talks. That's the sad part of all this.

I encourage my niece to go out in public with a male friend, but she won't. Sue's a regular riot.

[Isis]

Although I know that the mature thing to do would be to cut her out of your life altogether, I never get any satisfaction with just letting things go. How can one understand the impact that their actions or words has on another person unless you tell them so. This also allows you to have closure.

I would write her a very heartfelt letter on how her words and actions have impacted people. Also state that you could understand that she may be angry and resentful towards other people who aren't in her situation and would want to bring them misery. Then being the bigger person, go on to state that she should be spending her remaining time making peace with those around her instead of being negative and what not.

After you have written her the letter, cut her out of your life and move on. If she cannot appreciate the love and support around her, then she is undeserving. Her judgment day will come as it will for us all.

Take care