How important is hygiene?

Teach4life · Post by **Teach4life** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 12:25 pm

Supose that you were with someone who only showered 2-3 times a week. Would you stay in the relationship? What if you were married with kids? :-3

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 12:36 pm

interesting question and I feel like Annie Landers today so here I go.

Only 2-3 showers a week how bloody criminal.... are you on crack that is plenty of showers, sheesh unless they reak then that is a non issue. If you are a clean fanatic than it is an issue but is it worth a break up?

Kids? Is th is related to the shower or a second stand alone Q?

Do you like the kids? If yes then stick it out. If you don't like the kids, leave cause ya can't turf kids of you own them.

Ok please give more details and I will give intellegent answers to match intelligent questions

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 1:14 pm

Teach4life wrote: Supose that you were with someone who only showered 2-3 times a week. Would you stay in the relationship? What if you were married with kids? :-3
I suppose you could always entice him into the shower!

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 1:57 pm

I'm not sure what being married and/or having children has to do with a person's hygiene...If the guy I was with only showered twice a week, I wouldn't be around long. Gross. I keep myself clean and smelling nice, and I expect the same from my partner. What brought on this question, Teach?

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 2:46 pm

2-3 times a week would be ok if they didn't sweat a lot and have body odor.

Or, say, worked outside in the fields all day or did a lot of hard manual labor, again causing body odor.....

But then I'm the type to tell hubby to take a shower.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 3:12 pm

Bathing is one number one thing.. The person would change that routine quickly or they would be gone. If I kept them around because I had to..... they or I would be sleeping outdoors. Not bathing doesnt show too much respect for the person you live with. Sorry.. to me no contest here.. its very simple.

Teach4life · Post by **Teach4life** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 3:26 pm

Well, the shower is say on Monday and not agian until Thrusday and then MAYBE on Sunday. Also, teeth are not brushed unless there has been a shower. Plus, the smell is bad and evident to those who visit the home.

Regardless of his partners feelings, he continues his lack of hygiene. :yh_eyerol

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 3:31 pm

Teach4life wrote: Well, the shower is say on Monday and not agian until Thrusday and then MAYBE on Sunday. Also, teeth are not brushed unless there has been a shower. Plus, the smell is bad and evident to those who visit the home.

Regardless of his partners feelings, he continues his lack of hygiene. :yh_eyerol
WHO

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 3:31 pm

Teach4life wrote: Well, the shower is say on Monday and not agian until Thrusday and then MAYBE on Sunday. Also, teeth are not brushed unless there has been a shower. Plus, the smell is bad and evident to those who visit the home.

Regardless of his partners feelings, he continues his lack of hygiene. :yh_eyerolsometimes this is the sign of an illness or depression. has that been considered?

babygirl · Post by **babygirl** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 3:34 pm

Teach4life wrote: Well, the shower is say on Monday and not agian until Thrusday and then MAYBE on Sunday. Also, teeth are not brushed unless there has been a shower. Plus, the smell is bad and evident to those who visit the home.

Regardless of his partners feelings, he continues his lack of hygiene. :yh_eyerol

to me this question is easy hygiene is important i shower every day!!!! and brush my teeth twice to 3 times a day. if he/she was my partner i would try talking first if no change then i would be outta there.

Teach4life · Post by **Teach4life** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 3:41 pm

This has been an ongoing struggle for years and years.

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 3:52 pm

Eeeeeewwwwww! Rrrrroowr! Hssss! (jives makes the sign of a cat's claws with his hand)

No way, no how. "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" (They taught me that in the Boy Scouts!)

So grossness and a lack of hygiene must be close to the Devil!!

Get thee behind me, Satan!

(Jives makes a cross with his fingers and slowly backs out of this thread)

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 4:00 pm

My dear... This is a joke RIGHT? Youve got to be kidding me.

Teach4life · Post by **Teach4life** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 4:04 pm

A joke? No, sadly it is not. It is a major proplem in the marriage for me, but not so much for my husband. I do not feel I have a full partner as he has shut me out of intamacy do to this problem. I am contimplating taking serious action.

Teach4life · Post by **Teach4life** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 4:07 pm

lady cop wrote: sometimes this is the sign of an illness or depression. has that been considered?

He is on antidepresants, but it has not affected him in this area.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 4:10 pm

Teach4life wrote: He is on antidepresants, but it has not affected him in this area.if i may disagree...this is definately a sign of depression AND a way to opt out of intimacy, whether on a conscious level or not.

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 4:23 pm

Teach4life wrote: A joke? No, sadly it is not. It is a major proplem in the marriage for me, but not so much for my husband. I do not feel I have a full partner as he has shut me out of intamacy do to this problem. I am contimplating taking serious action.

Hey! After being flippant earlier (Sorry, I'm just in that kind of mood today) I'll get serious and apologize to you Teach. That really is a dilemma and I honestly don't think I have any answers for you.

Have you asked him why he won't shower? I'm sure he knows that it offends you (and everyone else who gets near him). He must have gotten some negative feedback from his friends and co-workers. Hasn't it affected his job?

You have my utmost sympathy, it must be near intolerable. You're right, it's time for you to put your foot down....gently and caringly....but firmly.

Maybe something like this:

Honey, you know I love you dearly, and the times we have spent together have been wonderful. But I am at the point now that your habits are negatively affecting my life. I have trouble sleeping next to you, my eating habits are changing, and my mental health is threatened. If you truly love me, you have to begin showering every day.

Also, maybe a reward-positive re-enforcement system:

if you'll go take a shower this morning, I'll fix you your favorite meal tonight! (and do it wearing only a silk nighty!) or something to that effect.

Hey, good luck with this one. You have my support. Your username implies that you are a teacher...are you? If so, break out the tactics you use on the kids!

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 4:26 pm

NAH Jives, just show him your gun.

hotsauce · Post by **hotsauce** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 4:31 pm

It does seem to me that he is trying to tic you off. If my hubs did this...I would tell him to take his smelly arse to the shower (in the nicest way possible)...and if he didn't...my feelings would be hurt. What bothers me, bothers him. That is the way it should be. I can't believe that you have expressed your concerns with not showering and he continues to do this. Isn't he ashamed? People are smelling him in your home!!

Just out of curiosity...what was his home life like? Was he raised like this? Was this something that acquired at an older age? We have a little boy at school that is the stankinist human I have ever smelled. His parents are really low functioning. He comes to school smelling smoke and sweat...ughhh (not saying this is your husband...just got me to thinking about him.) Anyway, keep us posted.

This is interesting. I feel for you!

babygirl · Post by **babygirl** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 5:55 pm

lady cop wrote: NAH Jives, just show him your gun.

lol LC you are so cool. yeah show him your gun.

i hate small talk :-5

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Wed Apr 13, 2005 5:57 pm

Teach4life wrote: A joke? No, sadly it is not. It is a major proplem in the marriage for me, but not so much for my husband. I do not feel I have a full partner as he has shut me out of intamacy do to this problem. I am contimplating taking serious action.
I hope you shut him out long before he shut you out. Years ago I had a live in mate who tried to shower in the morning.. not at night.... One night I said to him.

"I had big plans for you.. but not without you showering before you get in this bed" He never skipped a shower at night again. Again, Im sorry but I feel its a terrible insult to you. And a disregard for your feelings. Hopefully you will resolve this appaling issue.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 1:55 am

If your husband has been like this for years then it's obviously not a problem to him.

If you've put up with it for years, then he must think his hygiene is acceptable, if as you say, its unbearable then you must tell him.

I've been with my bf for only 3 years, but i like to think that we are comfortable enough to tell each other if their was a problem in the hygiene dept.

Dont suffer in silence anymore hon, just talk with him.

Good luck x.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 2:17 am

you're so nice Abbey! not like you at all. heh heh..... when i am working and handling AIDS-ridden junkie crackheads i cannot WAIT to get out of my uniform. i even take the combat boots off before i get in the house. strip the uniform right away, wash that off me as soon as i get in the door. ewww!...my darling is showered all the time, i just LOVE seeing him in a towel ironing his (or my) shirt! :-4

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 3:03 am

FROMUNDER.....is a scent one never forgets,

It isnt for sale....they havent bottled it yet.

It lives in the dark....doesnt like the light.

Cooks during the day....sneaks out at night.

One whiff is enough to alter your brain.

It can make someone calm....go quite insane...

Attack it with soap....splash it with gas,

Take a hose... and aim for the ***

Teach4life · Post by **Teach4life** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 8:20 am

Thank you so much for all your input. I am always nagging about it, it is time to take some action. I am not sure what that is yet. Yes, I am a teacher. I teach adults in family literacy. We have been together for eleven years and it has been a problem for 7 of those years. I have been anything but silent about it. I sleep on the couch. He lost his mother at an early age and his dad was mentally ill. They were poor and not all that aware of proper care of self. When we met I was sure he was not like the rest of his family. The gap is closing in now.

FGChatter · Post by **FGChatter** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 1:42 am

Hi Teach

I really feel for you, it's an appalling situation for you to be in.

Are you still able to communicate? Could you sit him down and approach the subject calmly and kindly, and tell him how much this is affecting you? Would he listen? Would he respond? Does he communicate well re all other subjects or is it just the hygiene thing that he won't discuss?

Would he see the doctor or a professional with you? He might just think his habits are normal but if someone else in a professional capacity could talk to him, it may drill something home.

If you are sleeping on settee, are you not making love anymore? Not even on the nights he has showered or bathed? Could you not encourage him to bathe more often by promising him wild nights of hot loving?

I don't know, I'm not sure what to advise but I really feel for you.

Let us know how you get on.

FGC

xx

Agnes · Post by **Agnes** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 6:12 am

stinky people are disgusting. we keep an extra strong odor eater in my office as men come in here daily. we can see them coming and open windows and sometimes need to spray after they leave. i make it a point to be fresh always because i deal with people and they do say it smells so good in here, i have even had people smell my hand and ask what are you wearing for fragrance? odor problems are gross, who wants to stink & make others notice, phew. it can be a disability for some, they just do not have the energy to get in the shower. who knows, i say get in the shower you smell.