Help needed. - What might it mean when somebody's mocking you?

akkebono · Post by **akkebono** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 4:21 pm

Well, I've got a problem and if you don't mind I'd like to ask you for help. One of my friends is mocking me. I'm sure she is. - She just talks about me to other people, laughs at me and suddenly ceases to do that when I turn to her and when I look in her direction... Sometimes she tries to hide this and she doesn't want me to know she's doing that, sometimes I'm under impression she doesn't care whether I know, whether I see that... Apart from this, she is very nice and it seems nothing is wrong in our relationship. What does it mean when someone is mocking you this way? Does it mean she hates me? Does it necessarily mean she dislikes me? Someone has recently told me she's lesbian and she fell for me... I must admit that really sounds weird to me. Is it possible? In that case - why does she hurt me? I just cannot understand her behaviour. How would you interprete such behaviour? Help me please, 'cause I'm really confused and do not know what I should think about that strange and peculiar situation, about my friend and about her true feelings towards me. Tell me, please: what her behaviour might mean? - And how I should behave in such a situation? What should I do? How should I react? What would be the most appropriate response in these circumstances? I really need your help, 'cause I'm not very experienced, I often do not understand people's intents, do not know what they really think, what their true feelings & emotions are. You may say I'm somehow blind and that's why often feel completely helpless... Thanks in advance for your answer.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 4:28 pm

Hi Akkebono,

It could be a number of things but my guess is that she does not dislike you. If she did, you probably would see much less of her and would probably get the feeling she didn't want to be friends anymore. I wonder if she could be jealous of you? I have been in the jealous person's shoes before and exhibited some pretty poor behavior and this sounds like maybe it could be. I have a friend who is envious of some things about me and she won't put me down exactly but there is always a slight tinge of envy in her comments about these things. Other than that she's one of my greatest friends. I don't know about the lesbian issue, I can't be of any help on that one. If it were me, I would make a date with your friend, take her out to a quiet place for lunch or coffee and flat out ask her what's going on. I wouldn't beat around the bush about it and I wouldn't be harsh to her at this point, but I would ask why she treats you like this. I know that's an uncomfy position to put yourself in and her too, but sometimes you have to be direct.

Good luck.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 4:38 pm

I would associate with that person as little as possible. Mocking you to other people, and you knowing about it, means she is not showing you the proper respect. RG had some good advice, ask her why she does this. You might receive an answer to your question.

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 4:44 pm

I would just avoid her at all costs. She is not worth stressing over. Just stick with those you know are your true friends.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 4:57 pm

What do you want it to mean?

Patsy

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 5:09 pm

If someone has to mock you in an effort to get your attention for what ever reason. I wouldn't give them the time of day..

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 5:11 pm

I agree with RG, sounded like jealousy immediately. I would examine the relationship....does she REALLY care about you and your feelings the same amount you do for her?? If she mocks you, probably not...About the Lesbian issue, I can't help there either, my guess would be that she would be nicer if she wanted to be intimate with you.

Good luck...I've had some "so called" friends really hurt me in the past, and I wish I had the advice you've already received!

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 5:13 pm

Good mocking should always be done in the open, right in front of the person.

hidden mockery is a great offense that should not be forgiven.

eta:

akkebono · Post by **akkebono** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 6:04 pm

So most of you think such a mockery implies bad/negative feelings. Well, that's what I suspected too...

Koan, you are a professional tarot reader, could you, please, tell me what tarot says about that little bitch and her attitude towards me? Her name is Katarzyna (Kate), her surname begins with N., she's little, dark haired & black eyed.

koan;525027 wrote: hidden mockery is a great offense that should not be forgiven.

Maybe I should take my own back?? But how to do that?

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 6:11 pm

akkebono;525080 wrote:

Koan, you are a professional tarot reader, could you, please, tell me what tarot says about that little bitch and her attitude towards me?

It is coming from jealousy. The best course of action is to ignore it. There will be backlash but if you continue to be sunny and positive... don't sink to her tactics then people will be won over by you and she will fail to affect you in negative way.

Do not retaliate.

You win by refusing to let her upset you and showing everyone that you are more fun and enjoyable to be around.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 7:06 pm

Shes dysfunctional.... period. I had a similar experience with someone last spring. Just cut the person loose. Save yourself grief.

akkebono · Post by **akkebono** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 7:07 pm

Thank you. That explains a lot. You see... she's so irritating I sometimes think I could kill her in the most cruel way I can imagine, I almost did it on friday... - it's 3 AM now with me, I cannot fall asleep, I'm still sitting and thinking about that sarcastic bitch, whereas she's probably not worth thinking about. I'm really lucky I can talk to you and to other people here, tell about my problem and get some advice. ... So she's jealous. Wonder why. - I don't see any sensible reasons.

I'll see her again on tuesday ... [grrrr] ...

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 7:14 pm

akkebono;525104 wrote: Thank you. That explains a lot. You see... she's so irritating I sometimes think I could kill her in the most cruel way I can imagine, I almost did it on friday... - it's 3 AM now with me, I cannot fall asleep, I'm still sitting and thinking about that sarcastic bitch, whereas she's probably not worth thinking about. I'm really lucky I can talk to you and to other people here, tell about my problem and get some advice. ... So she's jealous. Wonder why. - I don't see any sensible reasons.

I'll see her again on tuesday ... [grrrr] ...

my earlier comment "hidden mockery is a great offense that should not be forgiven." was sarcastic. take it to mean the opposite. Jealousy is not a thing that makes sense. It is her problem not yours.

You control only your own reactions. Make it positive. The challenge was "The Sun" card. That is what you need to try and project. Be someone that others like to be around. Do not let her make you unhappy.

akkebono · Post by **akkebono** » Mon Jan 22, 2007 6:42 am

flopstock;525143 wrote:

I think it is only a bad thing, if it is done with malice. If your friend doesn't know it actually bothers you I think it would be great if you just told her.:-6

Yeah, the problem is I do not know whether she's doing that with malice. In my opinion she's very immature, she obviously wants to attract other people's attention, she loves to be in the center, she always talks a lot and seems to enjoy when people are listening to her babbling and laughing at her moronic jokes. I feel sick while listening to that diarrhea from her mouth. - She often acts extremely bitchy and then (especially when someone shows negative feelings or seems to think her behaviour is silly) she immediately changes and becomes very nice. She's often very bitter and nasty, loves to criticise overtly other people but when somebody's answer is loud, aggresive and hostile, she immediately steps back - you would say she somehow becomes tiny little, and when somebody starts to criticise her - she simply "vanishes". - She is a very poor speaker when there's a necessity of making a public speech, she obviously cannot concentrate then, becomes shy and silent, avoids looking straight into people's eyes. She seems to be afraid of public situations in which she has to talk to a bigger audience, especially when the audience consists of adults (e.g. our teachers). She loses all her self-confidence then. That doesn't prevent her, however, from mocking our teachers as well as us - her classmates, when they don't see that... That's really annoying. Sorry to say that, I'm rather a friendly person, but in that case I feel like being her enemy number one and I still keep on pondering how I could make her die, and how to make her death the most painful possible.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Mon Jan 22, 2007 7:15 am

It sounds like if you're wanting her to die a painful death, that the question isn't why is she mocking you, but rather, why are you staying? Better cut this friend loose if that's the case.

akkebono · Post by **akkebono** » Mon Jan 22, 2007 8:10 am

RedGlitter;525419 wrote: It sounds like if you're wanting her to die a painful death, that the question isn't why is she mocking you, but rather, why are you staying? Better cut this friend loose if that's the case.

Do you suggest I should change the class? Well, I've already thought about that but I came to conclusion that it would be an escape. I do not want to escape. I didn't do anything wrong; that's not my fault; it's her who is to blame and who's guilty, not me.

You see, the situation is extremely difficult for me. My parents always tell me: you don't have to like everyone, but everyone deserves your respect and you mustn't show your disrespect towards anyone, whoever it was. That's why I cannot understand her behaviour. We are completely different, I would never dare to mock anyone, no matter what I thought 'bout him or her ...

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Mon Jan 22, 2007 9:18 am

Hi Akkebono,

I wasn't suggesting you get out of the class, just that yous hould eliminate time spent with this girl outside of class. I was under the impression you two spent time together outside of school. If that's the case, I would stop all friendly contact with her. I understand what your parents have told you about respect and how difficult it must be to find out that everyone else don't necessarily have the same good attitude. Also, I see you are 17 and inhigh school which sheds a whole new light on things. Girls in high school can be very mean and spiteful. This is greatly due to their own insecurities which they will shed as they grow up and get older. All things considered, I still think you should have a private talk with this girl and ask her about her behavior. Explain that it hurts you to be mocked by a friend and that you thought she was your friend. If you can turmn thsi into a goof riendship that woudl be great but if she continues to be mean to you then I would cut off as much contact as possible and -I know this is hard- ignore her. This makes people crazy when they are ignored. I understand you're angry about this girl's treatment of you but if you feel like killing her and are thinking of ways for her to die I would say this friendship needs to end.

:)

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon Jan 22, 2007 9:44 am

akkebono;525410 wrote: I'm rather a friendly person, but in that case I feel like being her enemy number one and I still keep on pondering how I could make her die, and how to make her death the most painful possible.

Jealousy is a worse enough fate. Last time I felt it intensely I had to have a shower. It is a horrible feeling. I'd feel sorry for her and let it go.

If you are serious about thinking of ways you could make her die then you should use this as a learning experience for yourself. That is unacceptable. In society we don't kill people. It's against the "rules". Any compulsion to do so should be taken seriously and you should consider anger management courses. Friendly people don't imagine ways to cause others pain. We all have a dark side, if this is yours then acknowledge what sets you off and learn to deal with it properly.

akkebono · Post by **akkebono** » Mon Jan 22, 2007 10:06 am

koan;525619 wrote: Jealousy is a worse enough fate. Last time I felt it intensely I had to have a shower. It is a horrible feeling. I'd feel sorry for her and let it go.

You are talking about last nite when you read tarot cards for me? What was the card that implied her jealousy? "The lovers"? And did the card show the reason for that feeling? And well, I'm not surprised you felt it so intensely. - She seems to be a very, very emotional person. Maybe that's the reason? Am I right? And do you want to say her jealousy is painful for her?

koan;525619 wrote: If you are serious about thinking of ways you could make her die then you should use this as a learning experience for yourself.

No, I do not think 'bout killing her literally, of course not. I'm a civilised person

I just used it as a metaphore, to imply how strong my feelings towards her are. And how deeply her behaviour upsets, irritates and insults me.

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon Jan 22, 2007 10:15 am

akkebono;525681 wrote: You are talking about last nite when you read tarot cards for me? What was the card that implied her jealousy? "The lovers"? And did the card show the reason for that feeling? And well, I'm not surprised you felt it so intensely. - She seems to be a very, very emotional person. Maybe that's the reason? Am I right? And do you want to say her jealousy is painful for her?

No, I do not think 'bout killing her literally, of course not. I'm a civilised person

I just used it as a metaphore, to imply how strong my feelings towards her are. And how deeply her behaviour upsets, irritates and insults me.

There was no indication of any attraction to you. No lovers card. Not even the two of cups. Jealousy is a nasty feeling no matter how she experiences it, intensely or not.

As I said learn about yourself through your reactions. It is the only control you have in life: how you react.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Mon Jan 22, 2007 10:18 am

Sorry to go off subject but how can you read cards without the person there, i thought they had to shuffle and cut the pack?

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon Jan 22, 2007 11:47 am

SuzyB;525709 wrote: Sorry to go off subject but how can you read cards without the person there, i thought they had to shuffle and cut the pack?

nope.

in fact I don't let some people shuffle the deck if I think their energy is too scattered. sometimes I let them shuffle and if the deck feels wrong when they hand it back then I reshuffle until it feels right.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Mon Jan 22, 2007 11:53 am

koan;525859 wrote: nope.

in fact I don't let some people shuffle the deck if I think their energy is too scattered. sometimes I let them shuffle and if the deck feels wrong when they hand it back then I reshuffle until it feels right.

Oh right, had my cards read twice first time was very acurate but second time was rubbish

HelenA · Post by **HelenA** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 9:02 am

wow koan can you read my cards? it sounds fascinating - i had a pack when I was younger but never worked it all out, it's s complicated!

I think this girl is maybe trying to impress someone else and fit into another group and so is making fun in order to show she fits in and is popular.

Ignore - it's sooooo not worth it! when you get out of school, there's a whole world of people to choose from, nont just the narrow choice at school....

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 10:06 am

HelenA;526935 wrote: wow koan can you read my cards? it sounds fascinating - i had a pack when I was younger but never worked it all out, it's s complicated!
http://www.forumgarden.com/forums/showt ... hp?t=22414

when you get out of school, there's a whole world of people to choose from, nont just the narrow choice at school....

that's good advice. highschool is a surreal world unto itself. the world is a much bigger place.

akkebono · Post by **akkebono** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 1:37 am

koan;525705 wrote: There was no indication of any attraction to you. No lovers card. Not even the two of cups. Jealousy is a nasty feeling no matter how she experiences it, intensely or not.

As I said learn about yourself through your reactions. It is the only control you have in life: how you react.

Does "no attraction" mean also no hatred? That's seems a little bit strange to me, 'cause I think such feeling as jealousy is never single, it's but a superficial layer of something much deeper, it constitutes an outcome rather, not a cause - and thus it must have an emotional background in form of a positive or negative affect. ... (?) ...

And moreover, could you - please - tell me whether she is dangerous for me and - if the answer is "yes" - to what extent. Will she and all her bitchiness have a bad impact on my life?

akkebono · Post by **akkebono** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 1:51 am

HelenA;526935 wrote:

I think this girl is maybe trying to impress someone else and fit into another group and so is making fun in order to show she fits in and is popular.

Ignore - it's sooooo not worth it! when you get out of school, there's a whole world of people to choose from, nont just the narrow choice at school....

Yeah, you are right, but you know - when you have to go to school almost everyday you would like to have good relationships with the people there, just in order to feel comfortable. What's more - I cannot stand the fact other people seem not to notice how evil she is. I've talked to some mates 'bout her and then I've come to a sad conclusion that they are almost completely indifferent - her nasty behaviour obviously doesn't bother them and they are not interested in punishing her or in rejecting her, eliminating her from our group. I really cannot understand that. Their indifference in that matter, I mean.

koan · Post by **koan** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 4:14 am

koan;525082 wrote: It is coming from jealousy. The best course of action is to ignore it. There will be backlash but if you continue to be sunny and positive... don't sink to her tactics then people will be won over by you and she will fail to affect you in negative way.

Do not retaliate.

You win by refusing to let her upset you and showing everyone that you are more fun and enjoyable to be around.
akkebono,

This was the advice of the tarot. Now let me show you how it works.

I didn't have to consult the tarot for you. As you said, I do it professionally and this is not my place of work. I did it because you asked and I felt kindly towards you. You seemed intent that this girl might be sexually attracted to you. You might want to consider why you clung to this idea. You asked about which cards came up and I gave you a really brief response because I didn't feel you listened to the advice that was given. That often happens when a tarot consultation is free. That's why I charge for it. People take it more seriously when they have to fork out money for the reply.

Now you are asking for more of what you have already been told. If you look at the original advice I gave you will see the bit about being someone that others want to be around. The point of my example is that I am no longer going to speak to you about the issue because you've annoyed me.

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 6:45 am

akkebono;524937 wrote: Well, I've got a problem and if you don't mind I'd like to ask you for help. One of my friends is mocking me. I'm sure she is. - She just talks about me to other people, laughs at me and suddenly ceases to do that when I turn to her and when I look in her direction... Sometimes she tries to hide this and she doesn't want me to know she's doing that, sometimes I'm under impression she doesn't care whether I know, whether I see that... Apart from this, she is very nice and it seems nothing is wrong in our relationship. What does it mean when someone is mocking you this way? Does it mean she hates me? Does it necessarily mean she dislikes me? Someone has recently told me she's lesbian and she fell for me... I must admit that really sounds weird to me. Is it possible? In that case - why does she hurt me? I just cannot understand her behaviour. How would you interprete such behaviour? Help me please, 'cause I'm really confused and do not know what I should think about that strange and peculiar situation, about my friend and about her true feelings towards me. Tell me, please: what her behaviour might mean? - And how I should behave in such a situation? What should I do? How should I react? What would be the most appropriate response in these circumstances? I really need your help, 'cause I'm not very experienced, I often do not understand people's intents, do not know what they really think, what their true feelings & emotions are. You may say I'm somehow blind and that's why often feel completely helpless... Thanks in advance for your answer.

I would say that it means is that she is not the kind of "friend" that you want in your life!

akkebono · Post by **akkebono** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 7:25 am

koan;527973 wrote: akkebono,

The point of my example is that I am no longer going to speak to you about the issue because you've annoyed me.

I feel terribly sorry. I really didn't intend to annoy you. Forgivvv me, please.

koan · Post by **koan** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 7:29 am

akkebono;528183 wrote: I feel terribly sorry. I really didn't intend to annoy you. Forgivvv me, please.

do you see what I'm saying?

By putting energy into hating this young woman you will hurt yourself.

You don't need to ask for forgiveness. Being annoyed doesn't mean I don't like you.