joke of the day thread

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 5:36 pm

this is a thread for eveyone to leave a joke.

My husband is jewish and I am catholic.

So, that makes our kids cashews.:wah:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 5:38 pm

Tater Tazz;513281 wrote: this is a thread for eveyone to leave a joke.

My husband is jewish and I am catholic.

So, that makes our kids cashews.:wah:

Brilliant. :wah:

Did you hear about the what the miser did for his kids at christmas?

He brought them to see Santa's grave.

Fibonacci · Post by **Fibonacci** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 6:08 pm

One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole.This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes...

Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female." For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.

The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that. It was the bear's second turn for a wish.? "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well." Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine.

The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle. For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female." The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said "I wish the bear was gay."

puppgirl · Post by **puppgirl** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:45 am

LMAO off that hilarious

a guy decides to walk accross a very beautiful beach, crystal clear water where you can see the pebbles, white sand, and a palm tree in the middle; as he was walking he heard a woman cry he goes up to her and asks what's wrong she says..."i'm 22 and i have no arms and legs and i've never been kissed" so he kisses her and walks off she cries again goes up to her again and asks her again what's wrong she says again "i'm 22 i have no arms and legs and i've never been screwed" so he picks her up and throws her in the water and says "hey lady!! now you've been screwed" and walks away

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 2:10 am

A baby boy is born that is just a head, his family take him home and love him. On his 18th birthday his dad takes him to the pub for his first drink buys him a pint and helps him take a drink, whoosh! out pops a body so he drinks some more then whoosh! out pop two arms, so he takes another drink then whoosh! out pop two legs. Now the boy is so excited he's running around, runs out of the pub into the road and is squashed flat by a lorry. The barman says 'He should have quit while he was ahead'

(credit to the Vicar of Dibley for this joke - my favourite at the moment)

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 2:13 am

Imladris;513614 wrote: A baby boy is born that is just a head, his family take him home and love him. On his 18th birthday his dad takes him to the pub for his first drink buys him a pint and helps him take a drink, whoosh! out pops a body so he drinks some more then whoosh! out pop two arms, so he takes another drink then whoosh! out pop two legs. Now the boy is so excited he's running around, runs out of the pub into the road and is squashed flat by a lorry. The barman says 'He should have quit while he was ahead'

(credit to the Vicar of Dibley for this joke - my favourite at the moment)

i love that one :wah: :wah:

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 4:29 am

all those were great. I post another one today.:wah: :wah: :wah: :wah:

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 1:10 pm

Little Tony goes to confession one Sunday.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I spent the night with a loose woman."

"Tony! I demand you tell me this instant who you were with," said the Father.

"I'm sorry Father, but i can not."

"Was it Nancy Pillosi? MaryMargaret Scarpacci? Marie Jenkins? Louise Fredricks? Lucy Palmer?" the Father asked.

"I'm sorry father, but on my honor i can not tell you."

"I respect you sense of Honor, Tony. But you will have to say 10 Hail Mary's for your pennance"

Little Tony leaves the church and meets up with his friend, Joey at the park.

"How'd it go," Joey asked.

"I got probation, and 5 good leads!"

Fibonacci · Post by **Fibonacci** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 5:06 pm

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Great thread Tater!

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 5:13 pm

I needed this thread to laugh more.:wah: :wah:

Fibonacci · Post by **Fibonacci** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 12:50 am

A Blonde Finally Wins

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game.

The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.

He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa."

Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!."

Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn.

She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look.

He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.

He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows.

All to no avail.

After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks,

"Well, so what IS the answer!?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Pythos · Post by **Pythos** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 2:33 am

This is on of my favorate bad jokes...

Why don't Cannibals eat clowns?

They taste funny.:wah: :wah:

fisher · Post by **fisher** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 8:03 am

7 dwarfs

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are THE seven dwarfs,

they are ushered in to see the Pope.

Dopey leads the pack. "Dopey, my son," asks the Pope, "what can I do for

you?"

Dopey replies, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in

Rome?"

The Pope wrinkles his brow, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Dopey,

there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.

Dopey turns back to the Pope, asking "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns

in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, " No,

Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Dopey turns back to the Holy Father a final time and demands, "Mr. Pope!

Are there ANY dwarf nuns ANYWHERE in the world?"

"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the

floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting

"Dopey screwed a penguin!".

"Dopey screwed a penguin!"

cars · Post by **cars** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 8:13 am

Tater Tazz;513281 wrote: this is a thread for eveyone to leave a joke.

My husband is jewish and I am catholic.

So, that makes our kids cashews.:wah:

My wife is Italian, & I'm Poolish, no Polishe, I mean Polish.

That make our kids Polwops! :p :rolleyes: :p

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 8:25 am

Imladris;513614 wrote: A baby boy is born that is just a head, his family take him home and love him. On his 18th birthday his dad takes him to the pub for his first drink buys him a pint and helps him take a drink, whoosh! out pops a body so he drinks some more then whoosh! out pop two arms, so he takes another drink then whoosh! out pop two legs. Now the boy is so excited he's running around, runs out of the pub into the road and is squashed flat by a lorry. The barman says 'He should have quit while he was ahead'

(credit to the Vicar of Dibley for this joke - my favourite at the moment)
There actually was a kid at my school who was just a head. We were cruel and used to call him Eddie. We would have been more sympathetic if he hadn't had such an attitude. Every year on his birthday, his Dad would ask him what he wanted and he'd always scream "Anything except another fcukin' hat!!!"

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 8:27 am

I think Eddies attitude stemmed from jealousy. His older brother Richard, although similarly unfortunate at least had a torso too. He made the most of himself and excelled in the School swimming team. We used to call him Clever Dick

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 9:37 am

Uncle Kram;520064 wrote: There actually was a kid at my school who was just a head. We were cruel and used to call him Eddie. We would have been more sympathetic if he hadn't had such an attitude. Every year on his birthday, his Dad would ask him what he wanted and he'd always scream "Anything except another fcukin' hat!!!"

:wah: :wah: :wah:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 10:52 am

Here's one especially for mrsK

Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a

cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.

"No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say."

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 12:19 pm

Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.

Are you choking?

No, I really did!

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 12:23 pm

What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?

They toasted the bride and groom!

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 12:44 pm

What's the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 12:46 pm

Bez;520309 wrote: Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.

Are you choking?

No, I really did!

i love that one :wah:

whats the difference between a porn star and the titanic

only thirteen hundred men went down on the titanic

Fibonacci · Post by **Fibonacci** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 3:32 pm

fisher;520043 wrote: 7 dwarfs

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are THE seven dwarfs,

they are ushered in to see the Pope.

Dopey leads the pack. "Dopey, my son," asks the Pope, "what can I do for

you?"

Dopey replies, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in

Rome?"

The Pope wrinkles his brow, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Dopey,

there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.

Dopey turns back to the Pope, asking "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns

in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, " No,

Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Dopey turns back to the Holy Father a final time and demands, "Mr. Pope!

Are there ANY dwarf nuns ANYWHERE in the world?"

"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the

floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting

"Dopey screwed a penguin!".

"Dopey screwed a penguin!"

:wah:

Duck Hunting

A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to 'enforce the laws pending.' He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, 'Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?'

The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, 'This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?'

The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden a Washington state hunting license. The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, 'This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?'

The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting license. The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said, 'This here's an Oregon state duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?'

Once again, only this time more aggravated, the hunter produced the appropriate license. The warden, a little miffed at having struck out, handed the ducks back to the hunter and said, 'You've got all of these licenses, just where the hell are you from?'

The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said 'You're so smart, YOU tell ME!'

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 3:39 pm

Exercise Routine

Here's a new exercise routine to get you into shape for next Christmas. You might want to take it easy at first, and then do it faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.

Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!

SCROLL DOWN...

NOW SCROLL UP

That's enough for the first day.

Great job!!

Have a Beer, you've worked hard and earned it.

cars · Post by **cars** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 3:42 pm

Bob and his wife live in Wisconsin.

One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "we are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snow plow can get through".

Bob's wife always obays the rules, goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get thro ugh."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..........."

Just then the electric power goes out. Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to Blondes exhibit,

Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?":D :p :wah:

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 4:23 pm

A Marine is driving down the road and he sees a sign in front of a

restaurant that reads:

"Happy hour special ...... Lobster Tail & Beer"

"Hot damn!" he says to himself, "my three favorite things".

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 4:27 pm

Speaking of Marines.....

A feminist, ignorant, Nazi, liberal psycho reporter broad who works for the local TV station goes to Nam to "interview" some soldiers. She finds herself a Marine sniper and she looks him head to toe, sneers at him and asks, "So. What do you feel when you put your eye down that gun and take another human life?"

The Marine shrugs and says, "Recoil."

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 4:28 pm

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 4:28 pm

cool :wah: :wah:

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Thu Jan 18, 2007 2:29 am

What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?

A dinosnore!

What is the fruitiest lesson?

History, because it's full of dates!

What did you get for christmas?

A mouthorgan, its the best present I've ever had.

Why?

My mum gives me extra pocket money every week not to play it

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Jan 18, 2007 2:35 am

Bez;520796 wrote: What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?

A dinosnore!

What is the fruitiest lesson?

History, because it's full of dates!

What did you get for christmas?

A mouthorgan, its the best present I've ever had.

Why?

My mum gives me extra pocket money every week not to play it

sounds like you bought the same box of christmas crackers as sue then :wah:

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Sat Jan 20, 2007 3:09 pm

seersucker: a person who blows clairvoyants.

Sex drive: similar to drug traffic, but with a different destination.

Cotton balls: The final stage of beer nuts.

Woodpecker: A seventeenth-century prosthetic device.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sat Jan 20, 2007 8:37 pm

A lady is walking to work one day and she passes a pet store. Outside the store is a huge parrot on a perch. As she goes by, the parrot says, "Hey, lady..." The woman smiles and thinks it's cool to see a talking parrot and goes over to him. "Yes?", she asks.

The parrot looks around them, leans in and says, "You're ugly!"

The woman stomps off.

That evening, after work, she is walking home and sees the parrot again. As she walks by, the parrot says, "Hey, lady." She grits her teeth and screechs, "WHAT?" The parrot leans in and says, "You're ugly!"

Highly pi$$ed now, the woman stomps into the store and tells the manager what happened, and that if he doesn't do something about the obnoxious bird she will sue the store. The manager assures the woman that he will take care of it himself and the woman leaves.

Next morning, she is walking by the store again and the parrot says, "Hey lady." Confident that the manager has done his job and the parrot won't insult her again, she asks, "Yes?"

The parrot leans very close, lowers his voice and says, "....You know...."

RhondaLu · Post by **RhondaLu** » Sat Jan 20, 2007 8:42 pm

Tater Tazz;523677 wrote: seersucker: a person who blows clairvoyants.Sex drive: similar to drug traffic, but with a different destination.

Cotton balls: The final stage of beer nuts.

Woodpecker: A seventeenth-century prosthetic device.

:wah:

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 5:11 am

:wah:Wolverine;520536 wrote: A Marine is driving down the road and he sees a sign in front of a

restaurant that reads:

"Happy hour special ...... Lobster Tail & Beer"

"Hot damn!" he says to himself, "my three favorite things".

:wah: :wah: :wah:

Fibonacci · Post by **Fibonacci** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 1:04 pm

BabyRider;523943 wrote: A lady is walking to work one day and she passes a pet store. Outside the store is a huge parrot on a perch. As she goes by, the parrot says, "Hey, lady..." The woman smiles and thinks it's cool to see a talking parrot and goes over to him. "Yes?", she asks.

The parrot looks around them, leans in and says, "You're ugly!"

The woman stomps off.

That evening, after work, she is walking home and sees the parrot again. As she walks by, the parrot says, "Hey, lady." She grits her teeth and screechs, "WHAT?" The parrot leans in and says, "You're ugly!"

Highly pi$$ed now, the woman stomps into the store and tells the manager what happened, and that if he doesn't do something about the obnoxious bird she will sue the store. The manager assures the woman that he will take care of it himself and the woman leaves.

Next morning, she is walking by the store again and the parrot says, "Hey lady." Confident that the manager has done his job and the parrot won't insult her again, she asks, "Yes?"

The parrot leans very close, lowers his voice and says, "....You know...."

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 7:49 am

Tony Blair was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the Prime Minister if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy".

So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a 'tragedy'".

"No," said Blair, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a Tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained the Prime Minister, "that's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Tony searched the room.

"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of Tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand...In a quiet voice he said: "If the aeroplane carrying you and Mrs Blair was struck by a "friendly fire" missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Tony Blair. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy "it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a ******* accident either!"

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 7:51 am

Thats good Krammi :wah:

fisher · Post by **fisher** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 10:01 am

The husband had just finished reading a new book, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF

YOUR HOUSE"

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a

Finger in her face,

He said sternly, "From now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this

House and my Word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm Finished eating my Meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner,You are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have all the sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands.

Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The ********** funeral director would be my guess."

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 10:05 am

fisher;535080 wrote: The husband had just finished reading a new book, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF

YOUR HOUSE"

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a

Finger in her face,

He said sternly, "From now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this

House and my Word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm Finished eating my Meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner,You are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have all the sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands.

Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The ********** funeral director would be my guess."

:wah: :wah:

Heard my ex's voice, up until the punch line which I wish I could've used many years ago!!

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 7:59 pm

No Sex On The Ark!

When the Ark's doors was closed. Noah called a meeting with all of the animals, "Listen up!" Noah proclaimed with a booming voice. "There will be NO SEX on this trip! All of you males will take off your penis and hand it in to my sons. I will sit right over there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your penis back."

After a long week, Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited, "Quick!" he said, "Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!"

Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window, and said, "Sorry, no land yet."

"Darn it!" exclaimed Mr. Rabbit.

This went on every single day until Mrs. Rabbit got tired of him. Mrs. Rabbit asked, "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and forty nights. Only after the water has drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every single day?"

"LOOK!" said Mr. Rabbit with a sly expression, as he held out a piece of paper... "I GOT THE HORSE'S RECEIPT!!"

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 2:02 am

NOBODY EVER SAID LIFE WAS FAIR, not so. I specifically remember as I was growing up, at least twelve different people, telling me life was fair. One person put it this way: Life, you will find, is fair. Oddly enough, all twelve of those people died before the age of twenty- seven.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 11:27 am

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Tesco with her

two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco, nice

children you've got there. Are they twins?"

The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl:

"Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest is nine and the youngest is

seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you really

think they look alike, you d1ckhead?"

"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would shag you twice!"

fisher · Post by **fisher** » Sun Feb 04, 2007 6:42 am

Paddy & Mick worked together in St.John's, Newfoundland and were both laid off, so they went to the

unemployment office.When asked his occupation, Paddy answered,

"Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies cotton panties and tongs"The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer and finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him $80.00

a week unemployment pay.Mick was next in, and when asked his

occupation, replied," Diesel Fitter" Since a diesel fitter was

a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick $160.00 a week.When Paddy

found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why

his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk

explained "Panty Stitchers are unskilled and Diesel Fitter's are

skilled labour"What skill? Yelled Paddy." I sew da elastic on

da panties and tongs; Mick puts 'em over his head and says: "Yep,diesel fitter.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 6:42 am

A kid asks his Dad the difference between "Theoretically" and "Realistically".

Dad says "That's hard, but I have an idea, Ask Mom if she'd sleep with the Milkman for a million Quid"

Mom says "Yes"

Dad says "Now ask your Sister if she'd sleep with the Gardener for 2 million Quid

Sister says "Yes"

Dad says" "Well there you go Son, that's your answer, Theoretically we're sitting on 3 million Quid, Realistically, we're living with 2 slappers.