Growing up too soon

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:37 am

I've just dropped my 10 year old daughter off to her school disco and was shocked to see what some of the kids were wearing. Jenna went out dressed in leggings with a dress over the top, as a treat i done her hair and put a little bit of eyeshadow and some clear lip gloss on her. One of her friends was so caked in make-up that her face looked orange and she had a micro mini on with heals and a tiny top with a padded bra on!!!! What are her parents thinking, it's not as if they couldn't see what she was wearing as the mum dropped her off. I would never encourage my daughter to dress like that but it really does make me wonder about the mentality of some parents:-5

Whats your views and when do you think it is the right time to let the children have the choice in what they wear?

Much to Jennas disgust i've told her she can pick her clothes when she's 21

cars · Post by **cars** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:43 am

Good on you S! Kids grow up way way too fast these days, they need to be kept young & innocent as long as possible!

When "those" kids "parents" are then told that their daughter is pregnant at "12" years old, is it any wonder?

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:45 am

SuzyB;514037 wrote: I've just dropped my 10 year old daughter off to her school disco and was shocked to see what some of the kids were wearing. Jenna went out dressed in leggings with a dress over the top, as a treat i done her hair and put a little bit of eyeshadow and some clear lip gloss on her. One of her friends was so caked in make-up that her face looked orange and she had a micro mini on with heals and a tiny top with a padded bra on!!!! What are her parents thinking, it's not as if they couldn't see what she was wearing as the mum dropped her off. I would never encourage my daughter to dress like that but it really does make me wonder about the mentality of some parents:-5

Whats your views and when do you think it is the right time to let the children have the choice in what they wear?

Much to Jennas disgust i've told her she can pick her clothes when she's 21

When they buy their own clothes and pay their own rent and food.

As harsh as that sounds I am not a strict Father per se. But i will not have a kid dress like a thug etc etc on my dime.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:51 am

cars;514047 wrote: Good on you S! Kids grow up way way too fast these days, they need to be kept young & innocent as long as possible!

Thanks Cars, i think she just thinks i'm a mean mum, but i have a friend who is more of a friend to her daughter than a mother and she went totally off the rails, i remember the daughter coming in (13yrs) and telling my friend how she and her friends was just doing some drugs, my friend didn't bat an eyelid! When i said that i'd of gone mad, taken her nice clothes and make-up away and ground her, she said she wouldn't do that as she wants her daughter to be able to talk to her!!!!!! I hope that my children will be able to tell me things but i think that they have lots of friends and only one mum, everyone needs rules and structure, surely?

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:56 am

YZGI;514049 wrote: When they buy their own clothes and pay their own rent and food.

As harsh as that sounds I am not a strict Father per se. But i will not have a kid dress like a thug etc etc on my dime.

How bout a Dollar??:D

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:05 pm

Hamster;514065 wrote: Suzy reading this thread is like a vision of my future! Good luck babes....I'll be coming for advice soon!

Hammy you are a very wise person, i think it will be me seeking your rational advice.. either that or the kids will be coming to stay with Auntie Hammy

princessNicky · Post by **princessNicky** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 2:57 am

SuzyB;514037 wrote: I've just dropped my 10 year old daughter off to her school disco and was shocked to see what some of the kids were wearing. Jenna went out dressed in leggings with a dress over the top, as a treat i done her hair and put a little bit of eyeshadow and some clear lip gloss on her. One of her friends was so caked in make-up that her face looked orange and she had a micro mini on with heals and a tiny top with a padded bra on!!!! What are her parents thinking, it's not as if they couldn't see what she was wearing as the mum dropped her off. I would never encourage my daughter to dress like that but it really does make me wonder about the mentality of some parents:-5

Whats your views and when do you think it is the right time to let the children have the choice in what they wear?

Much to Jennas disgust i've told her she can pick her clothes when she's 21

My oldest is 10 so i know how you feel . It's not easy letting them grow up .

Post by **spot** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:25 am

The only time I had anything to do with influencing my daughter's dress code she'd have been 16, not 10. Papagayo had a closing-down sale and I found a shimmery-silver lightweight dress which spent the next two years being borrowed by her schoolmates for clubbing. It sort of swished when being danced in.

At ten she was wearing army-style pullovers and combat trousers. Oh, okay, that was me buying them too but they were practical.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:49 am

Absolutely right Suze - keep up the good work.

Have done the whole teenage girl thing with my two step-daughters - insisted that make up wasn't worn until they were 13 and clothes kept respectable and appropriate for their age - they have turned out fine with respect for themselves and their bodies. We had all the usual teenage dramas along the way but they are both lovely young women now.

My 12 year old has got one strappy top which she looks lovely in but no tummy showing tops or mini skirts. Fortunately she can't wear high heels 'cos she's got flat feet and can't walk in them phew!

I don't agree with mothers that want to be their daughters friend - they have friends at school or work - they need a mum, you can be approachable and able to talk too.

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 4:00 am

SuzyB;514037 wrote: Whats your views and when do you think it is the right time to let the children have the choice in what they wear?

Their absolute choice? When they leave school, perhaps.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 5:10 am

Diuretic;515008 wrote: Suzy you are a gem. Nope, you're a Crown Jewel. There's hope for the human race yet if we have more mums like you.

Ah Thanks D

koan · Post by **koan** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 5:12 am

The years, starting around 10 and going through all of the teens, is when children start separating from their parents, developing their sense of identity and experimenting with their self image. Regardless of how one feels about it, this time is explicitly about not caring what a parent thinks. If you happen to agree on what look reflects your child's personality then things are easier. If the child feels like rebelling or wants to fit in with a group that offends the parent's sensibilities then a clash awaits.

I think that it is important at this point to recognise a child as a separate person with their own will and destiny. They are not little limbs of their parents' egos. They must be respected as individuals and allowed the freedom to explore with the safety of knowing that they are loved unconditionally in their home. I will offer my child advice but it will be based on what I think shows her wonderful personality to the world not based on avoiding embarrassment or shoving my own cultural ideals down her throat.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:31 am

[what Koan said]

I think that was very well said.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:53 am

Hamster;515187 wrote: Just seen this as I HAVE BEEN WORKING unlike others in this house...so I am on catch up! :rolleyes:

They are welcome to come and like here Suzy....Just make the check apyable to Miss. H. Hamster....:wah:

:wah: Have you turned into an American

Shweet tatersalad · Post by **Shweet tatersalad** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 8:17 am

This is what we get when the parents are raised on MTV and VH1.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 1:46 pm

That is why schools have dress codes. But most of the time it is the parents who complain about the rules, and do not enforce them when clothes shopping. Worst case we had last year, was a 12 year old, whose T-shirt had alot of profanity written on it. The student had to turn his shirt inside out to wear it, and the parent would always come up yelling and screaming at us for it. When we explained it was against the rules, she told us there was nothing @*#&^$ with his shirts, she had picked them out herself.

:wah:

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:12 pm

My father would have tied me to the table leg if I'd have tried to leave the house dressed that way at 17 much less 10! I agree with you about it being inappropriate, and your daughter will actually respect you more for keeping up those rules in the long run.

Post by **spot** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 11:38 pm

chonsigirl;515543 wrote: That is why schools have dress codes. But most of the time it is the parents who complain about the rules, and do not enforce them when clothes shopping. Worst case we had last year, was a 12 year old, whose T-shirt had alot of profanity written on it. The student had to turn his shirt inside out to wear it, and the parent would always come up yelling and screaming at us for it. When we explained it was against the rules, she told us there was nothing @*#&^$ with his shirts, she had picked them out herself.

:wah:Rather than "That is why schools have dress codes", why not "That is why schools have uniforms"? They're far cheaper than the fashion-dressing so many children compete with at school if there's no uniform specified and they're rarely offensive.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 11:49 pm

Okay, Suzy...I have ALL BOYS!! but I do have neices by marriage (my brothers new bride of 2 years....they are 13, 11 and 9, going on 24, 22 and 20....they ALL wear make-up...(more than I do, and I didn't start until I was in my 20's) and they dress cute, but there are some things I wouldn't let my daughter wear that young.

I always knew there was a good reason why God gave me ALL boys...and that's just one of them...We would probably fight alot....or she would probably "think" that she hated me too...but I agree with "kids bein' kids"...there is enough to worry about when they get older, enjoy life while you don't have to wrooy about the mortgage and light bill!!

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Sun Jan 14, 2007 12:57 pm

Whilst I agree that school uniform is a great leveller it certainly isn't a cheap option. When you're forced to have school logos on jumpers, t shirts, sports shirts etc you can't go to Tescos and buy a pack of three t shirts for a fiver. You pay that per shirt at the school 'approved' supplier. And you can't buy badges to sew on yourself.

Okay rant over back to the subject.

It is the sexualisation of pre-teens that I object to. It's horrible enough being an angst-ridden adolescent without having to start the process at 10.

My friends daughter is 11, is developing boobs and has started her periods - she's so mortified by having periods that not one of her friends knows - she can't face being the first to announce it! Poor kid gets enough attention from developing early without having the tarty clothes to emphasise it (she doesn't)