What do you think of this?

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 12:46 pm

This is a poem I wrote. What do you think? Be as critical as you would like.

I LIVE FOR THE DAY

FOR THE GLORIOUS LIGHT THAT ILLUMINATES THE SOUL AND CREATES DREAMS

FOR THE STORY THAT STILL REMAINS TO BE TOLD

FOR THE NIGHT THAT IS DARK AND MYSTERIOUS

FOR THE BOOK OF FICTION THAT OPENS UP TO BARE REALITY

AND FOR THE PROMISE OF ANOTHER TIME

ANOTHER TALE AND ANOTHER INVENTION

I LIVE FOR THE TRUTH

FOR THE IMPOVERISHED MINDS BEGGING RELEASE

FOR THE WASHED UP BOTTLE ON THE SIDE OF THE SHORE

FOR THE TIME BOMB THAT TICKS RESOLUTELY INSIDE THE DRAGONS MIND

FOR THOSE STRUCK DUMB BY THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

AND FOR THE LOVE AND COURAGE FORSAKED BY MOST

ANOTHER DAWN AND ANOTHER BATTLE

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 12:51 pm

I dont think "forsaked" is a word, really. Maybe forsaken should be used. Its really good though.

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 12:52 pm

DesignerGal;503339 wrote: I dont think "forsaked" is a word, really. Maybe forsaken should be used. Its really good though.

Thanks DG, I was wondering that myself. Seemed to fit at the time.

Post by **spot** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:01 pm

forsook

Not a pretty word.

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:04 pm

spot;503344 wrote: forsook

Not a pretty word.

I'll leave it incorrect. Sounds better!

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:11 pm

It is very good.

Drgon's Mind-possessive

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:17 pm

chonsigirl;503348 wrote: It is very good.

Drgon's Mind-possessive

Thanks Chonsi. You are my favourite rabbit. :-4

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:19 pm

Hi Jenny

Im facinated as to why you said - the time bomb that ticks in the dragons mind, would you elaborate that for me :-4

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:20 pm

Get you Jenny. Nice work as I would expect from you.:yh_clap :yh_clap :yh_clap :yh_clap

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:25 pm

[QUOTE=buttercup;503356]Hi Jenny

Im facinated as to why you said - the time bomb that ticks in the dragons mind, would you elaborate that for me :-4[/QUOTE

You know it's a long time since I wrote it and I can't remember what was really going on for me at the time but I would say that I meant that the Dragons mind is fictional and the time bomb relates to our sometimes irrational thoughts as human beings and how they effect us.

I'm not making any sense.

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 1:26 pm

Uncle Kram;503357 wrote: Get you Jenny. Nice work as I would expect from you.:yh_clap :yh_clap :yh_clap :yh_clap

Thanks Honey xx

Dizz · Post by **Dizz** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 3:34 pm

Very well thought out!

Forsaken might work, btw.

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 3:38 pm

Dizz;503455 wrote: Very well thought out!

Forsaken might work, btw.

Thanks Dizz. I might try that. I will think it over.