Hangover City

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Wed Mar 30, 2005 2:49 pm

The 6 levels of hangovers

1 Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which has given you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries.

2 Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

3 Star Hangover(***)

Slight headache, stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 AM. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball hero watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples, and a liter of Diet Coke-yet you haven't peed once.

4 Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes look like one big vein and you hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Grover Cleveland HS, class of '84.

5 Star Hangover (*****) A.K.A "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell"

You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the **** fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your otherwise empty house.

6 Star Hangover (******) A.K.A the "Infinite Nut Smacker"

You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about two seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering in the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your vomit from five hours ago. It's amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow managed to get up before you. You try to lift your head. Not an option. Then you inadvertently turn your head too quickly and smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair. Suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro Reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready To Rock" faintly atop your forehead...the stamp on the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in T-minus 14 minutes and the only thing you can think of wearing is your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.

Yet drinking SEEMS like a good idea...

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Mar 30, 2005 3:04 pm

then there's #7...you wake up in the drunk tank at the county jail, and i am telling you all about your breathalyzer result before you see the judge.

Bullet · Post by **Bullet** » Wed Mar 30, 2005 3:17 pm

I've had a #6 once in my life, after the Red Wings won the Cup for the 3rd time, a couple of 5's and 4's, but mostly 2's and 3's. (insert "Memories" song here) A few times looking fot the Tidy Bowl man. :yh_tired I still remeber my first, playing Chutes and Ladders with Southern Comfort and Molson Golden. Was sick for 3 days. My mom thought I had a cold and brought chicken soup over, but she figured it out. Now I am a much wiser drinker. If I'm drinking liquor, I try to drink water in between drinks, for as long as I can remember, but that does not last long. And I never go to bed drunk, I wait until I start to sober up. And keep a bottle of Gator Aid next to the bed.

Post by **kensloft** » Thu Mar 31, 2005 12:07 pm

One to six. All more than once. Oh, the pain and thrill of it all.

greydeadhead · Post by **greydeadhead** » Thu Mar 31, 2005 12:55 pm

8* hangover...

You wake up in a strange apartment with the Russian National Orchestra playing an out of tune version of the 1812 Overture complete with cannons in your head. Your mouth feels like the Chinese army complete with reserve units has marched thru it after picking this years rice crop from the paddies. The pain on your left are is from the new tattoo of a skull with a huge snake working its way thru the eyesockets, a dagger thru the top of it.. and flames for a background and a banner underneath that says Mom... the effort to turn over forces you to break a sweat that smells like a JD distillery.. and then you unglue your tongue from the roof of your mouth to ask......

"Whats your Name."

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 3:37 am

lol, yip had all of them

Post by **kensloft** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 9:41 am

skittles2004 wrote: That makes me want to pass on a beer. Sounds miserable!
The misery doesn't happen until the following morning. While you are drinking it is fun?

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 10:46 am

I once had a #7, I thought it would be a good idea to drink a bottle of Pepto Bismol...nope that just mde all my puke a pretty pink color.

I had a #8 once too....I remember sitting on the couch next to my best friend, wondering what to do on a Saturday night, when suddenly a girl came in and said, "The owner of this house said I could have my birthday party here". Then over 100 people paraded past us, most of whcih were carrying alcohol and three of which were carrying full sized kegs.

Next thing I remember, I was lying in the bushes in the alley behind the house and the sun was coming up.

Mostly, I just get #1's these days. (I never drink the hard stuff anymore.) :rolleyes:

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 10:50 am

what i love is when they get in front of the judge for first appearance the morning after, they are still drunk and weaving, are cuffed and shackled, and barf all over the courtroom! :yh_sick :yh_sick :yh_sick

Post by **kensloft** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 3:58 pm

lady cop wrote: what i love is when they get in front of the judge for first appearance the morning after, they are still drunk and weaving, are cuffed and shackled, and barf all over the courtroom! :yh_sick :yh_sick :yh_sick
Don't you just have drunk tanks where you get to send them home when they've sobered up?

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 4:02 pm

kensloft wrote: Don't you just have drunk tanks where you get to send them home when they've sobered up?if they've been charged with something like DUI they have to see the judge, it's the mandatory first appearance. and their right of course, that's when bail is set. also, the ones in the drunk tank not charged ...the jail can't release them until they blow under the .08...it's a liability issue.

Post by **kensloft** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 4:03 pm

Jives wrote: I once had a #7, I thought it would be a good idea to drink a bottle of Pepto Bismol...nope that just mde all my puke a pretty pink color.

I had a #8 once too....I remember sitting on the couch next to my best friend, wondering what to do on a Saturday night, when suddenly a girl came in and said, "The owner of this house said I could have my birthday party here". Then over 100 people paraded past us, most of whcih were carrying alcohol and three of which were carrying full sized kegs.

Next thing I remember, I was lying in the bushes in the alley behind the house and the sun was coming up.

Mostly, I just get #1's these days. (I never drink the hard stuff anymore.) :rolleyes:
Number 8. Woo Hoo. Waking up in a stairwell and not knowing where I was. What a trip. Found out I was at a friend's house where he was comfortably in bed. After I settled down and the quasi panic subsided I woke everybody up and we started it all over again.

Post by **kensloft** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 4:53 pm

lady cop wrote: if they've been charged with something like DUI they have to see the judge, it's the mandatory first appearance. and their right of course, that's when bail is set. also, the ones in the drunk tank not charged ...the jail can't release them until they blow under the .08...it's a liability issue.

Thanks for clarifying that. I quit driving when I started drinking because I know how stupid I can be.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 4:57 pm

kensloft wrote: Thanks for clarifying that. I quit driving when I started drinking because I know how stupid I can be.au contraire mon ami, you're a SMART man! :driving:

Post by **kensloft** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 5:01 pm

lady cop wrote: au contraire mon ami, you're a SMART man! :driving:

:-6

hotsauce · Post by **hotsauce** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 6:00 pm

I had a number 6 once...not a good night. I prayed to God to let me live...he did. I haven't had a number 6 since.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 8:37 pm

Well, I know *I* posted the joke but personally, I don't get the point

of drinking until it's painful the next morning!! Enjoy yourself, yes, get happy,

yes, but PUKE?!?!?!? Sorry don't get it!! I love my bubbly, but there comes

a point when it's no longer reasonable to me if you're going to feel miserable

later... it's just not!

YEEHAAA!!

Have fun, but don't pay an exorbitant price for it!!

Love to all!!

:yh_doh

koan · Post by **koan** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 8:53 pm

Was working in Saskatoon (that's another story) hadn't seen my daughter for six weeks. Went out with the crazy dozen on the film crew. Free shots. Turns out they were tequila. (I thought these people liked me!) My girlfriend undressed me when she got me home and the rumours flew for a week. I hate tequila. There was, miraculously, no puke involved in this story.