Perplexed

camelot · Post by **camelot** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 11:49 pm

Ok so I can't figure out what's going on here. Three years ago I was having dinner at a restaurant and I noticed a man was staring at me and smiling. He was with a large group but continuously stared at me. Finally they left and my family and I continued eating our dinner, we were probably there another half hour or so.

When we finally left and I got into my car he came up and knocked on the window. He said that he's never done anything like this before but he couldn't help noticing me inside and he had to hang around and ask if I was seeing anyone and if not if I'd like to go out.

I gave him my number and he called several times and we scheduled a date, I had to cancel the date for some reason (can't remember now) and he stopped calling. I didn't really think much about it but I do remember that he said he was an airline pilot.

Fast forward three years, I joined MySpace a few weeks ago and got a message from a guy that said he's an airline pilot in my town. I remembered his name and asked if it was him and he said yes but didn't know how I knew him. I reminded him of the restuarant several years ago and he remembered and couldn't believe that he had contacted me again after all these years. We agreed to go out this time and had a date last Tuesday evening.

Here's the problem. Dinner went great! We talked alot, laughed, agreed on almost everything, and just had a good time in general. When he brought me home he came in to look at an auction I was bidding on. He kept saying that he would leave as soon as it ended and he saw the outcome and I told him that there was no hurry. I placed a bid on the auction and it had 20 minutes left so we went in the living room to talk while we were waiting. The whole time we were having dinner, on the trip home and at my house, he kept going on and on about how he wished he was going to be in town for Christmas so he could spend time with me and that we should get together as much as possible while he's in town. He acted completely interested, more than any guy I've been out with.

While we were sitting on the couch he asked if he could kiss me and before I could give him an answer he was practically on top of me. I personally don't like extremely passionate kissing on the first date, not that there's anything wrong with it but I just don't prefer it. I don't mind a peck on the lips or even a little more, but the throat licking 'get your whole face wet' stuff is more for later dates in my opinion.

Anyway, I sort of backed away a little (considering that he didn't even wait for an answer before he leaped) and kissed him on the lips but tried to make it clear with body language that I didn't want it to go any further than that at this time. He acted a little put off by it but kissed me on the lips (in an acceptable fashion) several times after that. After the auction was over he left in a hurry, almost like he had been called to fight a fire or something.

I was worried that I had offended him so I sent him a short message thanking him for dinner and saying that I had a great time. His return message was short and I immediately got the feeling that something was wrong. Later that afternoon (this was Wednesday) he wrote again and said that if I wasn't busy on Friday that we should get together. I wrote back and said that that would be fine and I didn't hear anything back until Friday morning when he wrote to say that he was going to have to leave town early because one of the pilots got sick but he would write while he was gone and see me when he returned.

The writing's pretty much on the wall at this point but I did send a short response just to see if he'd read it. He hasn't read it yet but he has been logged into his myspace account several times since, so it's obvious that he's avoiding it. My question is, was I wrong to back off on the kissing or was he just hoping for a quickie?

LilacDragon · Post by **LilacDragon** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 12:08 am

Personally - if he asked if he could kiss you and didn't even wait for an answer before climbing all over you - I say who cares!

But then, I am old and hate men in general this week.

I am soooo not looking forward to dating again.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 12:13 am

No, your not wrong - There's something wrong with the Pilot story.

Let him go

Patsy

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 12:38 am

Another thing - I didn't like the part that he waited for you - to talk to you - approaching at the car window - WHY DIDN"T HE APPROACH YOU IN THE RESTAURANT ???

I suspect theres something not healthy here. How needs it.

Dating is dangerous now - I dated a guy over the holidays one year - he snagged my Visa - Maxed it out ? I find out in January, after we stopped seeing eachother - scammer. With court - I received - Paid in full,

Date someone else

Patsy

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 12:40 am

You did nothing wrong...he's a pig...I'd be concerned about him approaching me in the parking lot...good thing that turned out to be safe...

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 12:44 am

He sounds married.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 12:48 am

Oh, theres several scenarios

Married - Crook - Not a Pilot at all - Several girlfriends - Gay - Pick one..

Patsy

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 2:14 am

Some girls do, some girls dont simple as that.

BTW did you win the auction?

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 2:39 am

Nothing about it sounds good. Could be married.. could be angry he didnt have sex with you... could be quite strange and deranged. I dont go for inviting a stranger into your home, when you got back. Its too familiar, too fast. Sends the wrong message and puts you in danger being alone with him.

I would drop this, if I were you.

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 4:54 am

looks like he wanted only one thing. i think you did the right thing. :-6

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 5:18 am

abbey;488878 wrote: Some girls do, some girls dont simple as that.

BTW did you win the auction?

:wah: :wah:

I agree. It sounds like he wanted a quickie. You're lucky he didn't rape you imo.

You couldn't have stopped him.

I wouldn't have invited him in so soon.

Take more care next time sweetie. you are worth SO much more than this scumbag! :yh_hugs

camelot · Post by **camelot** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 9:28 am

Actually it didn't even occur to me that he should have approached me in the restaurant but it makes sense. Why wait until I leave and come up to my car like a stalker?

I also hadn't thought of the 'married' or 'gay' parts but they are highly possible too. The first thing I thought when I heard his voice was "he's gay" but then I thought "in that case why would he be asking me out". He's 42 and not bad looking, and if he's really a pilot then he has a great job so there's a good chance he's married or at least has girlfriends all over the place.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 9:46 am

1st thing I didn't like was his approach - goes back to my space - he already made you feel trapped - intimidating approach, - nothing romantic about it.

By him now ignoring your e-mail - thats a blessing - hes busy doing something.

Move on - and be careful - your inviting a stranger into you life.

Patsy

Red · Post by **Red** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 9:56 am

Dont think for a minute you were wrong, You have to go with ur gut feelings and you didnt want to kiss him, he should of respected that and clearly didnt ...doesnt bode well imo chick...dont waste ur concerns on him id say

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 4:11 pm

Just because you are asked you out & you may have the time - you don't have to say yes. Have certain quailification your looking for - standards in a man or woman.

Mental notes

How was the 1st meeting - introduction - good or akward & why?

Communication - did he talk to you like one of the guys? any interest shown?

Manners? Good teeth? How they dressed for the occasion. Personality funny? Job? etc... It seems people are in a hurry to find a relationship, enjoy the time alone, I'm married now, but I still want my alone time.

Good luck

Patsy

camelot · Post by **camelot** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 6:13 pm

That's what all of my married friends keep telling me, enjoy your time alone and don't be in such a rush. I do enjoy my time alone ALOT, and if it was by choice it would be perfect, but it's because I'm having no luck at all in finding Mr. Right and I keep thinking that I'm doing something wrong. When I was young I never imagined that relationships would be this difficult, and for some reason it hasn't been for my friends. They're all married to great guys.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 7:03 pm

This past June I was invited for drinks and dinner with a man I have known for years. He had the reputation for being difficult and demanding. I knew this was true, as I had worked for him for years. But I always had a soft spot in my heart for him. At my age ( approaching 55... I discovered we can become like we are 17 again) He told me how wonderful and attractive and smart I was. He told me that he had fantisised? about me for years. My ego shot to the moon. I went back to the house with him and found myself in a date rape situation. Everyone wants that electric but also comforting relationship. They are few and far between. It behooves each and everyone of us to be on our guard for predators. Those who will take advantage of soft hearts to fufill the need for selfish and instant gratification at the expense of another vulnerabele human being. I know ths sounds negative.. I know its sad, but the human psyche is a very complicated thing. Never compromise your principles in order to have love. The price can be very high and the emmotional damage very great. The greatest gift you have is your freedom, the right to say no, and always hold your self esteem and worth in the highest regard.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sun Dec 17, 2006 8:35 pm

Weeder

You put the statement together in a nut shell- thats what I've been trying to say.

Its a different world out there compared to the 70's etc..

Patsy

Pythos · Post by **Pythos** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 12:04 am

I have to agree with everything that has been said so far. He was just looking to get lucky. When he found out he wasn't going to he lost interest and left. Regardless of whether he is a pilot or a married man. He only wanted one thing from you and you wouldn't have heard from him after. You are better off, and lucky he wasn't the type to just take it. I am sure that you will eventually meet a guy who will feel the same way you do. If he is really interested in you as a person he won't even think of the time he spends with you as waiting for the big bang.

HelenA · Post by **HelenA** » Sun Jan 07, 2007 3:37 am

Sorry but what a w****er! Yes he was only after one thing. i had a similar experience with a dutch guy I met through emailing at work. He came over and we got on fine, I went over there and we got on fine. Kissed each other on the cheek at the airport that sort of thing but nothing happened at all. And when i got back fromr Holland, nothing, not a word. I mailed him saying are you OK I'm worried, and he mailed back saying literally yes I'm fine work's been busy. Never heard from him again, which was not nice considering we'd been in constant text and e-mail contact.........So just forget about it and put it down to experience and just be thankful you didn't end up raped.......

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Jan 07, 2007 4:06 am

Helena.... dont feel badly, but evidently he didnt like what you looked like. Which doesnt mean you arent attractive, it simply means you didnt appeal to him. A good percentage of people are only interested in the package, not the contents. As all intelligent, mature adults come to learn there is much more than meets the eye, inside of every human being. That is why it is prudent and wise to take a very long time to get to know someone. I have been so duped by men all of my life, and so taken advantage of... that now I have the insight needed to have a good relationship, but sadly, I no longer have the heart, faith, or enthusiasm to do so. I equate a relationship with a male to being in bondage. Having to be on my guard.. having to compromise my principles, having to fight to keep my identity. And so I am pretty certain there will never be anyone for me, again. I am also spoied by having great relationships with my female friends. I find everything I need and want in these frienships. The only thing missing is the gender. I swear the past couple of years, I have wished I was gay. But I have come to realize, that isnt necessary either. There is a time in life when the sexual component is sooo important. As you get older that importance diminishes. You discover that there is great pleasure in so many more areas of life. The pleasure is longer lasting and does not carry the price of suffering. Sharing, laughing, painting, traveling. It would be great to be able to experience all of these things with a partner, but I find 99% of the time, that is not possible.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Jan 07, 2007 4:25 am

Diuretic... Your outlook is very nice to hear. But then, I would presume to think you are probably older. That is to say, not very very young. And I dont think your old fashioned. You sound wise and intelligent to me.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Jan 07, 2007 5:16 am

When I present my " words of wisdom" here, or with the young people I encounter at work... the reader, or the listener doesnt realize that the aquired insights came from, my also having made huge mistakes in my life. I will be 55 this month. And so, I never offer my opinion in a judgemental way. I offer it with the hope that I might spare someone else some heartache, or pain. More importantly. it would be great to prevent someone else from walking down dead end roads, that do nothing but rob them of precious years. It is impossible to expect that this will happen. Everyone living must walk their own walk in order to learn. It has been my good fortune to have erred without consequences that could have harmed me physically. But my choices did effect the emmotional stability of my children. Becuase of my living by my heart alone and not my head..... I choose the wrong man to be their dad, and so they grew up without one. I often think that my penance is to take the time to try to warn others about cliffs that they cannot see. perhaps save someone from falling.

HelenA · Post by **HelenA** » Sun Jan 07, 2007 9:02 am

oh why does this all have to be so difficult????? Why can't relationships be simple? And it's so haard to meet someone these days - in the past you could go to arranged dances which were safe and chaperoned so there wasn't that presure - young people just got to know each other and it went from there. None of this is, he isn't he, shall we, shan't we :-5

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Jan 07, 2007 10:47 am

Exactly HelenA. During my high school years, we would go to these dances. We had an absolute ball. Bunch of girls... youd see someone across the room, maybe spend some time with him that night. Go home all excited wondering if he would call you..... Later years, sure.. wed sneak into pubs ( underage) few stolen kisses in the corner, or outside.... In the 70's it got a little different. It was cool to be well adjusted sexually enough to go to bed with someone if you wanted to. But the unisex outlook seemed to be real. For a short while women seemed to have the same freedoms as men, it wasnt a judgement thing. But alas, all good things come to an end.. and along came aids and serious drug abuse. I feel for these young people today who will never know how positively liberating and glorius it was to live in my time. But then, all " Old People say that, Dont they????

HelenA · Post by **HelenA** » Mon Jan 08, 2007 9:33 am

i know - and what I want to know when I see these teenagers hanging around bus stops is - where are their parents???? My parents would never let me or my sister go out without knowing where we were going and who with and they certainly wouldn't have been happy if we wre just hanging around in the street.........

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Jan 08, 2007 1:58 pm

The parents arent home. Both parents usually have to work in order for the family to survive$$$$$ We live now, at the cost of abandoning our families. So, really, Why have children? The young are like the children in Peter Pan. No mother, and no father...... Captain Hook is always around

HelenA · Post by **HelenA** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 9:25 am

It's really sad isn't it? i was really ucky as mym mum was a teacher so she was always thre

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 10:44 am

Its our governments fault. They provide the people with a barely living wage, so moms cant stay home. Then you throw at them the religious clash, about how moms are SUPPOSED to be home. The definition of parents doesnt even hold water anymore.