Interfering friends

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 4:26 am

My friend made a comment last night on my relationship with my partner, i wasent very happy about it & could have said something bitchy back at her as it was quite cutting what she said, anyway i let it slide & put it down to 'its xmas & people on thier own get lonely yadda yadda'

So anyway then this morning she rings me & says - are you in a mood with me? i just want to apologize for what i said its none of my business what goes on between you two, then says - Its just you dont seem as happy or in love as my other friends

I mean wtf, if she hadent added the last line i'd have just said 'dont worry about it, forget it'

Why would she say that, surely she knew that was hurtful? she's supposed to be a friend & how could she possibly think we're not happy? we're planning a wedding :-2

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 4:34 am

well i have 'known' you and your partner for some time now, you make a lovely couple! when's the wedding?

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 4:37 am

Hi lc its 8/8/08

she's seen us have a couple of tiff's or huff's over certain things but that's normal in any relationship, she seems to think none of her other friends do that, bloody hell im going to have to meet these other supreme being couples :rolleyes:

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 4:41 am

i'm writing it on my calendar right now! :yh_flower ........all i can say is sometimes people have a tough time at the holidays and maybe feel a little jealousy.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 4:46 am

I understand that & feel sorry for her but its made me feel a bit diffrent towards her & that concerns me, was hoping to spend more time with her over the holidays as i know she's lonely but im scared she'll say something else hurtful :-3

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 4:59 am

BCup, what's most important is that *you* are secure in the knowledge that your relationship is happy and healthy. As far as the 'tiffs' go, what's most important is that the two of you get to the other side -- together.

I agree with you that her remarks were cutting -- do you think that was intentional on her part or just misplaced concern?

If it is the former, I might have a talk with her. If it is the latter, I'd chalk it up to issues that she has, not you :-6

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 5:09 am

cherandbuster;483618 wrote:

I agree with you that her remarks were cutting -- do you think that was intentional on her part or just misplaced concern?

I think she has a secret crush on him, maybe she thinks he'd be better off with her than me

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 5:11 am

buttercup;483621 wrote: I think she has a secret crush on him, maybe she thinks he'd be better off with her than me

Interesting! So that's where her attitude is coming from.

Try to feel sorry for her instead of feeling angry with her.

If that doesn't work, you might have to talk this one out :-6

Good luck sweetie :-4

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 5:14 am

Hmmmm your right Cher it is interesting, maybe start a thread on fancying your friends partner, would people be honest & admit it?

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 5:15 am

buttercup;483630 wrote: Hmmmm your right Cher it is interesting, maybe start a thread on fancying your friends partner, would people be honest & admit it?

Hmmmmm

Wanna try it and see? :-6

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 5:18 am

Done

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 5:25 am

Hi Wendybird :-4

If she doesent say anything else about it im happy to let it slide, i do feel sorry for her

As for go after my man, that would be a big mistake, scottish women havent got the reputation we have for nothing :wah:

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 5:36 am

If it's not the man-stealing thing, Buttercup, it might be something like my friend. She's a very big hearted person but she has no finesse at all. She tries to compliment and it comes out backhanded. Like "your hair looks good today. Better than usual."

She's so insecure. It comes out in bragging about herself which is a turnoff and as well, she has this special way of putting others down. Similar to what you just described. She makes assumptions about people and then runs with them. I've had to outright tell her when she's been hurtful.

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 6:34 am

Hopefully that one hurtful comment doesn't spiral into something bigger than it is.

It would be sad to lose a friend because of too much emphasis on one moment.

On the other hand, if it is a constant then finding a way to deal with it is a good idea. Whatever the truth behind the mask is, I hope you assess it properly. Maybe venting here is all you need to put it behind you.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 6:54 am

It seems that this friend who is not in a relationship (?) doesn't fully appreciate that there is no standard formula for a happy relationship, maybe you could drop something into conversation sometime to point this out to her.

I know that people might look at my marriage and think that it wouldn't work for them but it works for us. Neither of us are a lovey-dovey person and we're more likely to take the mick out of each other than give compliments but we've been married for nearly 14 years so that works for us.

My friend and her husband are quite romantic and openly loving towards each other and whilst it is sweet to see it doesn't mean that they love each other more than any other couple.

Tell you what, print this thread and let her see it!!:wah: :wah:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 6:58 am

lady cop;483604 wrote: well i have 'known' you and your partner for some time now, you make a lovely couple! when's the wedding?

Just a hint Cups....I think this is LC-speak for "Can I be a bridesmaid?"

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 7:02 am

Uncle Kram;483702 wrote: Just a hint Cups....I think this is LC-speak for "Can I be a bridesmaid?" :Dnot if i have to wear one of those gawdawful meringues of a dress with a huge pink bow! :yh_sick

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 7:03 am

yuk - i can assure you it will all be very elegant :-4

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 7:46 am

I cant believe she said that to you! You might be right about the crush or she could be very envious of the relationship you do have.

I had a friend like that once. her and her boyfriend fought all the time and me and mine did not. She was so jealous she tried to sabotage our relationship by making insults to me or telling him he could do better. It was such nonsense. Luckily we both knew what she was up to. Hope you can re evaluate your relationship with her. I hope its just that she is lonely for the holidays and maybe you can salvage the friendship.

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 7:47 am

lady cop;483706 wrote: not if i have to wear one of those gawdawful meringues of a dress with a huge pink bow! :yh_sick

I see you in something like this:

Attached files

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 7:51 am

aaggghhhhh.....no no, black and slinky!

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 9:20 am

Buttercup

If you think your friend has a crush - don't ignore your instincts..

I'd have to agree with you - she probably does - then to make a stupid comment.

Jealous. Jealous. Watch her body language - that speaks volume.. She's not your maid of honor? Is she in the wedding? Well, she's jealous and has a bit of EVIL in her.

Patsy

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 9:32 am

Thanks Patsy, her body language has spoke volumes in the past which is why i know she has a crush but im secure enough with my guy that its never been an issue, although it kinda is now if she's going to act like this :rolleyes:

No she was never going to be at the wedding, its family only & my daughters are going to be bridesmaids.

DG if you want to be involved in dress decisions nearer the time your going to have to make better suggestions than that

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 9:36 am

I'd be interested in your wedding plans - any dress ideas etc..

I'd stay very busy - too busy for your friend with the crush - avoid her..

How needs that B.S. - I'm very secure in my relationship - I won't tolerate games!!

Patsy