Humor Bits
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!
***************
The Santa Claus at the mall was more than a trifle surprised when
a beautiful young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat
on his lap but Santa quickly recovered, and started talking to the college-type
"And what do you want for Christmas?" asked Santa.
"Something for my mother, " said the young lady.
"Bring something for your mother? Well, that's what I call thoughtful,'' smiled Santa. "What can I get her?"
After thinking for a moment, the girl brightened, turned to Santa and said:
"I'd like for her to get a son-in-law "
***************
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.
***************
What if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?
They would have asked directions,
arrived on time,
helped deliver the baby,
cleaned the stable,
made a casserole,
and brought practical gifts.
***************
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.
***************
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
Sandy Claus!
***************
One evening, in a busy lounge, a reindeer walked in the door,
bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting
an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer,
and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer.
As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You
know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."
The reindeer looked hard at the change and said,"Hmmmpf.
Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices,
I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."
***************
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
***************
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
***************
What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa Claus caught in a revolving door.
***************
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph?
Because every buck is dear to him.
Just some holiday humor
-
WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
Just some holiday humor
Thank you!! I was just discussing on how much I'm just not into Christmas this year...used to be my favorite time of the year...but just not into it yet...maybe the 24th I'll get in the spirit...the jokes helped though...passed them on....
-
Tater Tazz
- Posts: 2938
- Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 9:25 am
Just some holiday humor
funny:wah:
Just some holiday humor
Marie5656;479642 wrote: Humor Bits
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!
***************
The Santa Claus at the mall was more than a trifle surprised when
a beautiful young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat
on his lap but Santa quickly recovered, and started talking to the college-type
"And what do you want for Christmas?" asked Santa.
"Something for my mother, " said the young lady.
"Bring something for your mother? Well, that's what I call thoughtful,'' smiled Santa. "What can I get her?"
After thinking for a moment, the girl brightened, turned to Santa and said:
"I'd like for her to get a son-in-law "
***************
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.
***************
What if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?
They would have asked directions,
arrived on time,
helped deliver the baby,
cleaned the stable,
made a casserole,
and brought practical gifts.
***************
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.
***************
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
Sandy Claus!
***************
One evening, in a busy lounge, a reindeer walked in the door,
bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting
an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer,
and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer.
As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You
know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."
The reindeer looked hard at the change and said,"Hmmmpf.
Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices,
I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."
***************
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
***************
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
***************
What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa Claus caught in a revolving door.
***************
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph?
Because every buck is dear to him.
Why was Santa sitting on the pub roof?
A. He was told the drinks were on the house!
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!
***************
The Santa Claus at the mall was more than a trifle surprised when
a beautiful young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat
on his lap but Santa quickly recovered, and started talking to the college-type
"And what do you want for Christmas?" asked Santa.
"Something for my mother, " said the young lady.
"Bring something for your mother? Well, that's what I call thoughtful,'' smiled Santa. "What can I get her?"
After thinking for a moment, the girl brightened, turned to Santa and said:
"I'd like for her to get a son-in-law "
***************
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.
***************
What if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?
They would have asked directions,
arrived on time,
helped deliver the baby,
cleaned the stable,
made a casserole,
and brought practical gifts.
***************
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.
***************
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
Sandy Claus!
***************
One evening, in a busy lounge, a reindeer walked in the door,
bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting
an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer,
and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer.
As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You
know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."
The reindeer looked hard at the change and said,"Hmmmpf.
Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices,
I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."
***************
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
***************
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
***************
What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa Claus caught in a revolving door.
***************
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph?
Because every buck is dear to him.
Why was Santa sitting on the pub roof?
A. He was told the drinks were on the house!