*ping* does the heartache ever stop?

[princessfroggy]

:yh_brokeh Not that the heartache is a daily thing....it just peeks in from time to time and wreaks havoc with my soul...a reminder of what we had...and the questions go forever unanswered. I dated this guy for nine very serious months...we had the absolute perfect relationship. I really thought that he was "the one"! You cannot believe the hurt when I found out he was seeing someone else...I dumped him of course, but it hurt like nothings ever hurt before. Here it is a year later....I log onto True.com...a singles website and a do a search of members that are "relationship material" for me. Lo and behold, whose picture pops up but him! A picture I took, and his profile says he's looking for someone....Wow...even now as I realize he was online searching for someone while we were so serious...it definitely causes a little ping in my heart and a little tear in my eye...did you ever trust someone so completely that you never see who they really are? I think thats what they mean when they say love is blind. BTW....he was perfect "relationship material" for me according to the website and the tests we took. *sigh* Wanna hear the best? The day after I dump him he has her at his house (I went there to drop off some of his things). and a week later they were engaged to be married. I would never take him back but why does my soul still long for him and what we had?:-3

[venus]

maybe you are longing for the feelings you felt, all tingly and lovey, rather than the toad!!!

losing a love hurts like hell, but if he didnt treat you aswell as he should then in all probability it was the idea of love and the person you thought he was that you loved and not the real him

does that make sense!!:-2

the pain does fade and you do move on and love again, only ity will be different as love always is.. its not better or more, just different.

:D keep your heart open and love appears at the most unexpected times...:-4

[princessfroggy]

(I am 45 btw) I have loved and lost before, however, the relationships were nothing in comparison to this one. I've always been able to move on and love again (I am a hopeless romantic at times!) But it seems every time someone tries to get close to me now I find myself backing off. Not that I don't desire a good relationship, its just that you spend so much time getting to know someone and I guess I just don't want to waste my time. Kind of a catch 22 I guess....can't really get to where you wanna be until you take the time to get to know someone. Perhaps I should take the blinders off and let the sun shine in!:-6 I just hate that achy feeling in my heart when little things remind me of him. He did ask me to marry him the month before we broke up. He was the one who told me he would never get married again and I thought he was not being serious...I told him no. He said not even if I really meant it, I said no. He said not even if I really meant it and went out and bought you a nice ring and everything. I said no. I thought thats what he really wanted - not to be married again. Looks like she got the ring the week after we broke up. And in recollecting things I do believe that he was seeing her for five months before we broke up. Just the little things that tell you somethings going on, which I tend to ignore. BTW....I dumped him a couple of days before Thanksgiving....she shared the dinner he invited me to. My birthday is November 24th and it was like the day before or after Thanksgiving last year...he didn't even bother to say happy birthday to me. Luckily, I have my family....who all decided they wanted to spend the holiday by my side. Life goes on...this I know....and I've tried dating. In fact....met a really terrific guy...who is crazy about me...but I just can't get that close. I wish I knew how...I might be missing out on the guy who could truly be the one....but I won't even give him the chance to get that far.

[venus]

I hear you..

Its the if l don't let you close then you can't hurt me thing..

you know yourself better than anyone and only you have to live the the consequences of your decisions and actions...

and only you can decide to open up again!!:yh_hugs

[princessfroggy]

Interesting point Venus....closure...I do believe you've hit the hammer on the head....so to speak...I mean..yes I dumped him but never had the opportunity to discuss it with him or to let him know just how much I really hurt inside...nor did I have the opportunity to know his feelings...the deception...I guess thats what really got me. And not knowing why he desired someone else....he treated me like a princess for sure...I never would have known if I hadn't picked up on subtle hints...hints that I'm sure he threw at me...but slowly permeated my mind...I still wonder why...and he, now is controlled by this woman. He never spoke to me after that...until one day (about 6 months later) I get an email from him that says he was building his greenhouse and he thought of me and how we always had good conversations....but that he couldn't talk with me because of her...he didn't want to mess things up with her. I felt for so long like I never existed in his life at all...we had agreed to stay friends as we were good friends througout our relationship. Of course that didn't hapen. When I got the email, at that point it did give me some release....his acknowledgement that I did in fact exist in this world. Still waiting for the closure to my heart...my mind has experienced the closure, but the heart is quite another matter. I see his daughter all the time, in fact she stayed with me for a while a couple of months ago. She calls me mom. She talks about him. I don't ever say anything derogatory about him to her, but I still have this connection. A subtle reminder of what was. I guess time is the only answer to closure...though I don't believe I can let anyone else in until my heart has healed. I long for that healing. I want so much to experience the good feeling of being in love with someone again. I am prone to trusting people from the start...but I think that has changed...not sure if thats a good thing or not. Its like having a body guard...or a heart guard, if you will...I know I'm better off without him....but I miss him terribly sometimes. *sigh*

[Marie5656]

I think the hurts we have felt in our lives never truly go away. They just settle into a corner of our brain with other memories. Something will always manage to pop them back up, but as time goes buy, we manage to control how we feel about these memories.

It is hard, after a break up to see the ex moving on with his or her life. But they may have the same tucked away memories also. We all just deal with them differently.

[princessfroggy]

You got that right Marie....thats heavy, but so very true. I'm carrying on a very normal happy life....its just those stolen moments that sometimes invade my mind...and you do handle it differently as time goes on. I mean it wasn't something that I meant to do, but the way I handled those moments changed from crying my eyes out ....later just a tear or two and then I focus on something else.....then later a slight indifference towards those moments. He was the best thing I ever had, the love that I felt was true....perhaps it was...thats what I saw...but he wanted something more. Its okay. I'd only ever want hiim to be happy....even if my heart did break into a million zillion pieces. I love to be happy and know that no one can make me happy, I can only make myself happy. I have a good sense of self discipline and I have my wonderful family....a good job, a nice apartment....everything I've ever wanted...mind you I'm not a goldigger...just someone who likes to have money in the bank in case my child wants to do something special at the spur of the moment or something. You guys have been great here. I never talked with anyone about this...so its nice to have that little insight into my soul or into the real world, if you will...thanks for the shoulders :-6

[skeeter2]

princessfroggy;474631 wrote: (I am 45 btw) I have loved and lost before, however, the relationships were nothing in comparison to this one. I've always been able to move on and love again (I am a hopeless romantic at times!) But it seems every time someone tries to get close to me now I find myself backing off. Not that I don't desire a good relationship, its just that you spend so much time getting to know someone and I guess I just don't want to waste my time. Kind of a catch 22 I guess....can't really get to where you wanna be until you take the time to get to know someone. Perhaps I should take the blinders off and let the sun shine in!:-6 I just hate that achy feeling in my heart when little things remind me of him. He did ask me to marry him the month before we broke up. He was the one who told me he would never get married again and I thought he was not being serious...I told him no. He said not even if I really meant it, I said no. He said not even if I really meant it and went out and bought you a nice ring and everything. I said no. I thought thats what he really wanted - not to be married again. Looks like she got the ring the week after we broke up. And in recollecting things I do believe that he was seeing her for five months before we broke up. Just the little things that tell you somethings going on, which I tend to ignore. BTW....I dumped him a couple of days before Thanksgiving....she shared the dinner he invited me to. My birthday is November 24th and it was like the day before or after Thanksgiving last year...he didn't even bother to say happy birthday to me. Luckily, I have my family....who all decided they wanted to spend the holiday by my side. Life goes on...this I know....and I've tried dating. In fact....met a really terrific guy...who is crazy about me...but I just can't get that close. I wish I knew how...I might be missing out on the guy who could truly be the one....but I won't even give him the chance to get that far.


You poor kid...life goes on...believe me...the pangs you feel after you have been in love and married for 59 years and they die go on also...and there is no hope of ever finding Him again...I think down deep in your heart you are wanting this guy to come into YOUR life again and it is just a little pang of jealousy and hope that you are feeling...don't let it control your life..give the new guy some time and try not to compare him to the last guy...they are all different and this one may be the one that will make you happy and eventually forget the hurt with the love that you will be sharing with the "right" one... make a list of things you won't tolerate before you give your heart again and don't waver...

[beautiful_soul]

i went through a very similar situation to you, i know how you feel, just hold on tight, and the worst will go, time will heal...slowly but it will, hope for all the best