In need of help....

Elvira · Post by **Elvira** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 8:51 am

DesignerGal;473804 wrote: Thank goodness someone sees my point! Ive seen so many relationships fall apart over this because of the men. Women who lose all that weight feel great about themselves and get more attention. That attention drives the man in the relationship mad and he gets jealous and its ridiculous. The man in the relationship should be showering his new fit and active woman with lots more attention instead of becoming paranoid and crazy.

Exactly! Apart from being really frustrating when you're accused of doing something you're not. It actually makes the man/or woman look insecure, needy and pathetic. None of these are attractive in a partner.

Elvira · Post by **Elvira** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 8:53 am

cherandbuster;473814 wrote: Interesting. And direct.

What do you think, twk? :-6

too direct, Cher?

I've had this feedback before....

*ponders to self* :-3

insanity_clause · Post by **insanity_clause** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 8:54 am

maybe just asking her is easiest in the long run. as things stand everything is just a theory she might be having an affair or maybe just deciding to have a lifestyle change and do things she's always wanted to.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 8:55 am

Elvira;473819 wrote: too direct, Cher?

I've had this feedback before....

*ponders to self* :-3

Hiya Elvira

Absolutely not!

It really gets to the point of the issue, doesn't it?

It's imperative to know where you stand :guitarist

Elvira · Post by **Elvira** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 8:58 am

cherandbuster;473823 wrote: Hiya Elvira

Absolutely not!

It really gets to the point of the issue, doesn't it?

It's imperative to know where you stand :guitarist

Yep - that's what I think.

I like to implement a cognitive thought process whenever I can. You can only ever control your part of the relationship, so it's important to have as much information as possible about the other. You can only make decisions on the information you have, so it's pointless and destructive trying to 'guess' what someone else is doing/ thinking.

If this woman won't communicate, even when you ask her this direct type of question, then I would suggest that you get a marriage counsellor or tell her straight that you aren't feeling comfortable in the relationship, and it can't go on. Unless she works with you to change it, then it's going to end. if she wants to be with you, then it may force her to open up and tell you the problem.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 9:07 am

Lighten up on twk. Seriously do you think it's that easy to figure out if your partner has or is having an affair. It's not!

insanity_clause · Post by **insanity_clause** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 9:09 am

no-one is saying its easy but unless you know the ins and outs of a relationship you cant really talk about specifics only voice your own opinion.

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:42 am

It was brought to my attention that perhaps I was a little offensive and rude in this thread when that was not my intention.

I was only trying to come at the problem from a different perspective and hopefully offer some help. Please accept my apology for anything that came across as rude and insensitive.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:58 am

I think this is such a difficult situation to be in, I can see both sides of the argument that have been put here.

I think the only thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open, she may not want to talk at the moment, she may be really fed up that you think she's having an affair when she isn't, she may be worried because she is having an affair. All you can do is let her know that when she wants to talk you want to listen.

My friends husband was repeatedly unfaithful to her, she didn't know until recently but she says looking back that each time he was playing away he picked fights with her, almost so that he could say that she drove him to it with her moods, he needed to shift the blame to her and he still does although they are not together any more.

I wish you luck.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 12:24 pm

Elvira;473827 wrote: You can only ever control your part of the relationship

Very true and important to remember :-6