Was this a mistake?

camelot · Post by **camelot** » Sat Nov 11, 2006 10:39 pm

Hi all, this story is sorta long but I'll keep it as brief as possible. About seven years ago I started going to a local chiropractor for a chronic back problem. I was 27 at the time and he was 44, I am now 34 and he's 51. He's single and fairly attractive and I was somewhat attracted to him when I met him, and he seemed to be attracted to me too.

Two years later he asked me out on a date, which led to a few more dates and we ended up sleeping together. After the first time we slept together he told me that it was a mistake and that he wasn't attracted to me or in love with me. At that time he was completely obsessed (and he admitted this) with his assistant. Even though he said it was a mistake to sleep with me he continued to invite me to his house and initiate sex, and the next day I had to hear the same thing again about how he didn't care about me and we should stop doing it. I don't know why I even let it happen a second time, I guess I trusted him as my doctor (or chiropractor anyway), I was attracted to him and hoping he would change his mind.

Finally we stopped going out and his assistant ended up quitting because she was tired of refusing his advances. He started seeing another patient and they dated for 3 years. During that time I started seeing a married man (I know, HUGE mistake #2). Considering the size of our town and the fact that I live within walking distance of both his house and his practice, he quickly found out about it. He started lecturing me during my visits about how I was making a big mistake and the guy I was seeing was a total loser, etc.

A year later he broke up with his girlfriend and I broke up with my married fling, so we were both single again. At that point he told me that he would ask me out but now I was tainted because of the married man. On future visits he started bragging about what a great life he has now because he has a whole new set of rules in place. He constantly refers to the ying yang symbol, saying that life has to have balance or it'll never work. He said that his life is completely balanced now and he has everything he wants, he doesn't need to date because he's perfectly content with his life and who he is. His new "rules to live by" are 1. no dating employees and 2. no dating patients, period. Then he implied that he would ask me out except for his new "no dating patients" rule.

So that was fine with me, I can certainly live without him, but he continued to give me life lessons on every visit giving the impression that I have a boring non-balanced life and his is perfect and well balanced.

There is a patient that I've bumped into in the waiting room for a little over a year. She's bleach blonde with HUGE breasts, and she doesn't bother to wear a bra or even close her shirt on her visits. Even the receptionist and a few other patients have commented on this. Well, the other night (keep in mind we live very close) I was going to the grocery store at a late hour and I saw a car pull out of his driveway. Thinking it was him I caught up to it to wave and it turned out to be miss big boobs.

When I got home I sent him an e-mail and asked if he sleeps with all of his patients. He replied and said "none of your business" and I replied and told him that he has a habit of consistantly making me feel guilty about my lifestyle and talking about what a terrible life I have, then he brags about his great life and the strict rules that he has set for himself, and then I see a patient leaving his house at a late hour. Then I told him that he should refrain from talking about my life and bragging about his until he is truly ready to live by the rules he has set for himself.

I know that he got the message because I got a read receipt, but I don't think it was open long enough for him to read all of it. He didn't respond either. Now I'm wondering if I made myself look bad by sending the message?

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Sat Nov 11, 2006 11:13 pm

he sounds like the typical user personality. he sees nothing wrong with what he is doing. it is all about him. he will lie, charm, belittle, abuse to get his way. whatever it takes. he means ot have control. this is his goal to have control. to be on top. he will go to any means to achieve it and keep it. when you step out from under it , he will be hurt . not because he will miss you but that he no longer has control over you.

do yourself a favor and get as far away as you can from him.......

users dont change, they just get smarter and sneakier as time goes by......

i am sorry if you dont want to hear this, but this is what i think.

i wish you well.

gup:-4

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Nov 11, 2006 11:51 pm

Take all of it as lessons learned. How you handled things wasn't too smart but we all do dumb things from time to time.

I would not have given myself to a man who said he wasn't attracted to me and if he said I was used goods, I sure wouldn't be giving him my business. Why are you?

Get a new chiropractor.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Sat Nov 11, 2006 11:59 pm

He is a controler...I was married to one for 15 years, and I can spot them by very little description.... the ole' Double standard is majorally and issue here. He can do whatever he wants, but needs to critisize you in the process to make you feel inferior (spelling?)....My advice is that you do stay away from him, don't feel bad about what you wrote, you shared your feelings, they just weren't received well and aren't going to be because he doesn't have you wrapped around his finger. I know its hard, but my advice is to move on with your life, show him that you don't need him, I would also find another Chiropractor...has to be another one you can go to...I hope things work out for you, Take Care.

Wendy

camelot · Post by **camelot** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:00 am

Yeah I know he's a user and a control freak. He admits and brags about the control freak part. I've tried staying away from him before and I really don't think he cares. One time I went 3 months with out a visit (usually my visits are once-twice a week) and neither him or his office once called to see if there was a problem, and he didn't e-mail during that time either (we exchange e-mails from time to time). The only reason I went back is because something happened to my back and I couldn't even walk. I was really scared and thought he could help me. I went in on a walk-in/emergency basis, it wasn't a scheduled visit. Even then he didn't ask where I'd been or anything.

I'm going to go ahead and change chiropractors. The thing that's kept me going to him for so long is that his office is so convenient, the next closest one is 30 minutes away. I've also been going to him for awhile so he's familiar with my condition. I don't think he'd care if he never saw or spoke to me again, it's just that now he'll think I'm jealous of his new girlfriend.

The part that bothers me the most is that I don't think he treats the other girls the same as he does me, for example after he slept with me he immediately told me that there was no connection, but then he ended up dating the next patient he slept with for 3 years. She's the one that finally broke it off. I have a feeling that blondie will be the same way, she's obviously been trying to get his attention for quite some time. Once I commented about the way she dressed for visits and he seemed to be offended and proceeded to talk about how beautiful she is. She's at his house all the time now so apparently she's avoided the no connection speech as well.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 1:32 am

Stop making excuses, so you have to go a little further, change your chiropractor!

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 2:19 am

My darling, get away from him, don't worry about him, I'm sorry that he hurt you, don't worry about him thinking your jealous, who gives a rats hiney!! For your mental health and well being, just let it go (I know, easier said than done). You are just hurting yourself. He has proved to you what type of man he is and if there isn't an attraction and he doesn't notice that you aren't giving him your business...he's not worth your worry. It took me about 2 years to realize that I was a Strong, smart, beautiful and independent woman after my husband left me to raise 3 boys by myself... He had me convinced that I was otherwise...And it's painful to admit, but I'm glad that I've moved on and able to look forward and not back...

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Sun Nov 12, 2006 2:21 am

Listen luv you need this guy like a hole in the head . Forget him move on he's used you enough and you deserve better than to be used by somebody who has no respect for you. ..take care :-6

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 4:33 am

Your history with him sounds more like a mentor student student thing, not anything remotely romantic. It sounds like you struggle to get his approval, more than anything else. You have to ask yourself why, and you will get some answers. When we repeatedly return to someone who makes us feel badly, there is a problem or need within ourselves that needs to be examined.

Dont feel offended by my analysis... Ive been there myself. If you dont resolve the issue, being in his company, on any level, will cause you damage.

Find another doctor, erase him from your mind. The entire scenario is distorted and unhealthy. Somewhere in your head and your heart, you know this.Feel sorry for any one else who spends time with him. Not envious

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 4:37 am

camelot;456244 wrote: Hi all lips:

You need to stop seeing him, get yourself sorted out, and stop shagging

married men.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 7:52 am

Umm no offence but I think your both a little left of center. Just do the right thing and your life will improve. Good luck.

camelot · Post by **camelot** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:43 pm

Thanks guys! I won't be seeing him as a patient anymore, but I really believe in the outta sight outta mind theory. It's too bad that we live so close because I sometimes run into him when I'm walking my dog, grocery shopping, etc.:-2 It makes it a little awkward. Too bad I can't move right out of town

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 1:02 pm

He needs to be reported to the AMA, or whomever is the governing body for chiropractors. This can be considered sexual abuse of patients. Someone in his position is breaching doctor/patient/ ethic..whether the patient is willing or not.

He is taking advantage of his position, and should no longer be allowed to practice.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 1:21 pm

they come from all walks of life. just be careful. a key element about this type is that they do not take responsibility for their actions. they are always the victim. they are very good at always making it about them. i hope you get yourself straightened out and i wish you much happiness.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 1:30 pm

I don't think he'd care if he never saw or spoke to me again, it's just that now he'll think I'm jealous of his new girlfriend
Why would you care what he thinks? :-2

It's too bad that we live so close because I sometimes run into him when I'm walking my dog
There's no other way to go when walking your dog? You have to pass his house?:-3

camelot · Post by **camelot** » Sun Nov 12, 2006 3:20 pm

There's no other way to go when walking your dog? You have to pass his house?

Well, he rides his bike all over town so it's hard to avoid him sometimes. My dog hates him too, he tries to eat him everytime he sees him. He tells me there should be laws against dogs like mine, maybe there should be laws against men like him!:wah:

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 9:38 am

I think you are doing the right thing by changing to a different chiropractor. Does he get patients referred to him by the NHS, are any of his 'conquests' under age? these things could be important because he is an abuser by his very nature.

He will only have the power to affect your life if you allow it. We all do things that we look back and cringe at but you just need to learn from it and move on, you will always remember it but it will not have any influence on your future unless you let it.

The best thing you can do when you see him is smile and say hello but keep on walking, that way you're not showing him any negative emotion by that I mean he won't think that you're jealous of his current bedmate because all you are doing is being polite.

But when he p's you off punch a pillow!!

beautyful · Post by **beautyful** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 9:45 am

You should hold your head high and walk past his house with pride, admittedly you've made your mistakes in life (but who hasn't?) but he is the one with twisted morals

There are users in life and there are those who they make their victims, you've been there and don't need it anymore, be strong and the others are right, change chiropractors:wah:

plus i don't think he should be able to get away with this, there must be some sort of governing body for chiropractors, he abused his position and that is wrong, too many men in such positions are allowed to get away with the things they do simply because women are sometimes to frightened to tell someone, hope you can have a happy life without this idiot making you feel bad

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 9:52 am

I have given this some thought and have come to the considered opinion that he is a total knob. If your back still needs treatment after all his efforts, he can't be the only one in the phone book. You should show yourself the respect that he doesn't and steer clear.

camelot · Post by **camelot** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 9:57 pm

Thanks again for the responses

After another chain of events (that may or may not be stupid on my part but somehow I feel better since I've come clean) I am now finished with him and I'm seeing another more professional chiropractor.

Just for the heck of it I looked up our state code regarding chiropractors and found out that he can in fact have his license revoked for such behavior.

When I switched chiropractors they requested my records, so I went in on an afternoon that he wasn't there (he's off on Tuesday and Thrusday afternoons but his receptionist is there), and requested my records. Naturally she questioned why I had decided to change doctors. I ended up telling her everything, from his sexual relationship with me to his current relationship with blondie.

She was flabbergasted. I was surprised because up until now I didn't even think she liked me that well, but she said that blondie is a slut and runs off with every man she meets, and that he's totally unprofessional and could lose his license. I told her that I was aware because I had read the code myself.

She was supposed to talk to him the next day but I haven't talked to either of them since so I don't know what happened. The only thing I do know is that his car was ALWAYS home, even after he started seeing blondie he was home and she was always there, and now all of a sudden he's never home, so my guess is that he's moved the affair to her place so that it's less obvious.

It doesn't matter to me anymore, I'm no longer a patient (or a friend in my book) and like a few of you said, I will be polite and hold my head high when I see him or pass his house.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Sat Nov 18, 2006 4:33 am

camelot;462812 wrote: Thanks again for the responses

After another chain of events (that may or may not be stupid on my part but somehow I feel better since I've come clean) I am now finished with him and I'm seeing another more professional chiropractor.

Just for the heck of it I looked up our state code regarding chiropractors and found out that he can in fact have his license revoked for such behavior.

When I switched chiropractors they requested my records, so I went in on an afternoon that he wasn't there (he's off on Tuesday and Thrusday afternoons but his receptionist is there), and requested my records. Naturally she questioned why I had decided to change doctors. I ended up telling her everything, from his sexual relationship with me to his current relationship with blondie.

She was flabbergasted. I was surprised because up until now I didn't even think she liked me that well, but she said that blondie is a slut and runs off with every man she meets, and that he's totally unprofessional and could lose his license. I told her that I was aware because I had read the code myself.

She was supposed to talk to him the next day but I haven't talked to either of them since so I don't know what happened. The only thing I do know is that his car was ALWAYS home, even after he started seeing blondie he was home and she was always there, and now all of a sudden he's never home, so my guess is that he's moved the affair to her place so that it's less obvious.

It doesn't matter to me anymore, I'm no longer a patient (or a friend in my book) and like a few of you said, I will be polite and hold my head high when I see him or pass his house.

I think you should report the guy. His behaviour has been totally unprofessional to date and maybe reporting him may stop someone else being hurt in the future - im sorry this happened to you .

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Nov 18, 2006 5:14 am

Pinky;462895 wrote: You could always make posters out of his photo with the heading 'TWAT' on it.

Then plaster 'em all over town:D
Is that the Para-Military team of The Chiropractors Association?

camelot · Post by **camelot** » Sat Nov 18, 2006 9:29 am

You could always make posters out of his photo with the heading 'TWAT' on it.

Then plaster 'em all over town

Ha! Great idea!

Yeah his receptionist is pretty confident, she's been there for at least 10 years and she said she has to set him straight every now and then. I don't think it worked this time though because he's still seeing Blondie, maybe they agreed that she wouldn't be a patient anymore or something?

beautiful_soul · Post by **beautiful_soul** » Mon Nov 20, 2006 11:23 pm

nah, camelot, don't do anything like that because that is just dirtying your reputation for him, he is not worth the attention you put into him. Just treat him like an acquaintence and enjoy life, put a smile on your face when you see him, and when he sees you so happy, he'll feel crap because he knows that you can live 10 times better without he's stupid rules that he doesnt stick to himself! Good Luck Camelot

camelot · Post by **camelot** » Tue Nov 21, 2006 6:34 pm

well I saw him walking today (I was driving), it was the first time I've saw him since all of this started. My original plan was to just smile and be polite, but he wouldn't even look at me. How am I supposed to be polite if he doesn't look? Should I ignore him too?:-5

Saffron · Post by **Saffron** » Tue Nov 21, 2006 9:02 pm

OMG! I started reading this and it just reminded me of a few things; my father, who is a chiropractor. And married one of his patients after my mother divorced him. My father also had an affair with a nurse when he worked in a hospital while I was a kid. He was a radiologist at that time. So is it just a chiropractic thing? Probably not.

I worked for my father when I was 22 - 23. And he had a few chiropractors working in his office as interns after graduating from college. And I'll tell you this, women love doctors. And many, many female patients get involved with their chiropractors, especially if they are single. I mean women threw themselves at them. And not just the interns, but my father also.

As far as your situation.....did you say you live near him? Move! And definitely don't see him any more. What a dick! His actions are a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Once my father had hired an M.D. and opened a new office down the hall. The M.D. was a single Jewish doctor. And he got a woman pregnant, not a patient though. She'd call him nonstop all day long, and he'd ditch her calls. Everyone knew what was going on and he'd say these terrible things about her. Once I saw her, and she looked awful. I kept thinking, this woman could sue him. And she was blonde, what is it with blondes? I cannot stand blondes.

And once I had a friend who worked for a chiro as a receptionist. She was recently separated from her husband and she was badly in need of a good job and very vulnerable at the time. So she and this doctor began having sex, there in the office. She told me that sometimes in the closet. And then he just dumped her, and then fired her! She was so devastated. And I felt sorry for her. She got another job soon after, but the day he fired her, she was totally falling apart. And there was really nothing she could do. I don't think the doctor was married, but I would not be surprised if he was.:-5

camelot · Post by **camelot** » Tue Nov 21, 2006 10:28 pm

That would be polite don't you think? Would probably be just the thing to hold back the restraining order if I were him.

Are you suggesting that I'm watching him? Maybe you misunderstood what I said in an earlier post when I commented that he's never at home anymore. He lives two houses away from me and I have to pass his house to go to the post office, the grocery store, every time I go somewhere I have to pass his house and his business. I'm not stalking him...he's just there and I can't help but notice if he's home or not. I know when all of my other neighbors are at home too, and they know when I'm home. Believe me if I didn't have to pass his house or his business I wouldn't, but the way it is now I have to pass them both on a regular basis.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 21, 2006 10:33 pm

camelot;466082 wrote: well I saw him walking today (I was driving), it was the first time I've saw him since all of this started. My original plan was to just smile and be polite, but he wouldn't even look at me. How am I supposed to be polite if he doesn't look? Should I ignore him too?:-5it sounds like you were disappointed he didn't look. isn't it best that he doesn't?

camelot · Post by **camelot** » Tue Nov 21, 2006 10:34 pm

To Saffron: Women definately throw themselves at doctors. I could care less if this guy dates 50 women at once, the part that bothered me was that he's spent the last 3 years bragging about how he would never date a patient again, and especially not someone as young as I am, and then he proceeded to completely bash my lifestyle. Now he's dating a patient that's 4 years younger than me (the receptionist told me that when we were talking, I didn't ask her). He's a user, and not only that he's pissed

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 1:18 am

camelot;466082 wrote: well I saw him walking today (I was driving), it was the first time I've saw him since all of this started. My original plan was to just smile and be polite, but he wouldn't even look at me. How am I supposed to be polite if he doesn't look? Should I ignore him too?:-5

Yes. You HAVE to let go and you NEED to move on. You shouldn't even waste your time wondering what he's up to and who with. Live your life for YOU

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 3:06 am

Why would you trouble yourself to be polite? Good riddance to bad rubbish. The guy was a mistake. You made some big messups now get yourself together and stay on the right track. That includes getting rid of old baggage.

camelot · Post by **camelot** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 2:13 pm

I think you guys are misunderstanding me here. I'm not trying to be polite in hopes that everything will get back to normal. I'm through with him, new doctor, everything. It was suggested earlier in the thread when I mentioned being worried that he'd think I switched Dr's because I was jealous, someone (I think two people actually) said that I should just be polite when I see him and act like everything's ok. That was the plan, but now he's ignoring me making it difficult to be polite. I guess I should just let him ignore me and let it be, I was just wondering what everyone thought.

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 3:47 pm

camelot;466735 wrote: I was just wondering what everyone thought.

I refer you to my original suggestions.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Wed Nov 22, 2006 4:20 pm

camelot;466735 wrote: I think you guys are misunderstanding me here. I'm not trying to be polite in hopes that everything will get back to normal. I'm through with him, new doctor, everything. It was suggested earlier in the thread when I mentioned being worried that he'd think I switched Dr's because I was jealous, someone (I think two people actually) said that I should just be polite when I see him and act like everything's ok. That was the plan, but now he's ignoring me making it difficult to be polite. I guess I should just let him ignore me and let it be, I was just wondering what everyone thought.

The fact that he ignored you shows what a gutless person he really is

. I say this in the nicest possible way .. the sooner you get over him the sooner you will find another guy who can treat you how you deserve to be treated . I don't think there was ever any future in it for you both . The guy just seems like a user - take care and let us know how you get on .