OMG, I'm going crazy

Bullet · Post by **Bullet** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 6:27 pm

I am a single parent. I do have the support of my wonderful fiance', but neither of us are experienced in this situation. Let me start from last week.

I have a 13 year old daughter. Until last Tues, she lived with her mother, about 8 miles from me. I had the typical visitations, every other weekend, etc. She has made the decision to come live with me. I am overjoyed and have been waiting for this day. I knew it would come, because I know how her mom is. I could not be happier.

My quandry is now trying to make decisions about a young teenage girl. She is very typical, boy crazy, defiant, wants to wear too much make up, and I just found out my little girl wears thong underwear. (her mom told me). I am waaaay out of my arena here.

I am looking for general advice about teenage girls, and specific advice about make up. She wants to use eye liner, mascara, eye shadow, and lip gloss. I think it's too much, but I may be out of touch seeing as how I'm not really in touch with her generation and, well I'm a man and possibly an over protective daddy. She will be 14 in June. What have some of your experiences been? I've tried the whole respect yourself speech, and boys have cooties (did not work) speech.

She had her first REAL kiss about a few weeks ago. I scared him away but good. I know I know, over re-acted. Should I allow them to see each other at my house under my supervision? Is it too early for that kind of stuff? And what about her going over to his parents house?

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 7:08 pm

As the "supportive fiance", I'd love to hear some suggestions!! (Thank heaven I had a boy!!!)

Clueless in Detroit...

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 7:12 pm

No advice other than "Good Luck".

rachelg · Post by **rachelg** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 7:19 pm

Here I am trying to give advice when I have no human children of my own, but many of my friends do have teenage daughters. Their solution was to keep the daughter BUSY. If she does sports, get involved, do all the games. Does she like horses or dogs (an excellent idea!). Get them involved, maybe helping out at a stable or kennel, or even assisting someone showing them, maybe getting interested in showing too

Any local clubs, is she artistic, poetic, any talents that can be developed. Mainly, the idea is to keep her mind on something besides Boys. :-6

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 7:25 pm

Rachel has some good ideas. Give her something to focus on and be proud of besides boys.

How do you know if it's over the line? (whether makeup, behavior, etc)...You'll know. If you look at her and cringe, then it's too much. You could start a rule that says she can't leave the house unless her makeup is properly done - so she'll have to be taught what looks good, and why. She surely shouldn't be dating at just under 14. If she came from a home that didn't teach her the difference between fun and class, then it's going to be tough at first. But you are the dad, and so long as she knows you love her, things will work out ok.

Congratulations!! It must be awesome to have her back with you.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 9:33 pm

hey Bullet...i raised three sons, so my sincerest advice is lock her in her room until she's 34. (just kidding:D )...since i was once the teenage child of a very strict father, i can say this...rebellion is in direct correlation to what is forbidden. expect it. if i was told no makeup, i hid it in my bookbag. but my Mom was cool, she welcomed boys to the house, let us play records and dance in the living room, remained unobtrusive but i knew she was there, which is a secure feeling for a young girl. try not to think about the thongs, with me it was not being allowed to wear nylons! but they were stashed in my bookbag too! LOL. you have to pick your battles. you will do just fine, i know you will, and you will make mistakes along the way, but she will love you for caring. hey, i really appreciate it when i look back at how much my Dad did care. even when i was climbing out my bedroom window :sneaky: and he was standing there waiting for me. pissed me off. but it was because he loved me. above all, have fun watching her grow!

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 9:52 pm

Well I don't have a teenage girl, will in out a decade, so will stress then.

However as to her makeup and such, have her chunk the eyeliner. All she needs at that age is a good skin care routine and a moisturizer with atleast spf 15 for daily use. The only make up products I'd recommed are a masacara and lip gloss.

As for boys, visit you local gun show or store and purchase the biggest shotgun available and leave the ammunition in plain site when the boys come to visit

Just whatever you do, do not hang your daughters bra's on ceiling fan in livingroom cause your tired of them draped in the bathroom. It's very embaressing! :-4

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 10:19 pm

Sheryl...I guess you don't know Bullet: The farthest he has to go for a gun is his bedroom!

:yh_bigsmi

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 10:30 pm

As a former makeup artist I have to agree with AK. Teach her how to do it properly (bood a Mary Kaye or Avon house demo for her and her friends if you have to!) and go through beauty magasines for reference photos discussing what looks good and why. You won't stop it. She'll just put it on after she leaves. She wants to feel sexy and she will do whatever it takes to accomplish that. Hopefully she'll feel sexy enough that she wants to make sure she gets a quality boyfriend who appreciates how great she is. Also as a former sporty chick and a current construction worker...guys are really turned on by that. If she thinks she can stay fit AND attract a cool guy it might gain more interest.

There are many kinds of beauty, what style she chooses will affect what kind of guy she attracts. Hopefully she'll think carefully about that.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 11:10 pm

BabyRider wrote: Sheryl...I guess you don't know Bullet: The farthest he has to go for a gun is his bedroom!

:yh_bigsmi

Yea guess I should of taken the handle of "bullet" into consideration. :yh_loser

Also here's a link to great website with beauty products geared toward the younger crowd!

http://pr.meetmark.com/PRSuite/home/home.jsp

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 11:36 pm

LOL glad I'm having a boy:)

On the two much make up there are lots of older gals that do that also.

Lotto

http://www.flalottomagic.net/cgi-local/ ... elcome-344

MagicZ4941A

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:42 pm

I think the best advice is, as LC said, pick your battles. Don't sweat the small stuff. My daughter is 15 and puts make up on better than most adult women, including eyeliner. She also has thongs, but gets tired of the constant wedgie LOL. Having a boy over is fine as long as you are there in my opinion, and don't forget the how kissing leads to pregnancy talk! :sneaky:

persephone · Post by **persephone** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 3:38 am

Just some more ideas on keeping her busy.... So busy she'll fall asleep as soon as she walks through the door :wah:

I know not everyone agrees with these organisations but there's benefits to them... Strict supervision, a chance to travel, learning things that most don't ever get the chance to and more.

Guides (she may think is lame)

Sea cadets, great for water sports and travel (even summer camps in other countries)

Any other pre-service organisation

I only know about Sea Cadets (guess yours are maybe Navy Cadets), as a teenager I was in cadets, we got to go sailing, canoeing, windsurfing, learnt about communication, learnt how to clean/build/shoot semi automatics, went offshore with the Navy, camps most weekends, and so much more. There's also the boring marching stuff, but what you get from cadets is something you get to take through life.

I'll not say we were too busy for the boys (try not to notice boys dressed in Marine uniforms) but we were supervised military style.

I don't know how it is in the US but for us Sea Cadets is the only non pre-service youth organisation, so you are not being trained for the Navy, just having fun and learning in a naval uniform (uniforms were free). Army and Air cadets are pre-service groups.

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 4:30 am

Bullet wrote: I am a single parent. I do have the support of my wonderful fiance', but neither of us are experienced in this situation. Let me start from last week.

I have a 13 year old daughter. Until last Tues, she lived with her mother, about 8 miles from me. I had the typical visitations, every other weekend, etc. She has made the decision to come live with me. I am overjoyed and have been waiting for this day. I knew it would come, because I know how her mom is. I could not be happier.

My quandry is now trying to make decisions about a young teenage girl. She is very typical, boy crazy, defiant, wants to wear too much make up, and I just found out my little girl wears thong underwear. (her mom told me). I am waaaay out of my arena here.

I am looking for general advice about teenage girls, and specific advice about make up. She wants to use eye liner, mascara, eye shadow, and lip gloss. I think it's too much, but I may be out of touch seeing as how I'm not really in touch with her generation and, well I'm a man and possibly an over protective daddy. She will be 14 in June. What have some of your experiences been? I've tried the whole respect yourself speech, and boys have cooties (did not work) speech.

She had her first REAL kiss about a few weeks ago. I scared him away but good. I know I know, over re-acted. Should I allow them to see each other at my house under my supervision? Is it too early for that kind of stuff? And what about her going over to his parents house?
Having raised a step daughter from the age of four, I feel your pain! :yh_sweat All I can suggest, is do what YOU feel is right. She is your daughter. We all hit bumps in the road. Join the PTA, stay involved in her schooling! Go to ALL parent /teacher thingys, that way at least you know whats she's up to there. She is just figuring out who she is. You already know who you are. You're the father of the most precious thing you've ever known. Your daughter. Trust me, Bullet. You'll be just fine. It's the same thing all of us parents go through. (I had two boys myself)!

greydeadhead · Post by **greydeadhead** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 5:00 am

Hey Bullet..

Mine just turned 18 hoo yeah... out the door.. naaah.. All I tried to do was keep them lines of communication open. Yep.. it led to a couple of tear filled, stomach tying, yelling arguments.. and more than one "I hate you" 's tossed in to the mix.. but them are just growing pains. Plus remember young adults today are smothered with images of what they should be.. and there is this I have to look this way so I am accepted mentality. Thankfully my daughter follows the beat of her own drummer so to speak and could really care less what the "in crowd" thinks. Sooooo.. best advice.. keep talking.. about anything and everything.. and I do mean ANYTHING... don't judge.. and remember.. you were there once too.. I mean.. we allwere.. back when I was dodging T. Rex on the way to school...

Good luck.. you can do it ..

later.....

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 1:10 pm

I keep coming back to this thread to read what you all are saying. Being the "step-mom" in this situation, I am also at a loss. (I repeat my thankfulness for having a boy.) Please keep the advice coming, it helps a lot. I'm trying like hell to remain open-minded and it's tough!! Remembering what it was like when I was her age, and thinking "No way in the WORLD is she going to do the stuff I did!!!"

So thanks again everyone. You all are terriffic. :yh_hugs

smithy87 · Post by **smithy87** » Thu Mar 24, 2005 7:08 am

BabyRider wrote: I keep coming back to this thread to read what you all are saying. Being the "step-mom" in this situation, I am also at a loss. (I repeat my thankfulness for having a boy.) Please keep the advice coming, it helps a lot. I'm trying like hell to remain open-minded and it's tough!! Remembering what it was like when I was her age, and thinking "No way in the WORLD is she going to do the stuff I did!!!"

So thanks again everyone. You all are terriffic. :yh_hugs

I know exactly how you feel.

I have a step-daughter who is 15 going on 40. My husband has always said having a female presence in the house helped him a lot. I was able to give him a womans perspective on things. I know how hard it is for him sometimes, watching his 'little girl' grow up. Its always been easier for me to remain open minded and fair in some situations that have arisen (like the thong and make up!) which has helped control the "I'm not a baby anymore Dad" arguments. I know my daughter feels she can talk to me and her dad about most things even when it may be hard for us to hear. Luckily, she's a level-headed young girl who doesn't follow the crowd and if and when she makes mistakes she knows we'll listen and help. :-6

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Mar 24, 2005 4:30 pm

Easy wrote: - your fiance is not. OUCH I'll stop here. Good idea.

Keeping in mind this comes from a man who despises his wife.

Easy, don't look at that as a shot, but you were pretty harsh.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Fri Mar 25, 2005 3:41 pm

Easy wrote: Please accept my apology. I'm sorry if I offended you. I'm not sure how that statement is offensive.

I don't think that it's a secret that there is a potential for problems in this type of relationship.Easy, there's nothing to apologize for. I just thought your comment warranted pointing out the fact that you don't like your wife. Bullet and I both know exactly where we stand with each other and where our kids stand.

Post by **kensloft** » Fri Mar 25, 2005 5:17 pm

It's a long, hard road but it has to be travelled. Make sure that she can talk to you about anything and everything. Now that she is growing up emphasize education and doing the right things for the right reasons. The rest will take care of itself.