Should you tell a friend something bad that you know

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Mar 22, 2005 10:38 pm

Then you approach them with "This is a possibility" and tell them what you might know. Preface what you say with "I am telling you this because I care about you a lot, and if something happened to you, I'd never forgive myself."

You're talking about the potential for a fatal disease, among other things. A friend would not hesitate to warn someone of this possible danger. If you think this friend would turn their back on you for caring and being concerned about their life, then how good a friend is that? I'd personally rather have them mad at me and alive than "blissfully ignorant" and dead.

It could be a spiteful ex, also. How reliable is the information?

Suresh Gupta · Post by **Suresh Gupta** » Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:32 pm

I agree with BabyRider. A corect advice under the present circumstances.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 12:18 am

let's see, needles, sexual activity with intravenous drug users, thievery, and even WORSE stuff that can't be mentioned? (what the heck could that be?? AIDS?) aside from the high-quality people involved here, you don't put their life in danger, they do by their choice of companions. people know what they are involved with and your friend sure as heck knows this isn't citizen of the year. a friend would say what needs to be said. your friend knows what she's got. and if you bring it out because of concern and then "lose a friend" what have you lost? would you want someone to tell YOU? that's the bottom line, what would you want for yourself?

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 1:43 am

Well, this is a tough one Mmm let me think.... :yh_think :yh_think :yh_think TELL HER!!

cars · Post by **cars** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 2:02 am

billyandmichellecoffey wrote: I have learned some pretty bad things that a friend of mine needs to know. Things like that the person they are dating is using needles, having unprotected sex with other needle users, is a thief, and some pretty other bad stuff that i am not going to mention. I dont know if what i was told is true or not. It came from this persons ex who is now married to another friend of mine.

What i need to know is should i tell this person or wait until this person asks me about it?

I think that i should tell but what if this person does not believe me. If i dont say anything i feel i am putting this persons life in danger but if i do say something and this person does not believe me or it turns out not to be true then i have lost a really good friend. If it because this person does not believe me then i can live with that but if i tell and it is not true then i lost a friend for no reason.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-5

A prudent thing to do in this circumstance, would be to tell your friend you were told some nasty things about her boyfriend and you really don't know if they are true or not. But that you have concern for "her safety" and you just think she may want to keep a watchful eye out for the things you mentioned. :guitarist

Cars :driving:

busybee · Post by **busybee** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 2:36 am

Yes tell her. She can make her own mind up after that, and she will appreciate your honesty and concern.

Kinda reminds me of my first husband - i was too young or niave or stupid to notice i had married an addict, everyone else around me knew, it seems, and didn't tell me - and i was hopelessly in love. Took me years to get over it and move on with my life which i have done successfully - but i realise not everyone can, people can get stuck in a situation forever.

I know it's not an easy thing to tell your friend, but who else will! If the information is wrong then you simply have to tell her that you were passing on information as you heard it and were concerned.

Good luck!

Busybee :-6

persephone · Post by **persephone** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 4:15 am

BR and Cars have put it in the best way to tell her.

If she says there's no needle marks though, suggest to her that users are very good at concealing these things... Also they can seem to lead a normal working life as long as withdrawl dosn't set in.

It's other signs she may need to look for, not just the obvious.

lime-sterman · Post by **lime-sterman** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 5:53 am

I agree! I would do it the way cars and Br have said, if it is put in the light that it may be his ex that spread this rumour, then he/she will know how to take it! if they don't! then you will have to be prepared for their response, I have only warned close friend's when any potential threat like the one you have posted has come to light!........and will continue to do so, they know I don't share my concern's easily on subject's like this. Tell them!

smithy87 · Post by **smithy87** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 6:16 am

The best thing to do would be to tell your friend. First of all, your friend may try and find excuses as to why you may be wrong and possibly not believe you. But you have to stand your ground (if you know your information is reliable) and remember you are doing this for your friends wellbeing and safety.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 9:18 pm

billyandmichellecoffey wrote: but if they dont listen and something happens then what should i do?What should you do?? What CAN you do? You have done all you can by telling them. The old saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink" applies here. If your friend is going on with this, having received this information from you, there is nothing else you can do. You can't control them, and you aren't responsible for what they do with their own life. You have an obligation to warn your friend of the danger, and that's as much as you have control over. If something happens after you have told them, then it's not your fault. It could be wise to pick some new friends, though. The crowd you know seems to be a bit....um...shady.

As for the sign of needle tracks, there are dozens of places on the body a needle can be inserted that can't be seen. IV drug users can be real good at hiding their habit.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 9:41 pm

BabyRider wrote: It could be wise to pick some new friends, though. The crowd you know seems to be a bit....um...shady.

As for the sign of needle tracks, there are dozens of places on the body a needle can be inserted that can't be seen. IV drug users can be real good at hiding their habit. yes...very creative. and impervious to pain as well. ...what i can't get over is he's GOING TO KEEP HAVING RELATIONS WITH HER! OMG! :-5 maybe he'd like to borrow my gun and play a little russian roulette too. *sigh*

Suresh Gupta · Post by **Suresh Gupta** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 9:54 pm

billyandmichellecoffey wrote: Well I took everyone's advice including myself and told him.

I told him that it was just what i had heard and did not know if it was true or not but was going to find out more if he wanted me to.

He said that he did not believe it and i told him that if he did not believe it then that was fine but at least if something did happen then i would be free of guilt because i did say something.

He is suppose to go and get tested and start being protected when he is with her.

God only knows what will happen from now on.

But thanks for the help in pushing me to say something.

I think you have done the right thing. You have acted the way a friend should act. I hope that your friend will think it over and take the right decision. I wish you and your friend good luck.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 10:11 pm

lady cop wrote: yes...very creative. and impervious to pain as well. ...what i can't get over is he's GOING TO KEEP HAVING RELATIONS WITH HER! OMG! :-5 maybe he'd like to borrow my gun and play a little russian roulette too. *sigh*Maybe juggle flaming, double-edged swords? I know...."Tag" with a king cobra. How 'bout pissing off a grizzly bear? Wait, wait...Sky diving, with no parachute!!! Each is as intelligent as the first.... :-5

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 10:48 pm

Well you told him, that's that. Now as BabyRider has suggested you need to find different friends. Your playing russian roulette as well by associating with these careless people. :-5 It's beyond me why some one with the knowledge about these people using drugs, needles, unprotected sex would continue to hang with them.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK FOR TROUBLE IT HAS FOUND YOU.. :-3