Re: Do All Men Cheat If So, Why? .....my opinion answers for ya to give feedback.

KARENSVINEYARD · Post by **KARENSVINEYARD** » Thu Sep 14, 2006 9:01 pm

most, not all men cheat. women now do it alot more now a days, just not talked about cause they're better at hidin' it. as for men i'll give my list of opinion reasons

#1 THEY'RE MARRIED: things get mondane/their not gettin' enough/there's only one woman in terms of monogamy

#2 THEY'RE WITH A GIRL THAT WANTS TO GET MARRIED

#3 THEY'RES A KID INVOLVED EITHER HIS AND HERS OR HERS/HIS (NOT REASON SOMETIMES BUT PROFILE OF CIRCUMSTANCE IN SOME CASES)

#4 WANT A YOUNGER ONE TO MAKE 'EM FEEL YOUNGER

#5 WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEIR CHOICES ARE IF THEY GET DIVORCED OR DUMP THEIR GIRL

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 12:11 am

The only reasons men cheat are because they're jerks. That's what it comes down to. A man who cheats is a jerk.

There is no acceptable excuse. "His wife wasn't giving him any" is not acceptable. Getting a divorce before you plug it in to some other woman is the only proper thing to do.

Same with "kids in the marriage" and every other excuse I've heard.

If it's that bad then get a damned divorce and then go get your cake. But don't think you can have your cake and eat it too.

That goes for cheating women too. Cheating women are jerks too.

I don't suffer infidels and it's a regular hot button of mine. There is no excuse.

KARENSVINEYARD · Post by **KARENSVINEYARD** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 12:45 am

yep on that Hamster. Good to hear from ya Redglitter. i'm agreed with that one. they're all poor excuses that men give ya for one reason or another its just all F**ked up to me. my ex slept with my sister, got pregnant and had abortion, and i'll tell ya what ya dont recoop from anger over that. i was prayin her now pregnancy was his too so hed leave me and the kid he just wants the title of Dad over, alone. that little slut turned my mothers nice suburban home into a shack up from whats not far from alike downtown'a the city i live in. mom isn't like that and i wish mom'ed kick her butt outa there. this family ain't much for drama, little country, but not trash, we're good smart people my mother included. shes a bad apple that for some reason no one can see the mold on the other side of

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 1:46 am

KARENSVINEYARD wrote: most, not all men cheat.

Rubbish.

KARENSVINEYARD · Post by **KARENSVINEYARD** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 2:52 am

Bill Sikes wrote: Rubbish.

??? you in denial or just sheltered my friend? awh just kiddin ya. wouldn't mind hearin' ya ellarborate on it though. you had a one word reply to another post'a mine, man of few words huh.

i mean it in good humor.

twizzel · Post by **twizzel** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 3:08 am

No not all men cheat if you can make it that simple which it is not, I am sorry to hear your story which is very sad loosing your husband and sister at the same time. I am a man and I married a woman who unbeknown to me suffered extreme premenstruel tension and depresion she was homicidale and suicidal on top of that we had a child with a very rear genetic defect. The stress this puts on a relationship is intolerable, for thirteen years I tried to help her and save my childs life my child died and I left and found someone else, my Doctor when I told him I had left her said that he believed that he would be giving evedence on my behalf at my triel for her murder he believed that I had put up with thirteen years of the most intolerable stress. During my time with her I had her stomach pumped to be told that another fifteen minutes and I would have been married to a cabbage take knives off her whisch were aimed at her or me. Did I cheat or did I reach out and take a chance on sanity? I still see my ex and help her when I can. I wish you luck and hope you will be able to forgive your sister if not your husband. twizzel

KARENSVINEYARD · Post by **KARENSVINEYARD** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 3:21 am

twizzel wrote: No not all men cheat if you can make it that simple which it is not, I am sorry to hear your story which is very sad loosing your husband and sister at the same time. I am a man and I married a woman who unbeknown to me suffered extreme premenstruel tension and depresion she was homicidale and suicidal on top of that we had a child with a very rear genetic defect. The stress this puts on a relationship is intolerable, for thirteen years I tried to help her and save my childs life my child died and I left and found someone else, my Doctor when I told him I had left her said that he believed that he would be giving evedence on my behalf at my triel for her murder he believed that I had put up with thirteen years of the most intolerable stress. During my time with her I had her stomach pumped to be told that another fifteen minutes and I would have been married to a cabbage take knives off her whisch were aimed at her or me. Did I cheat or did I reach out and take a chance on sanity? I still see my ex and help her when I can. I wish you luck and hope you will be able to forgive your sister if not your husband. twizzel

i've forgiven for way too long before it was asked of me. this is why i am who i am at this point in my life. it is time forgivness is asked and earned instead of given. you can not forgive those who believe that you will and so walk all over you. i to am sorry to hear your story. can't help those who dont want it for themselves. its not as much sayin' that you've got the problem as it is sometimes seekin the help to at least prove ya wrong and rule it out. i'm not sad about loosing my husband or my sister at this point. there's a view beyond the weeds i didnt know had grown so tall to block it. i see it now.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 3:33 am

I heard something very interesting just recently from a very intelligent friend. Ive embraced the concept. I think it explains a lot, and I like it. Humans who spend their lives totally engrossed in seeking sexual gratification have not discovered any other endeavor or idea or action that nourishes the pleasure center of their brains. All men do not cheat. There are men and women who have done the work required for personal growth and they see with eyes that go far beyond anything supplied in the physical sense alone. Now, where are they??

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 3:40 am

KARENSVINEYARD wrote: ??? you in denial or just sheltered my friend? awh just kiddin ya. wouldn't mind hearin' ya ellarborate on it though. you had a one word reply to another post'a mine, man of few words huh.

i mean it in good humor.

You said "most men cheat (on their wives)" - I do not believe you. If you have

some source of evidence, even an informal survey of the population at large,

I'd like to see it!

KARENSVINEYARD · Post by **KARENSVINEYARD** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 3:43 am

weeder wrote: I heard something very interesting just recently from a very intelligent friend. Ive embraced the concept. I think it explains a lot, and I like it. Humans who spend their lives totally engrossed in seeking sexual gratification have not discovered any other endeavor or idea or action that nourishes the pleasure center of their brains. All men do not cheat. There are men and women who have done the work required for personal growth and they see with eyes that go far beyond anything supplied in the physical sense alone. Now, where are they??

good question darlin' wish i knew. thats my thought though, not all men cheat. as a feminist its not orthodox for me to say so, but women fancy it just as well but it doesnt always show on the radar cause women hide it better SOMETIMES. the act of sexual gratification can be a beautiful and pleasurable thing, but if you cant with a person, or if it takes that much effort, its pointless plain and simple. maybe its cause i'm a newer generation, but sexual gratification isnt bad to want all the time, but it cant be applied to every lifestyle.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 3:52 am

There is a man here in my town ( and there arent many) who has been interested in me for years. He is kind, funny and generous. Despite the fact that he is not " the man of my dreams" Ive tried to be mature and think maybe he would be a mature choice. I sometimes have dinner with him. Ive tried to cultivate a relationship that would have a basis for something more than just dinner. Unfortunately, he obviously never hears a word I say because he is totally obsessed with getting me to take my clothes off. So shallow, so stupid, so insulting. Just last week I decided to finally give up on him. The sad thing is that he does not and will never understand why.

KARENSVINEYARD · Post by **KARENSVINEYARD** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 4:01 am

weeder wrote: There is a man here in my town ( and there arent many) who has been interested in me for years. He is kind, funny and generous. Despite the fact that he is not " the man of my dreams" Ive tried to be mature and think maybe he would be a mature choice. I sometimes have dinner with him. Ive tried to cultivate a relationship that would have a basis for something more than just dinner. Unfortunately, he obviously never hears a word I say because he is totally obsessed with getting me to take my clothes off. So shallow, so stupid, so insulting. Just last week I decided to finally give up on him. The sad thing is that he does not and will never understand why.

follow your gut and no different, as i say. another thing i say sometimes is that if you dont like something now, you're not gonna like it later so the only person you're kiddin if you ignore that fact is you. ya only have this one life, even if there's reincarnation, chances that you'll remember this life are pretty nil there darlin' so dont waste it (your time).

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 5:05 am

weeder wrote: I heard something very interesting just recently from a very intelligent friend. Ive embraced the concept. I think it explains a lot, and I like it. Humans who spend their lives totally engrossed in seeking sexual gratification have not discovered any other endeavor or idea or action that nourishes the pleasure center of their brains. All men do not cheat. There are men and women who have done the work required for personal growth and they see with eyes that go far beyond anything supplied in the physical sense alone. Now, where are they??

Hear, hear. On a list of things that make a marriage or relationship work, I

should certainly not put sex at the top. Twice daily is enough for most

people, I should think, although fairly time-consuming. Trust would possibly

be at the top of the list. What do you think?

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 6:14 am

I would think so, Bill. I would also include respect for self and spouse at the top of said list.

zinkyusa · Post by **zinkyusa** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 6:41 am

tmbsgrl wrote: Not all men cheat & the ones that do are worthless pieces of crap.

Don't hold back now tmbsgrl.:wah:

KARENSVINEYARD · Post by **KARENSVINEYARD** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:40 pm

Bill Sikes wrote: Hear, hear. On a list of things that make a marriage or relationship work, I

should certainly not put sex at the top. Twice daily is enough for most

people, I should think, although fairly time-consuming. Trust would possibly

be at the top of the list. What do you think?

if you do not worry about sex bein' at the top of the list it either (to me) means you're alright with not getting any or you feel like it's too much of a job to worry about and in an instance like that i'd say it becomes the top of your list because it's a problem for it to feel like a job. just me though ya'all, ofcourse probably just me that made sense to so dont wanna offend over a point'a view.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 9:29 pm

I hope Bill won't think I'm trying to speak for him, but I took him to mean that sex is not the be-all end-all of it all. So many people think sex is Number One in a relationship and then they don't get it when everything else goes to hell in a handbasket. Certainly you need to be compatible in the sack and that includes working out an arrangement between the two of you so both are happy with the amount of sex one gets. But speaking for myself, I sure don't put sex at the top of my list when I'm looking for a companion. If the mind and soul isn't tended to first then the body won't care how good the sex is so it doesn't matter. I expect intelligence, humor, respect, maturity, decency and a kind heart. That's what's at the top of my list and it's never let me down.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Fri Sep 15, 2006 10:59 pm

wow i totally agree with everything red glitter said

i remember hearing this somewhere .. woman says he wants sex all the time at

least 3 times a week man says she never ever wants sex its 3 times a week

i think life is like that sex is like oxygen only very important if your not getting any

all the time you have the right amount your happy and don't think about. also you

have to have roughly the same sexual appetite , i have been out with women

that never wanted too and i thought whats wrong with sex is very important to

me but I've been out with women that wanted to all the time and yes I've thought

whats wrong with cant we have a chat .i actually went out with some one that

wanted too all the time and i mean all the time so i could not cope and finished it

only to go out with some one else later and where I'd been used to doing it 5 or

more times every day for months she finished with me and told every one i was a

sexaholic .. so you cant win you have to be compatible end of

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sat Sep 16, 2006 8:20 am

RedGlitter wrote: If the mind and soul isn't tended to first then the body won't care how good the sex is so it doesn't matter. I expect intelligence, humor, respect, maturity, decency and a kind heart. That's what's at the top of my list and it's never let me down.

Oh Red

I so like what you say here :-6

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Sep 16, 2006 9:18 am

Bill Sikes wrote: Hear, hear. On a list of things that make a marriage or relationship work, I

should certainly not put sex at the top. Twice daily is enough for most

people, I should think, although fairly time-consuming. Trust would possibly

be at the top of the list. What do you think?
I absolutely agree. Of course I do want to be physically attracted to who Im with... But sex without trust is zero. without mutual regard and respect is zero. We make ourselves the most vulnerable in a sexual situation. So, should we be vulnerable with someone not trust worthy?

KARENSVINEYARD · Post by **KARENSVINEYARD** » Sun Sep 17, 2006 8:53 pm

i read what i wrote again and realized it sounded alot better in my head then looked on the screen. lol. i try to make all posts say that its just what i'd do, but i sure suck at it sometimes i tell ya ya'all. anyways to me i always feel like if the love's naturally there then sex(making love, in this case) isnt going to be a problem being at the top'r bottom of the list. Sex is important to me because its, well, i s'ppose i'll put it this way,and i'll be blunt. if i'm really that inlove with somebody i'm gonna wanna rock his world eight ways from Sunday. i dont wanna just care about somebody or have a companion. i wanna lover that curls my toes til i cant feel'em no more. if i'm in love, and wanna show it like that, than i'm in the right place. Make sense?

Portia · Post by **Portia** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 4:00 am

neither ALL men, or ALL women cheat, i am in a long-distance relationship and we do not cheat on each other. we're soul mates and will never give up the feelings of love and trust that entails. as he says to me, he has no problem with the lack of sex when we're apart, the important thing is the communication and the good feeling of being faithful, as well as looking forward to when we are together. i trust him completely.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 4:17 am

KARENSVINEYARD wrote: most, not all men cheat. women now do it alot more now a days, just not talked about cause they're better at hidin' it. as for men i'll give my list of opinion reasons
I found this at this site. I can't vouch for their balance or anything else, but I'm pretty sure it's not a pro-man site.

Infidelity statistics

It's tough to get a handle on how many of us are having affairs, given the inherent secrecy.

Infidelity statistics

It's tough to get a handle on how many of us are having affairs, given the inherent secrecy.

22 percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives.

14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives.

Younger people are more likely candidates; in fact, younger women are as likely as younger men to be unfaithful.

70 percent of married women and 54 percent of married men did not know of their spouses' extramarital activity.

5 percent of married men and 3 percent of married women reported having sex with someone other than their spouse in the 1997.

22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations outside their marriage sometime in their past.

90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong.

50 percent of Americans say President Clinton's adultery makes his moral standard "about the same as the average married man,'' according to a Time-CNN poll.

61 percent of Americans thought adultery should not be a crime in the United states; 35 percent thought it should; 4 percent had no opinion.

17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by infidelity.So, while the ratio may be 22% higher than it ought to be, you can hardly say 'most'.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 4:19 am

Accountable wrote: So, while the ratio may be 22% higher than it ought to be, you can hardly say 'most'.

I agree.

Men get bashed all the time for this. Well . . . some men are not faithful and some women are not faithful.

And then . . . some of them are, aren't they? :-6

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 4:22 am

RedGlitter wrote: The only reasons men cheat are because they're jerks. That's what it comes down to. A man who cheats is a jerk.

There is no acceptable excuse. "His wife wasn't giving him any" is not acceptable. Getting a divorce before you plug it in to some other woman is the only proper thing to do.Maturity. Self-control. Discipline. Accountability. Loyalty. Love.

Honoring one's commitments is the only proper thing to do.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 4:24 am

Accountable wrote: Maturity. Self-control. Discipline. Accountability. Loyalty. Love.

Honoring one's commitments is the only proper thing to do.

Acc --

I'm swooning for you right now :-4

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 4:29 am

cherandbuster wrote: Acc --

I'm swooning for you right now :-4Aw Hell! You should've told me before I posted that, then. :-5

zinkyusa · Post by **zinkyusa** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 5:19 am

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a

beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello.

He's rather taken aback, because he can't place

where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you Know

me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of

one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has

ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God,

are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I

laid on the pool table with all of my buddies watching,

while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery

and then stuck a carrot up my butt???" She looks

into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's

math teacher."

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 6:04 am

zinkyusa wrote: A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a

beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello.

He's rather taken aback, because he can't place

where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you Know

me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of

one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has

ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God,

are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I

laid on the pool table with all of my buddies watching,

while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery

and then stuck a carrot up my butt???" She looks

into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's

math teacher."

Zinkster

That's one of my favorite jokes

twizzel · Post by **twizzel** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 2:27 pm

Portia wrote: neither ALL men, or ALL women cheat, i am in a long-distance relationship and we do not cheat on each other. we're soul mates and will never give up the feelings of love and trust that entails. as he says to me, he has no problem with the lack of sex when we're apart, the important thing is the communication and the good feeling of being faithful, as well as looking forward to when we are together. i trust him completely.
You are the most fortunate of women confident in yourself and your partner best wishes twizzel

KARENSVINEYARD · Post by **KARENSVINEYARD** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 4:31 pm

lol. glad'ta know there's more nutty people in the world than me ya'all

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 4:44 pm

OK--what's "cheating?" Is it flirtation/online sex with a stranger? Is it telephone sex? Is it a "one-night stand" on an overnight business trip?

Remember Jimmy Carter confessing that he had, in fact, "lusted in his heart" for other women? Is THAT cheating?

I know a man married to a woman who has had multiple schlerosis for the past 12 years and cannot be touched. The drugs she takes and the discomfort of her disease makes sex abhorrent to her. Suppose this man sought sex outside of the marriage? Is that "cheating?"

Is it different if a woman does these things?

zinkyusa · Post by **zinkyusa** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 4:57 pm

Pinky wrote: I don't think the last one is. Everyone has needs.

Fair enough, if you have no sex drive, then it's not going to be so important.

I think to some extent the first one is ok as well...it's only a bit of fun.

When it affects your everyday life - that's when things get buggered up.

ah the last one only applies to women pinky...

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 4:57 pm

Those were serious questions.....and what YOU and I might think is "ok" and not disruptive....others might drop into divorce court. It's interesting to consider...

KARENSVINEYARD · Post by **KARENSVINEYARD** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 4:58 pm

Lulu2 wrote: OK--what's "cheating?" Is it flirtation/online sex with a stranger? Is it telephone sex? Is it a "one-night stand" on an overnight business trip?

Remember Jimmy Carter confessing that he had, in fact, "lusted in his heart" for other women? Is THAT cheating?

I know a man married to a woman who has had multiple schlerosis for the past 12 years and cannot be touched. The drugs she takes and the discomfort of her disease makes sex abhorrent to her. Suppose this man sought sex outside of the marriage? Is that "cheating?"

Is it different if a woman does these things?

yes ma'am i believe it is cheating indeed. he has the choice to be there or not. thats the special thing about a true marriage, loving the one and only one that makes ya happy and being there just because it makes you happy. think of you being in her shoes. would ya be okay with your husband saying that he loves you so much that he wants to be married to you as long as he can just get the sex somewhere else since you cant give it to him. your an important person LULU and i know i sound kinda like a public service announcement, but to you, or anyone, just because something is wrong with a person, doesnt mean that they have to settle for what they think is all they're good enough for. did that make sense LULU. i always ask that cause everything sounds like it does in my head til the next day and i'm like, what in the world did i put it like that for? lol. ya get the picture though. its the woman who has the impairment that suffers inside all of the time about it i'm sure. if she does worry about it she should know that what she has makes her no less of a person that has to settle for whatever she can get. noone should. that was'an interesting question. i hope more people read that one and give ya feedback on it. i'm gonna have to keep the ol' eye on that one.

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:03 pm

Pinks, I think she's referring to my question about....is any of this different if a woman does it?

zinkyusa · Post by **zinkyusa** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:03 pm

Pinky wrote: Uh, I don't see where that logic comes from.

If a guy goes off it, or just can't do it (it has been known!)

Would you expect your lady to not need it?

You said you don't think the last one is cheating, but the last one was only referring to ladies, do you mean only ladies can go off in that case?:-5

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:05 pm

What do you think, Zinky?

zinkyusa · Post by **zinkyusa** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:08 pm

Pinky wrote: No, not at all. I was saying that everyone has needs, and if one partner is incapable, then it's understandable that they may look elsewhere. Male or female.

Yeah, I agree I don't think that would be cheating, would you tell your spouse?

If not would that be cheating?

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:09 pm

So....if one partner or the other is incapable/undesireable of sex, it's ok to seek that outside the marriage, if everything else is satisfactory, or necessary?

I'm not challenging....just asking. It's very easy to condemn sex outside of marriage...but there are other circumstances.

Also on the board is cyber sex/phone sex and one-night stands.

zinkyusa · Post by **zinkyusa** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:11 pm

Lulu2 wrote: So....if one partner or the other is incapable/undesireable of sex, it's ok to seek that outside the marriage, if everything else is satisfactory, or necessary?

I'm not challenging....just asking.

Also on the board is cyber sex/phone sex and one-night stands.

To me those are all cheating unless the issue is one partner is incapable...

However I am not saying cheating is always necessarily wrong or evil....

It's always a question of why not what?

uh oh