Oklahoma Vasectomy

[Sheryl]

After their 11th child, an Oklahoma couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband visits his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb." (Fireworks are legal in Oklahoma) "Light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Sooner said to the doctor, "I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count.

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

[Wolverine]

Top 10 of the Big 12

1. What does the average A&M player get on his SATs?

Drool.

2. What do you get when you put 32 Oklahoma cheerleaders in one room?

A full set of teeth.

3. How do you get a Nebraska cheerleader into your dorm room?

Grease her hips and push like hell.

4. How do you get a Texas Tech graduate off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

5. Why do the Iowa State cheerleaders wear bibs?

To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.

6.Why is the Baylor football team like a possum?

Because they play dead at home, and get killed on the road.

7. What are the longest three years of a K-State football player's life?

His freshman year.

8. How many Colorado freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?

None . . . That's a sophomore course at Colorado.

9. Where was O.J. headed in the white Bronco?

Lubbock, Texas. . . He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.

AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash...)

10. Why did Oklahoma State choose orange as their team color?

You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

[Wolverine]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon at the K-State veterinary clinic. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure"?

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure"? She protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100 percent certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried. “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead"?

The vet shrugged. “I’m sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the lab report and the cat scan, it's now $150."

[Sheryl]

:wah: :wah:

[Wolverine]

this on is my ABSOLUTE favorite because i Loathe the Domers.

A fellow walks into a restaurant, orders a drink, and asks the waiter if he'd like to hear a good Notre Dame joke.

"Listen buddy," he growled. "See those 2 big guys on your left? They were both linemen on the Notre Dame football team. And that huge fellow on your right was a world-class wrestler at Notre Dame. That guy in the corner was Notre Dame's all-time champion weight lifter. And I lettered in 3 sports at Notre Dame. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?"

"Nah, guess not," the man replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it 5 times."

[Angelica]

LMAO @ all three...:wah: :wah: :wah:

[Sheryl]

:wah:

those are all pretty good.