The intent to cause harm..

[Bryn Mawr]

flopstock wrote:

No idea why I felt I need to share this with you folks. Perhaps because some of you have the mistaken impression that I am good, or at least better then average when it comes to the way I treat others.



But I really let someone down here, in addition to myself. They don't judge me, but I do. And even though they won't see this, I needed to say it. So that maybe I won't do the same thing if the opportunity presents itself again..


As you say, it is almost impossible not to look at the accident on the other side of the road.

I think you are being too hard on yourself. You are human and that make you fallible.



The reason that you are “above average in you dealings with other people is that you think about it, try hard and make fewer mistakes than most.



One sign of human frailty does not make you a bad person.

[cherandbuster]

Hi Diane --

I hope you feel better having shared this with us.

How realistic is it to expect yourself to *not* read the e-mail? You are only human, my friend. I don't think many of us would have turned away.

The good that came out of this is that you now understand your friend and her behavior much more clearly.

Plus . . . you also have reached a different opinion of the messenger.

By the way, I still think you are a wonderful human being. I can't think of many more people I'd rather have on my side than you. :-4

So there

[OpenMind]

May God Bless you Floppy for your self-honesty. Now you are in a position to forgive yourself. That's important.

[cherandbuster]

OpenMind wrote: May God Bless you Floppy for your self-honesty. Now you are in a position to forgive yourself. That's important.


That's really good, Ommmm.

Forgiving oneself is truly a noble thing

[chonsigirl]

You are too harse with yourself, Floppy. You read it, you rethought your actions, and learned something from this. That makes you a good person. Some people never learn from a mistake. We all make them, you are the same sweet Floopy you have always been.

[Nomad]

You and I are alike (I know what your thinking "scary") (but for whom ?):D

Your so hard on yourself. What did you do really ? You read an e mail with your name on it. You didnt steal mail. The end result is you recognized what the sender was doing. You didnt let it influence you, on the contrary. You saw beyond the obvious and that makes you a good friend and a wise woman. Stop beating yourself up. You feel a little guilty, well get over it. Your just fine. Look at the big picture, you are intellectually, spiritually and emotionally evolved. Step away from yourself, your too close to see this in yourself and your being too analytical.

[sunny104]

Nomad wrote: You and I are alike (I know what your thinking "scary") (but for whom ?):D

Your so hard on yourself. What did you do really ? You read an e mail with your name on it. You didnt steal mail. The end result is you recognized what the sender was doing. You didnt let it influence you, on the contrary. You saw beyond the obvious and that makes you a good friend and a wise woman. Stop beating yourself up. You feel a little guilty, well get over it. Your just fine. Look at the big picture, you are intellectually, spiritually and emotionally evolved. Step away from yourself, your too close to see this in yourself and your being too analytical.
that's what *I* was going to say....

[Sheryl]

Like everyone has stated you learned a couple things from the email. And now when you recieve an email from a certain person, you'll know just to hit delete. Or better yet just add their addy to your spam list. Presto no more tempations.

don't beat yourself up over a small mistake.

[RedGlitter]

Hi Flopstock,

I don't understand what's so horrible about this. The "nice" friend had some secrets and the "bad" friend let you in on them? That's not your fault. It's "bad" friend's fault for butting in and gossiping to you. Who wouldn't have read the email? I would have and I'm a good person too. I think it's what you do now with the information that matters. I think I would pretend I didn't know anything unless asked. But I don't know what the situation is either, so you may have a different take on that. But really, no need to punish yourself for anything.

[Lulu2]

Suppose I'd written the thread you did.....suppose I told you I was beating myself up for having been human....what would you say to me?

Love yourself and forgive yourself.

THEN you can decide what to do about "friend" B!

[Rapunzel]

As everyone says, it was only human to read the email.

But what if you hadn't read it? Wouldn't that just make you a pompous ass for being 'above' such a human frailty? (And no you're not a pompous ass sweetie, you're a warm and loving person who gives of herself generously, to make life better for others!)

Sometimes I think people need to know things, to help them understand, but nobody feels comfortable about telling them.

Let me tell you a little story. Are you sitting comfortably? Feet up? Then I'll begin.

A long time ago, my parents moved from their home to a new home on an Island which lay just off the coast. My younger sister was still living at home, so she moved with them. But her school was still on the mainland and it became a 2-3 hour journey travelling to school each day and another 2-3 hour journey home. So my sister moved in with my aunt, so she could walk to school and just went home to the island on weekends.

Now my mum paid my aunt (her sister) for my sisters board and keep, but my aunt felt guilty about taking money from her own sister. So when my mum's birthday came around, my aunt bought her an exceedingly expensive bottle of perfume as a way of giving a little back. My mum LOVED the perfume and my aunt was thrilled that my mum loved her gift!

Then my sister, who as the baby of the family is a spoiled little brat! decided that she ALSO liked the perfume! And being a sticky fingered little brat, she pinched it and took it back to my aunt' house so she could wear it to school everyday and show off to the other kids!

Of course, my aunt saw it in my sisters room and was extremely offended because my mum had said how much she loved it and my aunt thought she had lied and then given it to my sister because she actually hated it.

Meanwhile, my mum was cross with my sister, but refused to tell my aunt that her own daughter had stolen it from her. So we were at stalemate. My mum and aunt refused to talk to each other for weeks and only communicated via messages through my sister. It was pretty upsetting because they had been getting on really well before all this started!

My sister, meanwhile, was quite happily using the perfume and hadn't got into any trouble because of it. (She was also stealing from shops a lot at that time also, but thats another story!)

This all seemed very wrong to me. So I wrote to my grandmother and explained the whole situation. My aunt used to visit my grandmother (her mum) every week. So at the next visit my grandmother showed my aunt the letter. Now I had written 'please don't show my aunt this letter' but, to be honest, I thought my grandmother would forget this bit - and she did.

So my aunt read the truth and was pleased because she hated being at odds with her sister, my mum. I got told off for spilling the beans and my sister got told off for being naughty, but my mum and aunt were happier knowing that they hadn't lied to each other and the upset was all just a huge misunderstanding.



Whew! So maybe, in a similar way, you were meant to know! Maybe the original friend wanted you to know yet didn't feel they could tell you. Maybe the second friend cracked and felt you HAD to know, because you were working under a misapprehension regarding the first friend. Maybe the second friend felt it would be worth enduring your scorn just to know that your first friend could be properly appreciated.

Floppy, you're such a lovely person and I can only imagine that your friends are lovely people too. If your second friend was mean or spiteful then they probably wouldn't be your friend. I would look deeper into this and see if you can find a hidden reason for the second friends email. Maybe they were feeling terribly hurt about something.

Of course, it is your choice. I just feel that people DO go off the rails sometimes and people today tend to dump those who make mistakes without giving them a second chance or a chance to explain.

Sorry for such a long post. I just didn't want to see a nice person throw away a nice friend for what may have been a good reason- even if you don't agree with it!

Good luck with this. Hugs. :yh_hugs :yh_flower

[Accountable]

Good on ya for not sharing the details, as so many others might have done.



Keep this whole thing to yourself. The emailer has harmed your relationship with your friend because now you have a secret to keep from her (him?). You have to remember what she's shared with you and what the gossiper has stolen and sent to you, and keep them separate. You can't do it forever, and there are many schools of thought about how to handle that. IMO, telling her immediately would only give satisfaction to the gossiper.



:yh_hugs good luck. :yh_flower

[cherandbuster]

flopstock wrote: Because how can you really care about someone if you do something knowing it might harm them, when you have the option NOT TO....


Ah, Floops we can always aim high

But it's really difficult to get there and stay there

You just do your best :-6

[Accountable]

Sucks when you let yourself down, eh? Nobody can beat you up like you can. Ya done yet? Come on, get up. I'll help dust you off. :sneaky: