Shyness, and how make it go away

Robin313 · Post by **Robin313** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 1:26 pm

I'm very shy and have always been like this ,does anyone have some advice about getting over it? What works for you? Thanks!:-1

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 1:30 pm

Robin313 wrote: I'm very shy and have always been like this ,does anyone have some advice about getting over it? What works for you? Thanks!:-1

hanging out here is great for that.

Welcome by the way nice to see more red and whites join the FG

Gosh I dunno, get a good feeling for yourself and go out with a friend or something and realize that folks out there don't bite.

Have you a particular issue like certain time or situation you are trying to conqueur (forgive my spelling)

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 2:18 pm

Splurge and give yourself a makeover. Get your hair done and buy a really sharp new outfit, then go somewhere where you will be seen and people will have the opportunity to talk to you, a coffee shop, bookstore, or a NICE bar. People will want to talk to you and it will give you a boost.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 2:22 pm

CheshireCat wrote: Splurge and give yourself a makeover. Get your hair done and buy a really sharp new outfit, then go somewhere where you will be seen and people will have the opportunity to talk to you, a coffee shop, bookstore, or a NICE bar. People will want to talk to you and it will give you a boost.

lovely idea, show off your confidence, it makes people look.

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 2:23 pm

Try to remember that most people are as shy as you are and they're actually grateful if you make the first move to begin a conversation. Ask about them--how'd they meet the host/hostess, or come to the conference, etc. Confess that you're a little shy and ask their help in meeting people they know. Or..if they're new, offer to do the introductions for them.

Practice chatting with people in line at the market...just a little "Hello" or "How're you?"

SMILE!

woppy71 · Post by **woppy71** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 2:29 pm

Robin313 wrote: I'm very shy and have always been like this ,does anyone have some advice about getting over it? What works for you? Thanks!:-1

Hiya Robin.

I'm painfully shy and I am quite a nervous person. The way I cope with it is by just throwing myself at situations and getting stuck in. The people in FG have done wonders for me:-4

bigears · Post by **bigears** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 3:24 pm

Robin313 wrote: I'm very shy and have always been like this ,does anyone have some advice about getting over it? What works for you? Thanks!:-1

Theakston's Old Peculier

woppy71 · Post by **woppy71** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 3:37 pm

bigears wrote: Theakston's Old Peculier

Yeppers, definately!!!:wah:

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 3:44 pm

Hi, Robin. Welcome to FG. It's a garden full of some really lovely flowers.

As a suggestion, why not start by telling us about your favourite subject or item and what makes it special for you.

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 3:45 pm

I am also rather shy, always have been. Rick has pulled me out of it some, by almost pushing me into small group social situations..and then kind of stearing me toward people to talk with. He knows I will never be a social butterfly, or terribly outgoing..but he won't let me sit back and sink into the woodwork either.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 4:38 pm

We don't bite....

often

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 5:37 pm

minks wrote: We don't bite....

AT LEAST NOT UNTILL WE GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 6:42 pm

Shyness, and how make it go away

Practice.

Really thats all you can do. Start small but make an effort, even if its uncomfortable. If you find yourself in a conversational situation that makes you want to head for the hills, breath deep breaths and calm yourself.

Listen. If you have internal dialogue and your freaking out you wont hear what the other is saying and your response will be lacking.

Just listen, then ask questions.

For instance, I tell you I was expecting a package today but it didnt come.

Ask me if it was important.

It was a tapestry.

Already you know things about me.

You know Im disappointed, you know I like art.

You could soothe me or you could ask about the tapestry.

When you are interested in other people that makes you more interesting to them.

Practice. Even if you get tangled up its ok. You cant expect to change overnight.

The wonderful thing though Robin is that you can change if you desire change. Thats for certain.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 6:50 pm

Well people around here will be VERY surprised to know that years ago,

I physically could not walk up to a fast food window and order my own

lunch!! If I went with someone, I could do it maybe. But it was hard.

My Mom used to say "Just picture them sitting there in their underwear"

(from some reporter or something? Not sure) supposedly you laugh and

it relaxes you. My mom in her day could have talked to ANYBODY...

Queen of England no problem.

I find that animals help, if you are able to talk to people about them.

It takes the focus off YOU and puts it on the animal.

:)

MoreThanALover · Post by **MoreThanALover** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 6:51 pm

I have the shy bug too! I find it easy to just be yourself. Being with friends that you can be at ease with it's easy not to be shy...as long as your friend isn't shy and is somewhat out spoken. Be LOUD and be PROUD! Just don't be obnociously loud. Confidence.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 6:51 pm

valerie wrote: Well people around here will be VERY surprised to know that years ago,

I physically could not walk up to a fast food window and order my own

lunch!! If I went with someone, I could do it maybe. But it was hard.

My Mom used to say "Just picture them sitting there in their underwear"

(from some reporter or something? Not sure) supposedly you laugh and

it relaxes you. My mom in her day could have talked to ANYBODY...

Queen of England no problem.

I find that animals help, if you are able to talk to people about them.

It takes the focus off YOU and puts it on the animal.

:)

So tell me about yourself. Start in the 1st grade. Ill just listen.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 6:54 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: I don't think it'll come as a surprise to anyone, but I used to live in a cave. I soon learned to interact with people and now I'm frequently mistaken for a human woman.

Frequently ?...........Really ?

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 7:01 pm

Nomad wrote: So tell me about yourself. Start in the 1st grade. Ill just listen.

I don't see your couch?

:yh_battin

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 7:03 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: I knew someone was gonna jump on that. :rolleyes:

So then YOU see a couch?

:yh_giggle

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 7:28 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Do I look like Tom Cruise to you?

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 3:24 am

Pinky wrote: I've always found that asking open questions helps. You ask people something that they can't respond with just a yes or a no - they have to elaborate. You'd never believe it, but I used to be quite shy as a youngster. I bet a lot of people wish I still was - they have trouble getting me to shut up nowadays!:D

uh oh!! :rolleyes: :wah:

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 3:33 am

Pinky wrote: Get the earplugs ready mate - I can talk the hind leg off a donkey! Or just tell me to shut up, haha!

lol it's going to be great, it appears theres going to be quite a few of us going out on friday night, thats if they all show up, people have a habit of ducking out at the last minute!

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 4:20 am

Theres going to be me, Pinky, Hamster and Theia with any luck, a mini FG meet. :guitarist

jana fraser · Post by **jana fraser** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 4:24 am

You have some great advice in here. I like the idea of talking to people more as was suggested. Strike up a conversation with a stranger as Lulu2 said. Talk about the weather, the price of gasoline (that should be good for about an hour!). You'll find day by day with baby steps here and there, you'll be more confident in conversing more.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 4:27 am

Pinky wrote: Bad behaviour? Moi? Us? :yh_whistl

I don't know what you mean. :wah:

:yh_whistl I have no idea what she's talking about either.

I'm always good!

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 3:12 pm

valerie wrote:

I find that animals help, if you are able to talk to people about them.

It takes the focus off YOU and puts it on the animal.

:)

Works even better the other way round - if I'm out walking the (wife's) dog (small, fluffy and *very* cute) then I have a constant stream of people wanting to talk to her and, incidentally, to me.

No problems starting a conversation 'cos they do that for you.

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 3:19 pm

Bryn Mawr wrote: Works even better the other way round - if I'm out walking the (wife's) dog (small, fluffy and *very* cute) then I have a constant stream of people wanting to talk to her and, incidentally, to me.

No problems starting a conversation 'cos they do that for you.

Oiy all our good advice scared her away

fisher · Post by **fisher** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 3:43 pm

I never though of myself as a shy person until a few years ago when I was asked to be master of ceremonies at my nephew wedding. I was a nervous wreak. People just kept saying be yourself and you will do just fine. When I first approached the Mic I though I was going to faint. Well I took the advice and I had a blast. I was asked to do another wedding a year later and I had the whole place laughing there heads off. I have been ask to do another next Aug. I am looking forward to it. What bit of shyness I had was cured at the Mic.

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 4:08 pm

fisher wrote: I never though of myself as a shy person until a few years ago when I was asked to be master of ceremonies at my nephew wedding. I was a nervous wreak. People just kept saying be yourself and you will do just fine. When I first approached the Mic I though I was going to faint. Well I took the advice and I had a blast. I was asked to do another wedding a year later and I had the whole place laughing there heads off. I have been ask to do another next Aug. I am looking forward to it. What bit of shyness I had was cured at the Mic.

OMG! Public speaking! That is scary. I joined the JAYCEES here a few years ago and they are BIG on speaking. I was encouraged to compete in a "speak up" competition, and I won! They could not get me to shut up after that! :p

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 7:48 pm

He said frisson.

:-4

Felinessa · Post by **Felinessa** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 2:32 am

I would say that a good way to start being more at ease with people is to join an activity which you love and are good at. That automatically places you amongst like-minded people and conversation flows more easily from there. Plus, it makes it more likely that there will an organized environment, so the pressure is off you.

Now I have a question on the topic. I don't consider myself a shy person (anymore). I did theatre and was a total ham, I did public speaking, I lecture on a regular basis, and I have no trouble interacting with people. When I was riding the online dating rollercoaster, I met tons of people and managed to have conversations with all, despite the fact that I didn't always have much in common with all of them. I worked as a dorm advisor in university and I'm used to people telling me lots of personal things (same applies to students).

And yet ...

I'm terrible at initiating conversations with strangers.

In October, I'm presenting a paper at my first big professional conference. I've done conferences before, but they were usually local, relatively small, and I knew at least some of the people attending. This time, it's in Toronto, there are some big names in attendance, and while I'm not scared of presenting, I have no idea how to start socializing. I can picture myself, alone and awkward, in the conference room/lobby, aware of my little PhD student status, while everyone else will be mingling and talking to people they've met at other conferences (I imagine many of them are established academics).

Would anyone care to share their conference experiences and how to break the ice? I imagine that I could walk up to some people and discuss their papers, but you can't cling to that poor person for three days!!