2-Minute Management Course
Lesson One
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing
nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit
on my ass like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why
not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
eagle, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.
Management Lessons:
To be sitting on your ass and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Lesson Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love
to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,
"but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my manure
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with
nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of manure, found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top
of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the
turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson:
Bull s*** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As
the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize
how warm it was and that the dung was actually thawing him out. He lay
there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat
heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the
cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him
out and ate him.
Management Lessons:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of s*** is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep s***, it's best to keep your mouth shut.
This ends your two-minute management course.
2 minute management course
2 minute management course
Lesson Four
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He
stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her
legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look
and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to
remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest
apologized: "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and
looked up Psalm 129.
It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Management Lessons:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson Five
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in
a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so
I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be
in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I
want those two back in the office after lunch."
Management Lessons:
Always let your boss have the first say.
:wah:
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He
stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her
legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look
and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to
remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest
apologized: "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and
looked up Psalm 129.
It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Management Lessons:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson Five
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in
a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so
I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be
in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I
want those two back in the office after lunch."
Management Lessons:
Always let your boss have the first say.
:wah: