Domestic violence part 2

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 1:30 pm

minks wrote: My fave thing about her, she is no longer defending the guy.
That is a HUGE step. HUGE. Oh, that's so great to hear. You have no idea what a big step that is. She'll be one of the ones to make it.

And Cher, unfortunately, I have heard nothing else from BlueFig.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 1:35 pm

BabyRider wrote: That is a HUGE step. HUGE. Oh, that's so great to hear. You have no idea what a big step that is. She'll be one of the ones to make it.

And Cher, unfortunately, I have heard nothing else from BlueFig.

I certainly hope so, as well she finally admitted she has been abused and that she maybe had mistaken his attention for love, she says things like I thought he loved me, and we chime in and say love does not mean getting a beating.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 1:41 pm

minks wrote: I certainly hope so, as well she finally admitted she has been abused and that she maybe had mistaken his attention for love, she says things like I thought he loved me, and we chime in and say love does not mean getting a beating.
Yes, yes, yes!!! All the right things she should be saying at this point. Excellent. She will definitely make it. Don't let her stumble!!!

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 2:12 pm

Any man who needs to beat a woman is no man at all.:-5

shelleybelle73 · Post by **shelleybelle73** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 2:19 pm

Hiya BR,

I agree with you completely... All my life I have got angry at women for putting up with this atrocious behaviour, there is no sense to it at all..

and then I met my ex... who manipulated me, confused me, stripped me of my self-confidence day by day, (and no I never even noticed that he was doing it until it was too late). Then all of a sudden the arguements got a bit more heavy and then all of a sudden he started losing his temper and lashing out especially when he thought I was leaving him, this was when he was at his worst... But by this time he'd brain washed me and I had lost touch with my friends and family and I was helpless. I even had two children with him.

But before you shout at me BR, I've got a happy ending...:p

I got out of this relationship last year due to a scary window of opportunity that I took with both hands and I have never looked back, I am now with a lovely guy who is loving and caring and completely different to my ex (thank god) and month by month I'm slowly but surely putting the pieces of my life back together again.

I have found this wonderfully interesting site about Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser.. please read it...

I read it the other day and it made a lot of sense to me, but then it also made me angry for allowing it to happen to me. *Stupid Shelley*

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/ar ... ?artID=469

I hope it explains things a little bit, but your right BR women SHOULD NOT stand for any form of abuse, verbal or physical.

I am always here to talk to anyone if they need help or support, although I can only speak of my own experience.

love and hugs to all my forum garden sisters :yh_hugs

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 2:34 pm

shelleybelle73 wrote: Hiya BR,

I agree with you completely... All my life I have got angry at women for putting up with this atrocious behaviour, there is no sense to it at all..

and then I met my ex... who manipulated me, confused me, stripped me of my self-confidence day by day, (and no I never even noticed that he was doing it until it was too late). Then all of a sudden the arguements got a bit more heavy and then all of a sudden he started losing his temper and lashing out especially when he thought I was leaving him, this was when he was at his worst... But by this time he'd brain washed me and I had lost touch with my friends and family and I was helpless. I even had two children with him.

But before you shout at me BR, I've got a happy ending...:p

I got out of this relationship last year due to a scary window of opportunity that I took with both hands and I have never looked back, I am now with a lovely guy who is loving and caring and completely different to my ex (thank god) and month by month I'm slowly but surely putting the pieces of my life back together again.

I have found this wonderfully interesting site about Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser.. please read it...

I read it the other day and it made a lot of sense to me, but then it also made me angry for allowing it to happen to me. *Stupid Shelley*

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/ar ... ?artID=469

I hope it explains things a little bit, but your right BR women SHOULD NOT stand for any form of abuse, verbal or physical.

I am always here to talk to anyone if they need help or support, although I can only speak of my own experience.

love and hugs to all my forum garden sisters :yh_hugs

You guys all of this is incredibly inspiring may this thread never die. Cudos to every one of you for taking action in either helping an abused person, or helping yourselves. There is hope for every abused person out there, I hope you all reach out for the help. You are all worth more than your abuser says you are. You all can find your inner strength, there is a better world out there than what you may be living with. Please take a step.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 3:09 pm

You know what really, really pisses me off? How many times have you heard, "Well she must like it or she wouldn't stay"? Makes me want to beat the snot out of the person and say, "how'd YOU like THAT?':-5

shelleybelle73 · Post by **shelleybelle73** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 3:19 pm

Peg wrote: You know what really, really pisses me off? How many times have you heard, "Well she must like it or she wouldn't stay"? Makes me want to beat the snot out of the person and say, "how'd YOU like THAT?'

When I look back, I feel stupid & foolish for ever letting this guy take control of my life, before I met him I was very confident... but saying that when I met him I was having a bit of a crisis, and I think he played that to his own advantage.

My mum gets really upset, because he really messed up my life, he caused trouble at work, my boss and 2 other managers had to escort him of my work premises and I was mortified, my manager called me into his office and asked "what the ***** is going on". I was so embarrassed and luckily for me another work friend came into the office to support me and told my boss that he was violent and I was scared.:-1

They (the abuser) kinda mess with your head, because sometimes there like the most perfect boyfriend that you think you've ever had, and then all of a sudden "BANG" your being pushed into the middle of the road when a car is coming and you think your life is over. (thank god for brakes eh)

My new boyfriend gets really angry because I'm very jumpy at loud or sudden noises, because of my past, and he says somedays he just wants to go round to my ex's and pound his head in.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 3:27 pm

When I look back, I feel stupid & foolish for ever letting this guy take control of my life
The thing is, you shouldn't feel that way. I dated my first husband 3 1/2 years before we married. We married a month out of high school. I thought he was a God he treated me so well. Within a week of marrying him, I learned what he was REALLY like. I loved him so much I so wanted to believe he would change. It took 3 1/2 years before I finally figured out he wasn't going to change. As a matter of fact, we were getting along better than we ever had in our married life when I left him. I just couldn't live with waiting for the bomb to drop again. Do I feel stupid and foolish for putting up with a person that beat me, cheated on me, etc.? Hell no. I know what it is like to be brainwashed.

shelleybelle73 · Post by **shelleybelle73** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 3:38 pm

Peg wrote: The thing is, you shouldn't feel that way. I dated my first husband 3 1/2 years before we married. We married a month out of high school. I thought he was a God he treated me so well. Within a week of marrying him, I learned what he was REALLY like. I loved him so much I so wanted to believe he would change. It took 3 1/2 years before I finally figured out he wasn't going to change. As a matter of fact, we were getting along better than we ever had in our married life when I left him. I just couldn't live with waiting for the bomb to drop again. Do I feel stupid and foolish for putting up with a person that beat me, cheated on me, etc.? Hell no. I know what it is like to be brainwashed.

Oh Peg, I know what your saying, but somedays I could kick myself, we were together on/off for 3 years in total there abouts. Its funny you should say that but we were getting on much better in our relationship, when I ended it. He was becoming less paranoid and we were hardly arguing at all, but then he got arrested for something, (something really bad) which meant I could not live with him anymore because I had children and it was like a breath of fresh air, I felt completely different, I felt safe and I noticed the difference in my children and I was brave, so so brave and went to the police for help, they were really great and supportive... it was a bit hairy for a while, he tried to smash the windows in and kicked my garden gate in, trying to get at me, because I would not let him see the kids.

To be honest as sad as it seems, if it wasn't for the love & support from some of my online friends that I had got to know, I probably would have stayed with him or fell apart... My online friends were my life support, even though most of them I'd never met before. They gave me so much support and strengh and I owe them everything. :-4

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 5:28 pm

minks wrote: You guys all of this is incredibly inspiring may this thread never die. Cudos to every one of you for taking action in either helping an abused person, or helping yourselves. There is hope for every abused person out there, I hope you all reach out for the help. You are all worth more than your abuser says you are. You all can find your inner strength, there is a better world out there than what you may be living with. Please take a step.

That's an awesome post Minxie.

AWESOME!

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Tue Jul 11, 2006 3:36 am

I saw the guy yesterday who abuses one of my friends. I couldn't bring myself to even say hi to him. To even look at him disgusts me. I just wanted to scream at him "If you REALLY love her then leave her." When I told this to my husband he said, "Well, she's the one who keeps taking him back." I understand his thinking. I'm frustrated as hell that she does, but I understand WHY she does. He has her convinced she can't make it without him. Last time he was out of there, her vehicle broke down and she couldn't afford repairs. Her phone was shut off. She believes him that she cannot make it without him. She has a vehicle again, a phone again, now that he's moved back in, but is it worth risking your life? NO. I know this, many of us know this, but when will she realize this? Will it be too late for her? That is my biggest fear.:-1

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Jul 11, 2006 3:48 am

Peg wrote: Will it be too late for her? That is my biggest fear.:-1

What a frightening thought.

Is it true what they say

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink":-1