Registered Sex Offender next door

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Fri Feb 18, 2005 9:55 pm

ok, you KNOW what i am going to say. your police academy graduate husband knows what i am going to say....PEDOPHILES ARE NEVER CURED AND DO NOT CHANGE. EVER. they may not reoffend, but i wonder where his little travels take him? so here is my question...WHY is his tenancy more important to your mother than her grandkids?? kids are snatched right under their caregivers' /parents'/grandparents' noses. pedophiles are pure cunning. get him gone or don't let them over there. no excuses. ask your mom what i just asked you. (i told you i am as subtle as a sharp stick in the eye. comes from my work.) i can not be strong enough on this subject. and i don't give a rat's arse if he is related or an old friend. simply do not care. they all have relatives somewhere...who invariably say what a nice cub scout he was.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Feb 18, 2005 10:21 pm

Speaking of relatives...one of my relatives IS an offender. My daughter is not permitted to be in his home or to be left in my mother's home with him. He is not welcome in my home at all. I discovered this rule was broken once and will likely not send my daughter to visit them again without me present. I don't feel like taking chances. He travels for work reasons sometimes. This would be the only time I would consider sending her to visit again.

I was abused. I don't worry about my daughter too much because I know that I am watching out for her. But never take risks. To knowingly take a risk with your childs life and future is like telling them that you don't care if they spend the rest of their life trying to escape hell. That is what it is like for an abused child. Is this how you feel about your child? How could you live with yourself if anything ever happened? There is no decision to make.

Your mother needs to give this guy the boot or give up her home visits with the children.

Post by **kensloft** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 3:08 am

There are very few horrors that can equal the loss of a child from the murder and rape of a child.

The brutalizing of a loved child by a sexual deviant is sentencing the child to a living death along with the parents. There is no turning back the clock or magic wand that will make the pain go away. It will be there forever. A wound in the heart that will never heal. A wound that an, "I'm sorry!" will never make the pain go away for all those that are concerned.

There is no amount of money that will offer release to anyone concerned. The grief and the pain will only leave with death. Not with his death, because he doesn't care, but with your death because you care,

If he is there? The children shouldn't be.

If he isn't there? The children could be as long as he tells of his arrival so that the children can be removed. No mistakes. No forgots. No second chances - for anyone!

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 6:28 am

Oh man Lori what a shock it must've been to find out! I have a convicted, registered sex offender living up the road from me and it is scary. I won't let my 15 year old daughter go any where without calling me and telling me she got there okay, meet her to walk her home, etc. If he was a pedophile, I don't know if I'd ever let her out of the house! Never let your guard down for a second!

Beth · Post by **Beth** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 8:35 am

Lori, stick to your guns, hon. You must think of protecting your children first and foremost. Your mother must understand and respect your wishes. If she wishes to see your daughters, she can come over to visit. If your parents think he deserves to live there, then you must respect that, just as they must respect your insistance that your daughters cannot be over there around the convicted sex offender.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 11:17 am

Lori,

Everyone has given great advice. As LADYCOP stated, Sex offenders don't change, they can't. Many say therapy will help them, just give them a chance.

SCREW them, not going to get a chance with any children I know. You must not let your girls around this person period. They are clever, they plan for a very long time how to lure children in. That is their life, that is all they know, and they become extremely good at it. He may be working your parents to gain access to your children, believe me it happens all the time.

It has alway amazed me that we put more emphasis on cruelty to our animals, and pets then we do to our children. Up until recently the courts just didn't get it. They refused to place these sick creeps behind bars. How dare they place one child in harms way. If it were me on the bench, all of them would get life without parole.. and some would get death..For them it would be a way out of their own hell. The sad part about all of this, is many offenders,were abused themselves, just a tragic circle.

YOUR DOING THE RIGHT THING BY KEEPING YOUR KIDS AWAY FOR YOUR PARENTS HOME..

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 12:17 pm

Sex Offenders need places to live too, we canot discrimminate, but since we know about them, thats about it! Knowing where they are is better than not knowing at all? People complain here too, the S.O. live right down the road from me? I am aware and pay attention as i pass. Viewed their faces here on the internet and watch out for them, I am not afraid, a woman would probably make a hit on me before a man? hahahahaha...you just never know anymore.

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 12:24 pm

In Holy Roman Catholic Ireland, this sex offenders register does not include Priests and christian brothers. These people are protected by the Vatican.

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 12:51 pm

C-Buzzard; everyone knows they are sex offenders anyway. Priests and christian brothers are exempt from the list? You are to be more "holy" if abused by them..God only knows how that rule works!

Post by **kensloft** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 1:45 pm

Paula wrote: C-Buzzard; everyone knows they are sex offenders anyway. Priests and christian brothers are exempt from the list? You are to be more "holy" if abused by them..God only knows how that rule works!

Nice thing about the secular law is that they get caught and pay for their sins before they get to heaven.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 4:16 pm

We have been going around and around with this in my area

recently, apparently a molester was visiting his wife at

one of our local grammar schools!!

If you do something to another adult (such as robbing

a bank and traumatizing a teller) then yeah, maybe you can

repay your debt. Maybe. Far as I'm concerned, you do

something to a child then that's it. Children should be

considered sacred. They are the future for all of us, let's

give them the best one we can.

The rehab question is a concern, but I think if you can't

do the time then don't do the crime. I have no sympathy

for the tiny number of molesters who don't re-offend

being lumped together with all the ones who do. And even

the ones who are chemically castrated, ah, SO? What's

going to keep him from stopping his meds? Or not showing

up to get his shot or whatever? You say there are watchdog

groups for that? Okay, but you can't tell me that stuff

isn't going to slip through the cracks sometime somewhere,

to the pain and sorrow of another victim.

:mad:

Der Wulf · Post by **Der Wulf** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 5:31 pm

I have a serious problem with this whole situation.

1st: a 17 yr old and an 18 yr old caught having sex, 18 yr old goes to jail, statuary rape minimum. When the 18 yr old is released, he goes on the list with the same classification as the pervert who raped a 5 yr old "bribed not forced" .

2nd: a repeat offender serves his time, state decides that he is a high risk for another repeat. State refuses to approve his plan for housing, "invites" him to live at the state mental hospital, can't force him -not mentally ill, can't keep him in jail -has'nt commited a new crime. So he prey on patients and visitors, when he sneaks out, cops bring him back, no crime committed, cause the state cant commit him.

3rd: Perv from #1 moves in next door to you.

Why is it so difficult to properly classify sex crimes, and apply appropriate sentences that take the recidivism factor into account. What's wrong with a natural life sentence in a low security facility. They could probably even do some useful work to help pay for their victims mental health care. Might even make the "white collar" criminals think twice about their possible incarceration with these guys. If their violent, send em to the big house.

Don't ya think it's about time our legislators got a clue? And btw Buzz, I don't think getting spiritual help would be much of a problem.

Post by **kensloft** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 5:56 pm

Der Wulf wrote: I have a serious problem with this whole situation.

1st: a 17 yr old and an 18 yr old caught having sex, 18 yr old goes to jail, statuary rape minimum. When the 18 yr old is released, he goes on the list with the same classification as the pervert who raped a 5 yr old "bribed not forced" .

2nd: a repeat offender serves his time, state decides that he is a high risk for another repeat. State refuses to approve his plan for housing, "invites" him to live at the state mental hospital, can't force him -not mentally ill, can't keep him in jail -has'nt commited a new crime. So he prey on patients and visitors, when he sneaks out, cops bring him back, no crime committed, cause the state cant commit him.

3rd: Perv from #1 moves in next door to you.

Why is it so difficult to properly classify sex crimes, and apply appropriate sentences that take the recidivism factor into account. What's wrong with a natural life sentence in a low security facility. They could probably even do some useful work to help pay for their victims mental health care. Might even make the "white collar" criminals think twice about their possible incarceration with these guys. If their violent, send em to the big house.

Don't ya think it's about time our legislators got a clue? And btw Buzz, I don't think getting spiritual help would be much of a problem.

Once again, Der Wulfe, your amazing ability to see beyond rears itself to let people know that you can't paint everybody with the same brush. Your post touches on exactly what the problem is... lazy politicians.

Laws that are made to cause more problems than they solve.

Thanks for keeping up with the times. Thanks for being you!

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 8:56 pm

Der Wulf

The first scenario you mentioned is part of the hated Oregon law I was fighting (and mentioned on another thread). For 10 years, kids who committed statutory rape were subject to Measure 11, a horrid little law that forces kids 15 years and older to serve time in prison for a minimum of 6 years.

Of course, the prison has no facilities for these kids, so they are put into solitary confinement. In addition, they are labeled sex offenders for the rest of their lives. I'm not easy on criminals by any means, but this particular portion of the law is beyond rotten! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr - it makes me mad!

Luckily, the politicians here did modify Measure 11 to exclude non-violent statutory rape about 2 years ago. They modified because there were too many "poster children" used to repeal Measure 11 in full, because juvenile attorneys were fighting them like mad, and even the media got involved to some degree.

Lori, is there any way to find out how dangerous this guy might be? If there is any danger to your children, then of course your first job is to protect them. Who could fault you for that?

At the same time, I do think that Der Wulf has a good point. Get the facts, and then make your decision. And keep us posted.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 9:08 pm

in Lori's situation the guy was convicted on lewd and lacivious WITH FORCE on child under 14. (aggravated sexual battery on a child) that's all i need to know. the statutory rape situation you describe certainly has difficulties. (juvies are put in protective custody, not solitary). the public hue and cry over released sex offenders who escalate is responsible for legislators' harshness. the laws will get fine-tuned. but there is a backlash now. anyway...hard line that i may be...if there is .001% chance this guy is a menace that is enough. IMO. ...if kiddies turn you on, kiddies turn you on forever.

koan · Post by **koan** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 10:40 pm

I'm with you lc. I think the charges in this case were pretty evident of danger.

Even if unknown the children should not be permitted to go there until the situation is revealed. DON'T TAKE CHANCES! If it was a situation such as the 18yr old with a 17 year old then you can decide differently when you find that out. Until you are sure keep them safe. Attackers usually go after what they covet...see all the time.

I can't figure out how people go to jail over the 18 with 17 yr old either. My friend's daughter ran away from home at 14 and the police refused to check the boyfriends house (18yr old) It is legal for a 14 yr old to have sex in BC (used to be 16) so they wouldn't pursue it.

BTW does anyone else think 14 is too young to know what they are doing? Especially now with all these spoiled, sheltered kids.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 10:49 pm

case by case it's one thing...but there HAS to be a statute as to age of consent! everyone knows what jailbait is. underage, don't go there. yes they can lie. boo-hoo, it's not your fault. but guess what, under the law, ignorance is no excuse. honey if you have any doubt, use your larger brain.

Der Wulf · Post by **Der Wulf** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 11:09 pm

koan wrote: I'm with you lc. I think the charges in this case were pretty evident of danger.

Even if unknown the children should not be permitted to go there until the situation is revealed. DON'T TAKE CHANCES! If it was a situation such as the 18yr old with a 17 year old then you can decide differently when you find that out. Until you are sure keep them safe. Attackers usually go after what they covet...see all the time. .

the point was that we need the sex laws changed to clearly define the severity of the crime, and apply appropriate action to keep the public safe, you don't need a list if the predators are locked away.

koan wrote: I can't figure out how people go to jail over the 18 with 17 yr old either. My friend's daughter ran away from home at 14 and the police refused to check the boyfriends house (18yr old) It is legal for a 14 yr old to have sex in BC (used to be 16) so they wouldn't pursue it..

the age of consent is 18 in most areas of the US.

koan wrote: BTW does anyone else think 14 is too young to know what they are doing? Especially now with all these spoiled, sheltered kids.14 yrs. is old enough to understand intellectually, but far too young to handle the emotional aspect.

Post by **kensloft** » Sat Feb 19, 2005 11:52 pm

Der Wulf wrote:

the point was that we need the sex laws changed to clearly define the severity of the crime, and apply appropriate action to keep the public safe, you don't need a list if the predators are locked away.

the age of consent is 18 in most areas of the US.

14 yrs. is old enough to understand intellectually, but far too young to handle the emotional aspect.

Fourteen is too young. They used to marry them off at 13. Studies done on a higher percentage of cncerous activity in the womb? Old enough to do it for the right reasons not just because they can do it because they're old enough.

I dunno? Any other ages out there? Any other opinions?

Lori, if the guy is not showing the record of his crime being of a different nature that could be construed as one of those 18 - 17 year old things then...? And if it is pedophilia... then you do what you gotta do to make sure that your children are out of harm's way. Make sure that everybody in the community - next door neighbours- not neighbours across town, knows where he is. They will stike fast if they think they are unnoticed. You want everybody to kinow where to look first. In the NEIGHBOURHOOD!

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Sun Feb 20, 2005 9:25 am

lady cop wrote: in Lori's situation the guy was convicted on lewd and lacivious WITH FORCE on child under 14. (aggravated sexual battery on a child) that's all i need to know. the statutory rape situation you describe certainly has difficulties. (juvies are put in protective custody, not solitary). the public hue and cry over released sex offenders who escalate is responsible for legislators' harshness. the laws will get fine-tuned. but there is a backlash now. anyway...hard line that i may be...if there is .001% chance this guy is a menace that is enough. IMO. ...if kiddies turn you on, kiddies turn you on forever.
Hey there LC

Completely ignorant of how prisons run, what is the difference between protective and solitary? I'm asking because I have a continued vested interest in how this Measure 11 law works, or doesn't work. The information I dug up stated that the kids are kept in their cells all day, have no access to education, physical activity, etc because they are trying to keep them protected from the rougher older convicts. The state prison officials themselves bemoan the fact that they have no decent facilities to keep these kids imprisoned. No one is happy about how it's working. But Oregon is broke.

Anyway, the word I picked up from that was "solitary". If I'm using this wrong, I'd rather know that before I jump back into the game (eventually).

Back to the issue at hand...I remember watching a documentary several years ago about a pedophile being held in CA. He was on death row and he wanted to die. He said if he was released he would repeat his behavior, he knew he would. He didn't want to take that risk, but his attorneys were fighting for him (how can that happen, without his consent?).

So, again, I agree with Der Wulf in that we could come up with a sex offender rating system so that people would know what level of danger they were dealing with - statutory or violent. Or maybe we could come up with an old-fashioned solution and put all of the violent sexual psychos on an island by themselves forever. I'm totally serious.

This doesn't mean that I disagree with the advice given here. It's terrifying news to hear that a predator is living next door to your mom. Oddly, a coworker told me the exact same thing yesterday - that a registered offender is living near his parents. He doesn't have kids, but he's worried for his mom.

I also agree that we have to put our kids' safety first...and maybe this should be divided into two threads for clarity: one about total deviants and one about raging teenage hormones.

LC, getting back to your quote...A police officer was talking to my son about this subject once. My son asked how would he know if the girl is lying about her age? The officer said, with deadly seriousness, "Card her." My son stared at me, and I just shrugged...see, I card kids before I hand them a cigarette - and my son had made fun of me for that for years. Now he was being told to check the id of a girl before he slept with her. Good advice.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sun Feb 20, 2005 9:32 am

trouble is fake IDs..........but to answer the short question....in my state anyway, juvies are in protective custody, kept away from adult cons, but get all privileges...including rec, mandatory G.E.D. classes, church, etc. etc. solitary is isolation, for punishment purposes, or they are a danger to others.

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Sun Feb 20, 2005 10:13 am

Thanks for the answer. I'll look further into the Oergon Pen and see what they're doing. Frankly, I think the prison conditions was also a part of why statutory rape was removed from Measure 11. Which only proves that citizens and police can work together to accomplish good things.

And, I don't think the police are very fond of Measure 11 in most cases, either. It requires them to send 15 year olds who've never been in trouble before to mandatory sentences in prison regardless of their backgrounds. It was intended to catch gang criminals and kids who have progressed beyond what we can currently offer them. But it doesn't leave the cops any leeway. They can't go after a kid and teach them a lesson anymore unless they're willing to send them to prison for 6 to 20 years.

Ok, I'll quit complaining about it...for now anyway. LOL.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sun Feb 20, 2005 10:31 am

hey AK...have i told you lately that i think you are wonderful and beautiful and smart and a sweetheart and great person??

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Sun Feb 20, 2005 11:08 am

I just love that old dog Wulf

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sun Feb 20, 2005 11:21 am

DER WULF,

EXACTLY.. :-5

the point was that we need the sex laws changed to clearly define the severity of the crime, and apply appropriate action to keep the public safe, you don't need a list if the predators are locked away.

Since the court, and the laws aren't protecting our young people from these preditors. It is up to us to do so. Having a website to find out where these beast are is effective for now. It has made the public aware, and informed.

MINK,

Alerting the neighbors all around the offender is good. But don't have your children over there, why tempt the hand of fait. I also believe time served and therapy can't change a child preditor period.

We had a case here is San Diego, which is still going on. A known violent sex offender was going to be released into a half way house, in a college community here. Guess who his victims were, young boys high school or college age.

The out cry was so loud, and so strong that he was put back in a mental facility till they can find a better suited neighborhood for this beast. The legal system is not working in our favor most times. So we as citizens have to stand up and be heard.

I for one find it amazing that we still think they can be cured, and banter back, and forth about options. Like I said in a earlier post, keep them behind bars, if they want to die kill them. I'm sorry, I just can't justify a child molestors, violent sex offender of any kind having a life outside prison (they don't change). THAT'S MY OPINION, AND I'M STICKING TO IT.

Post by **kensloft** » Sun Feb 20, 2005 5:07 pm

Lori wrote: Good info.

#1. Hadn't even thought of alearting all the people in my neighborhood with kids. There are several under the age of 15 and one in particiular that this guy visits often to see the husband there who is a mechanic. Where does my responsibility lay with this one. Man, I don't want to go starting something huge.

#2. He was convicted of two counts, one was lewd acts with under 14 and the other was lewd acts with under 14 by force.

Update: Spoke to my mother yesterday when she called to invite us over for dinner. That did it. I just told her "I'm really hurt. I can't come have dinner with you when I feel that you are giving up the privledge of seeing your grandchildren over having a convicted felon live on your property" She responded with something like "well, Doug isn't invited. he won't be there". I told her that that is not the entire issue. It's that he has sat at the table with all of us and that the message my childeren have is that Doug is a friend of the family. that he can be trusted. Since mommy and daddy and grandma and grandpa are his friends then he can be my friend too. WRONG MESSAGE not only is he now demoted to a stranger...he's worse than just a stranger. And damit I'm pissed that I have to explain this to my daughters. So she says she can't talk right now (why mom? is he sitting there or did you not tell my brother who is up visiting this weekend?) and that we can talk later. I said fine, I've said what I want to for now and if she wants to talk then we can but the stand is, until he is gone so are the kids.

Then...I run into her at the grocery store with my brothers girlfriend. Hugs and kisses from Stacy none from mom. Kids run up hug grandma...totally fine. Eldest daughter says "Grandma, I wish we could come stay the night with you". Grandma says "so do I" Well, guess what GRANDMA - wishes can come true...just kick the guy out! Of course I didn't say this - wish I would have but out of respect trying not to make an issue in the produce isle.

Tonight I'm going to meet up with Stacey (brothers girlfriend of a long time) and see if her and my brother are aware of this because I'd like to see what the mood is over there. BTW, mom did say that she expects him to be gone soon. But to me it's not by them asking him to leave, it's of his own will and who's to say he won't be back, are they going to tell him not to come back...............i doubt it right now. :-5

We don't know that he has done anything since then. So throwing him to the wolves is not necessarily a good thing. If he hasn't then the knee-jerk reactions to his life could be detructive to what self esteem he may have garnerd over the years. If it is a 25 year old charge that would make him? How old? If you are going to crucify someone then you had better do it for the right reasons.

Keeping the kids from grandma is all well and good but it won't allow everybody to clear the air. Now that you know isn't he the one that should be asked about your concerns? Once yo make your assessment then do what you will. Let him respond first to see what you will do about what you know.

Last thing you need is a cornered animal in the neighbourhood. Once you've established what you believe then make sure everybody knows. Ask them to be discreet. He doesn't know that you know. The advantage is yours.

NewRunner · Post by **NewRunner** » Sun Feb 20, 2005 6:45 pm

Lori,

You don't know me, I am very new to this site, but let me tell you, I was married to a pedophile. I didn't know it of course when I married him, but unfortunately I found out when he did something to one of my neighbor's little girl. We had a two-year old daughter at the time, I believed him when he said he didn't do it, and when my daughter was 7 I had to have him arrested for molesting his own child.

It has been many years since then, and my daughter and I have had many obstacles to overcome because of the psychological damage that was done to her, but thank God that now (she's 22) she has come through it, and we have a wonderful relationship again, she is getting married in November, and things are finally achieving normalcy in our lives after all this time.

Do not think that your parents can protect your child. They can't. You bring your parents to your house if they want to see her. Don't let her over there unless that perv moves out.

Susan

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sun Feb 20, 2005 10:09 pm

NewRunner wrote: Lori,

You don't know me, I am very new to this site, but let me tell you, I was married to a pedophile. I didn't know it of course when I married him, but unfortunately I found out when he did something to one of my neighbor's little girl. We had a two-year old daughter at the time, I believed him when he said he didn't do it, and when my daughter was 7 I had to have him arrested for molesting his own child.

It has been many years since then, and my daughter and I have had many obstacles to overcome because of the psychological damage that was done to her, but thank God that now (she's 22) she has come through it, and we have a wonderful relationship again, she is getting married in November, and things are finally achieving normalcy in our lives after all this time.

Do not think that your parents can protect your child. They can't. You bring your parents to your house if they want to see her. Don't let her over there unless that perv moves out.

SusanThank you Susan, and welcome to the Garden. You seem like you have a lot

of valuable stuff to share.

:yh_angel

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Mon Feb 21, 2005 12:42 am

NEWRUNNER,

Thank you for telling it straight. I'm glad to hear you, and your daughter are able to work through all the pain. BRAVO

Lori, I hope you read NEWRUNNERS POST, OVER, AND OVER AGAIN..

Post by **kensloft** » Sat Feb 26, 2005 1:21 pm

Lori wrote: This is the second time I've deleted my post before sending....Anyway, I've missed you guys. Can't believe it's been a week! All of your replies have been so helpful. I don't know why it is that I have to hear that someone else thinks the same that I do before I gather the courage to act on it....personal issue I guess. What I'm saying is that you've given me a ton of support and I appreciate the time you put into your replies.

Along these same lines of registered sex offenders....here's a story for ya -

Last week a friend of mine in real estate calls me up because she knows the situation I've been dealing with regarding the same issue. She tells me that a house next door to a registered sex offender just came on the market. (In CA. you have disclose that information to a potential buyer). Well turns out that the registed sex offender is 79 years old, lives with mother (90 years old) and did the act about 30 or more years ago...once. The family is totally aware of this information but he has not given them any reason to think he will commit this kind of act again. A daughter in law, neice or some relative like that comes to visit the house with her nine year old daughter and they guy rapes the 9 year old.

Goes to show you that it doesn't matter how long, how many times - I truly believe now that once you do an act like that you will not lose the desire to do it again. I am the kind of person who is always giving people the benifit of the doubt and never holding things against them....when it comes to this topic I don't think I'll ever feel that way. I think having kids does that to you.

(btw - how do you spell check on this, I've done it once but can't find how again)

This makes the mother pregnant at 10 and delivering at 11? Some cycle if it is true.

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Sat Feb 26, 2005 2:44 pm

Bangkok is different world in many ways, and not just because of the weather. A Thai court recently handed out a 42-year sentence to a man for abusing children and using them as fresh meat for other men like him. He would take photos of children and send them round the world on the internet, and then he would take bookings for boys from business men, all very evil.

The Thai authorities deserve encourgement in tackling the enormous problem of child abuse in their country.

911 · Post by **911** » Sun Feb 27, 2005 12:32 pm

We had an insurance adjuster come through from out of state right after Hurricane Ivan to register as a sex offender while he was in town. They have to register if they are going to be in town for more than one day. When he was told that he would have to register at every city and county along the Gulf Coast that he was visiting, he called his home office and told them he was coming home. Poor thing didn't want to be bothered registering at every location he was going to.

This just goes to show that when you go on vacation, you have no idea who is in the hotel room or condo next to you or sitting at a restaurant table beside you. Or even if they registered in that town while they are there. At least he tried to be honest and register.

We have sex offenders that have done nothing more than get caught with hundreds of porn pictures or were pimps or prostitutes. I don't know what porn pictures they are caught with that states they have to be registered. It may be child porn or adult porn. I'm not sure, but most of these people never touched another person. And we also have those unfortunate kids that were dating and having sex and when one reaches the age of adult they were charged with a sex offense.

You just never know who you are standing next to anymore and if you stop and think about it, it will scare the heck out of you.

Lori, I think you did the right thing and I applaude you for standing up for your children!

babyprep · Post by **babyprep** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 6:20 am

I just found this forum, a little late into the post, but... I don't even know why I looked up the subject tonight. I too was married to a pedophile. He did it to his cousins' 2 & 5 year olds when he was 16. Of course, I didn't find out until 3 years ago when our 5 year old started telling me and my new boyfriend (husband now) about some possible abuse. However, because of false accusations on my ex's part and a good, cut-throat lawyer, I was not believed. The abuse from when he was 16 was swept under the mat at the time be his family and the police(in Canada). He was never registered and the file was "buried" I guess. Then, he became an elementary teacher with his family's blessing (I guess they thought he wouldn't do it again).

I reported the abuse to CFS. Then, when my ex was denied access for a month, my son got scared and told the police that nothing happened. CFS gave him access again and I nearly lost my mind!!!!

My ex started to "emotionally" control me even worse and things got so bad that I wouldn't communicate with him in person anymore. My man wouldn't allow the abuse anymore (His ex pulled alot of stunts on him as well, and some of that mud stuck). He didn't want me hurt or controlled.

My child adores his father and would lie at the drop of a hat for him, even going so far as to tell his dad that my new man was hitting him. Then he'd tell me that his dad was hitting him in the same place!!! My son was getting all screwed up and having more and more anger problems. My ex also used this in court and my man was denied access to my son permanently!!!!!!

Like I said I was going to lose my mind and almost drove myself and my son into the middle of a busy intersection!!! That's when I knew I needed to leave. I'd be no help to my son and I couldn't believe that CFS and the police wouldn't believe me!!! The older of the two girls that were abused by him tried telling both CFS and the police her side of the story, but it didn't help. I guess they thought I was a vindictive ex-wife with an abusive new man. That was three years ago. I left the country and am in hiding because of other stunts my ex pulled. I tried having contact with my son at first, but my ex would tape my conversations and tell me what "I" could and could not say to my son. Also, he talked to my parents and I can tell that some mud stuck there too... My new husband and I finally decided to stop all contact. I mentally and emotionally couldn't take it anymore. I'd cry for hours after talking to family about the situation... sigh... :yh_cry

I told CFS before I left that if there was anymore abuse it would be on their hands. They just said to be careful with this new husband in case he started to abuse me!!!! As mentioned before, my new Husband and I have been together for 3+ great years and I've never been happier!!! I've had to block out what happened or I'll go mad. I'm still sad/mad at how God/we can let bad people win like this!!!!

:yh_silent (that about covers my emotions)

Thanks for letting me vent... a sad mother, with a new life....

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 11:23 am

babyprep wrote: I just found this forum, a little late into the post, but... I don't even know why I looked up the subject tonight. I too was married to a pedophile. He did it to his cousins' 2 & 5 year olds when he was 16. Of course, I didn't find out until 3 years ago when our 5 year old started telling me and my new boyfriend (husband now) about some possible abuse. However, because of false accusations on my ex's part and a good, cut-throat lawyer, I was not believed. The abuse from when he was 16 was swept under the mat at the time be his family and the police(in Canada). He was never registered and the file was "buried" I guess. Then, he became an elementary teacher with his family's blessing (I guess they thought he wouldn't do it again).

I reported the abuse to CFS. Then, when my ex was denied access for a month, my son got scared and told the police that nothing happened. CFS gave him access again and I nearly lost my mind!!!!

My ex started to "emotionally" control me even worse and things got so bad that I wouldn't communicate with him in person anymore. My man wouldn't allow the abuse anymore (His ex pulled alot of stunts on him as well, and some of that mud stuck). He didn't want me hurt or controlled.

My child adores his father and would lie at the drop of a hat for him, even going so far as to tell his dad that my new man was hitting him. Then he'd tell me that his dad was hitting him in the same place!!! My son was getting all screwed up and having more and more anger problems. My ex also used this in court and my man was denied access to my son permanently!!!!!!

Like I said I was going to lose my mind and almost drove myself and my son into the middle of a busy intersection!!! That's when I knew I needed to leave. I'd be no help to my son and I couldn't believe that CFS and the police wouldn't believe me!!! The older of the two girls that were abused by him tried telling both CFS and the police her side of the story, but it didn't help. I guess they thought I was a vindictive ex-wife with an abusive new man. That was three years ago. I left the country and am in hiding because of other stunts my ex pulled. I tried having contact with my son at first, but my ex would tape my conversations and tell me what "I" could and could not say to my son. Also, he talked to my parents and I can tell that some mud stuck there too... My new husband and I finally decided to stop all contact. I mentally and emotionally couldn't take it anymore. I'd cry for hours after talking to family about the situation... sigh... :yh_cry

I told CFS before I left that if there was anymore abuse it would be on their hands. They just said to be careful with this new husband in case he started to abuse me!!!! As mentioned before, my new Husband and I have been together for 3+ great years and I've never been happier!!! I've had to block out what happened or I'll go mad. I'm still sad/mad at how God/we can let bad people win like this!!!!

(that about covers my emotions)

Thanks for letting me vent... a sad mother, with a new life....

What a sad story, BabyPrep :-1

I wish you much happiness. You've had enough anguish to last a lifetime :-6

Insomniac · Post by **Insomniac** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:41 pm

Wow babyprep, that is horrendous. But, you are so blessed to have a new husband who is a warm and loving person. I hope that your new life will help to ease the pain of the previous one. Don't give up on your son either...sometimes it just takes time for kids to realize what the truth is, and somehow it seems that the truth always reveals itself. I hope it doesn't take too long and you and your new hubby can have your life back to normal.

Sue