The funeral

redman · Post by **redman** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 2:23 pm

My brother in laws funeral was yesterday, it was excellent.

It started when a lone scottish piper in kilt and playing bagpipes who walked in front of the cortage for the last 200 yards to the church, thecoffin was draped in the Scottish flag................. He was a drummer in a jazz band and his band turned up at the church and played 3 peices, his drums were in the band covered with a black cloth with his drumsticks on top,all very sad to see...............

however he wanted no tears and wanted people to celebrate his life......and not mourn too much.............we shall all miss him very much and must now close ranks around my sister.

My sister would like me to thank all you kind people all over the world for their kind words and thoughts.

jbbarker1947 · Post by **jbbarker1947** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 2:28 pm

A proper funeral for deserving gentleman.

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 2:30 pm

May he rest in peace!!

Sending loving thoughts to you and your sister!!

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 2:33 pm

A sweet farewell for him, Redman.

:yh_hugs

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 3:12 pm

Very nice indeed he will always be in your heart..:-4

annabelle · Post by **annabelle** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 4:24 pm

I'm so pleased for you and all your family that your brother in law was given a last farewell which was befitting to him. It's the last thing we can do for our loved ones, and is also our final memory.

Unfortunately, my fathers funeral has left a very bitter taste in my mouth. It took place on 23rd Dec 2004, which was harrowing enough. My mother nursed him through his terminal illness, even though she was at the time in remission from cancer herself and had not been given the all clear.

The local priest came round to see her and myself to arrange details for his funeral. He was with us for over an hour, during which time we told him as much as we could about my father and his life.

Come the day of the funeral, (which I am trying my best to forget), all the priest could manage was a lecture on the sins of not attending church etc!. He mentioned my dad by name only once, and it was so insignificant I can't even remember what he said. My mother was shell shocked , as were we all. I was bursting to stand up and yell at him, (as were other's as it turned out), but, you don't do thing's like that do you? Everyone is expected to observe a modicum of decorum at such events, not withstanding the fact that you are also overcome with grief.

Sadly, I have since lost my mother too, she was admitted to hospital last Boxing Day when I could no longer give her the nursing care she needed.

However, as most of you will know by now, Hugh Janus is my partner. He had the idea of a Humanist funeral, whereby you cherish and celebrate the memory of the persons life without all the religious mumbo jumbo. Although it was an incredibly painful time for me, it's left me with the kind of memories I should have had with my dad, and has made a world of difference. I don't think I'll ever stop missing her though, she was such a very courageous lady and her passing has left a very deep void.

I'm not trying to be morose here, just point out the importance of a good "send off" ....

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 5:26 pm

redman wrote: My brother in laws funeral was yesterday, it was excellent.

It started when a lone scottish piper in kilt and playing bagpipes who walked in front of the cortage for the last 200 yards to the church, thecoffin was draped in the Scottish flag................. He was a drummer in a jazz band and his band turned up at the church and played 3 peices, his drums were in the band covered with a black cloth with his drumsticks on top,all very sad to see...............

however he wanted no tears and wanted people to celebrate his life......and not mourn too much.............we shall all miss him very much and must now close ranks around my sister.

My sister would like me to thank all you kind people all over the world for their kind words and thoughts.

That sounds awesome. I hope that doesnt sound glib, its not. Theres two ways to go, sad and tearful or a real celebration of the life that walked with us for a short while. I like that.

redman · Post by **redman** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 12:54 am

This poem was written by my brother in law and found by my sister after he died

the vicar read it out at the funeral service.

If I be first to die let grief not blacken long your sky,

Be bold,yet modest in your grieving, there is change, but not a leaving.

Close your eyes, breathe, listen to the footfall in your heart,

I am not gone, but merely walk within you.

Alan Bunting.

annabelle · Post by **annabelle** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 2:21 am

Very wise and beautiful words ..... but not so easy to do for those left behind.

This is the poem I chose for my mother, more for the benefit of my younger son who was very close to his granma .... it's how we ended the service.

"Don't think of her as gone away

Her journey's just begun,

Life holds so many facets

This earth is only one.

Just think of her as resting

From the sorrows and the tears,

In a place of warmth and comfort

Where there are no days and years.

Think how she must be wishing

That we could know, today,

Now nothing but our sadness

Can really pass away.

Think of her as living

In the hearts of those she touched,

For nothing loved is ever lost

And she is loved so very much."

Redman ... I wish your sister strengh to see her through this terrible time.

chocoholic · Post by **chocoholic** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 2:59 am

Two beautiful poems, Redman my thoughts are with you and your family.

I know that at this moment it's hard to think that better days will follow but they will.

Although you have lost your brother-in-law here in this life, he is always alive as long as there are people who knew and loved him. Treasure your memories and that way he will always be with you all.:yh_hugs

redman · Post by **redman** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 4:13 am

annabelle wrote: Very wise and beautiful words ..... but not so easy to do for those left behind.

This is the poem I chose for my mother, more for the benefit of my younger son who was very close to his granma .... it's how we ended the service.

"Don't think of her as gone away

Her journey's just begun,

Life holds so many facets

This earth is only one.

Just think of her as resting

From the sorrows and the tears,

In a place of warmth and comfort

Where there are no days and years.

Think how she must be wishing

That we could know, today,

Now nothing but our sadness

Can really pass away.

Think of her as living

In the hearts of those she touched,

For nothing loved is ever lost

And she is loved so very much."

Redman ... I wish your sister strengh to see her through this terrible time.

Thank you very much,your poem was very very beutiful.

redman · Post by **redman** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 4:14 am

chocoholic wrote: Two beautiful poems, Redman my thoughts are with you and your family.

I know that at this moment it's hard to think that better days will follow but they will.

Although you have lost your brother-in-law here in this life, he is always alive as long as there are people who knew and loved him. Treasure your memories and that way he will always be with you all.:yh_hugs

thanks choco.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 4:21 am

Redman my most sincere and heartfelt sympathies to you. I'm so glad you were able to celebrate his life.

It's just like I'd like to go outta this world.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 4:22 am

Anna B (that's my nickname for you), what a sad story. I lost my mom the day after my birthday 2 1/2 years ago. She was driving and had a heart attack. That was it. Over. Never got to say goodbye.

But . . . it was quick. She didn't suffer.

If I could choose to go that way, I'd sign on the dotted line right now.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 6:13 am

redman wrote: This poem was written by my brother in law and found by my sister after he died

the vicar read it out at the funeral service.

If I be first to die let grief not blacken long your sky,

Be bold,yet modest in your grieving, there is change, but not a leaving.

Close your eyes, breathe, listen to the footfall in your heart,

I am not gone, but merely walk within you.

Alan Bunting.
wow. that's beautiful!

:yh_hugs redman :yh_hugs

annabelle · Post by **annabelle** » Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:04 pm

cherandbuster wrote: Anna B (that's my nickname for you), what a sad story. I lost my mom the day after my birthday 2 1/2 years ago. She was driving and had a heart attack. That was it. Over. Never got to say goodbye.

But . . . it was quick. She didn't suffer.

If I could choose to go that way, I'd sign on the dotted line right now.

Cher .... I'm so sorry I havn't answered you sooner, seems like I've missed a few posts ... DOH! ... that's typical of me lately ...

My condolences to you .... I don't know which is worse, losing a loved one following a long illness or suddenly as in your case. Both are equally horrid and hurt like hell.

Quite agree with you though about choosing to go suddenly, were it an option, I would too.

Anyhow, I'm nOT going to become all morbid, it's almost 4th July .....

SO ...... Happy Independence Day in advance ....

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Jul 03, 2006 10:58 am

And the same to you, AnnaB, and your hubby with the very big orifice

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Jul 03, 2006 11:00 am

Redman,

How is your sister doing? Now that the funeral is over, does she feel very alone? She has to go back to her life now, and that must be very difficult to do.

redman · Post by **redman** » Tue Jul 04, 2006 9:31 am

cherandbuster wrote: Redman,

How is your sister doing? Now that the funeral is over, does she feel very alone? She has to go back to her life now, and that must be very difficult to do.

She has a wonderful family around her, son and daughter, granchildren and Great grandchildren.............she is never short of company..........thanks for asking.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Jul 04, 2006 11:48 am

You're welcome.

I'm glad she's surrounded by loving family. It helps close the wound, doesn't it?

And are you doing, O.K., too? I'm sure his passing affected more people than your sister.

You're in my thoughts.:-6