Red Neck Social Tips!

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Thu Feb 17, 2005 8:13 am

Red Neck Social Tips!

General

1. Never take a beer to an interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-haul to the funeral.

Dining Out

1. When decanting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.

Entertaining in your home

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

Personal Hygiene

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one's own truck keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.

3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to distract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating (outside the family)

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago."

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

Theater Etiquette

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have proven that they can't hear you.

Weddings

1. Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Driving Etiquette

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral possession.

Found on

http://com4.runboard.com/bsoapinup.fletschat.t91

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polycarp · Post by **polycarp** » Thu Feb 17, 2005 8:36 am

As interesting as it is hilarious. Nice one Lottomagic!

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Thu Feb 17, 2005 8:42 am

LMAO--hysterical!

I wish I'd known it's considered rude taking the U-Haul to the funeral sooner though. :-3 LOL

Hawke · Post by **Hawke** » Thu Feb 17, 2005 11:10 am

Hmm...I have a question for you UK folks out there...

Here in the US we portray deep Southerners as "Rednecks" - a regrettable and ultimately derogatory classification, to be sure, but one used in the common vernacular nonetheless.

My question for the UK is whether you folks have similar names for people based on geographic location?

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Thu Feb 17, 2005 12:28 pm

Derogotory is that like perguatory?

My dad gets upset at Kraut jokes.

I'm also intrested to the inquiry of the Brits.

Buggar that is one of thier insults if I'm spelling it right.

I would like to be enlightened on the term buggar.

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lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Feb 17, 2005 12:34 pm

well Lotto, bugger is best not discussed in reasonably polite company. SOME English refer to Irish as paddies, and Welsh as Taffs. there are others.

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Feb 17, 2005 1:08 pm

lady cop wrote: well Lotto, bugger is best not discussed in reasonably polite company. SOME English refer to Irish as paddies, and Welsh as Taffs. there are others.

Also unacceptable are Wanker and Roger or Roger That.

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Thu Feb 17, 2005 3:17 pm

I love Jeff Foxworthy

Bothwell · Post by **Bothwell** » Fri Feb 18, 2005 1:57 am

A redneck translation for the Uk could be many things

Rural county folk not wise in the ways of the city could be referred to as the following :

Bumpkin

Carrot Cruncher

Sheep Shagger

The term bugger I would not consider as bad as some four letter words and it is very rarely used in it's original meaning, it's a sort of second division swear word

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Fri Feb 18, 2005 5:59 am

Hey Minks..."roger" is 10-4 to me! (but i also know the other meaning

)...and i was referring to "bugger" in the um, er, classic English Eton schoolboy sense of the word. .....anyway...the ultimate REDNECK FESTIVAL is coming up here, the Daytona 500. oh the horror of it! 50,000 beerbellied, mullet-wearing slobs parked in the infield at the speedway, sitting on the roofs of their RVs with 12-packs and drunk as skunks...and those are just the females! the traffic is horrific, the mayhem is not confined to the track, and oh my god, the sights you see! and when this freak show is over....HERE COMES BIKE WEEK! (march 1) ...stay tuned.

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Fri Feb 18, 2005 9:20 am

LOL on that just being the women.

As for not discussing certain stuff being polite my wife does call me rude about weekly.

One more redneck joke. And Bumpkin is also use here in the states. And in colorado rude sheep jokes are made about people from WY. Carot Cruner is a new one for me.

Redneck Vacations

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy

Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a

vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little

different. The last few years, I took your advice about

where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I

went to Hawaii and Daisy May got pregnant. Then two years

ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,and Daisy May got

pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned

if Daisy May didn't get pregnant again." Luther asks Billy

Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?

Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Daisy May with me

from http://www.cyclingforums.com/t212463-re ... tions.html

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Der Wulf · Post by **Der Wulf** » Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:19 pm

Redneck sexual practices

Seduction: shares 6-pack & chitlins at the tractor pull

Fore play: Drives the pickup into the woods, opens the tailgate, sez "git in th truck", grabs yer cheeks to assist you.

Fantasy: Drag racin, lowest elapsed time wins.

After glow: Slaps yer behind, burps, sez "there, that oughta hold ya"

Will he respect you in the morning? Yup, Beeps horn, yells "YEE HAA", and waves to your neighbors, as he speeds past your house on his way to work at 6:30am.

Memorializes your name and phone number on the "wall of honor" in the bathroom of the local truck stop.

Cracks joke about the mole on your butt,......while having coffee with your dad. :sneaky:

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Feb 18, 2005 4:15 pm

Hawke wrote: My question for the UK is whether you folks have similar names for people based on geographic location?
When i lived in Cheshire th influx of Liverpudlians called us "wooleybacks", the people of liverpool are called Scousers, the french are called Frogs, (because they eat frogslegs, i think), the people of Birmingham are Brummies, and Newcastle are Geordies.

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Fri Feb 18, 2005 5:52 pm

10 Ways to tell if a Redneck has been working on a Computer

10. The monitor is up on blocks.

9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

8. The six front keys have rotted out.

7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.

6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

5. The password is "Bubba".

4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.

3. There's a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).

2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

AND the number 1 way to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer is...

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

From http://www.scam.com/showthread.php?t=1534

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Post by **kensloft** » Fri Feb 18, 2005 6:32 pm

lady cop wrote: Hey Minks..."roger" is 10-4 to me! (but i also know the other meaning

)...and i was referring to "bugger" in the um, er, classic English Eton schoolboy sense of the word. .....anyway...the ultimate REDNECK FESTIVAL is coming up here, the Daytona 500. oh the horror of it! 50,000 beerbellied, mullet-wearing slobs parked in the infield at the speedway, sitting on the roofs of their RVs with 12-packs and drunk as skunks...and those are just the females! the traffic is horrific, the mayhem is not confined to the track, and oh my god, the sights you see! and when this freak show is over....HERE COMES BIKE WEEK! (march 1) ...stay tuned.
Some guys get to have all the fun!