~really dumb criminals~
~really dumb criminals~
i thought this could be entertaining...do you have truly stupid criminals where you live? it's funny as long as no-one gets hurt. want to hear some stories? i used to do my speciality, undercover busting shoplifters. that was the most fun i ever had on the job. so here's a couple of recent locals...guy goes into high-end clothing store. takes very expensive items into dressing room. removes those big sensor things. conceals about $600. worth of stuff. walks out. but..guess where he had concealed the sensors?? his jeans pocket!!! i laughed all the way to the jail...next guy...robs the bank. his photo, a very large portrait, is on the front page of the local paper next day. we take one look at the photo and go directly to his house, where the fool is just sitting there waiting. for $100. he will do 20 years Fed. time. and whenever i have to go talk to him at the jail he tries to ask me out!! LOL..i always tell him he can't afford me unless he does a better job of robbing the next bank. and to give me a call in 20 years!....one more....a guy we have arrested about 37 times. he always writes me long letters and insists he is really an undercover FBI operative.he also seems to think i am elizabeth taylor and tells me how much he likes my movies....this job may be stressful, but it has its very funny moments! tell me about the dumb criminals you know!
~really dumb criminals~
My favorite is a guy wrecking into a fire hydrant. He left the scene of the accident. He also left his front bumper with his license plate there.
~really dumb criminals~
lady cop wrote: i thought this could be entertaining...do you have truly stupid criminals where you live? it's funny as long as no-one gets hurt. want to hear some stories? i used to do my speciality, undercover busting shoplifters. that was the most fun i ever had on the job. so here's a couple of recent locals...guy goes into high-end clothing store. takes very expensive items into dressing room. removes those big sensor things. conceals about $600. worth of stuff. walks out. but..guess where he had concealed the sensors?? his jeans pocket!!! i laughed all the way to the jail...next guy...robs the bank. his photo, a very large portrait, is on the front page of the local paper next day. we take one look at the photo and go directly to his house, where the fool is just sitting there waiting. for $100. he will do 20 years Fed. time. and whenever i have to go talk to him at the jail he tries to ask me out!! LOL..i always tell him he can't afford me unless he does a better job of robbing the next bank. and to give me a call in 20 years!....one more....a guy we have arrested about 37 times. he always writes me long letters and insists he is really an undercover FBI operative.he also seems to think i am elizabeth taylor and tells me how much he likes my movies....this job may be stressful, but it has its very funny moments! tell me about the dumb criminals you know!
20 years for robbing a bank? This dude would do no more than 2 to 3 years here in NZ, hell, only 7 years is the average for Capital Murder. I guess you could call this really dumb court system.
20 years for robbing a bank? This dude would do no more than 2 to 3 years here in NZ, hell, only 7 years is the average for Capital Murder. I guess you could call this really dumb court system.
~really dumb criminals~
Lon wrote: 20 years for robbing a bank? This dude would do no more than 2 to 3 years here in NZ, hell, only 7 years is the average for Capital Murder. I guess you could call this really dumb court system.
it's a federal felony, and he had a lot of priors. so as an habitual offender he needs to do the 20. bank robbery is a federal crime in the states.
it's a federal felony, and he had a lot of priors. so as an habitual offender he needs to do the 20. bank robbery is a federal crime in the states.
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LottomagicZ4941
- Posts: 752
- Joined: Wed Oct 06, 2004 12:00 pm
~really dumb criminals~
Well spaming is technically illegal now so perhaps this one counts. Even if the illegality of spam is unconstitutional.
Anyway, I E-mailed a joke from this forum to some family and friends. I CCed myself off of my junk E-mail account.
And it returned the E-mail as undeleverable as my spam filter filtered it out!!!
So basically I spammed myself with the below.
"Men & anniversaries LOL
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?** * A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?" "Do you remember when I met you and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily...."Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car, making love?" "Yes, I remember!" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues... "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'". "I remember that too" she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek, and says..."I would have gotten out today." "
found on http://www.forumgarden.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3344
_________________
Lotto
http://www.flalottomagic.net/cgi-local/ ... elcome-344
MagicZ4941A
Anyway, I E-mailed a joke from this forum to some family and friends. I CCed myself off of my junk E-mail account.
And it returned the E-mail as undeleverable as my spam filter filtered it out!!!
So basically I spammed myself with the below.
"Men & anniversaries LOL
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?** * A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?" "Do you remember when I met you and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily...."Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car, making love?" "Yes, I remember!" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues... "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'". "I remember that too" she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek, and says..."I would have gotten out today." "
found on http://www.forumgarden.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3344
_________________
Lotto
http://www.flalottomagic.net/cgi-local/ ... elcome-344
MagicZ4941A
~really dumb criminals~
Well, *I* think he's stoopid...
Reported on our local news this morning...
Guy steals a BACKHOE fer cryin' out loud, (they say from a nearby
construction site) drives it down the street and goes after a bank
ATM. ATM holds together so well, the guy doesn't get anything.
Besides which, the night deposits had already been picked up!!
He got away, but I'm sure not for long... he'll do something else
at some point.
Reported on our local news this morning...
Guy steals a BACKHOE fer cryin' out loud, (they say from a nearby
construction site) drives it down the street and goes after a bank
ATM. ATM holds together so well, the guy doesn't get anything.
Besides which, the night deposits had already been picked up!!
He got away, but I'm sure not for long... he'll do something else
at some point.
~really dumb criminals~
I was a Loss Prevention Officer at Walmart for a year. Lots of fun, but I had to quit after seeing a few parents tell their kids, "I thought I taught you to shoplift better!"
Anyway this one guy shoves 20 CD's into his pants. We catch him, and ...He won't confess. He just keeps saying, "I didn't do it." Even as we were showing him on the videotape. So we ask him to stand up and all the CDs fall out onto the floor. He looks at them and says, "Those aren't mine." We all laugh and say, "Yeah, we know. That's why you're arrested!"
Another time, a very large Navajo woman came into the store wearing a large native dress that stretched to the floor. She picked up a small portable television and went to the bathroom. When she came out she didn't have the TV. We couldn't figure it out. We checked the bathroom and it was clean, even the ceilings.
Suddenly, when she was walking out the door, ...the TV fell out from between her legs! Talk about some strong thighs!
Anyway this one guy shoves 20 CD's into his pants. We catch him, and ...He won't confess. He just keeps saying, "I didn't do it." Even as we were showing him on the videotape. So we ask him to stand up and all the CDs fall out onto the floor. He looks at them and says, "Those aren't mine." We all laugh and say, "Yeah, we know. That's why you're arrested!"
Another time, a very large Navajo woman came into the store wearing a large native dress that stretched to the floor. She picked up a small portable television and went to the bathroom. When she came out she didn't have the TV. We couldn't figure it out. We checked the bathroom and it was clean, even the ceilings.
Suddenly, when she was walking out the door, ...the TV fell out from between her legs! Talk about some strong thighs!
All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players...Shakespeare
~really dumb criminals~
hey Jives...i was a walmart LP too! that's how i ended up meeting all the deputies in the zone, and went ahead to the academy on their advice...that job was the absolute most fun! but as you know it could get dangerous outside too. i think i could write a book on walmart shoplifters! and 75% of it HILARIOUS! as to the parents teaching their kids to steal, or using babies to steal by concealing on them...Childrens Services was the second call i made after sheriff dept. every time.
~really dumb criminals~
lady cop wrote: 75% of it HILARIOUS! .
No doubt. I saw girls come in (they were the worst by far, always cosmetics) and change shoes, clothes, purses, fill the purses..and try to walk out as brand new people!
One guy comes in, tapes a receipt to a wide screen TV, then gets one of our own guys to help him carry it out! It would have worked too, if I hadn't read the reciept as they passed me. It read $0.00!
Funniest ever: 2 teenagers come in and begin "whiffing" the whip cream bottles. (If you don't shake them up first, the entire top quarter of the can is 100% pure nitrous oxide, laughing gas!) By the time we got to them, they were helplessly rolling on the floor, laughing their heads off.
Worse yet, we couldn't question them because they got us laughing so hard, we couldn't stop too.
No doubt. I saw girls come in (they were the worst by far, always cosmetics) and change shoes, clothes, purses, fill the purses..and try to walk out as brand new people!
One guy comes in, tapes a receipt to a wide screen TV, then gets one of our own guys to help him carry it out! It would have worked too, if I hadn't read the reciept as they passed me. It read $0.00!
Funniest ever: 2 teenagers come in and begin "whiffing" the whip cream bottles. (If you don't shake them up first, the entire top quarter of the can is 100% pure nitrous oxide, laughing gas!) By the time we got to them, they were helplessly rolling on the floor, laughing their heads off.
Worse yet, we couldn't question them because they got us laughing so hard, we couldn't stop too.
All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players...Shakespeare
~really dumb criminals~
one thing about LPs...a lot of people don't realize they are there to catch dirty employees..those people know how to steal. i busted plenty of them, and the photo shop and phone-sales-booth ladies too! LOL the pharmacist used to say watching me cruise was the most entertainment he ever had. one thing i would do is sit on a bench outside and watch them coming in...if someone rang my chimes i would just casually go in after them. they never disappointed me