can we call a truce

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Mon Apr 24, 2006 5:31 am

With out offending anyone or dragging up old wound's pointing finger's naming name's or making anyone feel bad ... i was wondering if there was a way we could have a discussion about people having arguement's here and not letting it affect the whole forum ...because as a rule it generally (online and in real life) end's up with more people at each other's throat's than the one's who start it , and before you start sticking pin's in a mini me Voodoo doll and say who do i think i am..... i do include myself in all of it . Its easy to look back and think ... mm maybe i should'nt of said that and i for one often feel like that and in my cack handed way what i'm trying to say is - arguement's are a fact of life..... we can't please everyone all of the time ,but i personally have no problem with two individuals having a one on one ...it's only when well meaning people who rightly want to defend their friend's become involved that it blow's up in all kind's of proportion's and get's more out of hand ....Like .. how can a person go from zero to hero in 5/10 /15 post` with most forgetting who started the row and the majority feeling resentful because the original victim still want's justice and the rest just want to tell every one to live and let live .Is it possible to just let them get on with it and unless it involve's us directley see if it blow's over any quicker ...intervening even with the best intention's only prolong's the agony and open's up new wound's. maybe we could all call a truce .. i'm game ..see how it goes . I really would like to know what people think even if you think it's a bad idea . I always think it's like a scab ..easy to have a little pick.......

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 5:45 am

It is a shame isn't it that things realy have gotten quite hectic around here lately. I'm all for people being entitled to their own opinions, and of course there is no way that we are all going to get on. I do think that there have been cases where people seem to want to add fuel to the fire, just to try and re-emphasise their point, regardless of how much anger or damage it may cause.

Of course when it gets to the stage where friends start slating friends and long lasting friendships are broken over the course of an evening, that's when problems really do occur. I know that we all have our moments where we just get out of control, and in real life, I like to get away and calm myself down and think about what I said. I'm sure the same really should be applied here. We aren't all going to be best of friends, but I really do think that you should have respect for everyone else on here, after all we all are human beings, and all have our own feelings and emotions, and to have those crushed by others for little or no reason is wrong in my books.

I know there is no way we will ever stop arguements, but hopefully we will be able to stop all these bickering sessions to a low, because otherwise FG will start to get a bad reputation, and we really don't want that do we!! :-6

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 6:06 am

floppy to the rescue, love that idea

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 6:45 am

Arguments in themselves are good things and help the exchange of ideas. Disagreement is a part of an argument.

Personal arguments where posters are inflammatory and/or insulting are degrading and pointless. Nonetheless, it is human nature to want to defend yourself. But the whole thing gets out of hand when it becomes a slanging match.

It takes a lot of self-control to walk away without defending yourself, although it can be done. Nonetheless, the idea above of placing the thread somewhere out of sight is a good idea. Quite often, a personal argument is based on a fundamental misunderstanding and sometimes, it can be cleared up.

Maxi_Uno · Post by **Maxi_Uno** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 6:45 am

flopstock wrote: I still think a 'being an idiot' section would be a wonderful solution...

If someone wants to put up a bitch or attack thread fine, if folks want to respond to that thread fine...

but admin should move it off to this 'idiot section' and at that point, and folks posting in that thread can't post anywhere else here until their issue is resolved and that thread has been closed...

This is the clincher:

" admin should move it off to this 'idiot section' and at that point, and folks posting in that thread can't post anywhere else here until their issue is resolved and that thread has been closed"

Great idea!

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 6:57 am

I like Floppy's idea some forums have a section like that where all the problem post are put there sometimes called "THE JURY ROOM" or "THE PARKING LOT" and of course time outs to cool off. Post are put there and can only be discussed there and no where else, arguments, fights, all happen there. Great Idea Floppy.. That's my two cents.

Maxi_Uno · Post by **Maxi_Uno** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:01 am

CARLA wrote: I like Floppy's idea some forums have a section like that where all the problem post are put there sometimes called "THE JURY ROOM" or "THE PARKING LOT" and of course time outs to cool off. Post are put there and can only be discussed there and no where else, arguments, fights, all happen there. Great Idea Floppy.. That's my two cents.

Yeah but "can't post anywhere else here until their issue is resolved and that thread has been closed"

Is what sets Floopy's apart from the rest.

Maxi_Uno · Post by **Maxi_Uno** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:06 am

SnoozeControl wrote: I'm not sure I agree with that part. If a poster can keep the bad feelings to the single thread, I don't see why they should be punished and put in the corner to think about it. (Does anyone but me remember being put in the corner when they were naughty?):-2

They never seem to do that, This is why Floopy's is great.

(and the bickering will end sooner):)

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:08 am

I do snooze all the time..:wah:

I understand what your saying Max and to an extent I agree. It seems to work just having the posts in question discussed in one area only it really does defuse the situation and the person. If it doesn't they go bye bye..

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:08 am

SnoozeControl wrote: I'm not sure I agree with that part. If a poster can keep the bad feelings to the single thread, I don't see why they should be punished and put in the corner to think about it. (Does anyone but me remember being put in the corner when they were naughty?):-2

Yes the naughty chair i remember it well

Maxi_Uno · Post by **Maxi_Uno** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:10 am

pantsonfire321@aol.com wrote: Yes the naughty chair i remember it well

Was it a "Big Comfy Chair"?:sneaky:

Maxi_Uno · Post by **Maxi_Uno** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:12 am

CARLA wrote: I do snooze all the time..:wah:

I understand what your saying Max and to an extent I agree. It seems to work just having the posts in question discussed in one area only it really does defuse the situation and the person. If it doesn't they go bye bye..

The thing is Carla less people make it their concern that is why I like Floppys idea. Plus the ganging up thing wouldn't happen as much.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:18 am

Maybe it's only me but i'm not really bothered by other's arguing if it's relevant to the thread as long as it's not out right rude and derogatory ..what i don't like are the smarty comment's made to stir up the thread i've noticed that happen quite a lot and can do more damage than what the argument was about to start with.

Maxi_Uno · Post by **Maxi_Uno** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:21 am

pantsonfire321@aol.com wrote: Maybe it's only me but i'm not really bothered by other's arguing if it's relevant to the thread as long as it's not out right rude and derogatory ..what i don't like are the smarty comment's made to stir up the thread i've noticed that happen quite a lot and can do more damage than what the argument was about to start with.

Exactly!

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:23 am

SnoozeControl wrote: My big sister used to make me stand in the corner, so I'd pick my nose and smear it on the wall.

Sorry, way too much info.

Yuck... bogey's i just knew that was coming at some point ..

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:37 am

SnoozeControl wrote: That's a brilliant idea!:yh_worshp

(Chris, I can't imagine you ever getting steamed up enough to be rude.):-4

hahaha why thanks Snooze, I used to be a little pain in the butt when I was younger, as hard as that may be to believe, but I've learnt to control my anger, and after some of the things that have happened in my life, I find it easier now to close out a lot of negativity.

Oh and I love the idea of an area designed to release tension or to continue an arguement away from the rest of the Garden.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:37 am

pantsonfire321@aol.com wrote: Maybe it's only me but i'm not really bothered by other's arguing if it's relevant to the thread as long as it's not out right rude and derogatory ..what i don't like are the smarty comment's made to stir up the thread i've noticed that happen quite a lot and can do more damage than what the argument was about to start with.

That's how I feel about it!

I was subjected to some unwarranted nastiness this morning!

*ME*??? Can you believe that?? :yh_angel

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:38 am

SnoozeControl wrote: I can't seem to help myself.:yh_blush

:wah: Trust Snooze to be the person to bring something like that up!!!

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:39 am

sunny104 wrote: That's how I feel about it!

I was subjected to some unwarranted nastiness this morning!

*ME*??? Can you believe that?? :yh_angel

Really, that's hard to believe. If u'd like I can give that person a good kick up the backside for being so cheeky!!

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:43 am

chrisb84uk wrote: Really, that's hard to believe. If u'd like I can give that person a good kick up the backside for being so cheeky!!

Sounds good!

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 9:45 am

Clipper wrote: Just my .02 cents on this whole issue......

Seems to me there are a few folks here who just enjoy tossing a handful of crap into the fan just to see what will stick to the wall. For most adults here, they should be easy enough to spot and ignore. Isn't that what the Ignore feature is here for?

Pushing the bounds of common decency and courtesy warrant no less than a hard slap from the Mods here. Banning a handful of evident trouble-makers has got to be better than letting them chase good folks away from this Site.

I agree and I also agree with the 'Time Out' corner, or whatever you call it.

I don't want to reiterate what's gone before but because of the last major row, we lost Jives. He was a good, fun, witty poster. He wrote fabulous and much missed stories. He made very relevant posts on childrens education today. He was always good at pulling up relevant threads. I didn't know him well and I miss him, so his closer friends must miss him deeply.

If we all worked in an office together these threats and this anger would be completely unacceptable. I hate it when people get banned, but perhaps if admin gave a warning then a 1 day, 1 week and 1 month banning, say, at least that would give the thread time to die away and give folks time to calm down.

That thread became a jungle with everyone attacking each other and should have been closed down long before it was IMO. It wasn't helped by 2 members from that other site constantly attacking Jives and keeping the nastiness going. Now the threads gone, they seem to have gone too. And so has Jives. And Far.

And so we've all lost something good!

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 10:07 am

SnoozeControl wrote: No one's preventing either from returning.

Well said Snooze.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 10:10 am

Nomad went to the wall last night to stop the unwarranted ridicule of a young poster. He is the kind of person Id like to know in real life. I like the time out area. I also have another idea. Take off the # of posts under someones name. It implys an aura of status... or appears like we have a caste system... with the more powerful intimidating the weak. I have always said ( Many times here) that words are powerful. So let posters extend themselves to express themselves, with some class... having to master using words to gain respect. If we dont do something to stop the mafioso tactics that have gone on here..... there will be no new blood.

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 10:14 am

SnoozeControl wrote: No one's preventing either from returning.

But has anyone asked them to return??

My point was that the arguement should not have been allowed to escalate to the point that 2 people felt they had to leave.

It should have stayed as a discussion, if possible, but certainly without all the unnecessary accusations. We're grown people, not monkeys. There was no need to castigate them so harshly.

A 'time out' corner would be a useful place for such arguments which inevitably end by going around in circles and repeating yourself.

The problem too, is that the anger which all that stuff generated is still here, bubbling away beneath the surface, unresolved. And little patches of anger keep bursting through like molten lava, burning little paths as they go.

Thats why so many folks are so fed up with all the little digs or percieved digs and snide remarks or unfunny comments that are put here. And thats why they decided to move along, away from the anger.

We all have some form of sh*t to deal with in our lives, we really don't want more anger and hostility in our 'relaxation zone'. People want to chat cheerfully with their online buddies, no one wants this constant lingering bad feeling that's lurking around.

So if anger and upsets were transferred to their own corner, people could enjoy the rest of the garden. :yh_flower

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 10:35 am

Rapunzel wrote: I agree and I also agree with the 'Time Out' corner, or whatever you call it.

I don't want to reiterate what's gone before but because of the last major row, we lost Jives. He was a good, fun, witty poster. He wrote fabulous and much missed stories. He made very relevant posts on childrens education today. He was always good at pulling up relevant threads. I didn't know him well and I miss him, so his closer friends must miss him deeply.

If we all worked in an office together these threats and this anger would be completely unacceptable. I hate it when people get banned, but perhaps if admin gave a warning then a 1 day, 1 week and 1 month banning, say, at least that would give the thread time to die away and give folks time to calm down.

That thread became a jungle with everyone attacking each other and should have been closed down long before it was IMO. It wasn't helped by 2 members from that other site constantly attacking Jives and keeping the nastiness going. Now the threads gone, they seem to have gone too. And so has Jives. And Far.

And so we've all lost something good!

We've lost more then Jives and Far, we've lost over 1/2 of FG for a guess. Most people do not like the fighting-debating is one thing, downtight nastiness to one another is something all together different.

Things are calmer today, but this has been happening too many times lately. Let us treat each other the way we would our own family, because that is what we are. Family.

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 10:37 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Perceived digs? I have no control if someone reads more into something than was intended.:-2

Yes you do. I'm sure most people are able to tell when a comment has a double meaning. Those who can't must be incredibly naive.

To post a comment one must ensure its clarity or give an explanation, to ensure a double meaning is neither meant nor intended.

Sometimes we think we are being witty or clever, when in actual fact it is painfully obvious to others that we are having a dig at someone or something.

For example, poor Spot thought he was being witty today, and boy was there a brouhaha over that misconception! (Sorry for using you as an example my spotty friend!

)

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 10:39 am

Whatever this was about, I am sincerely glad I missed this one!

Is everyone friends again? I hope so. We have gained far too much, to let it go over something so small.:yh_flower

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 10:50 am

Rapunzel wrote: .

Sometimes we think we are being witty or clever, when in actual fact it is painfully obvious to others that we are having a dig at someone or something.

So, were you trying to be witty and clever when you made a personal (during a discussion I was having with someone else ) attack at my present situation of trying to get pregnant? Because I believe it was painfully obvious to others that you were having a dig at "someone".

Someone meaning me.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 10:57 am

flopstock wrote: Sure we do.. if the way someone reads something is not the way you really intended for it to read, a simple clarification and a 'sorry if you misunderstood' should settle it.

I know this, because usually folks don't 'get' me on the first pass...:p

Flopster, I'm SHOCKED!! You let people make PASSES at you?!?!?

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 11:04 am

flopstock wrote: See now... if this gets answered with anything other then 'You know you're absolutely right and I apologise here publicly for it, please forgive me' ..

we are about to head off course into another fight..

This stuff really belongs in PMs.

It was just a question.