Kids Or Birth Control?

[Rapunzel]

KIDS OR BIRTH CONTROL?

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN...(HONEST AND NO KIDDING):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3 year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

10. Certain Lego pieces will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving

18. You probably do not want to know what that odour is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will however make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

[4rum]

In case anybody wants to know... abortion in the 47th tri-mester is not an option... I checked.

[4rum]

An' another thing... forget cats in the washer.



Wait till the 4th of July... then use the DRYER, save a bundle on sparklers.

Want bottle rockets? Add a can of quick start and a Zippo.

[BabyRider]

Each and every one of those makes me glad that Bullet is "snipped" and our kids are over 10 years of age.

[minks]

ahahaha memories.....

here are a few for you

-a swallowed necklace is cause for concern, as you never know where it may get tangled up along the way

-a swallowed $2.00 coin, is also cause for concern, it could end up in the lungs.

-an african violet is not a poisonous plant

-kids get a hoot out of setting off the hand held metal detector in the ER

-kids should not be allowed out of your sight 1 week before you embark on a holiday out of country because what ever metal they swallowed may not necessarily have passed out of their system yet.

-kids are capable of swallowing without harm 4 inch lag bolts.

-stacking drawers in your kitchen if all pulled out to just the proper positions make great steps up to the kitchen counter top.

-pulling rose bush thorns from a little girls scalp is very difficult when the hair is a tangled mess.

-A bell attached to a childs sweater or jacket at all times is a mothers best friend.

-If you think it looks stupid, or I am a bad mother because my 2 year old is in a harnass when we go to the mall, you have never experienced hide and seek among clothing racks.

Yes I am glad to be past these stages but boy do the memories make me smile.