Galbally's Advice Column for FG.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Mar 08, 2006 10:33 pm

absolutely brilliant, and i appreciate it! thankyou. :yh_flower

Bothwell · Post by **Bothwell** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 6:30 am

So we have villa fans coming out of the closet eh, well boys I amfraid there is only one team in the second city and that is the Mighty Blues, keep right on and **** on the villa

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:01 pm

Bothwell wrote: So we have villa fans coming out of the closet eh, well boys I amfraid there is only one team in the second city and that is the Mighty Blues, keep right on and **** on the villa

The best two teams in Birmingham?

1. Aston Villa

2. Aston Villa reserves

Do we really need to get the roll of honour out again? *yawn*

LC - have a word will ya?

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:02 pm

Galbally wrote: Its the fella who plays ken, whatever his name is, he was in the first ever episode back in 1861 or whenever it was.

Oh I see. I'd heard it was Willy Eckerslike

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:03 pm

Uncle Kram wrote: The best two teams in Birmingham?

1. Aston Villa

2. Aston Villa reserves

Do we really need to get the roll of honour out again? *yawn*

LC - have a word will ya? :Das if i would have any idea what you two are on about!! :rolleyes:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:05 pm

Galbally wrote: Thank you LC, I am sorry that I am not as regular as I used to be, oh well.

I can thoroughly recommend All-Bran to hasten a return to regularity. Failing that you may have to resort to using suppositories. I tried some myself, but for all the good they did me, I might as well have shoved them up my arse.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:11 pm

lady cop wrote: as if i would have any idea what you two are on about!! :rolleyes:

He's a Bluenose LC........it's not too late you know!

A guy I know finally told me he was a Birmingham City supporter the other day. He's recently come out of prison for murder, arson, embezzlement ,grevious bodily harm and distributing pornographic images. I asked why he'd never mentioned being a Bluenose before and he said he was too ashamed

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:15 pm

i'm going to have to ask him what a bluenose is...will he have to challenge you to a duel? :-3

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:36 pm

lady cop wrote: i'm going to have to ask him what a bluenose is...will he have to challenge you to a duel? :-3

Yeah....handbags at two paces :yh_rotfl

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 1:36 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: NEWSFLASH !!

News coming in of a robbery at Birmingham City's ground. Police say that thieves have completely emptied their trophy room.

Police are looking for a bright blue carpet :rolleyes:

I work Ã‚Â¼ mile from the ground and I did see someone with a blue carpet at lunchtime

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 3:14 pm

Right you lot, this thread is not going to become another sports argument forum, but the blues are going to be playing first division football in about 6 months and thats all anyone needs to know. I am actually in the process of booking tickets for a villa park game before the end of the season, as I had such a ball (ahem) in Liverpool over the weekend, even if I did have to pretend that I was a pool fan for 90 mins. Anyway, thats something to look forward to. Now where were we?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 6:44 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Chewable suppositories.

Good god woman, what is next? Well, I suppose it could be worse. Anyway. :sneaky:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 6:45 pm

Uncle Kram wrote: Oh I see. I'd heard it was Willy Eckerslike

You funny. :wah:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 6:48 pm

lady cop wrote: as if i would have any idea what you two are on about!! :rolleyes:

Don't worry, its just Aston Villa, the greatest association football club in the world, (well my world anyway), I was born in Birmingham (England) and I have been a Villa man all my life. Its just our way, don't worry.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Mar 09, 2006 6:49 pm

Uncle Kram wrote: He's a Bluenose LC........it's not too late you know!

A guy I know finally told me he was a Birmingham City supporter the other day. He's recently come out of prison for murder, arson, embezzlement ,grevious bodily harm and distributing pornographic images. I asked why he'd never mentioned being a Bluenose before and he said he was too ashamed

Yeah, the "Blues", ha ha.

Bothwell · Post by **Bothwell** » Fri Mar 10, 2006 2:37 am

OK my last word on the footy. Kram I see that from your address that you are technically a Yammer so why not hie yourself to the shed that is Molineux or don your tesco bag and get to the hawthorns,and if you go to the wolves dont forget to pick up some scrap or tarmac a few drives on the way.

As a bluenose of long standing I have suffered more than my share of the slings and arrows but once a bluenose always a bluenose.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Mar 10, 2006 3:03 am

Bothwell wrote: OK my last word on the footy. Kram I see that from your address that you are technically a Yammer so why not hie yourself to the shed that is Molineux or don your tesco bag and get to the hawthorns,and if you go to the wolves dont forget to pick up some scrap or tarmac a few drives on the way.

As a bluenose of long standing I have suffered more than my share of the slings and arrows but once a bluenose always a bluenose.

Okay Both, as a brum-born boy and a villan I say, fair nough. Thats my last word (for the time being) good to hear from you BTW.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Fri Mar 10, 2006 7:35 am

Bothwell wrote: OK my last word on the footy. Kram I see that from your address that you are technically a Yammer so why not hie yourself to the shed that is Molineux or don your tesco bag and get to the hawthorns,and if you go to the wolves dont forget to pick up some scrap or tarmac a few drives on the way.

As a bluenose of long standing I have suffered more than my share of the slings and arrows but once a bluenose always a bluenose.i had to get Bothwell to translate that statement to me today! :wah:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 6:03 am

OK - here's my final word. I was born 1 mile from Villa Park so am definately not a yam-yam. I have however shown an interest in the events at Molineux since my son started living next to the ground. Some of my best buddies are bluenoses and I respect them and you too Bothwell for supporting your local team instead of glory hunting. Theres room in the prem for us all.

Now returning to the thread, Galbally, what is the best treatment when you catch your hand on a rose thorn and it bleeds?

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 1:51 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: I know this isn't my advice column, but if I might interrupt since this sounds like an emergency?

Unc... if I were you, I'd remove my hand from the rose bush. I realize you've probably been standing there for hours, but really... just walk away.

To accelerate the healing process, leaving your hand in a glass of Cider apparently does the trick.

I'd never heard of this until I overheard a woman at work say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she puts it in Cider

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 9:34 pm

This is all good, though I fear I may be becoming redundant on my own advice column, which is, .........troubling.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 2:53 am

Galbally wrote: This is all good, though I fear I may be becoming redundant on my own advice column, which is, .........troubling.

You should seek advice from yourself about how to deal with hijackers. Don't worry Galbally - you're own inimitable style is irreplaceable and no-one here would allow you to become redundant

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 6:40 am

Uncle Kram wrote: To accelerate the healing process, leaving your hand in a glass of Cider apparently does the trick.

I'd never heard of this until I overheard a woman at work say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she puts it in Cider

Funny...I overheard a woman say you should smear egg salad all over your body for this ailment.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 7:18 am

Clancy wrote: Dear Doc

....not that I count them or anything, but how many drinks do you think a normal person should take just to have a good night.?

What I mean is, I don't need to have the visions of having the, London Eye winking at me, if you catch my drift

Well clancy I think that if you have more than 5 pints, you are starting to get there. Seeing as you are a scot, you may well enjoy the odd dram, but I would think that once you start finding your friends bitchy wife suddenly attractive, or start believing that the embittered drunk who always drinks in the corner may have something interesting to say about the war in iraq then you have gone over your own safety limit. Of course being Irish, my ability to judge other's drinking habits is limited and I don't have a leg to stand on. P.S. Clancy you may be interesting in this, I wrote a song for Ireland's Eurovision song thing this year, well, I know the Eurovision is a bit of nonsense really, but I have a love of European kitsch and the Eurovision is the ultimate example of this, I made the shortlist, but It didn't get picked, oh well, I shall try again next year. :guitarist

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:35 pm

Galbally wrote: Well clancy I think that if you have more than 5 pints, you are starting to get there. Seeing as you are a scot, you may well enjoy the odd dram, but I would think that once you start finding your friends bitchy wife suddenly attractive, or start believing that the embittered drunk who always drinks in the corner may have something interesting to say about the war in iraq then you have gone over your own safety limit. Of course being Irish, my ability to judge other's drinking habits is limited and I don't have a leg to stand on. P.S. Clancy you may be interesting in this, I wrote a song for Ireland's Eurovision song thing this year, well, I know the Eurovision is a bit of nonsense really, but I have a love of European kitsch and the Eurovision is the ultimate example of this, I made the shortlist, but It didn't get picked, oh well, I shall try again next year. :guitarist

I think you should post the lyrics Galbally

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:04 pm

Uncle Kram wrote: I think you should post the lyrics Galbally

Nah, it wouldn't be the same and I've lost interest now, but it definetly wasn't a patch on the 1978 classic "Boom Bang-a-lang", oh things aint what they used to be you know.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:06 pm

Nomad wrote: Funny...I overheard a woman say you should smear egg salad all over your body for this ailment.

Hmmn? How did you come to overhear such a conversation, are you suffering from that disorder that involves hanging round women's drop-in centres again? We may need to discuss this.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:07 pm

Uncle Kram wrote: OK - here's my final word. I was born 1 mile from Villa Park so am definately not a yam-yam. I have however shown an interest in the events at Molineux since my son started living next to the ground. Some of my best buddies are bluenoses and I respect them and you too Bothwell for supporting your local team instead of glory hunting. Theres room in the prem for us all.

Now returning to the thread, Galbally, what is the best treatment when you catch your hand on a rose thorn and it bleeds?

An elastoplast. And try to remember that roses and thorns are a job-lot type of package.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:08 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: I know this isn't my advice column, but if I might interrupt since this sounds like an emergency?

Unc... if I were you, I'd remove my hand from the rose bush. I realize you've probably been standing there for hours, but really... just walk away.

This is quite valid advice also.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:09 pm

Uncle Kram wrote: To accelerate the healing process, leaving your hand in a glass of Cider apparently does the trick.

I'd never heard of this until I overheard a woman at work say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she puts it in Cider

Yes, yes, more overheard womanly conversations, I think I will need to consult the text books about this as it seems to be a common problem.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:12 pm

Uncle Kram wrote: You should seek advice from yourself about how to deal with hijackers. Don't worry Galbally - you're own inimitable style is irreplaceable and no-one here would allow you to become redundant

Good advice, I advise myself to completely ignore all attempts at hijacking me, unless I attempt to hijack myself, in such an instance I may need to pay heed to my own deeds, though this would countermand the original goal I had set, so therefore I must disregard this advice also, at this point things will become complicated and I will need to lie down for a while.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:20 pm

Have you ever slipped on a banana peel?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:30 pm

chonsigirl wrote: Have you ever slipped on a banana peel?

No, but I have been struck by flying bird excrement on 2 occsaions in my life, once when I was lost in prague on a very hot day with a lot of expensive looking lugage in the city's red-light district, it seemed at the time that god was once more playing his vicious tricks on me, however, i now realize that god is not malicious simply, disinterested in our troubles.

As a side-not my friend was at a plato convention in Dublin castle yesterday, he said it was good and that there were a lot of people there, even young people who were not english lit. students, that is encouraging I think, perhaps western civilization is not completely doomed after all.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 12:02 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Is "expensive looking luggage" another term for prostitute? I realize this is probably a silly and naive question, but I'm serious.

I was sitting next to a girl at lunch many years ago at middle school and a birdie pood on her shoulder. She wasn't sure what it was so she touched her finger to it and tasted it. I never did get to find out what exactly birdie poo tastes like since I started laughing hysterically at that point and she never spoke to me again.

Snooze my dear, I have to say that I love the way your mind works, that one gave me a chuckle, but unfortunatly any prostitute within my budget at that time would have been not very expensive looking, though I may have had to carry her around a bit, that could be true.

As for what bird poo tastes like, well, do we really need to know? I would presume that it would be unpleasant and probably a bit like grainy dirt, with a you know "poo" taste. My advice is to investigate what more pleasant things are like to taste, and use the wisdom of past generations in that things such as feces, urine, sour milk, rotten meat, are just unpleasant.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 12:03 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: It may be like asking the hotel concierge for an "extra pillow"

Yes, that would be a genteel alternative to asking for a bang bunny for room 203.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 12:11 pm

Galbally wrote: Yes, that would be a genteel alternative to asking for a bang bunny for room 203.

bang bunny??! :yh_rotfl

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 6:42 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Here's a rather stereotypical Irishman joke for you, Galbally... no offense, I hope.

Michael O'Malley was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up towards heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my Jack Daniels."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

O'Malley looked up again, and said,

"Never mind - I found one!"

Hmmmnnnn, well OK, I will let you off with that one, however, when I do get to Utah you will have to be careful about the paddy irishman jokes. Actually, I may be going to Los Angeles after september, though I'm not sure, but if I do thats only a short plane flight to Utah, so you better clean the place up, you might have visitors!

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 8:23 am

Galbally wrote: Hmmmnnnn, well OK, I will let you off with that one, however, when I do get to Utah you will have to be careful about the paddy irishman jokes. Actually, I may be going to Los Angeles after september, though I'm not sure, but if I do thats only a short plane flight to Utah, so you better clean the place up, you might have visitors!

Can you swing by San Antonio too?

My husband would probably love to have a bit of craic with someone from home!

PS We have a Durty Nellie's here too!