Fantasy about my wife is bothering me

Patrick David · Post by **Patrick David** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 8:29 am

Hi there. First post on a forum, so bear with me.

My name is Pat and I am 39, very nearly 40. My wife is 33. We've been together 8 years and got married last year. We've been fortunate enough to build a successful business and will be emigrating soon with enough money to relax for a bit and start a family. It's something we both want to do.

I would say we have had a reasonably conservative sex life. Very loving, fairly regular etc. And I'm not complaining or questioning that - she is my rock.

I can't quite pinpoint when, but recently I have started having these fantasies about watching her with another man. The fantasy is actually watching her get incredible pleasure out of it. And I'm guessing it's not a new fantasy. I'v thought about it and wouldn;t like it if she wasn't getting pleasure out of the scenario.

Thing is, I'm just not sure what to do about it. On the one hand I think she would be genuinely shocked if I told her this as she thinks of me as older, more mature and more conservative (In fact she has had more partners than me and I would guess has a few secrets she'd rather keep to herself, which is fine) but on the other, I can honestly say that like most blokes I've had a few fantasies over the years, some worse than this! I even experimented a bit when I was younger and single. I think the thing that is freaking me out a bit is that the person in this fantasy is my wife. That;s probably difficult to udnerstand, but basically my take on a fantasy is something that probably won't ever happen. It's less easy to convince yourself of this when the subject is your wife.....

For what it's worth, I'm pretty dull in this fantasy scenario, simply watching and getting all of my pleasure from viewing hers. She really really does enjoy it in the fantasy and the more she does, the more it turns me on when thinking about it.

Anyway, that's about it. I guess what I am after is some opinions on whether to *ever* discuss this with her or whether to just bury it in case discussing it offended her in a long term way. And how on earth do you begin a discussion about something like this?

At the moment I can't stop looking forward to emigrating and having lots and lots of time with her to do all the things we have talked about for a long time - I just don;t think this is one of the things on her mind........

Help.

Patrick

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 8:37 am

Well what an interesting intro

Ok I say bring up a 3 some to your wife in casual conversation and see what her reaction is if it is totally negative STOP right there and just enjoy your fantacy to yourself. If she shows any interest proceede.

Post by **spot** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 8:52 am

minks wrote: Ok I say bring up a 3 some to your wife in casual conversation and see what her reaction is if it is totally negative STOP right there and just enjoy your fantacy to yourself. If she shows any interest proceede.Patrick, you haven't said which criminal jurisdiction you are currently subject to. If you're in England, as I am, the relevant warning can be found at http://www.opsi.gov.uk/acts/acts2003/30042--b.htm#67

It is quite likely that, as Minks says, you will need your wife's consent and that this involves you discussing the matter with her.

Subject to that consent being given, finding a suitable third party is best left to her.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:51 am

Definitely staying out of this one.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:57 am

Wow, a man has to be REAL secure in his relationship with his wife to want to experiment with this sort of thing. I think the best response you got was from minks. Bring it up. See how she reacts. If she balks at the idea, keep it to yourself, and who knows? Maybe after mulling it over a while she'll come back to you and say, "Let's talk about this some more."

Also, what Flops said, we think about stuff like this, too. You can't really think you're the first person to have this fantasy!! My question is, why does it bother you? Seems perfectly normal to me.

So, on that note, welcome to FG. That was quite an entrance!!

Patrick David · Post by **Patrick David** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:10 am

I don't know why I used the word 'bothering' - I don't really think it does, but that was the word I used. I guess I'm just petrified of talking about something like this. I think she;d laugh first and think I was taking the p a bit. I'm just worried she might flip if she thought I was serious or that it might mean I didn;t want to be with her, which is just not the case. I think she might think of me being a bit of a perv too, which I'm not really (as the posts above prove thank the lord!!)

Weird thing is, I've also been married before and this kind of thing never ever croped up in my mind back then.

Been thinking about it this afternoon and I kind of think the nearest I can get to to a start date with having this on my mind was when we, or I, concluded the sale of the business. It was a great weight off my mind and I have felt quite liberated in a way that at least for a few years, we can choose to do what we want. I guess you kind of get thinking about fun things you could do that you may not have otherwise been able to experience.

Last night convinced me I needed to seek some advice about it. It was on my mind (again) when we were wacthing telly and she asked me something and when I looked at her, all I could think of was, well, I guess you can work it out. I just felt guilty about it.

The other thing I'm uncertain about, and perhpas this is what is bothering me, is how I might react. A string of horny thoughts is one thing, being in a room watching your loved one with someone else is quite another and I am worried I may not like it. I *think* I would though and certainly all of the emotional/hormonal indications are I think I would. But how do you know these things if you don't give them a whirl at least once? I think I'd like to try it on that basis alone and if either of us didn't like it, just park it and not do it again. I reckon I could live with that.

I like the idea of mentioning it during an intimate/play moment though. Just going to take a bit of courage. When though? I'm one of these people that is impatient with thoughts and things on my mind and I just have to get them out.... but I don;t want to get this wrong if I am going to make 'enquiries', so may be a period of reflective thought may be the way forward.....

hotsauce · Post by **hotsauce** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 11:54 am

i would be concerned that once the fantasy is played out you wouldn't feel nearly as happy as you thought you might. what a devistating situation if that were to happen...jealous sinking in...what if she fell for the other man...ugh...my mind is spinning. i think fantasy is healthy. i also think that some fantasies are not meant to be played out.

hotsauce · Post by **hotsauce** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:45 pm

flopstock wrote: Watch me be delicate...

HAH!!!

You think this is unusual? This is probably number 2 for married guys in fantasies involving wife..number 1 being female on wife..with the male stepping in to reap the rewards from both..lol

And you think she would be shocked? i'm guessing 'no' ..but discuss it anyways... sometimes those naughty little 'what ifs' during sex , are all a couple need.. just the naughtiness of the thought..shared, in the dark while playing..are all the spice you may find you need..

and yeah... we have those naughty thoughts too..:sneaky:

good call, floppy. you really are the ask all of sex, aren't you?

Post by **spot** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:53 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Rent a movie with a menage a trois scene. That would give you the opportunity to gracefully mention the subject.You know one? I racked my brains and none sprang to mind.

hotsauce · Post by **hotsauce** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:54 pm

spot wrote: You know one? I racked my brains and none sprang to mind.

i think about 80% are like that...aren't they?

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Wed Mar 01, 2006 1:01 pm

PD, once you act out a fantasy what you have done becomes a reality.... i hope you can live with the consequences.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 6:19 pm

I wish I could have had male insight regarding sex years ago. I thought it was so simple. You love me, I love you, sex is great.. how short sighted I was.

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Thu Mar 02, 2006 6:22 am

Far Rider wrote: Patrick patrick patrick,.....

*Far shakes his head*

Son, You ever feel the pain of having your testicles slammed between two cement blocks? If you want to, ask your wife if you can watch her have sex with another guy.

Yep....that about sums it up Patrick!