One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...
Satan: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!
Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Satan: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! And we don't worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great!
Satan: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it!
Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer no biggie, you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow... that's awesome!
Satan: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Satan: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt... you're dead anyhow. What about Drugs?!?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
Satan: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares.
Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!
Satan: You gay?
Guy: No...
Satan: Ooooh... You're gonna hate Fridays.
no thanks...
no thanks...
Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view
Mind like a steel trap - Rusty and Illegal in 37 states.
no thanks...
FEMALE POEM
I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen all the day long.
One who thinks before he speaks
One who'll call, and not wait weeks.
I want him to be gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, be not annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind
And knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I want this man to love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MALE POEM
I want a deaf-mute, nymphomaniac
with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a cabin in the woods so i can go hunting.
I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shite.
I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen all the day long.
One who thinks before he speaks
One who'll call, and not wait weeks.
I want him to be gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, be not annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind
And knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I want this man to love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MALE POEM
I want a deaf-mute, nymphomaniac
with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a cabin in the woods so i can go hunting.
I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shite.
Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view
Mind like a steel trap - Rusty and Illegal in 37 states.
no thanks...
:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl LOL I'm surprised the MALE POEM had that many words in it..
ALOHA!!
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
no thanks...
CARLA wrote: :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl LOL I'm surprised the MALE POEM had that many words in it..
i had a thesaurus with me.
my sis wrote the girlie one.
i had a thesaurus with me.
my sis wrote the girlie one.
Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view
Mind like a steel trap - Rusty and Illegal in 37 states.
no thanks...
:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl
those were great!!
those were great!!
"Girls are crazy! I'm not ever getting married, I can make my own sandwiches!"
my son
my son
no thanks...
The perfect man,
Is a two foot midget with a twelve inch tongue who can breathe through his ears
Is a two foot midget with a twelve inch tongue who can breathe through his ears
