In Love

headoverheels · Post by **headoverheels** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 3:22 pm

I really need help with this!! About 6 months ago i started realising that i had feeling s for my best friend!! I told her that I had feelings for her and after about a month she told me that she feels the same way ever since then we have been seeing each other but she has put up this barrier and wont open up to me, it s driving me crazy, alot of the time i dont know where i stand with her she blows hot and cold on me all the time!! The other thing is i m completly in love with her and even though she does tell me sometimes that she loves me she doesnt show it alot and i worry that she really doesnt really feel the same way and that she wont tell me that because we have been best friends for a long time and she doesnt want to hurt my feelings. I dont know what to do, i ve tried talking to her but every time i do she says that i m being stupid and that i shouldnt think like that!!

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 4:15 pm

Head over heels... Do you mind if I ask what gender you are? In order to get a better feel for your situation? And to reply with a better level of understanding the parties involved?

headoverheels · Post by **headoverheels** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 4:32 pm

Hi Weeder

I am female and also married (please do not judge me for this!!) she does not have a partner! Thankyou for replying

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Feb 11, 2006 7:05 pm

For some reason I immediately sensed that you were both female. And I would not judge.My feeling would be that this is a very, very, difficult situation for your friend. I would venture to guess a very unexpected turn of events for you also. If she has been heterosexual up to this point, this life change would be pretty major ,to say the least. Not something to jump into lightly, without a tremendous amount of self analysis.

headoverheels · Post by **headoverheels** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 2:12 am

you re right about it being a very difficult situation for both my friend and myself, i know that the fact that im married would mean that if she allows herself to get too emotionally attached to me that it could spell disaster for her. The thing is the way i see it because we ve been friends for all these years we re both already very emotionally attached anyway. Sometimes i wish i hadnt told her how i felt about her but i think things would have been very strained between us if i hadnt. I want to be with her more than anything and i tell her this all the time but my situation at home makes it too difficult. When ever i tell her that i miss her she never says it back to me and it hurts me cause i feel like she s rejecting me. We ve tried so many times to end it and just be friends again but somehow the feelings between us are so strong that we find it impossible. This is the hardest thing i ve ever had to deal with!! I appreciate your advice Thank You!!

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 3:50 am

Do your husband a favor and leave him.

Or find out whats wrong with your marriage and deal with it.

Its not ok for you to betray him.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:03 am

Thoughts ?

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:26 am

I have to aggree with Nomad.

What is your marriage like?

Are you 'in love' with your husband?

venus · Post by **venus** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:33 am

Nomad wrote: Do your husband a favor and leave him.

Or find out whats wrong with your marriage and deal with it.

Its not ok for you to betray him.

Im going to agree with Nomad on thios one.

Cheating is cheating no matter what the sex of the person you are doing it with.

If you don't love him leave, unless there are children involved and to quote Doctor Phil YOU NEED TO EARN YOUR WAY OUT.

Cheating is never good it brings anger distrust jealousy hatred, all the bad emotions...

Maybe you also need to consider some time for yourself to figure out who and what it is in life you realy want..

Don't mean to sound harsh, but have been on the recieving end of cheating and it can destroy a persons trust and confidence...

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 5:27 am

If your marriage is not emmotionally satisfactory you could be bonding with a friend for comfort. This is a normal reaction for anyone who is unhappy. Love for a friend of the same sex does not necessarily mean a change in sexual orientation. I have many female friends who I love. Our needs in life are met by others in many different ways. There are boundaries in all relationships. It might be prudent to deal with the relationship you are in before contemplating such a drastic commitment somewhere else. As the other posters stated cheating is still cheating no matter who it is with. I could be wrong, but I also have the feeling you are very young. Loneliness,pain and confusion, can lead humans down paths they regret taking later in life. Especially when the choice brings pain to others. Given enough time to live, we all learn how multi faceted the feeling we all call love is. It certainly is not as simple as hearts, flowers, and physical expression. One of the greatest and most rewarding acts of love is selflisness. Controlling the impulse to act on needs or desires we might have, in order to put the self respect,of someone else first.

headoverheels · Post by **headoverheels** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 9:34 am

Thanks to all for your input on this, i know that what i m doing is wrong there s no doubt about that!! The situation is there is a child involved and i that would be one of the reasons for not leaving my husband, the other one is is that yes im still in love with my husband, but i m also in love with my best friend and it s very different!! me and my husband have been together since i was just a teenager and i have to say that he has never made me feel the way that she does it s a completly different kind of love!! The other thing is she keeps telling me that she doesnt want me to leave my husband because she understands how important my family are to me.

The other point i wanted to make was not really to get advice on weither or not this is wrong and what i should do, it was to get advice on what to do about the way i feel my best friend is treating me, as she s blowing hot and cold on me all the time and i feel like i m getting rejected and she doesnt really love me what do i do? oh and yeah i m in my mid 20 s weeder.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 9:52 am

Someone who has struggled with their sexual orientation would have to answer you regarding your friends actions. Or better yet a young female who has struggled with this. I am quite sure you must realize that those of us who have never had to deal with this situation couldnt possibly counsel you. We can only attemp to judge how she feels by experiences we have had in life. That really isnt fair because it is second hand conjecture also influenced by feelings the responder has regarding homosexual behavior.Those of us who are only attracted to the opposite sex deal with life choices in a completely different arena. The situation you describe is something that is only on the fringes of our lives. I do agree with the response you received leaving your husband. Its a no win situation for either of you. Finding out the truth about you would devastate and confuse him. You also will probably leave him up the road for another female anyway even if this encounter with your friend doesnt work out. Best of luck to you.

headoverheels · Post by **headoverheels** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 10:20 am

Thanks for all your help weeder i really appreciate it!! :-3 :-3

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 10:27 am

Have you ever felt attracted to any other female apart from your friend?

headoverheels · Post by **headoverheels** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 12:09 pm

yeah i have felt attracted to other females but i ve never been in love with another girl until now!!:-3

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 12:10 pm

I agree with Nomad, be fair to both parties here you can't live in two worlds for very long and survive. From what you say I don't think your best friend is as invested in this relationship as you are. Maybe you need to step back and figure out exactly what your emotions are for her, get counseling.

I sense your agnst for sure. Be it a women or a man it is a betrayal of your husand and your marriage. Make a choice soon..:-5

[QUOTE]Do your husband a favor and leave him.

Or find out whats wrong with your marriage and deal with it.

Its not ok for you to betray him.[/QUOTE]

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 3:39 pm

I don't know you Headoverheels, so all I can advise is to follow your instincts. Looks like they're shouting at you.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:33 pm

weeder wrote: If your marriage is not emmotionally satisfactory you could be bonding with a friend for comfort. This is a normal reaction for anyone who is unhappy. Love for a friend of the same sex does not necessarily mean a change in sexual orientation. I have many female friends who I love. Our needs in life are met by others in many different ways. There are boundaries in all relationships. It might be prudent to deal with the relationship you are in before contemplating such a drastic commitment somewhere else. As the other posters stated cheating is still cheating no matter who it is with. I could be wrong, but I also have the feeling you are very young. Loneliness,pain and confusion, can lead humans down paths they regret taking later in life. Especially when the choice brings pain to others. Given enough time to live, we all learn how multi faceted the feeling we all call love is. It certainly is not as simple as hearts, flowers, and physical expression. One of the greatest and most rewarding acts of love is selflisness. Controlling the impulse to act on needs or desires we might have, in order to put the self respect,of someone else first.

Awesome.

Simply beautifully said and a mountain of truth.

I bow.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:46 pm

Nomad wrote: Do your husband a favor and leave him.

Or find out whats wrong with your marriage and deal with it.

Its not ok for you to betray him.

Nomad - you are soooooooo right!!!! There is nothing worse for anyone than an affair with a same sex person. It gives them so much cause for doubt in their own life.

You may have been bi-sexual from a long time ago - DO NOT hurt this man any further. JMO.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sun Feb 12, 2006 5:07 pm

Weeder, I missed you post it is awesome as Nomad stated you have such a way with words lady. EXCELLENT and worth reading several times.

[QUOTE]Originally Posted by weeder

If your marriage is not emmotionally satisfactory you could be bonding with a friend for comfort. This is a normal reaction for anyone who is unhappy. Love for a friend of the same sex does not necessarily mean a change in sexual orientation. I have many female friends who I love. Our needs in life are met by others in many different ways. There are boundaries in all relationships. It might be prudent to deal with the relationship you are in before contemplating such a drastic commitment somewhere else. As the other posters stated cheating is still cheating no matter who it is with. I could be wrong, but I also have the feeling you are very young. Loneliness,pain and confusion, can lead humans down paths they regret taking later in life. Especially when the choice brings pain to others. Given enough time to live, we all learn how multi faceted the feeling we all call love is. It certainly is not as simple as hearts, flowers, and physical expression. One of the greatest and most rewarding acts of love is selflisness. Controlling the impulse to act on needs or desires we might have, in order to put the self respect,of someone else first.[/QUOTE]

headoverheels · Post by **headoverheels** » Mon Feb 13, 2006 11:09 am

Thanks to all for your advice!! i have to say that i am very surprised that you all judge me so quick especially when i stated before that i know how wrong I am being but it has to be said that it goes deeper than that and until you are in the situation no one knows what it feels like, i dont mind being criticised because i know i m wrong but i didnt really come on to be criticised i came on looking for advice about what i should do, not about my marriage but the way i should approach my best friend on how she is treating me, I know that the fact that i am married is a good topic for conversation but i really feel that everyone here is missing the fact that it s not that i am looking for advice on!! I think weeder has became the closest person to giving me advice on the topic that i started off talking about! I do appreciate all the other advice but if you read past comments made by myself i have asked you not to judge me on the fact that i m married!!