Can Unconditional Love end?

cars · Post by **cars** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 3:35 am

Can "unconditional love" ever end? Is there a point where circumstances can make uncontitional love seem to slip away?

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 4:45 am

Define "unconditional love." If you are talking about parents, there is definitely a point at which support should end, such as making an adult child face his/her responsibilities, face up to obligations, admit he/she screwed up, etc. But the love doesn't stop. The love is the reason.

Am I on target, or are you talking about something else?

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:11 am

cars wrote: Can "unconditional love" ever end? Is there a point where circumstances can make uncontitional love seem to slip away?

Unconditional love by its own definition is never ending.

God's love for us never ends.

A parents love for a child never ends, tho at times we may not like that person very much.

Same goes for spouses. Proof of this is in the many couples that remain together despite all logic saying "GET OUT!"

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:16 am

Unconditional love like God gives, never ends.

Unconditional love for a child, it nevers ends. Might have to modified if tough love actions are needed, but the parent continues to love the child.

Unconditional love for others who need it. I try very hard to have this for my husband, and greet him every day with a smile and happy voice no matter what his situation was the day before. And he is secure and knows that.

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:23 am

SnoozeControl wrote: The only unconditional love that's visible is from dogs. And they'll love you no matter what a jerk you are.

I'm not sure that's a good thing.

You're right. It can be a sad, sad thing when the owner is cruel...........

Beagle · Post by **Beagle** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:32 am

cars wrote: Can "unconditional love" ever end? Is there a point where circumstances can make uncontitional love seem to slip away?

If it ends, then it was never "unconditional" because, to me, unconditional love means, "I love you no matter what happens." If something happens to end that love, then it was always "conditional" because that "condition" caused the change.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 7:12 am

Beagle wrote: If it ends, then it was never "unconditional" because, to me, unconditional love means, "I love you no matter what happens." If something happens to end that love, then it was always "conditional" because that "condition" caused the change.

That's what I think, too.

Beagle · Post by **Beagle** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 10:34 am

tmbsgrl wrote: You know I agree with you. That was very well put!!

Thank you! :yh_blush

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:43 am

The ones who love each other can part, if thats what you mean by circumstances. But No, the love never ends. It keeps on remembering and stays alive in the hearts of the two who are truely in love. The thoughts keep steady and grow deeper, the foundation has at its root unselfishness and the desire is always whats best for the other person. I find when Love is not true it says "be damned to circumstances" and ventures forth, that kind of love is a selfish love, that love ends up destroying people around it. And instead of growing and nurturing it consumes.

__________________

Nice one Far, I think unconditional love is rare. We are human after all.

cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:38 am

Accountable wrote: Define "unconditional love." If you are talking about parents, there is definitely a point at which support should end, such as making an adult child face his/her responsibilities, face up to obligations, admit he/she screwed up, etc. But the love doesn't stop. The love is the reason.

Am I on target, or are you talking about something else?

Right on target Acc, say an "Adult" child (44) that continually screws up over & over again & again & won't face up to their responsibilities. Always draging all loved ones around them down into the pitts! Not caring how embarrasing & or harmfull their actions are. Say like can't hold a job, always borrowing money & never paying it back, and then buying "big ticket" items (plasma TV, 2 Jet Skis, Motorcycle, a viper, many gitars, many guns, and then always getting arrested, (just some of the actions) for threating someone with a gun, (Jailed for that one)smashing up an ATM machine with a bat "in front of the survailance camera", driving over the neighbors lawn doing spin outs, screeching car tires in the neighborhood at 3am, blasting a 200a sterio in the car that rattles other peoples windows, always missing important "family" events, never lives up to what was promised to do. These few things are just the tip of the iceberg, so it seems a lot less stressful to just keep away as much as possible, and rarely visit. The love is still there, but is just easier to just . . . . . . . . . . .

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 6:14 am

cars wrote: Right on target Acc, say an "Adult" child (44) that continually screws up over & over again & again & won't face up to their responsibilities. Always draging all loved ones around them down into the pitts! Not caring how embarrasing & or harmfull their actions are. Say like can't hold a job, always borrowing money & never paying it back, and then buying "big ticket" items (plasma TV, 2 Ski Jets, Motorcycle, a viper, many gitars, many guns, and then always getting arrested, (just some of the actions) for threating someone with a gun, (Jailed for that one)smashing up an ATM machine with a bat "in front of the survailance camera", driving over the neighbors lawn doing spin outs, screeching car tires in the neighborhood at 3am, blasting a 200a sterio in the car that rattles other peoples windows, always missing important "family" events, never lives up to what was promised to do. These few things are just the tip of the iceberg, so it seems a lot less stressful to just keep away as much as possible, and rarely visit. The love is still there, but is just easier to just . . . . . . . . . . .
Can you say "Tough Love" boys and girls?

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 9:57 am

Well then it wouldn't be "unconditional love". Snooze has it right the only true unconditional love I have ever seen is from a DOG.... They truly don't care one tinkers damn about your looks, house, car, family, money they will love you forever as long as you feed them.. even then if you miss feeding them they still love you..

We say we unconditionally love our family and kids.. but not really there is always a condition for that love if they start screwing up... But a parents love for their children is close to unconditional... :rolleyes:

Humans require conditions for almost anything we do.. so it becomes MUTE..!!

Can "unconditional love" ever end? Is there a point where circumstances can make uncontitional love seem to slip away?

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 11:56 am

Cars, :-4 I feel for you. My daughter had a tough time growing up as well. Actually she really didn't grow up until my granddaughter was born, and it was still a bit living on the edge. She is 37 now and doing great...

What actually turned her around is coming to live with me. I have my granddauther and daughter living with me. You see in my home she lives with in reason, under my rules.. Conditions yes, that's life. so I told her to get over it or find her own place to live. It is different with men I know.

Sound like your Son (hope I got that right) may be into drugs.. Nothing you can do will stop him, it's a choice he has to make. Not being there with a hand out would be the best thing you could do. He has abused the trust of his entire family. Now it is up to him to earn it back. Doesn't mean you stop loving him, just means you let him sink or swim and pray for the best.

Everyone has a bottom that they will sink to before they turn around and swim for the surface, and some people torments are just to grave to swim to the surface.

cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:43 pm

Far Rider wrote: Cars, I dont think were talking about unconditional love, your love dosent change even though you set conditions on behavior. In fact I think setting conditions on behavior is a demonstration of your unconditional love. Your not withholding your love, its present. I't just not demonastrated in such a way as to be affectionate.

There is nothing that would stop me from loving my children, but there are many of their behaviors that would cause me grief and sadness, and possible seperation if they choose to part from me. But it wouldnt stop me from telling them right from wrong, and encouraging right behavior and discouraging wrong behavior.

I do feel for ya though, very much. And I hope you can reach this kid.

At "44", it's past the "kid" stage. At that age, it should not have to be pointed out what is right from wrong. "Drugs" are not involved, just a nasty temper, lazyness, & a don't give a sh*t attitude, that has developed over the last dozen or so years. When a police incident is involved, all surrounding loved ones are harrassed, until the initial perpurtrator is identified. Very unpleasant situation!

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:55 pm

Cars, Has he ever been checked out mentally, may be some mood altering drug might help. Nothing to make him a slug. There are so many mood altering drugs out there now that who knows one may help him get an even keel on his behavior.. :rolleyes:

cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:42 pm

CARLA wrote: Cars, Has he ever been checked out mentally, may be some mood altering drug might help. Nothing to make him a slug. There are so many mood altering drugs out there now that who knows one may help him get an even keel on his behavior.. :rolleyes:

Yes CARLA, the mood swing aspect was considered by the doctors and was determined to be minor issue, but not the major factor. Mood altering drugs were offered but they were refused to be taken. :-3

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:57 pm

Oh boy a very difficult situation for sure. To bad the drugs might just be the ticket for a normal existence...!!

Boy it truly is tough to watch our kids struggle. I'm here for you if you need to vent.. !! Sometimes it just doesn't seem to be any light at the end of that tunnel.. I will keep my fingers crossed in hopes that he will come to his sences soon..!!

minks · Post by **minks** » Sun Jan 22, 2006 11:24 pm

Cars it is easier to just keep that child at arms length, yet still love em. Just never write them off totally. You never know they may change and you would hate to miss out on that.

I wish you luck on this, it sounds like one heck of a challenge.

ilona17 · Post by **ilona17** » Tue May 16, 2006 1:52 am

Beagle wrote: If it ends, then it was never "unconditional" because, to me, unconditional love means, "I love you no matter what happens." If something happens to end that love, then it was always "conditional" because that "condition" caused the change.

I have to say i 100% percent agree with this comment, if a love in unconditional its never ending. But my view on this is is that a love can change with out truely ending just because u may want to go your own way, doesnt mean your love for that person has ended. Everything changes nothing stay's the same so i dont know about unconditional love.....

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Tue May 16, 2006 2:37 am

You can not like someone, but still love them. And then, there are all kinds of definitions of love. In the case you describe its still feeling pain as you watch them destroy themselves or involve others in their irresponsible antics. That is what they mean by detaching with love. You uninvolve yourself because their lifestyle does not mesh with yours. But you still love them. It is heartbreaking to watch someone youve nurtured and have held high hopes for, not live the way we expect them to. The whole scenario is very different than enjoying a healthy kind of love with them and for them.

Its also that acceptance thing. After mentally kicking and screaming, you accept things the way they are.. and quietly file them away. Along with this acceptance comes forming borders for yourself and sticking to them. It has been said that detachment with love can prove to be one of the fastest ways to see changes in someone. The action sometimes proves to make them take stock of themselves. Sorry your suffering over this. All of the analysing and manuvering to get to a comfortable place with this kind of situation.... doesnt make it any less painful.

ilona17 · Post by **ilona17** » Tue May 16, 2006 3:40 am

weeder wrote: You can not like someone, but still love them. And then, there are all kinds of definitions of love. In the case you describe its still feeling pain as you watch them destroy themselves or involve others in their irresponsible antics. That is what they mean by detaching with love. You uninvolve yourself because their lifestyle does not mesh with yours. But you still love them. It is heartbreaking to watch someone youve nurtured and have held high hopes for, not live the way we expect them to. The whole scenario is very different than enjoying a healthy kind of love with them and for them.

Its also that acceptance thing. After mentally kicking and screaming, you accept things the way they are.. and quietly file them away. Along with this acceptance comes forming borders for yourself and sticking to them. It has been said that detachment with love can prove to be one of the fastest ways to see changes in someone. The action sometimes proves to make them take stock of themselves. Sorry your suffering over this. All of the analysing and manuvering to get to a comfortable place with this kind of situation.... doesnt make it any less painful.

Exactly u can hate someone but still love them. Heyy loves a strange thing.

sweetbren · Post by **sweetbren** » Thu May 18, 2006 5:36 pm

Unconditional love !

Some say i am stupid for still loving my husband after everything he put me through,

disabling me, cheating on me, leaving me, i still love him and still miss him and think of him, is that unconditional, i cant say, i am not an expert, i am just a woman loving one man regardless:-5

bren

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Fri May 19, 2006 3:16 am

Being treated that way... and still calling the feeling love ,requires exploration into what your definition of love is. Forget about the concept of love for a few days, and think about self preservation. Examine what "living"

means to you... and try to imagine that love stands beside laughing,learning,breathing,eating and sharing just as one little soldgier.. along with all the other facets of what makes life worth living. You may discover that the object of your affection slides down on the importance scale.... and you will begin to have some distance from it. Then gradually the unpleasntness of it will begin to slip away.

sweetbren · Post by **sweetbren** » Fri May 19, 2006 6:14 pm

:-6 you're so very right feeder, i can see the sense in what you say

and at present only live for the day with myself and my daughter getting

along like 2 rails on a track, side by side and in unison and harmony. She

has been the strong one, bless her, she does so much for me with barely a complaint or a bribe, lol, very unlike a teenager. Thanks again, for your words of wisdom

Misha · Post by **Misha** » Wed Jun 28, 2006 6:25 pm

cars wrote: Can "unconditional love" ever end? Is there a point where circumstances can make uncontitional love seem to slip away?

I thought I gave unconditional love and felt loved for it for awhile but at some point I felt used and taken for granted. I still loved unconditionally even though I felt betrayed and dispensible. As much as I tried to turn the other cheek, there came a point where I began to ask myself for some reward for my loving nature. I expect to be treated with respect and dignity and refuse to play the fool!

I am now very disappointed in myself for not being able to maintain this unconditional love. But sometimes one must draw aline and not :-5 .

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Thu Jun 29, 2006 12:59 pm

SOJOURNER wrote: Unconditional love by its own definition is never ending.

God's love for us never ends.

A parents love for a child never ends, tho at times we may not like that person very much.

Same goes for spouses. Proof of this is in the many couples that remain together despite all logic saying "GET OUT!"

The last statement is not about unconditional love.

It is about insecurity, dependence, lack of self-confidence, lack of self-esteem . . . I could go on and on.