Redneck 12 days of Christmas...

[valerie]

Wow, somebody done been to the WalMart!

(Jeff) Man, this is the stuff I got for Christmas.

Well you cleaned up! Whadya git?

Five flannel shirts

Four big mud tires

Three shotgun shells

Two hunting dogs

... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Hey Bubba, you got gypped -- there's 12 days to Christmas.

(Jeff) I know that, I got it covered. Look over in the corner.

That's yours too?

Yea!

Chorus:

Twelve-pack of Bud

Eleven Wrastling tickets

Ten o' Copenhagen

Nine years probation

Eight table dancers

Seven packs of Redman

Six cans of Spam

Five flannel shirts

Four big mud tires

Three shotgun shells

Two hunting dogs

... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Man, this ain't normal Christmas presents!

No, they're redneck gifts!

Redneck gifts?

Yea, you know, like

if you buy your wife earrings that double as fishing lures.

Or, if you can burp the entire chorus of "Jingle Bells"

Perhaps if you think "The Nutcracker" is something you did off a high-dive.

Or, if you've ever misspelled something in Christmas lights.

Or, if you leave cold beer and pickled eggs for Santa Claus.

What's wrong with that?

I didn't say anything wrong with it...

It's hard to beat...

Chorus:

Twelve-pack of Bud

Eleven Wrastling tickets

Ten o' Copenhagen

Nine years probation

Eight table dancers

Seven packs of Redman

Six cans of Spam

Five flannel shirts

Four big mud tires

Three shotgun shells

Two hunting dogs

... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Well, you can't really consider it a Christmas

'less you go down to the penitentiary and visit your mama.

You're not listenin' to me!

Get the car key outta your ear.

That's where the nine years probation comes in...

I'm gonna do it for ya again.

Now listen...

Chorus:

Twelve-pack of Bud

Eleven Wrastling tickets

Ten o' Copenhagen

Nine years probation

Eight table dancers

Seven packs of Redman

Six cans of Spam

Five flannel shirts

Four big mud tires

Three shotgun shells

Two hunting dogs

... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

[The Red One]

I like that one....I also like the 12 Pains of Christmas

[LottomagicZ4941]

A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Texas recently with two

ice chests of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, sir, I ain't got none of them there licenses, no. You must understand

these here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" said the game warden.

"Ya. Every night I take these here fish down to da lake and let them swim

'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump rat back into this here ice

chest and I take them home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" says the warden

The redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's

the truth Mr. Government man, I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay," said the game warden, " I've GOT to see this!"

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" said the redneck.

The warden said, "When are you going to call them back?"

The redneck said, "Call who back?"

"The FISH!" replied the warden.

"What fish?" answered the redneck.



We in Texas may not be as smart as some city slickers,

but we aren't as dumb as most government employees...

Lotto

http://internet-ez.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=5053#5053

MagicZ4941A