A new twist to an old Story

General humor & jokes. Share funny photos and jokes. Must be "R" rated or below.
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minks
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Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by minks »

Just for christmas, lets create our own "night before christmas" story, A progressive story, and if it ends we start again ok

You add a sentence to the post above you

I will start

Twas the night before christmas and all through the malls..............
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
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Rapunzel
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Joined: Thu May 12, 2005 5:47 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by Rapunzel »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls
User avatar
SOJOURNER
Posts: 5362
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:32 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by SOJOURNER »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores
User avatar
minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by minks »

SOJOURNER wrote: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores
The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
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SOJOURNER
Posts: 5362
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:32 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by SOJOURNER »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight
User avatar
minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by minks »

SOJOURNER wrote: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight
Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
ELF
Posts: 347
Joined: Sat Nov 26, 2005 12:27 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by ELF »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

Elves Rule, Grinches Drool!
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SOJOURNER
Posts: 5362
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:32 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by SOJOURNER »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip
User avatar
Rapunzel
Posts: 6509
Joined: Thu May 12, 2005 5:47 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by Rapunzel »

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine ;)
lady cop
Posts: 14744
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2004 1:00 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by lady cop »

Rapunzel wrote: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls



The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores



While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight



Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip



But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine ;)while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.:yh_pig
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OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by OpenMind »

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine ;)

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.:yh_pig



Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose
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SOJOURNER
Posts: 5362
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:32 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by SOJOURNER »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.
User avatar
nvalleyvee
Posts: 5191
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by nvalleyvee »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
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OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by OpenMind »

nvalleyvee wrote: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls



The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores



While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight



Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip



But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.



Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.



Then Grinch came a knocking
Mrs Claus was filling her stocking
User avatar
SOJOURNER
Posts: 5362
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:32 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by SOJOURNER »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation
User avatar
nvalleyvee
Posts: 5191
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by nvalleyvee »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
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OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by OpenMind »

SnoozeControl wrote: Open... I respect you like you can't believe, but your rhythm is terrible.


Depends on how you utter:D it.
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OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by OpenMind »

nvalleyvee wrote: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls



The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores



While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight



Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip



But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.



Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.



Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking



They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.


"Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes
User avatar
SOJOURNER
Posts: 5362
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:32 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by SOJOURNER »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.

Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes

And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by OpenMind »

SOJOURNER wrote: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls



The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores



While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight



Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip



But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.



Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.



Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking



They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.



Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes



And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket


Came Rudolph's shiny red nose
User avatar
SOJOURNER
Posts: 5362
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:32 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by SOJOURNER »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.

Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes

And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket

Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by OpenMind »

SnoozeControl wrote: Open... I respect you like you can't believe, but your rhythm is terrible.


You reckon I haven't got rhythm!!!
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OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by OpenMind »

SOJOURNER wrote: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls



The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores



While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight



Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip



But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.



Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.



Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking



They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.



Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes



And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket



Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose


One young elf snatched the nose away
User avatar
nvalleyvee
Posts: 5191
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by nvalleyvee »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.

Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes

And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket

Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose

One young elf snatched the nose away

Needless to say - he had no sway

Rudolf pummeled him and is now leading the sleigh
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
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OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by OpenMind »

nvalleyvee wrote: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls



The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores



While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight



Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip



But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.



Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.



Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking



They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.



Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes



And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket



Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose



One young elf snatched the nose away

Needless to say - he had no sway



Rudolf pummeled him and is now leading the sleigh
So of goes Rudolph to look for the old fat git
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nvalleyvee
Posts: 5191
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by nvalleyvee »

OpenMind wrote: So of goes Rudolph to look for the old fat git


HUH? maybe just an American thing......
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
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SOJOURNER
Posts: 5362
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:32 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by SOJOURNER »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.

Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes

And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket

Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose

One young elf snatched the nose away

Needless to say - he had no sway

Rudolf pummeled him and is now leading the sleigh

So off goes Rudolph to look for the old fat git

And on again, on again, house after house
User avatar
nvalleyvee
Posts: 5191
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by nvalleyvee »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.

Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes

And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket

Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose

One young elf snatched the nose away

Needless to say - he had no sway

Rudolf pummeled him and is now leading the sleigh

So off goes Rudolph to look for the old fat git

And on again, on again, house after house

for they found n'ery a louse
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
User avatar
minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by minks »

nvalleyvee wrote: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.

Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes

And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket

Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose

One young elf snatched the nose away

Needless to say - he had no sway

Rudolf pummeled him and is now leading the sleigh

So off goes Rudolph to look for the old fat git

And on again, on again, house after house

for they found n'ery a louse


so back to the rooftops that rusted sleigh flew
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
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OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by OpenMind »

nvalleyvee wrote: HUH? maybe just an American thing......


Nope. It's the annual ritual where Rudolph goes off to find Santa Claus. He has to search many bars in which time his nose uncannily starts to shine a bright red. This is due to the copious amounts of brandy poured over it by various Christmas party revellers who think it's a real joke finding a reindeer in a bar. Funny, huh. Poor ole Rudy has to do this every year and gets well pissed by the time he finds Santa who is still sleeping off last year's celebrations.

The elves have an even harder job of trying to keep up with Rudolph. Not only are they keeping track of him, but they have to drag all the sacks of kiddies' pressies behind them cos they know that Rudolph refuses to go back for the pressies once he's found Santa. And the more brandy that gets thrown over Rudolph's red nose, the more Rudolph starts to float. And up he goes.

And it's the same every year, once Rudolph starts to float, he finds Santa stuck behind some godforsaken chimney. And now the elves really have their work cut out for them.

They somehow manage to get the whole team of reindeers together and hooked up to the sleigh. This is not an easy task because the elves cannot float or fly in the sky.

Once they've got the reindeers hooked up to the sleigh, they have to coax Santa down from the chimney. Then, they can load the sacks of pressies on board.

Believe me, this is no mean feat. I've watched it with my own eyes. And that's why you don't get your pressies until the morning.

Santa works from east to west so he can stay ahead of sunrise. And when he's finished, he's so stuffed full with mince pies and totally pissed on brandies, he sleeps on the last cloud he comes to until the next Christmas.

Boy, what a job!
User avatar
nvalleyvee
Posts: 5191
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by nvalleyvee »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.

Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes

And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket

Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose

One young elf snatched the nose away

Needless to say - he had no sway

Rudolf pummeled him and is now leading the sleigh

So off goes Rudolph to look for the old fat git

And on again, on again, house after house

for they found n'ery a louse

So back to the roof tops that rusty sleigh flew

to delight all the children who knew
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
User avatar
nvalleyvee
Posts: 5191
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by nvalleyvee »

OpenMind wrote: Nope. It's the annual ritual where Rudolph goes off to find Santa Claus. He has to search many bars in which time his nose uncannily starts to shine a bright red. This is due to the copious amounts of brandy poured over it by various Christmas party revellers who think it's a real joke finding a reindeer in a bar. Funny, huh. Poor ole Rudy has to do this every year and gets well pissed by the time he finds Santa who is still sleeping off last year's celebrations.

The elves have an even harder job of trying to keep up with Rudolph. Not only are they keeping track of him, but they have to drag all the sacks of kiddies' pressies behind them cos they know that Rudolph refuses to go back for the pressies once he's found Santa. And the more brandy that gets thrown over Rudolph's red nose, the more Rudolph starts to float. And up he goes.

And it's the same every year, once Rudolph starts to float, he finds Santa stuck behind some godforsaken chimney. And now the elves really have their work cut out for them.

They somehow manage to get the whole team of reindeers together and hooked up to the sleigh. This is not an easy task because the elves cannot float or fly in the sky.

Once they've got the reindeers hooked up to the sleigh, they have to coax Santa down from the chimney. Then, they can load the sacks of pressies on board.

Believe me, this is no mean feat. I've watched it with my own eyes. And that's why you don't get your pressies until the morning.

Santa works from east to west so he can stay ahead of sunrise. And when he's finished, he's so stuffed full with mince pies and totally pissed on brandies, he sleeps on the last cloud he comes to until the next Christmas.

Boy, what a job!


Not a story here in the US but VERY funny
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
User avatar
minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by minks »

OpenMind wrote: Nope. It's the annual ritual where Rudolph goes off to find Santa Claus. He has to search many bars in which time his nose uncannily starts to shine a bright red. This is due to the copious amounts of brandy poured over it by various Christmas party revellers who think it's a real joke finding a reindeer in a bar. Funny, huh. Poor ole Rudy has to do this every year and gets well pissed by the time he finds Santa who is still sleeping off last year's celebrations.

The elves have an even harder job of trying to keep up with Rudolph. Not only are they keeping track of him, but they have to drag all the sacks of kiddies' pressies behind them cos they know that Rudolph refuses to go back for the pressies once he's found Santa. And the more brandy that gets thrown over Rudolph's red nose, the more Rudolph starts to float. And up he goes.

And it's the same every year, once Rudolph starts to float, he finds Santa stuck behind some godforsaken chimney. And now the elves really have their work cut out for them.

They somehow manage to get the whole team of reindeers together and hooked up to the sleigh. This is not an easy task because the elves cannot float or fly in the sky.

Once they've got the reindeers hooked up to the sleigh, they have to coax Santa down from the chimney. Then, they can load the sacks of pressies on board.

Believe me, this is no mean feat. I've watched it with my own eyes. And that's why you don't get your pressies until the morning.

Santa works from east to west so he can stay ahead of sunrise. And when he's finished, he's so stuffed full with mince pies and totally pissed on brandies, he sleeps on the last cloud he comes to until the next Christmas.

Boy, what a job!


OM??? How much Brandy have you had poured over your red nose tonite?? What a tall tail hehehehehe
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
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SOJOURNER
Posts: 5362
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:32 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by SOJOURNER »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.

Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes

And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket

Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose

One young elf snatched the nose away

Needless to say - he had no sway

Rudolf pummeled him and is now leading the sleigh

So off goes Rudolph to look for the old fat git

And on again, on again, house after house

for they found n'ery a louse

So back to the roof tops that rusty sleigh flew

to delight all the children who knew

In a flash - the fat man was making his run at last
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minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by minks »

nvalleyvee wrote: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.

Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes

And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket

Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose

One young elf snatched the nose away

Needless to say - he had no sway

Rudolf pummeled him and is now leading the sleigh

So off goes Rudolph to look for the old fat git

And on again, on again, house after house

for they found n'ery a louse

So back to the roof tops that rusty sleigh flew

to delight all the children who knew


On Valerie, on LC on Br and Far too.....
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
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minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by minks »

minks wrote: On Valerie, on LC on Br and Far too.....


oh oh double post I give way to SOJO Carry on
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
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OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by OpenMind »

minks wrote: OM??? How much Brandy have you had poured over your red nose tonite?? What a tall tail hehehehehe


No brandy tonight. Only good ole beer.
User avatar
nvalleyvee
Posts: 5191
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by nvalleyvee »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.

Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes

And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket

Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose

One young elf snatched the nose away

Needless to say - he had no sway

Rudolf pummeled him and is now leading the sleigh

So off goes Rudolph to look for the old fat git

And on again, on again, house after house

for they found n'ery a louse

So back to the roof tops that rusty sleigh flew

to delight all the children who knew

In a flash - the fat man was making his run at last

He flew with his reindeer to make Christmas last.
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
User avatar
SOJOURNER
Posts: 5362
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:32 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by SOJOURNER »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.

Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes

And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket

Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose

One young elf snatched the nose away

Needless to say - he had no sway

Rudolf pummeled him and is now leading the sleigh

So off goes Rudolph to look for the old fat git

And on again, on again, house after house

for they found n'ery a louse

So back to the roof tops that rusty sleigh flew

to delight all the children who knew

In a flash - the fat man was making his run at last

He flew with his reindeer to make Christmas last.

He whipped them poor reindeers to make them go fast
User avatar
minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by minks »

OpenMind wrote: No brandy tonight. Only good ole beer.


hey meeee too, come on into the pub we are all drinkin beer
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
User avatar
minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by minks »

SOJOURNER wrote: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.

Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes

And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket

Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose

One young elf snatched the nose away

Needless to say - he had no sway

Rudolf pummeled him and is now leading the sleigh

So off goes Rudolph to look for the old fat git

And on again, on again, house after house

for they found n'ery a louse

So back to the roof tops that rusty sleigh flew

to delight all the children who knew

In a flash - the fat man was making his run at last

He flew with his reindeer to make Christmas last.

He whipped them poor reindeers to make them go fast
On Valerie, LC, BR, Chonsi and poor Far is the last....
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
User avatar
nvalleyvee
Posts: 5191
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by nvalleyvee »

minks wrote: On Valerie, LC, BR, Chonsi and poor Far is the last....


OK copy and paste rather than do a quote........:-4
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
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minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by minks »

nvalleyvee wrote: OK copy and paste rather than do a quote........:-4


ah crap sorry let me fix that for you madam
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
User avatar
minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by minks »

minks wrote: ah crap sorry let me fix that for you madam


hey shows as a quote on mine what the heck.....
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
User avatar
nvalleyvee
Posts: 5191
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by nvalleyvee »

minks wrote: ah crap sorry let me fix that for you madam


Madam.........hmmmmmmmmmm - I'm liking that.
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
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nvalleyvee
Posts: 5191
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by nvalleyvee »

No No No ........... do a right mouse copy and then go to new post. Do a right click paste........
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
User avatar
minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

A new twist to an old Story

Post by minks »

nvalleyvee wrote: Madam.........hmmmmmmmmmm - I'm liking that.


Ok Madam get that thread back into shape will ya, I am becoming to intoxicated :P
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
User avatar
nvalleyvee
Posts: 5191
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by nvalleyvee »

minks wrote: Ok Madam get that thread back into shape will ya, I am becoming to intoxicated :P
refer to previous post.............:wah:
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
User avatar
SOJOURNER
Posts: 5362
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 10:32 am

A new twist to an old Story

Post by SOJOURNER »

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls..............

Were Christmas trees covered in tinsel and balls

The people were rushing in and out of the stores

The spirit of christmas oozed from their pores

While drunks and the grinches stood awed by the sight

Elfs hid in the corner contemplating their plight

Awaiting the entrance of Jolly Saint Nick

And the bags of the toys to take on his trip

But Santa was still back at the Pole drinking wine

while tiny drunken elves molested the swine.

Rudolph, meanwhile, was polishing his nose

While the other reindeer just kicked back and dozed.

Then Grinch came a knocking

Mrs Claus was filling her stocking

They stopped all preparation and with great hesitation

just to hear his poor presentation.

Mrs Claus... put down that hose

I've got something to twinkle your toes

And out of his pocket

it flew like a rocket

Came Rudolph's shiny red nose

It blinked not a bit, no light from it rose

One young elf snatched the nose away

Needless to say - he had no sway

Rudolf pummeled him and is now leading the sleigh

So off goes Rudolph to look for the old fat git

And on again, on again, house after house

for they found n'ery a louse

So back to the roof tops that rusty sleigh flew

to delight all the children who knew

In a flash - the fat man was making his run at last

He flew with his reindeer to make Christmas last.

He whipped them poor reindeers to make them go fast

On Valerie, LC, BR, Chonsi and poor Far is the last....

The Elf is with Santa encouraging the gang
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